My friend Ayamas suggested to rent a bungalow for the New Year celebration and the BODs are all set for the plan. The girls are particularly excited about it. One of them even said, “First, we go for a party at the club… and then we drink ourselves into stupor. If it’s still not enough, we can go back to the bungalow and drink even more. And then can puke together, yippee!” [she was serious]. The very statement of that girl made me cringe in fear. No, not because of the mass alcohol suicide party she suggested but, I was thinking about the funds involved. You know, booze nowadays are sure expensive.

As we all knows, we guys have thick ego. Whenever we are out partying with girls, we are always the one who whips out our wallet and pay for everything. As I said, it’s an ego thing. We like to act as if we guys are born to protect the girls and give them everything they desire (concept of “gentlemen”). But little does everyone realize that, girls nowadays earn as much as we guys do (some even more)… and hell… they do drink like an alkie camel! In the end, it is the “gentlemen” who suffers, and they will appoint more ‘bosses‘ to protect them [boss = credit carddsss].

And due to the fact that Christmas is so close to the New Year celebration, you can best bet that most guys would spend their brand new year with a big hole in his pocket. And I reckon that is why, it is so hard for most ‘interesting and fun’ guys (party goers) to have a handsome savings. Thanks to their ‘gentlemen’ code, that’s the price they have to pay to keep girls around them happy/impressed.

For those who manage to save some in their bank at a relatively young age, they are most probably a bunch of frugal douche bags that was downright boring and dull… probably even a goddamn workaholic. (nope, not even a geek… because a geek would have spent most of his money on computers and gadgets).

So, girls, it couldn’t have been more apparent than this. You want a romantic/gentleman dude?, you can expect him to be broke and not so very well off (see reasons above). If you want your beau to be a rich and ‘pacat‘ (hokkien for ‘dense and full of substance’)? Expect him to be dull, like drain water.

That is why, I am working my ass off to close up the gap between these 2 types of male species here. Short term goal, I would like to party hard enough on Christmas / New Year, and yet, have enough money to get cocky for the coming Chinese New Year. I’m a balance of both… (no, not dull, mind you…)

*Disclaimer: Reader discretion is advised for the blog entry below. Consult your parents or your local magistrate if you are below 18

A friend asked me if I have ever played an ‘online game’ - and I told him ‘yeah’. The original ‘Diablo’.

If you can remember ‘Diablo’. I was a game that took the PC gaming world by storm and started the no brainer walk-and-slash frenzy over the course of few years. It was wildly popular and was, I believe, the game that first introduces free online gaming on its Battlenet servers. God knows how many hours I wasted loitering around the virtual dungeons in Battlenet, which could have been used to do something more useful, like live a life or something.

But there was one particular incident which still lives fresh in my memory till this day. It was a game of ‘Diablo’ with a couple of German chicks. I don’t quite remember how I stumbled into them but, I remember the game name they created - it was called ‘BitchSlut’.

Initially, it was just another usual game for me, you know, me minding my own business looking for monsters to kill. The German chicks were nowhere to be seen yet, but I could read the chat transcript between the girls while they were playing. I didn’t join in their chat because the topics weren’t exactly my kind of interest, but I still get to read whatever they were typing there.

It stayed that way for about the first 10 minutes, when the topic began to get saucy amongst them. The girls started to talk about their bust measurement. That distracted me for awhile… almost got my ass whooped by a lurking monster. I don’t quite remember how did they exactly discuss about their tits but, I remember myself remarking to them in the chat box - “Hey hey… there’s a guy in here. You might want to take your girly discussions offline.”

Instead of apologizing, one of them brazened out to me - “So what if you’re a guy? Not matured enough to take it?”.

It was a direct hit at my man ego. I mean, I was just trying to be nice and all. So, I decided to park my debonair personality aside, and join in their discussion. I went on to ask them - “why do you girls measure your titties in centimeters?” (as opposed to inches or cup sizes).

One of the girls answered - “it is common in Germany to measure them in centimeters” (I am not sure if they are shitting me).

