Posts Tagged ‘teambuilding’

March 12, 2016

the teambuilding mate with gray split ends

…is a bitch.

One of my teammates in the teambuilding event. Middle aged, skinny top half, cellulite ridden bottom half, with gray split ends hair that looked like wild reeds growing out of a prison compound. Very asserting character, and couldn’t stop being a dominating mom in the team. As if having the experience of giving birth and schooling a couple of brats gave her the wisdom to control everything under her will on this planet.

Had a tough time dealing with her bullshit through the whole teambuilding event, but it culminated with a coconut eating event (it’s one of the activities in the teambuilding, don’t ask). Objective was simple – hack, drink the water and eat both coconuts’ flesh completely in the shortest time. I guess the organizer thought that city dwellers like us would struggle to do this, having had our food/drinks served most of the time at fancy food courts.

As expected, bitch with gray split ends stepped out and boldly told everyone to calm the fuck down (when nobody was panicking). She declared that she’s had loads of experiences when it comes to hacking coconuts, and she’s gonna be in charge of cutting one of them (well, only 1 participant is allowed to hack 1 coconut). She told me to just follow what she’s doing (I was in charge of hacking the 2nd coconut) and everything would be fine. So I asked what’s her plan, just to see what she’s gonna say – she outlined that she’d hack a hole on the top, finish the water, and hack a bigger hole to get to the flesh. I disagreed with her, much to her surprise (perplexed reaction, like she’s just heard her kid talking back to her)… I’ve hacked my fair share of coconuts myself, so I was kind of an expert.

“No, that won’t work”, I said.
“Why it won’t work? I’ve done this many times. You need a bigger hole to get to the flesh!”
“You drink the water, and you split the damn thing. You then eat from each half, like a bowl.”
“That won’t work. Splitting it is not easy, and time consuming”
“No, it’s going to be faster.”

And we both knew it was on, middle aged uncle (me) versus middle aged aunty with split ends (her – she’s much older). Getting to the water part was easy. Just hack a hole and insert straw to drink. But when it comes to getting to the flesh, bitch with gray split ends tried to what it seemed like violating the coconut to have a bigger asshole, and the end result looked amusingly like a coconut that was bit open by a fucking beaver. The fibres of the husk dropped all inside the bigger hole, which was not big enough to fit in a spoon. Bitch continued hacking until the coconut was badly mangled.

I on the other hand, made a hard chop at the top center (with the hole), pressed down the chopper with my weight to make a 70% downward split, put the chopper away and pulled apart the 2 halves like they were beef flaps. The splitting took no more than 10 seconds. I was already finishing the flesh when the red faced hag was still violating the coconut. She was later heard disclaiming her epic fail with a pathetic – “I was given an older coconut! It was tougher!”. Bitches. They never want to lose and they never learn.

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July 18, 2013

Escape Adventureplay Theme Park, Penang.

I’m sure most of you have probably heard of ‘Escape Adventureplay Theme Park’. It is the first theme park in Penang (like, big fucking deal). At first, I was like “Meh…”, but after a visit there yesterday for a ‘Company T’ teambuilding event, I am now like, “WOW!”. I had a blast there. It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed an outing so much.

First of all, I’d like to stress how glad I am to learn that this first theme park in Penang is such an awesome place. It would surely break my heart if Penang’s first theme park were to be some sissy ass place like that Legoland, Lost world of Tambun or some shit like that. This is a theme park made of creativity and pure fun! Just how fun it is? Well, the easiest way to gauge the fun level of any place, is by measuring the number of times you whip out your mobile phone (to kill time). The more times you whip out your phone, the suckier the place is. And at Escape, my colleagues and I could have gone the whole day without a phone! (if not for the compelling need to whip it out to record some crazy ass videos!)

