May 6, 2015

My wife’s hometown

…is a shithole.

I’ve been married for 13 years and the one thing that grinds my gears about my marriage has got to be my wife’s hometown, Pantai Remis (PR). Most of you probably haven’t heard of this place. For those of you who have, you probably had known it from the infamous oil spill incident near this shithole many years ago. It is located in the state of Perak, about a good 40km away from the port of Lumut. (If you still have no idea where it is, you should just swallow a box of thumbtacks.)

It is a small town with less than 20,000 inhabitants, built around the fishing industry (and later palm-oil). Initially when the place was first established, there were just shanties built by some fishermen lying around this coastal area along an old highway which linked Lumut to other more civilized parts of Perak (Taiping, Ipoh, et al). Population here then swelled because these fishermen lacked of entertainment, and PR became this unofficial rest-stop for truck drivers looking for a good meal along the highway. Truck drivers soon got integrated with the locals, and boom! This shithole was born. Despite being such a cibai small town, it now has a few sets of traffic light adorning its usually-empty crossroads without serving any purpose other than jamming up the high volume of vehicles plying the highway. To make things worse, the trucks narrow the shit down even further (yes, trucks still stop here). Whenever there’s a holiday, shit gets escalated a few folds and makes this place a jam-fest like it’s in the streets of Bangkok.

The air here is always foul with the smell from the fishermen’s jetties, pigsties and farms around the area. Garbage is strewn everywhere and the roads here have more potholes than people on the surface of this planet. Most of the drains here are clogged with leachate from unregulated small-medium-home factories in the community and uncollected garbage dumps. At certain time of the year, the place will be choked with smog from excessive incense and agricultural burning (from the palm-oil estate). Flies thrive here like hippies in America and they hold free will gathering anywhere they like. There’s at least one blackout every week, and having a generator set in a building is compulsory.

The people here are mostly fucked up too. Majority are Chinese, with a big percentage of them loafers, thugs and gangsters. These social garbage and delinquents swarm around PR town on motorcycles without wearing helmets and without regards to the traffic rules (which worsens the already fucked up traffic). Those who aren’t thugs or gangsters and born with some sense in them, would leave the town to seek for a better future, just like my wife (you’d see shitloads of cars with foreign plates jamming this place up during Chinese New Year). There’s 1 police station in PR, and it does nothing other than having a building/presence here (occasional roadblocks, mostly during Ramadhan month, if you know what I mean). That’s why the community here has its own voluntary neighborhood watch committee to keep things together. Rumor mongering is rampant, because every housewives knows everybody and their prying eyes become their source of information to fuel their daily gossip with equally nosy neighbors. Success stories and wealth become trophies for tales, and often leads to desperation. That is why the people here cheat/con one another for their own selfish gain, and this is as common as fleas to a stray dog.

I know I can always stay away from this place like a plaque, but this is where the problem lies. In relative to its distance from Penang, it is not far enough for my family to defer any trip there. Excuse is harder to fabricate when the hometown is this near and that put me in such predicament that no words can ever describe. Every 2 – 3 weeks, I’ll have to drive my wife back to her hometown (a 1.75 hr journey) and promptly drive back (another 1.75 hr journey) because I couldn’t stand spending an extra minute there. End of the weekend, I’d make the to-fro journey again to get her back to Penang. This has put extra mileage to my car, and that was why I changed to a hybrid vehicle 3 years ago to cut my losses.

The only thing that this place did right for me, was to churn out someone as decent as my wife. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have met her and have this great daughter/family together. Hell, I’d probably be married to terrible bitch from another planet, which would have been way worse. A decent wife with a shitty hometown is hands-down a better trade off than a fucked up bitch with a good hometown. Comes with the territory, I suppose. Nothing’s perfect.

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April 22, 2015

dilated pupils

I was at Nando’s the other day for lunch with my colleagues. That particular outlet, has this one weird shit layout where tables are conjoined and partitioned with a really small divider. So you’re practically seating at the same table with some strangers.

That day, I happened to be the guy seated next to that divider, and I could see that the company next to our table was a bunch of schoolgirls no older than 17 years old. The one closest to me I noticed, was this seemingly fair girl with a short hair. She kinda gave me a good vibe, because she was wearing something decent, and her hair was not dyed shit brown or something. That, in my book of decency, enough to be ranked as an OK level. But that was until I saw her eyes. Her pupils were dilated like she’s fucked up, and it was really disturbing.

