August 17, 2015

mehfis

I was at McDonald’s. My daughter wanted a Happy Meal with Filet-O-Fish. So I ordered one.

Me: “Happy Meal with Filet-O-Fish”.

The guy at the counter with a lisp and heavy Malay accent, then asked me this…

Lispy guy: “Mehfis?”

Me: “I’m sorry, come again?”

Lispy guy: “Mehfis?” [smiles]

Me: “Errm, can you repeat that again?”

Lispy guy: “Mehfis. Mehfis?” [smiles]

Me: “You said ‘mehfis’?”

Lispy guy: “Yes, mehfis. Do you mean mehfis?”

Me: “I’m sorry bang, I tak faham apa tu mehfis. Boleh explain tak?” [translation: I'm sorry bro, I don't know what is a 'mehfis', do you care to explain a bit?]

Then that fucker walked under the lighted display board menu, and pointed to an item called “McFish”. I then went:

Me: “OHHHHH MCFISH!”

Happy Meal doesn’t come with Filet-O-Fish anymore, it comes with McFish now. I have not heard of a McFish before, or know the different between that thing and a Filet-O-Fish. The only fish burger I know is Filet-O-Fish. I didn’t make a fuss about it since they’re all the same crap anyway, so I okay-ed him to put a ‘Mehfis’ into my kid’s goddamn Happy Meal.

Later when my kid got her ‘Mehfis’, I kinda opened up the burger to check it out – it appears that the difference is only missing a dollop of tartar sauce or mayo, and some greens – it’s essentially just a shittier version of the already shitty Filet-O-Fish. Mehfis, ladies and gentlemen.

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August 10, 2015

Bersih 4.0

When I read about those cro-magnons wanting to organize another round of Bersih (dubbed as Bersih 4.0), I immediately went “OH NOT THIS FUCKING SHIT AGAIN!!”. (If you do not know what is ‘Bersih’, it’s a coalition of non-governmental groups that is infamous of organizing rallies to seek for cleaner election in Malaysia, or something like that).

No I’m not a BN supporter. I’m just as neutral as fuck. I just opined that this whole bullshit is just a goddamn waste of time/resources. Not only it does not work, it’s outright bad for everything – the economy, the environment and it breeds hooliganism. Each time a Bersih ‘rally’ (it’s more like a demonstration without a solid cause) is organized, you get mounts of garbage, destruction of properties and injured people along its path. Tonnes of greenhouse gases will be released to the atmosphere from the crippling traffic and other directly/indirectly linked causes, reversing the shit you treehuggers tried to achieve by switching off your lights during Earth Hour by millions of folds. So in an ironic sense, Bersih does what it thinks by reforming the electoral system for a ‘cleaner election’ (which is still unproven), but it pollutes basically everything else there is in the country.

Sure enough, one can argue that this is an individual’s right to express him/herself. But Bersih is not it because it is illegal. If it were to be done inside a stadium or a large piece of field, it would have been given a green light for a conditional permit and everyone would go home an accomplished citizen by having given the opportunity to express him/herself to the gnats and ants on the open field. And depending on how morally inclined they are, they’d pick up the garbage after the event and garner a praise or two for being so ‘steady’. But fuck no, these people wanted to take to the streets for more attention. How is that alright by a civilized standard? To march and demonstrate on the streets without permit is dangerous and opens up possibilities for things to get out of control (and let’s not even talk about those imbeciles who bring their children to the rally). And when that happens, you get water cannon-ed, tear gassed and truncheoned like a bunch of animals by the FRU riot police (and I root for the FRU, because they’re there to upkeep the peace). Then you’d see these attention seeking Bersih 4.0 whores posting selfies about police brutality seeking for empathy when they shouldn’t have gone against the law to illegally partake in the Bersih rally in the first place (so much for the attention). Know this, when you deliberately break the law, you’re no different and is as despicable as those Mat Rempits wreaking havoc in the society. If you feel that you’ve missed your prerogative as a concerned citizen to do something you’re not happy about the current ruling government, you can choose to post a goddamn black picture as your profile photo on your Facebook page – it’ll have the same effect as Bersih – NOTHING BUT A HOKUM.

It is not a solution to the problem. The current government, as corrupted as many claim it is, has deep roots down to the bedrock. A Bersih rally or a few, won’t undo everything in a fortnight. It takes much more than Bersih rallies to cure the chronic problem. If the decadence has taken so long to evolve to what it is today, my bet is it’ll take an even longer time to evolve back to the positive direction. If a much shorter route is preferred, then a revolution is the only way – but that is a route filled with death and destruction like what we’ve read in the history of the human world. And I don’t think I’m ready to go that route. I’d prefer the longer way. I’d start by voting the people I think is good for the job (for now) and I’d educate my child well. I’d teach her about responsibilities, how to be a considerate person, how to uphold her moral values and how to help the weak. She’d be a learned person with ample education provided through my sacrifice, and with her knowledge, she’d play a role/part to uphold the world in her generation (if she’s good enough, hopefully, she’d be a leader and will have the power to influence). If everyone does the same thing, I believe we’d see a better governance in the country in a generation or two. Takes time, but we’d get there.

P/S: That anti-Bersih group is worse. Those cretins are one of the many reasons I don’t like the BN government.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
July 23, 2015

proper meeting etiquette

You kids need to learn a thing or two about proper meeting etiquette… you cibai

Check your participants’ availability before you send an invite
If you’re an organizer, please fucking make an effort to check your participants’ availability before you call for an important meeting (if it’s not important, then you shouldn’t have fucking called a meeting in the first place).
In the old days sans the internet, people actually had to pick up the phone to call up every participant to do that. Now it’s just launching the goddamn calendar, and see with your eyes! Won’t take a jiffy.

