September 9, 2014

the middle aged participant in a course I attended

…is a bitch.
The course was a 1 full day event, which started at 8am, and the bitch came lumbering in at about 9am. Waddled through some chairs, and sat right in front of me blocking the projected screen, prompted me to shift my position lest all I would learn the whole of that day was her fucking turgid head with split-end graying hairs.

As if it wasn’t bad enough to be a view blocker, she immediately asserted her position the moment she came in like an alpha male primate (albeit she is actually an anjing betina), by asking the instructor shitloads of attention seeking questions (some of which she would have known had she came on time). To top it off, she asked them all with an unmistakable fake English accent, and would look around the room at the end of each question, checking if anyone has caught her faking her intelligence. And when she’s not asking, she’d whip out her mobile phone to IM her imbecile friends or clacking away on her stupid notebook replying emails (if that’s not obvious to you, that’s like, fucking rude). Then she’d cycle back to asking another stupid question, look around for attention, back to mobile phone, repeats. Her personality screams “Oh my cunt is sho…. BIG, that it has tectonic plates and its own weather system!”. Totally fucking revolting.

Then came the lunch break, which was prepared by the class organizer. Everyone took their own (fucking pathetic) bento with a chicken, and this bitch went ahead to exclaim loudly – “Where’s my vadge-gee-tarian set?”. (she made emphasis on the ‘veg’ pronunciation, and exaggerated the silent ‘e’ vowel after the ‘g’). Like she has the compelling need to let everyone know that she doesn’t eat animals. Judging from her cellulite ridden lard ass, she must have gotten the extra unused energy from excessive protein intake through a human. I was surprise that this walking fossil hasn’t considered super-glueing some sequins, plastic beads and fake diamonds on her forehead already, since she liked attention so fucking much.

I hope she gets pesticide poisoning from the vadge-gee-tables she ate.

michaelooi  | ...is a bitch  | Comments Off
August 16, 2014

some random lady at a coffee shop

…is a bitch.
It started with me walking into a coffee shop – alone – to have my breakfast. I placed my order from one of the stalls in there, and tried to look for a place to settle. There were a lot of empty tables around, so I picked one randomly. And then I kinda noticed this lady, who was standing about 30 – 40 feet away near another food stall, started to give me this stinky eye like I’ve just molested her or something. I didn’t know what was that for, so I just ignored her.

She would continue to glower at me for a good minute or so, and came to settle to another table next to mine. I continued to ignore her, thinking she must be fucking crazy. Then a waiter brought 3 mugs of Milo to my table, to which I denied ordering, and that was when the ‘angry lady’ flagged the waiter over to her table, and rudely (loudly) exclaimed in Hokkien “I had to change table because some guy took mine!”. That was only when I realized that the lady must have occupied the table I was sitting before me, and went off to order something. But I was rather pissed that she had to make it sound like I deliberately took her table like I had a fucking evil motive. For the record, the table was fucking empty, and I should be given the benefit of doubt for that. There’s no way I could have known it was occupied. Had I known it was occupied, I would have settled at another table, why the fuck would I take hers? CIBAI.

I wasn’t gonna let her take a sneak shot at me like that, so I kinda raised my voice over her remarks (in Hokkien) “So this is all about this table being yours?? You could have said so!”. That was also when my food arrived, and I told the server – rather loudly, in front of that lady – “Please put the food over there [next table]. This damn bitch here is mad at me for stealing her table!”. I was expecting her to get mad or something but instead, the bitch kinda shriveled to the size of a circumcised foreskin of a toddler. I could tell that she was freaked out (maybe she thought I was psychotic, and might give her a foot stomp mammogram on the coffee shop kerb).

See the picture on the left? You’re looking at her, and her hump – which is full of arsenic and ammonium fertilizer. I hope she gets tape worm infestation from that plate of noodles.

michaelooi  | ...is a bitch  | Comments Off
August 4, 2014

attention seeking

It seems to be a habit nowadays to whip out the phone camera to record down everything the first instance one gets stopped by a cop. What the fuck’s with that? It seems to be plaguing the predominantly Chinese attention seeking fucktards…