Then I looked at the rest of her friends, they all had these similar dilated pupils that made them look like the bunch of vampires from ’30 days of night’. Just what the fuck’s going on!? Well, the answer (I later found out) is ‘contact lenses’. Apparently, it is a fad nowadays to wear ‘dilated pupils contact lenses’. One of my niece had those too (as I later noticed), and I have stopped making eye contact with her ever since.

I don’t understand, why would anyone regard dilated pupils as attractive? Dilated pupils are often associated with people having disease or high on drugs. And how is that going to help them gain a mating partner? Oh that’s right, they’re trying to attract equally fucked up hairless pussies that look like Justin Bieber nowadays. Maybe that’ll work if that’s the kind they wanted to attract. Maybe those scrawny Bieber wannabes like girls with dilated pupils (a sign that they’re drugged and therefore an easy score? Makes sense…) and that’s their mating ritual which we normal folks won’t understand.

I had the most uneasy lunch at Nando’s that day.

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April 13, 2015

Qing Ming sucks

I am never one who believes in God or heaven or hell. I’d like to refer myself as an Atheist sometimes… but I am not sure really, for I don’t fucking know what I am. Most of the time, I’d follow what people do, more as a tradition than an affirmation of faith… and I do that out of respect to the people who had brought me up and wanted me to believe in all of those stuffs.

One of the many things that I had promised my late mom that I’d do, is to follow the Qing Ming tradition. If you do not know what ‘Qing Ming’ is, fucking read this please to save me some lengthy explaining.

In short, Qing Ming is the Chinese Halloween but way less cool without all those fancy cosplays. It’s a serious affair in the Chinese culture and people tend to frolic less during the Qing Ming month out of respect. It happens for the entire month (or something like that) instead of just 1 day, and everyone has to haul ass to the actual grave or niche of his/her ancestor/mom/dad/grandparent/[anyone] to fucking clean them on the prayer day. During the prayer day, family members will burn huge amount of incense, effigies, paper money, offerings, food, et al to the departed one and pray for good fortune/health through some supernatural intervention I suppose. Besides all that, family members also take the opportunity to get together, so that they’d live harmoniously in this mortal world under the supervision of the ghostly eyes of the dead ancestor…

Anyway, as you can probably tell, this has been a stressful affair for me. I just couldn’t stand the traffic and smoke and assholes elbowing their way to their ancestors’ graves, and I’m 100% against the idea of burning stuff to appease the dead. Trust me when I say this, when I burn the traditional paper money and gold ingots for my mom, a small part of me dies together with her, and a small part of my soul gets sucked up into the hot updraft of air of tinder and smoke. I just couldn’t understand why would she need all these worldly material in her underworld? The very idea of money or wealth is to court happiness, which is associated to the feelings a mortal has. If she’s already dead (and became a spirit?), why the fuck would she have feelings for these stuff then? She’d be free of all these confinements (sufferings), and all we needed to do is to leave her the fuck alone and let her rest in peace already.

If this is for remembering her, then won’t I be achieving the same effect just by looking at her photos? and without burning anything? (and I can do it anytime, right?) That’s why I think Qing Ming is ridiculous and suck. It might have been a good tradition in medieval times, but not for the 21st century. I’d say, someone should start thinking about making it less damaging to the environment by planting trees instead of digging more graves. We’d just grow a tree out of a dead person’s body, and the dead’s children can congregate under the tree during Qing Ming… just picnicking under its shade, running around and chasing the family dog. From the dead, grows a living tree that serves the same purpose of remembrance (you can put a sign like those you see in a national park or something, only that it reads “Herein lies John Doe, who fries killer fried rice…” instead of some scientific name of a tree). And instead of a smoky graveyard, you’d get a park full of trees and happy people having a day off. (dogs running around too, their turds nourishing the trees in a healthy ecosystem of happiness and rainbows).

My world is so different than everyone’s… I told my mom with my thoughts the other day during Qing Ming, that next year, I’m going to remember her with just fruits… And I ask for her blessing all the same if she could hear me…

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April 8, 2015

Dr. M

Caught this in the news. Read the snippet first.

[Source]

The struggling history of Dr Mahathir
BY TAY TIAN YAN – 6 APRIL 2015 @ 9:26 PM

Former Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad has been attacking Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak in recent days, the sharpness of his criticism is even greater than criticisms from the opposition.

Some criticisms are justified while some are so unfounded to the extent of character assassination, showing his determination of destroying the target at all costs.

However, he does not seem to care at all!

