June 27, 2016

dinner on father’s day

I was at a Korean restaurant with my wife and daughter on Father’s Day eve, and in came a family of 5, which was seated right next to us. The family of 5, consists of a couple and a kid, with another older couple whom I reckoned must be the wife’s parents. I could tell that they were there for a Father’s Day dinner, because they did not look naturally together. Their dinner was awkward, as I’ve noticed. [it was just a regular nice weekend dinner for us, which we always do - something we look forward every weekend].

One could instantly tell that the son-in-law was the one who’s gonna pay for the dinner because he was cocky and obnoxious. Irritating for us, actually, for we had to contend this lout who couldn’t help to tell the world (loudly) that he’s the most uneducated fuckstain in town and has a personality comparable to a hobo’s dick cheese. The rest of the family members, were all very quiet listening to this loser yapping like a bullhorn, sending half chewed projectiles all over the place. At times, he’d even castigate the old lady for not knowing how to properly eat a Samgyeopsal dish. The old man (wife’s father) was especially pissed off, though with an almost straight face – probably wondering what had he done wrong in his past life to deserve a son-in-law like that.

The wife, abashed by her husband’s behavior, kept looking towards our table to check if we noticed. Of course I fucking noticed! How couldn’t I? Her fucking oaf of a husband was like a beacon of a potential dark possibility for everyone in the restaurant there. I was like, gazing into the future through a portal, that one day, I might be in that fucking old man’s pair of uncomfortable shoes. But instead of sitting around gazing at food projectiles from my son-in-law’s mouth landing all over the table like paratroopers in WWII, I’d probably jam that pair of flat metal Korean chopsticks into his skull, pry it open, hawk a loogy and spit it into his tiny brain. Then I’m going to spend the rest of my life in jail. So what’s the fucking point of having this torturous dinner yang penuh keseksaan ini? Might as well don’t do it.

That was why I told my daughter this on that night – “Look at that table. Look at that loud fat guy. He’s the son-in-law of that old couple. Now, I don’t want to be like that sad old man, eating this joker’s dinner on Father’s Day. I don’t need him to bring us out for dinner, because I can afford my own dinner. If you want to have dinner with me on Father’s Day, you can come alone or with my grandchildren. We’d eat like a happy family like we always do. But don’t let your husband bring us out to dinner. I’m not going to enjoy it. That’s because I’m not your husband’s father. I am your father. If he wants to celebrate Father’s Day, he should do it with his own father or whoever he fancies, just not me. Ok?”

“Ok”

“Good. If you’re broke but still want a Father’s Day dinner, you can just buy some cheap packed food and we can still enjoy them at home, but without your husband. If you don’t want to have dinner with me for some other reasons, I’m fine with it too. Just don’t put me into that situation right there, ok?”

I couldn’t have made it any clearer. My daughter got everything I said, although I was receiving some death stares from my wife. For me, it’s very simple. I don’t do things for the sake of doing it. Things have to be done with a purpose. If the purpose is wanting me to be happy, then everyone should just fucking leave me alone when I’m old. I hope my daughter reads this when she’s married.

michaelooi  | personal  | Comments Off
June 12, 2016

Bavaria, Germany 2016 – Itinerary and planning (11 days)

Went to Germany recently and was requested by some friends to share the itinerary… and I thought, why the hell not make this a thing in my blog? So here it is. But before you proceed, read the disclaimer…

Disclaimer:
– This is a summer trip, made for June 2016. It won’t work for winter.
– This was planned based on 3 pax – my wife, my then-9-yo daughter, and myself. If you’re planning for a of group more than 4, this probably won’t work for you.
– This trip has a lot of hiking at mainly these 3 areas: Fellhorn-Kanzelwand (2 peaks), Nebelhorn and Neuner köpfle. No theme parks, no zoos, no sunny beaches. This won’t be for you if you have a small child in your group.
– The trip requires one to be reasonably fit to do it (as I’ve learnt the hard way…) and requires some special gears (tough hiking shoes, outdoor jacket, hiking poles)
– There will be some side trips at Munich, Schwangau, Lindau and Frankfurt areas as well. You’d see them below.
– You’ve gotta know how to fucking read a map. My wife for example, isn’t good with maps. If she’s going alone, it’d be the last time I see her. I use both maps and GPS (sometimes unreliable) to get my bearings right. Despite the advent of cellphones, I sometimes find paper maps more convenient.
– Hiking trip and a lot of walking. Prep yourself to be outdoor. Raincoats/jackets, travel umrellas, hiking shoes/gears, etc.
– A lot of train and bus rides as well. If you have motion sickness (like me), you’ll be in for a tough time.