If you don’t already know, the whole place is sort of like an eco theme park, and everything is close to nature (I like that idea very much – it reminds me of the greener Penang back when Teluk Bahang hadn’t had that damn dam yet). There’s one part of the theme park called ‘Monkey business’, a place where you’d spend most of your time doing what monkeys do best – climbing, balancing and go from tree to tree, through creatively designed obstacles. ‘Monkey business’ is all about ropes, nets, cables, zip lines and tricky steps. Think of it like, being in ‘Prince of Persia’ in real life, with obstacles on trees. Divided into 3 levels, 1 being the lowest and least difficult, to level 3, the most challenging of all. I could only complete level 1 and part of level 2, before I go all exhausted and bent out of shape. Suffice to say, one has got to have a reasonably fit physique and stamina to be able to tackle level 1, 2 and 3 all in 1 go. I now know that I am far from that category of a person. (if you have Acrophobia – extreme fear of heights – this is probably not your shit even if you’re fit).

For those who want to look for a respite from all that climbing, balancing and having to deal with vertigo inducing heights in ‘Monkey Business’ section, they can opt to take an unrestrained glide down a reasonably high slope on a tire, called ‘Tubby Racer’. This is a ride that’ll shrink your balls if you have them. I did a round in this section, and I learned about the dreadful feel of losing control over something you ride on at high speed. Wasn’t really a great feeling but, the adrenaline rush was massive. If you have heart problems, stay away from this thing, otherwise – I’d recommend to try it once. Then there are some other areas with more climbing & balancing, one with only pure zipping across high altitude above the trees, one that regulates a free fall from the height of a 8 storey building, et al. Didn’t get the chance to explore them all, due to the exhaustion from proving myself too damn much in “Monkey Business”. Also, there’s a section for the kids too, but I wouldn’t recommend bringing kids there – because it’s simply not worth the fee, which can be quite pricey (Google for the price).

All in all, it’s a great place to be if you’re into climbing, nature and something different. You’d spend the whole day here, and sleep the whole night well. You’d get muscle aches, blisters and bruises, but it’s worth it. The 2nd phase of the theme park is in construction now, and it’ll be a water based theme park – which I’m sure will make the place even better. I just hope they’d be able to sustain this place of attraction well, and Penang will surely get a shot at being one of the greatest place for eco-tourism…

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July 10, 2012

Penang Hill

I have not been to the Penang Hill for such a long time, that I have totally forgotten how shitty it is. About a week after I have joined Company T, the department organized a teambuilding up there on Penang Hill for a treasure hunt event and yes, I have confirmed it again – that place is a shithole.

A lot of people out of state always ask me about Penang Hill, and I always tell them that Penang Hill is a shithole. There’s nothing to do there. Like literally. No theme park, no mall, no nothing. I really don’t understand why would anyone want to go up there. There are only a few ordinary buildings there which hold no entertainment value at all. Eg.
– an Indian temple (Ordinary at best. You’d pretty much get more awesome temples with more historical value around the town than this one)
– a mosque (Same thing – you can get more awesome mosques around town – check out Kapitan Keling)
– several eateries (Overpriced and bland. Any shit down the hill is better)
– a hotel (That looks like it’s a working place for cheap geriatric hookers)
– an owl museum (Tourist trap. It’s not even a fucking museum)
– a police station (That looks deserted and a bit dilapidated.)
– a posh looking restaurant overlooking the ‘view’ (that’s about as ordinary as seeing white hair on an old geezer’s head)

Some say it’s a great place to hang out because the air is cool there. But that’s a complete bollocks. It’s not any cooler than my car air con at its worst condition. Some people say that the view’s awesome (or something along that line). But it’s just a view of the city, which most of the time is blurred with smog from the pollution and haze. So, without (or lack of) the view, the coolness, and places of interest, Penang Hill is reduced to nothing but a massive shithole.