The question is, why does Dr Mahathir keep doing this? Should we ask Machiavelli? Or Freud?

Machiavelli might say that it could be due to political power struggles and interest conflicts; Freud might tell you it could be a psychological problem of a political strongman.

It reminds me of Singapore’s founding father, the late Lee Kuan Yew.

Also a former Prime Minister, also a strongman who had named his successor, Lee, however, did not break relationship with his successor, he did not attack him with abusive words either. The leadership baton of Singapore was passed smoothly.

When Lee passed away, his successor Goh Chok Tong made some emotional words, “He made sure he arrived before me for all events.

“As I respected him as my elder and mentor, I told him to dispense with this practice at non-formal events.

“But he explained that it was important to observe this protocol.

“Otherwise, people might draw the wrong conclusion that he did not respect me and take their cue from there.”

Lee had considered even such details. No wonder he was so respected and loved by his team and the whole government was so united.

In contrast, even when he was still a freshman, Dr Mahathir had already contradicted the then Umno President and Prime Minister Tunku Abdul Rahman.

When he became Prime Minister, two giants in the party and government, Tun Musa Hitam and Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah, had broken relationship with him, become his political opponents and were eventually defeated by him.

His hand-picked successor, Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim was stopped when he was about to step into the Prime Minister’s Department and imprisoned, smashing his dream of taking over the office into pieces.

Another successor Tun Abdullah Badawi, a nice guy who tries not to offend anyone, had to step down under Dr Mahathir’s severe condemnation.

Today, it’s Najib’s turn.

Lee said in one of his books, “If the new PM fails, I have failed… Mahathir never thought that way. He undermined his successors.”

Lee said that as a former Prime Minister, his role was to advise the next generation of leaders in the republic.

As for Dr Mahathir, more than half of his “role” was to defeat his opponents, including the opposition parties, his leaders, colleagues and successors over the more than half a century from the 1960s to 2015.

It is indeed weird as Malaysia has been played in his hands over all these years.

If he spent the energy on fighting against corruption, improve government efficiency and unite the people, he could have won more respect and gratitude from the people.

It makes people wonder whether his actions are for the good of the country? Or himself?

In China, you can hardly imagine Hu Jintao hindering Xi Jinping. In the US, it is quite impossible for Bill Clinton to criticise Barack Obama.

It is a question of the system, as well as part of political ethics. Otherwise, how can a country be governed?

Under a sound system, the opposition and the media are responsible to monitor the government while the Parliament and jurisdiction will restrict the government. Ethically, veteran or former leaders can give advice and criticise policies, but it should not be made based on personal preference. They should never get involved into an endless struggle because of personal and family interests.

What Najib can do is to positively respond to Dr Mahathir’s accusations and put everything under the sun to let the people make their judgements, instead of confronting endlessly with the old man.

This Opinion article was first published by Sin Chew Daily on April 5, 2015

I wonder why people like to compare Dr.M with other leaders? That’s like comparing you with your cousins. It’s like expecting everyone’s success or failure to be rooted from the same few plot of stories. I can tell you, it’s always unwarranted – because everyone has their own way of getting up there. (if you don’t get me, nevermind)

Dr. M, I think, employs a different style than LKY in the south (not that I know him personally but, even blind guys can actually fucking tell already). You know that crazy-ass bald guy in that ‘Whiplash’ movie last year who won an Oscar by being a dick, and the excuse he gave in the movie for being like that? That’s pretty much like Dr. M’s style. He uses pressure and hardship to eke out the best of leaders to take over the country (albeit with a much calmer and composed way, not as Oscar winning as JK Simmons). The fact that he is able to criticize anyone/everyone (and none of them could do jackshit about him) – goes on to show how weak as leaders these people Dr. M criticized are (and they probably deserved it). So, why lah can’t you people just shut the fuck up and let the leaders step up to their war of words like real men?

We need people with balls and brains to run the country. Dr. M – I believe – is trying to find a guy like that. So far, not much luck I guess. Now we watch who steps up for himself.

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March 31, 2015

online delivery

Spotted this poster in Facebook. Noticed anything wrong?

kfc

Still couldn’t see it? (you suck)

It’s the phrase ‘online delivery’.

Just how the fuck do they do that, actually? Online delivery. They send fried chickens to their customers as a fucking email attachment??
That must be hell of a technological breakthrough! I can order myself some tits! (I mean, why chickens if you can really send something physical through the world wide web?)

I bet they meant ‘online ordering’. You order your food online, and they deliver your order to you physically.

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