(expect a long post after the jump)
Read the rest of this entry »

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May 25, 2016

crazy shit in Company T

This coming June, will be my 4th year working in Company T. Felt like it was just yesterday when I stepped into this madhouse.

You wouldn’t believe how crazy this place is. The crazy shit that happened here. Here are some of them, you be the judge if these are crazy good shit, or crazy bad shit…:

Pedestrians get to momentarily become god in Company T parking lot.
I think I’ve written about it before when I first came for an interview. You know when you’re walking in a really slow pace and you’re like… a good 5 meters away from crossing the road? Cars would fucking stop for you right there and then. In the outside world, drivers like that would have been regarded as crazy, or mentally retarded. It’s so ridiculous, that sometimes walking could be faster than driving in Company T parking lot! I mean, if you were to live most of your life getting used to crazy shit like this, no shit that you’d be more likely to die younger in the real world because you’d be so used to this privilege that you might let your guards down out of Company T.

Fruit fest once a year (or twice?)
There’s this event called ‘fruit fest’ or something, that is organized by the management. The fest is simply an event to get every employee to whoop local fruits en masse. For free. Yes believe it. And usually the event will coincide with the durian season and the star of the show? DURIANS! It will come by the truckload. Not just shitty durians but, pretty good ones. Imagine this, you get to whoop shitloads of free durians, mangosteens, rambutans, etc, while still getting paid under company time, if that isn’t crazy shit, I don’t know what is. Shit like this doesn’t happen elsewhere…

There are game rooms for employees, where you can play console games
Yes, there are a few game rooms scattered around the buildings. And there’s an electrical massage chair in some of the game rooms (you can fucking nap on it). The last time I went there (there was a particular period of time when my colleagues and I caught the FIFA fever and we shirked 30% of our working hours off in the goddamn game room), there were PS3 and Wii consoles in there with a decent amount of games. I learned that employees could bring their own games too, but we didn’t do that. In the old days, shirking is a frowned upon activities, but in Company T, they make your shirking irresistible, and the crazy thing is – the management is encouraging it.

The ladies get to form groups of cohorts and splurge company budget on company time
Imagine your boss asks you to form a group of about 5 – 6 guys, dump some budget on you, and asks you to organize small scale events to make the guys happy once a month (or something) – with the condition that it must be during working hours. So you bring the guys to have a beer, or maybe to play some pool or darts, during working hours. That’s what’s happening at Company T, except that it’s for ladies only (guys aren’t eligible to form their own group, for some unfathomable reasons). I’ve so far heard the girls organizing shopping events (just splurge with a company issued voucher), a spa event, a pedicure/manicure/manure event, afternoon tea, lunches, etc. All paid for. There’s no absolute objective to this other than to make them happy and well greased at the nether region. Of course we guys are unhappy about this, but we get to let it out in the game rooms.

IT parts/gadgets vending machine
There’s this vending machine with a touch screen interface, where employees get to choose their favorite IT part/gadget, scan the NFC badge on the scanner and out pops the desired part/gadget (if still in stock). You can imagine this scenario playing at my workplace – You say, “I need a fucking mouse and an extra adapter, and I need it PRONTO!”, and you go to the vending machine, make selection on the screen, scan badge and POP! You get your fucking mouse and an adapter. It’s that easy. Of course, your department pays for this by charging the hardwares to your cost center. The IT doesn’t give a rat’s ass about getting approval but once you scan the badge, it gets paid for. No one is going to be there to stop you, no approval process and by the time your boss is foaming in the mouth from the bill, it’s already too late because you would’ve been rocking with the spanking new hardware for days if not weeks. In most company, the idea wouldn’t even go past on paper to even get a fucking quotation for the part.