I’ve seen one video done by this guy with a really nerdy voice and downright fucking broken Bahasa Malaysia…. here’s how it goes : The video starts with the guy inside a car, challenging a cop who was standing next to his wound down driver window – rudely – on what was his offence to be stopped for a summon. The cop nonchalantly replied “You didn’t wear your seatbelt” and continued to write him the summon (I think he also asked for his driver’s license and a signature for the summon, I forgot). The nerdy guy, instead of shutting the fuck up already, started to chide the cop for abusing his power etc and then refused to sign the paper summon. I kinda remembered him saying “Ini macamkah polis Malaysia??” along with his other barely intelligible broken BeeEm outlash. I don’t specifically understand what he meant by that, but fuck me for being clueless – isn’t it part of the traffic cop’s job to stop and ticket traffic offenders? So what was the guy expecting? Traffic cop to ride around in cool bikes for show? The cop was quite professional, he actually told the guy that if he was unhappy about the summon, he can opt to challenge it in the court of law (which is the right course).

And the guy, for some really mind boggling reasons, would continue to ask the cop on what was his offense, repeatedly. Probably couldn’t register what a ‘seatbelt is’ (hence the offence). Or maybe he was desperately attempting to goad the cop to get medieval with him or something like that so that he’d get a good clip out of his mobile phone (whoring for more hits). Fucking retarded, these attention seeking shitfucks. But I salute to the cop who even gave the camera a smile despite being ill treated like that. I mean, I had gotten mad over less retarded encounter than this, but the cop held his esteem damn fucking well. (And he got the nerd to sign the summon without altercation).

This is the reality we have to face everyday. Shitfucks who would film everything they see/do – and the equally detestable retards who would share everything they come across on the social media. Encouraged by the popularity of reality shows on mainstream TV and the cheap availability of high quality video cameras (gopro/mobile phones, etc), these people would not hesitate to whip the camera out of a moment’s reflex. Tsunami? Great let’s fucking film it instead of running. Building on fire? Omg this is gonna get me some hits on youtube. Guy hitting his wife? Let’s record and upload it in Facebook instead of helping the woman!

To me, you see, attention seeking is a form of social decadence. Let us all educate our children to not condone such acts, shall we?

michaelooi  | what I saw  | Comments Off
July 15, 2014

Prius’ new pricing in Malaysia

We all know cars in Malaysia are fucking expensive due to its ridiculous tax structure. But a few years ago, in a bid to encourage people to buy hybrid vehicles, the primate government of Malaysia for once did something right… by introducing some tax exemption for imported hybrid vehicles. That was a period when the sales of hybrids soared and flourished (that was also the time I bought my Prius, at 145k bucks – not exactly cheap but, it could have been more expensive if it wasn’t for the tax exemption). Then come last year, the government decided to pull the fucking plug on the tax exemption thingy (in a wily scheme of things involving Proton) and the prices of imported hybrid vehicles has since gone back to ‘normal’ (fully taxed, like any other fucking cars). Here, take a read of what Paul Tan posted on his website :

[Source]
Toyota Prius and Prius c get new price tags without CBU hybrid incentives – RM153k to RM231k!

UMW Toyota have released the new prices for the Toyota Prius and Toyota Prius c after the government’s tax incentives for CBU hybrid vehicles ended at the end of last year.

The following are the new prices, OTR including insurance for private registration:
Toyota Prius – RM 216,400.52
Toyota Prius Luxury – RM 230,916.00
Toyota Prius C – RM 153,170.43
As you can see, a B-segment Prius c now costs as much as a D-segment Camry, while the Prius and Prius Luxury‘s prices have been pushed up to way over RM200k.

The Prius was first launched in Malaysia in August 2009 with the pricetag of RM175k. The RM175k pricetag was possible because of a 100% import duty exemption and a 50% excise duty exemption. The government later increased its incentives to 100% exemption for both import duty and excise duty, bringing the Prius price further down to RM139,900.

Later, the Prius facelift was launched in 2012 with two spec levels – the normal Prius for RM143k and a Prius Luxury for RM148k. The smaller Prius c came in at two spec levels – RM97k for the normal spec and RM104k for the Prius c TRD Sportivo.

While the Prius and Prius c were pretty popular cars when they had tax-free prices, we don’t think there will be many takers for these two cars at these new price levels, except for buyers who qualify for tax-free pricing such as those under the TalentCorp program.

However, UMW Toyota is set to come back into the incentivised hybrid game with the Toyota Camry Hybrid. Pricing was last rumoured to be slightly higher than the RM181k range-topping Camry 2.5V. In fact, we’ve already seen the Camry Hybrid at JPJ Putrajaya as well as driving on public roads.

