Yesterday, I received a call from an unknown source. A female voice with a fake american accent greeted me when I answered my mobile phone. (conversation was re-enacted based on my memory. Slight discrepancy is expected. So, don’t bitch about it.)

Unknown caller : “Hi Mr Ooi. My name is Irene. Are you convenient to talk?”

Me : “Who is this? Do I know you? Where did you get my number??”

Irene : “Oh, I am actually calling from X hotel. Just want to let you know about our latest promotion here.”

Me : “Uhuh”
[I did not hang up because she kinda sounded like someone hot then...]

Irene : “I’m delighted to inform you that we are giving you a complimentary free 1 night stay at our hotel …”
[I was beginning to like her. I started to imagine her as a somewhat attractive chick]

Me : “Wow… I am surprised, but impressed.”
[X hotel is a very well known luxury hotel in Penang, so...]

Irene : “Only if… you have the membership. You have to join the X hotel club to be able to enjoy the entitlement. May I know what is your line of occupation, Mr Ooi?”
[aaah there's the catch... her looks were withering... I was planning to hang up]

Me : “Engineering”

Irene : “May I ask, what do you think of X hotel ? Have you been to X hotel before, Mr Ooi?”

Me : “Nope. But I’ve been to one of the pubs located at the skirt of X hotel before… the place was alright.”
[i remember barfing together with Luis after a drinking session beside X hotel before, the place has a big ass sea for us to barf all we want... so it was rightfully rated as 'alright']

Irene : “Oh, I just want to let you know that the place has now totally changed. It has been renovated now and it looks realllllyyyyy fantastic… and bla bla bla … restaurant … bla bla … free … bla bla …discount … bla bla … ”
[She sounded desperate. And cheap. And I started to dislike her.]

Me : “Look Irene. It’s very nice of you to let me know so many offers that you’ve got there. Now, why don’t you just send all the information to me through email… including ‘the catch’… I’ll read them through, and respond to you accordingly… ok? It is hard for me to remember so many things you’ve said…”
[I was trying to be polite and stuff, you know?]

Irene :”But… this is telemarketing. It is suppose to be like that…”
[I swear I did not make this up... this is what she said verbatim. That was stupid.]

Me :”Heck, of course I know this is telemarketing. But I’m sure telemarketers have their own email accounts… don’t they ?”
[I was still trying to be polite, but garnished with a hint of sarcasm to taste...]

Irene :”Oh … maybe I can call you back later when you are more convenient to jot the info down…”
[desperate bitch]

Me :”I’m hanging up Irene. My battery’s getting flat.”
[I could have yelled at her, but I didn't]

Irene:”Ok ok ok, what is your email address?”

I gave her my work email and hung up. But she never sent me anything.

Stupid telemarketers. I hate them.

My house phone rang at 2.15am. It rang for quite sometime before waking me up. I gathered around 30% of my consciousness (which was just enough for me to figure out how to open the door, and walk to the phone in the dark) to pick up the goddamn phone. A very monotone female voice spoke something in the phone (like she was in a trance).

I asked “who the fuck is this?”. She began to murmur something unintelligible (that’s probably because I’m half awake that time). Then she said something about my mom… and something about my cousin too.

I kept asking her what is she talking about (I’m still very blur at that time) - she then mentioned something about my grandma (which had passed away on May) & something about possessing my cousin’s body. That was when I got really freaked out. As I tried to slap myself to sober up - I realized that the lady on the phone was actually my stupid sister - Beancurd. I asked “Is this Beancurd? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you know what time it is??”

She kept uttering some garbage and her voice remained very monotonous. This kept going on for like 10 minutes, with the half awake me hurling cusses after cusses to her.

I forgot how the phone call ended but I know what had happened. She probably sleep walked and prank called on me. I told my mom in the morning and that was when my sister called in again.

This time, she sounded normal. Mom then told her about what she did last night - and as expected - she didn’t have a clue about the incident. She was sleep walking at that time. But my mom was trying to be superstitious about it - could it be my grandma who possessed Beancurd’s body and talked to me on the phone?

I told my mom - grandma had a hard time to even remember the last 4 digits of our house phone number, how could she have possibly made that phone call? It’s fucking ridiculous.

Actually, my cousin’s wife did get possessed last week. She went into a trance or hypnotic state and started to talk about things only my grandma knew. Weird, isn’t it? Are there really ghosts in this world? Or is my cousin’s wife trying to fuck with us?

Well, if it’s for the attention, she could have stripped herself naked and run around the neighborhood - she’ll get all the attention she ever needs. But no one knows if it’s really grandma doing all these out there. I mean, she is not suppose to come back because she’s already dead. It’s unnatural. Could it be that she still has some “business” left undone and was actually trying to hint us about it?

Well, grandma, if you are reading this, you can call me up in the afternoon to my mobile, but please, don’t do it in the wee hours of the morning. I needed the goddamn sleep.