May 4, 2016

Eddie the waiter

Bill, the owner of a busy restaurant, one day summoned one of his trusted waiters to his office…

Bill: “So, Eddie, how long have you been with Sticks and Bones?”

Eddie: “Close to 8 years, sir”

Bill: “8 years already? Wow! So tell me, how do you fancy for a career advancement?”

Eddie: “That’s good to hear that sir! My boys are growing up and I sure could use some of the extra cash…”

Bill: “Good… good. Before that, tell me, how do you rate yourself in terms of dishwashing?”

Eddie: “Dishwashing… sir? I… I guess it isn’t that hard to learn…”

Bill: “I like the spirit! What about cooking? You have any experience in cooking?”

Eddie: “Ermm… I don’t know about that sir… I’m not sure where this is going…”

Bill: “Ok ok, what about general cleaning and degreasing? Finance audit?”

Eddie: “W… W… What is going on, sir? Why are you asking me these questions?”

Bill: “Cost reduction initiatives, Eddie. We have to let go Arun the janitor, Lou the cook, Brad the accounts clerk and Jahangir the dishwasher. I’m retaining you because you’ve won the best employee award a year ago.”

Eddie: “But, how the hell am I able to cover all their jobs??”

Bill: “Look at the bright side, Eddie. You’ll be getting the opportunity to learn. Risk taking is our restaurant’s culture! You’ll be a veteran in no time!”

Eddie: “And you call this a career advancement??”

Bill: “If this isn’t, I don’t know what is! [megawatt smile] It comes with a raise! Seven percent! And a free movie ticket every quarter!”

And Eddie jammed a piece of paper weight into Bill’s skull, caving a big hole that spills out part of his high fat low mass brain, which in a way, making his head less aerodynamic in the airless room.

michaelooi  | imaginations  | Comments Off
May 3, 2016

the world according to… me

The world according to… me

1) If my wife eats my food, I am entitled to order another one of it. And if my wife eats my second or subsequent serving, I am entitled to order another, and so forth.

2) If I ever ogled another girl in my wife’s presence, and I remarked some negative observations/comments about that girl to my wife, I’m automatically absolved of any sins committed there & then.

3) The dad is not obliged to attend birthday parties organized by the daughter’s stupid friends.

4) Sliced bread is not considered a full meal and can be eaten any time of the day.

5) If a person starts the answer to your question with “That’s a good question…”, it means he doesn’t know shit and is telling you he is attempting to convince you otherwise.

6) The Theory of Relativity applies to relationships as well – world gets smaller between me and the people I hate, and too damn big between me and the people I like.

7) A person who has the compelling need to brag about a friend or a relative who is rich/famous to boost his/her self esteem, is pathetic and deserves to be discriminated.

8) An ugly girl with a good personality is better than a pretty girl (with big tits) with fucked up attitude. Personality goes a long way.

9) Everyone’s an asshole behind a steering wheel on the road, unless proven otherwise by walking.

10) The number of relatives you have are directly proportional to the sins you’ve committed in your past life.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
April 14, 2016

maxis sucks donkey cock

Were commenting about the recent Maxis fiasco on Whatsapp with a group of buddies, when a fellow friend gave a good analogy on what I should’ve done…

maxis sucks

Yeah Maxis you fucking old slut with wet plastic bag deflated tits. Fuck you and your yeast infested cunt!

michaelooi  | e-chats  | Comments Off
April 6, 2016

Toyota Prius – 2011

Some bloke emailed me that he is looking at a used (‘second hand’) Prius 2011 with 60k km on it, and if there’s anything that he should look out for before deciding to purchase it. Here’s my reply to him:

Hi [bloke],
Prius 2011 has one very common problem – ‘Check Hybrid System’. It’s an error message that pops up halfway through your driving – won’t stall, can continue driving, but at reduced power and no hybrid.

Cause ranges from defective 12v AUX battery, to the inverter, to the Hybrid battery itself. Most problems seen on high mileage 2011 models, before the infamous Toyota Prius recall (to flash the firmware). My theory is, the 2011 high mileage models could have already sustained damage to the transistor (too late) for the recall, or simply it wasn’t flashed right at Toyota SC (some users complained abnormal charging behavior or driving experience). Toyota has this under warranty (8 years). Since the unit you’re interested is somewhat low mileage, I’d say it’s low risk (but check with the owner anyway if he/she had the car flashed at Toyota SC, and make sure you test drive the car with ECO/PWR mode disabled).