Be punctual
This is a no-brainer. How would you like your coffee to be served half an hour late? Or your bluray movie only plays 25 minutes later after you’ve pressed the PLAY button? That’s exactly how everyone feels when your tardy ass comes into a meeting late and started to ask questions that had already been addressed earlier when you weren’t around. Being punctual is like watching a dog’s tail wag. It shows people how serious you are with your work and your trustworthiness. If you’re always late, you’re then likely not a dependable person and everyone should stay the fuck away from you.

Respond to a meeting invite, for fuck’s sake
Now, how hard it is to respond to a meeting invite or email electronically from your PC!? People fail to do that all the time and I don’t fucking get it why. It’s either a yes or no. But you have to be a dick about it and hold the invitation in the high Z in a conceited way (deliberate or not) and hope people will read your mind. That’s just plain reckless. If the meeting’s a fucking clown show, just grow some balls to respond a NO… otherwise, you’d be the dickwad that blocks progress.

Pay attention you fuck
And by accepting the invite through a response, you have agreed to dedicate your X minutes of work hours for that meeting. That means, no stray discussions or other activities like Facebooking or instant messaging with the office slut or whatever! Doing that is akin to being a party pooper. Know what’s a party pooper? A party pooper is like someone spreading a Christianity sermon at a rave party. Someone who regresses your progress. Someone who acts like an antimatter. Someone who sucks a donkey’s cock. Dedicate your time to get the meeting objective over with, and you’ll have less meetings to deal with later.

Hold your meeting at a proper time
Proper working hour, that is. In my book of reasoning, 30 minutes before lunch or end-of-business hour are not considered ‘proper time’. That’s because your meeting is either going to overrun your participants’ lunch hours, or the go-home hours. Either one isn’t going to be good for you because all they are going to think is not the agenda in the meeting, but food/home. That is a blatant waste of time and resources (when shit doesn’t get done). Worse it could get is to organize a meeting OFF-WORK hours. It means you’re not efficient and you’re compensating your inadequacy with your family time. Not only you’re a bad employee, but also a bad parent/spouse/partner/[insert social role]. You should be sacked.

Plan your meeting with agenda
Speaking of agenda, more often than not, I receive invitations to meetings that say “discussion…” or any moronic one worded title without an iota of information about what to be discussed et al. That’s just retarded. A meeting has to be set up with proper agenda to prep the participants what the fuck it is all about and what you plan to discuss. That’s to avoid the participants to look back at you like a deer in front of a pair of headlights and the whole discussion becoming a monologue. Just give them a background, a something. Get them prepared to take you head-on. Be a man.

Be prepared for a meeting
As a participant, if you have an agenda under your name, get your ass prepared. Just create a goddamn folder in your desktop and dump in a copy of every related shit you plan to share/show/present into it (you can delete it the fuck off once you’re done). That way, you’d always be able to find your stuff effectively and have an efficient sharing/presentation. I’ve seen some retarded chodes fumbled for 10 – 15 minutes looking for some folders or files, wasting a whole room’s worth of participants’ time.

I can go on, but these are the essentials. Will write another one when I can think of more…

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
July 13, 2015

teacher

When I was in my primary years, I had this strange ambition of wanting to be a teacher, for some twisted reasons only known to myself. A few weeks ago, I saw my 9 year old daughter, Regine, role-played as a teacher during her playtime at home. That was when I remarked to her –

Me: “So, you like to be a teacher huh? What happened to being a doctor?”

Regine: “If I can’t be a doctor, I can be a teacher.”

Me: “I know why you wanted to be a teacher.”

Regine:

Me: “I wanted to be a teacher when I was little too. And I think it’s for the same reason as you do.”

Regine:

Me: “I think you wanted to be a teacher because you get to beat the kids”

Regine: <+20,000 watt smile>

Yes, I fantasized about the power that a teacher wields – what could be more fun than beating up annoying kids without getting into trouble (this statement was still true back then)? I used to think about 101 ways to make my classmates’ lives miserable. Aren’t guys fucking glad that I didn’t turn out to be a school teacher?

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July 3, 2015

12 years

12 years ago today, I started this blog. How long is 12 years? It is long enough to:
…wage two and a half World War I’s. WWI only took ~4.3 years
…wage two World War II’s. WWII only took 6 years.
…span more than half the career of a professional soccer player.
…have the opportunity to change the Malaysian government TWICE!
…witness at least 1 rotation of a new US president.
…conceive the Star Wars universe and complete the screening for Episode 4, 5 & 6.
…progress from accessing the WWW with a 14.4k dialup modem on a desktop PC to wifi on a notebook computer (it actually took less than 10 years).
…complete your fucking primary education.
…build the Petronas Twin Towers… 3 fucking times (it took only 4 years to build the 2 towers)
…EOL at least 8 models of iPhone (iPhone started in 2007, and it’s only iPhone 6 now).
…watch 3 World Cups and 3 Summer Olympics.
…rack up about 240,000km of mileage in your car.
…complete 85% of African-American Civil Rights movement at USA.
…reach planet Neptune with Voyager 2 space probe.
…revolutionize the display from bulky CRT to thin ass HD LCD for both the TV and monitor industry.
…transform from a young early adopter of blog reading to an old fart/hag with no life lurking in some obsoleted nonsensical blog.

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