The most interesting thing is probably the train ride up and down the hill. The new train is pretty fast, which makes ascending/descending the slope a little bit of an exciting event. But what’s the point if its sole purpose is to transport you up a giant stinking shithole? It’s sad really. Penang the fucking Hill. The only way to redeem its sad existence is to probably to pimp up the train to become a roller coaster, that meanders up and down the hill for a fee. Maybe to spice things up, we make it go under a fake log, throw in a few areas with close proximity with wild local animals and perhaps a couple of fake paranormal effects (hill spirits) or something like that. It’ll be a bomb. Or at least better than a stupid train ride up into a shithole. But alas, I’m not the government so, it’s still a shithole. Don’t go there.

(I see it more as a fancy rest stop for hikers hiking from the Penang Botanical Gardens. But if you’re going there by the train and expecting it to be interesting, you’d be disappointed)

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May 7, 2007

iced tea

long island iced tea

Was at Langkawi for the weekend (company X teambuilding event).

Lesson learnt : Too much shouting, BBQ crabs and Long Island Iced Tea are not going to do any good for your throat and bowel.

michaelooi  | rompings  | 15 Comments
August 16, 2005

teambuilding at genting

Attended a teambuilding event at Genting during the weekend. But it wasn’t really a teambuilding. It was actually a plan made by one of my colleagues to pave way for our team to have fun up there. The so called “teambuilding” event was just a game of bowling, which wasn’t really that nice (the alley was quite hot and stuffy). And the rest of the time, were for our own leisure.

But for the 5 of us (Wilson, Ken, Ted, AssTee and myself), the whole thing looked like a golden opportunity for us to romp. We hence made ourselves some plans to heighten the fun – to take a day off earlier (Friday) to Genting for a bit of an advanced national day celebration drinking event … then to continue through the weekend, head to down to KL, crash for 2 more days and only to head back to home on Tuesday (which is today).

So we stocked up our booze and got ourselves ready on Friday for the highly anticipated weekend. But little did we know… that the whole trip was an ill fated one… Here’s a summarized version of the fuck ups that we encountered (summarized because I’m damn tired right now)

– We’re supposed to leave on Friday noon, but at the very last minute before our journey, AssTee got himself caught by his retarded boss and was lectured for 2 hours. Something of little significance. He was asked for an assessment report to be submitted on that day itself. We told AssTee to ignore his boss and got the journey started.

– We got our booze and mixers ready for all the drinking event. But when we were at Genting, we realized that there wasn’t even a single convenient store that sells ice cubes/tubes. Because of that, we were forced to do a little bit of sweet talking to that lecherous looking Burger King cashier for a puny bag of ice cubes (which only lasted us for about 20 minutes). We took our drinks cold. Not chilled. (this is a big mistake)

- Alright, we soon managed to deal with it… we did it without ice cubes/tubes. It was before long, we started to experiment our drinks in different combination and had a lot of fun with it. But Ted got especially happy that night and drank faster than what a Formula 1 V10 engine could consume fuel in an hour, in less than a minute. Halfway through our high spirited event, Ted suddenly got up and walked like a possessed corpse towards the toilet and did a Linda Blair there. Green pukes all over the place (that was because we had BOLS Peppermint liquor in our diet). Each of us had to play a role in cleaning Linda’s Ted’s puke and wash him up for his big crash. Cleaning pukes was not part of the plan…

– There were supposedly 2 king sized bed for all of us to share. But because Ted got real messed up on one of the bed and there was none of us willing to sleep with Miss Linda Blair, the 4 of us decided to split the remaining bed – the top mattress for the drivers (because they’ve been driving) and the hard wooden base for me and Ken. For the whole night, Ken and I had to endure the cold (blankets prioritized for the drivers as well) and the kookiness of the wedged wooden surface. Short of a few rodents and roaches, it was almost like sleeping in a prison cell. It was no fun at all.

So there you have it. Genting. Fuck.

PS: Guess what I saw at the First World Hotel lobby? Some chick from China clipping her toenails at the lobby (on the floor) ! (sorry for the poor picture quality. I was using my zoom and was standing quite a distance from ground zero. Had to take the pic from far lest she would scratch me with her super sharp claws for taking her candid picture.)

michaelooi  | places  | 19 Comments