This model did not qualify for the previous CBU hybrid incentives which required a model to have an engine of 2.0 litres and below as it had a larger 2.4 litre engine. The Camry Hybrid will be locally assembled to qualify for duty exemptions for CKD hybrid cars provided by the 2014 National Automotive Policy (NAP), which doesn’t set an engine displacement limit. The new CKD hybrid incentives are set to last until end-2015.

If you’d pan over to the comments section, there was a huge outlash by the readers at PaulTan.org – that the price tag was fucking ridiculous, etc, and they could have bought a much better alternative like a Volvo or a fucking Golf GTI or something. Some would even condemn the past owners (like me) for being ‘stupid & gullible’ to buy the car during the ‘tax exempted’ period and now I have to fucking rue about my purchase because spare parts are going to be a problem. Can you fucking believe that? That’s the dumbest shit ever. How can I be ‘stupid & gullible’ if I bought a car with less tax levied on it? I guess it will be smarter to buy a car with full tax and higher price, just as long the person could live at peace with the expectation they’d get a plethora of spare parts around? LOL!

You know, what amuses me the most is, these readers complained like they’ve not seen anything like this before, but little do these amateurs realize that they’ve all been fucked in the ass – all these while – with the same rusty dick full of spikes, with the same rip-off of a tax structure on every goddamned consumer car on sale in Malaysia! A small car with puny engine that costs 60 fucking grands!? (believe me, that’s the best selling vehicle in Malaysia!) And these people think it’s ‘cheap’! (but really, they don’t have much choice, I can understand that. It’s anything but cheap). That’s like a prison inmate jeering at zoo animals for not having freedom! I guess the general Malaysian has been inured to the shit they’ve been dished out all their lives, that they’re now living in a delusional state.

So now, to the question (if one has to ask) – do I feel sore about this whole price hike thing? Of course not! I think I might have just struck a deal of a lifetime! The car I bought 2 years ago, is close to 100 fucking grands more expensive today! How about that? Have you bought a car like that before? I think I might be able to sell it at a profit even… but that’s just wishful thinking.

michaelooi  | automobiles  | Comments Off

cave troll neighbor

My neighbors’ kids are scared of me. That’s because I deliberately acted stern and fierce, so that they’d all stay the fuck away from our house. But there was once, a couple of them came to our house, and something didn’t go as expected.

My then 6 year old daughter Regine, brought this little neighbor girl (let’s call her Small Turd, she’s 5 years old) to right next to my computer table. I was watching TV at that time, and it was dark. I didn’t actually know they were at my house, and you can imagine that I was quite surprised to see the silhouette of my daughter and a much smaller child standing at the doorway, one of them crying. It was Small Turd. She was crying with a dreaded look on her (like she’s about to be eaten by a cave troll). Apparently, along with Small Turd’s brother (Big Turd, he’s 7), they had been watching TV at our house, when Small Turd suddenly went Blue Screen and started to wail like she had an infected appendix. My daughter brought her to me because
a) She was between concerned and annoyed with the wailing.
b) I was the only adult available (my wife was bathing or something). She had no choice.

I don’t normally speak to them but I had to…

“Small Turd, why are you crying and what do you want??”
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!”

She wailed louder just because the cave troll spoke to her. She must be fucking terrified and I swear she was probably going into the rigor mortis stage alive. Not yielding any answer, I then asked my daughter what’s going on, and she told me Small Turd wanted to go home, but her brother didn’t want to budge from the TV. That was when I stomped out of the room and confronted her brother:

“Big Turd! What’s wrong with you and your sister?? Why is she crying??”
“Err… she wanted to go home while we were watching the TV…”
“Then why aren’t you bringing her home??”
“I already asked her to go home herself, it’s just downstairs…”
“She’s your goddamn sister! What kind of a brother are you?? What if she gets kidnapped by a stranger?? Are you stupid or something??”

He almost shat in his pants, and brought his sister home pronto. Problem solved. Probably would never ill treat his sister ever again, thanks to the cave troll. Never saw them come to our house again, and they’d stay the fuck away from me. They’d sometimes play around the corridor, but always with a hushed volume. My daughter, just to get a kick of seeing them terrified, would sometimes tell them ‘you guys should keep the volume down, or my dad would come out and he won’t be pleased!’.

When that happens, my day is usually made. Seeing them annoying kids terrified and behave themselves…

michaelooi  | happenings  | Comments Off