Maintenance: No worries. It’s very economic. My 2012 model is approaching 90k km, no brake pad change, no 12v AUX battery change, no ATF change, and only brake fluid change once. Parts are expensive but so are other makers. Remember, Prius isn’t marketed as a ‘fuel economic’ vehicle – it’s supposed to be a ‘green vehicle’ (although being ‘fuel economic’ is one of the advantage of being green). Prius isn’t that economic when you do a lot of short commute (of less than 10km per trip) with frequent start/stop.

If you need more info, you can request to join this closed group at Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/groups/priusgang/
Lots of info inside, updated daily by Prius owners on their experiences.

It’s a closed group, just mention to the admin that you’re interested to buy a 2011 Prius and you’re here to seek more interaction from owners.

Michael Ooi

One thing I forgot to mention though, is to look out for sleazy previous owners. If you’re getting it from a dealer, be sure to check the battery vent at the driver side of the rear seat. Check for thick dust build up or signs of tampering there. Thick dust build up on the vent (or inside the vent) is an indication of a potential overheated hybrid battery which could have a shorter life. You can be a bitch about it but no harm checking. Reason is simple – just read this post about notebook computer overheating issue I’ve written before here – the same principle applies. A clean a vent is an indication of lowered risk.

michaelooi  | automobiles, mails/posts  | Comments Off
April 2, 2016

‘minimum bbq two orders’

So I was at this Korean restaurant with my wife and daughter. Just the 3 of us. We took our time with the menu and waved the server over when we’re ready. A short fair skinned Bangladeshi server came to take our order.

Me: “I’d like this set of BBQ Pork here, and…”

Before I could continue, the short Bangla (SB) replied with an incomplete sentence in English:

SB: “Two orders.” *points at other BBQ selections on the menu*

Me: *confused* “No, no… I don’t want two. Just this one.”

SB: “No…no… two. Minimum two orders.” *repeatedly points at other BBQ selections on the menu*

I hadn’t got around to order the main course just yet so, I was thinking, maybe he was hinting at me that we’re not ordering enough or something. So I flipped the menu to the ala carte page and placed order for the main course first, and came back to this BBQ pork order – and gave him this ‘Is everything ok now?’ look.

SB: “No…no… two orders. Minimum BBQ two orders.” *repeatedly points at other BBQ selections on the menu*

My patience was wearing thin. My wife Emily then asked me to check the small prints in the menu, but there was nothing mentioned about minimum orders. I tried to ask SB about what did he mean by ‘minimum two orders’ and why aren’t we allow to order just 1 BBQ pork, but all he could reciprocate was this blank look while muttering ‘minimum BBQ two orders’. Since we’re about as productive as a chicken and a duck trying to have a conversation, I asked for the manager. A chubby Korean teen (must be the owner’s son) came and explained:

Chubby Korean kid: “It’s very hard to explain… uhh… very hard to scrub. If one order, need to… err… wait.”

Then he called out in Korean to another middle aged lady who was at another aisle, whom I reckoned must be his mother. His mother went all Korean back to him and he then said:

Chubby Korean kid: “The pan, very hard to scrub. Need 2 orders. One order, a lot of work!”

I was thinking, two orders aren’t going to make it any easier, are they? Fucking dumbass Koreans. I was ready to lose that BBQ-fucking-minimum-two-orders-pork there and then. If these guys couldn’t figure out that losing an order is a worse trade off than scrubbing the goddamn skillet, then they’re probably better off to have their asses dictator-ed by Kim Jong-Un instead of hitting a boner like this. Anyway, after a few loud exchange of Koreans between the mother and son, chubby kid proposed a workaround,

Chubby Korean kid: “One order, can! But need to cook inside kitchen! Ok?”

I was like, who the fuck cares? I just want to eat the pork and I do not really care if the Bangla grills the pork on the table skillet or in the kitchen skillet.

Me: “No problem, just do what you must.” And the order was finally placed.

We could hear a commotion right after our order was placed, right around the kitchen area. Probably still couldn’t agree if 1 order is worth to scrub the goddamn kitchen skillet.

Anyway, my gripe about the whole thing was – communication. I have nothing against Banglas (except their body odor), but more often than not, we get people like them fucking up our dining experiences by not being able to communicate properly. For this, I can only blame the restaurant owners/managers, for putting the wrong labor to the wrong tasks. In this scenario, things would have been simpler if they have gotten some locals to be the hostess and take orders, and get the Banglas to scrub the skillet instead. But they had to save that wee bit of labor cost to go for Banglas, and had to devise this stupid plan of minimum 2 BBQ orders to justify the return of investment for spending time scrubbing the goddamn skillet.

michaelooi  | experiences  | Comments Off