****
to be continued.

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
May 15, 2016

fucking Nepalese

A couple days ago, my car was blocked by a double parking asshole at a shophouse district parking lot. Unsurprisingly, it was an SUV with a registration plate from KL. Oh you know how it is with those KL folks and their propensity to double park anywhere they like – I’ve written about them here.

I checked the car, and there wasn’t a number left on its dashboard so, I had to go around to look for the owner. By the time it was about 10 minutes, I was starting to get pissed off. Since it was just a stone’s throw away from the nearest guard post, I went there to seek for the guards’ help.

Inside the air conditioned small guard post, were 5 foreign workers whom I reckoned were Nepalese. I could tell because I’ve seen their ilks before when I was with Company X a few years back. They look Chinese with slit eyes but, with much darker complexion like they’ve just been dipped in shit sauce and have these distinctive choking accent when they converse in their shitty Malay.

The 5 of them were happily chatting away inside the guard post (why were the 5 guards manning a post? Escapes me) when I approached them.

Me: “Hi, you see that double parking car there? Can you find the owner? It’s blocking my car.”

Nepalese Guard: “You honk.”

Me: “I already did. So, how can you help me now?”

Nepalese Guard: “I can’t help you, sorry.”

Me: “So you’re just going to sit here and do nothing? And how the hell can you allow people to double park like this??”

Nepalese Guard: *goes back to chatting.

Fucking delinquents. I have nothing against these foreign cibais coming to our country to earn a living, but sometimes, it makes you wonder if these people are really here to work or just simply to sit on their asses lazying around here long enough to make quick bucks. In this case here, the guard (5 of them, for that matter) here is simply a presence with no other pragmatic purpose. The parking ticketing system was automated, and all the guard(s) had to do was to ensure everything was in order. And those 5 pieces of cunts from Nepal failed to even do that by allowing assholes to park like the post apocalyptic scene in The Walking Dead.

Anyway, the matter was resolved by our own after that – my wife Emily found the owner when I was walking back from the guard post. The owner was in one of the pubs nearby – a middle aged Chinese bloke with pockmarked face like Abdullah Badawi, who dressed up like a loanshark wannabe, with a hint of mild brain damage from excessive idling in KL traffic. I let him go without an incident after accepting his apology. But I will never forgive the Nepalese. If I ever become a dictator one day, I’m going to fucking invade Nepal.

michaelooi  | rantings  | Comments Off
May 4, 2016

Eddie the waiter

Bill, the owner of a busy restaurant, one day summoned one of his trusted waiters to his office…

Bill: “So, Eddie, how long have you been with Sticks and Bones?”

Eddie: “Close to 8 years, sir”

Bill: “8 years already? Wow! So tell me, how do you fancy for a career advancement?”

Eddie: “That’s good to hear that sir! My boys are growing up and I sure could use some of the extra cash…”

Bill: “Good… good. Before that, tell me, how do you rate yourself in terms of dishwashing?”

Eddie: “Dishwashing… sir? I… I guess it isn’t that hard to learn…”

Bill: “I like the spirit! What about cooking? You have any experience in cooking?”

Eddie: “Ermm… I don’t know about that sir… I’m not sure where this is going…”

Bill: “Ok ok, what about general cleaning and degreasing? Finance audit?”

Eddie: “W… W… What is going on, sir? Why are you asking me these questions?”

Bill: “Cost reduction initiatives, Eddie. We have to let go Arun the janitor, Lou the cook, Brad the accounts clerk and Jahangir the dishwasher. I’m retaining you because you’ve won the best employee award a year ago.”

Eddie: “But, how the hell am I able to cover all their jobs??”

Bill: “Look at the bright side, Eddie. You’ll be getting the opportunity to learn. Risk taking is our restaurant’s culture! You’ll be a veteran in no time!”

Eddie: “And you call this a career advancement??”

Bill: “If this isn’t, I don’t know what is! [megawatt smile] It comes with a raise! Seven percent! And a free movie ticket every quarter!”

And Eddie jammed a piece of paper weight into Bill’s skull, caving a big hole that spills out part of his high fat low mass brain, which in a way, making his head less aerodynamic in the airless room.

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