Me - “the people here uses inches and cup sizes. inches for your entire chest include your back, and cup sizes for solely your tits. we don’t generally use centimeters”.

My explanation drew a few oohs and ahhs from the 2 German girls… which I have to admit, kinda weird since they should have known this better than me. (or they’re probably fucking with me.)

Seeing that these girls are actually listening, I took the subject further. I attempted to introduce them a new way to measure the size of their boobies. - “In my country, there is a more popular alternate way to measure busts. We measure them with hands. How many hands does it take to hold up one tit. If it’s big, it might require more than 1 hands to hold it up. If it’s small, it will easily take less than 1 hand. So, the measurement goes like 1/2 hand, 1 hand, 2 hands (big) or even 3 hands (humongous). It’s much easier to imagine with hands comparing to cm or inches. And you don’t need a measuring tape or tool to do it.”

As I was about to quip even more made-up facts to them, I was kicked out from the game. Without knowing why. I thought we were all having an enjoyable view-exchange session but, those girls can never maintain an open mind to complete it. Fucking German girls.

But that did not bother me a bit. I joined another game and continued to have my own fun whacking monsters/undeads. ‘Diablo’ was the only game I ever played online.

A few days ago, my sister paraded around the house showing off her new haircut…

“That’s a disgusting haircut. You looked like a typical witch version of ah lian” I remarked.

This of course aggravated her, which prompted her to respond,

“You and your poor eyesight. I am better looking than a lot of people. You ought to go for a checkup”.

“If you’re as good looking as you claim to be, then why would you need cosmetics or a fancy haircut to enhance your looks? Or are you trying to mask your ugliness? Just accept the fact already, you’re born ugly.”

My comment immediately sent her back into my mom’s room, in front of the mirror. She would look at herself to check for imperfections (it was everywhere, but she was too blind to spot one…) and attempted to fend for herself on my acerbic comment. But I think deep inside, she knows - that I have revealed an ultimate truth. It was her ego that was fucking with her.

Well… my sister indeed isn’t that bad looking compared to many living organism. Worms, houseflies, proboscis monkeys, to name a few. But revealing the truth and aggravate her at the same time is sure fun.

Anyway, back to the topic. Has anyone actually wondered, why do girls need to wear make up to feel more confident? Why do they need all the fancy hairdo’s to look good? Why do they like to make their face looks different with thick makeovers? Are these implications that they are ashamed of how they really looked like? And they’re masking their face up with makeovers and deception just to be confident? This is so wrong.

Imagine yourself seeing a pair of cool Timberland boots, which you liked very much. After saving enough money to buy it and bring it home, it turns out to be of different color, design and product altogether. In that case, would you feel cheated? You paid for a pair of boots you liked, but it somehow turned out to be something different! So if your girl were to look different without makeup, would you feel like you’ve been cheated? It’s very hard to think that you wouldn’t, dude.

Let’s face it. We are now all living in a world full of deception. Our ancestors used to say - do not believe anything unless you see it with your own pair of eyes. That belief is sure obsoleted now. With science and technology, nothing is impossible. Beautiful things are not natural anymore because the fake is so much better than the original. Fake face, fake teeth, fake tits, fake hairs… you name it.

For me, I will try to be honest here. I would like my girl to be attractive of course (hey,… who doesn’t?). But I would prefer for her to be like that ALL THE TIME. No makeovers to veil her face. No fake eyelashes. No fake titties for me to get excited. No fancy hairdo’s. I want her to be pleasant, just like that. All natural. And I’m glad that I found her.

So, to you guys out there. Good luck. Just a caution - be sure to check how “boots” really look like before bringing them home. Do not make critical decisions based on the first impression. You need to ‘test drive’. You need to clear the deception, and find out about the truth…

When I was a kid, people always asked - “What you want to be when you grow up?”. Well, I was smart. I knew that wasn’t a straight question. It was a question to gauge your psychological being. They have hidden meanings. My mom never asked me that before… but my relatives did. All the time. (Like they cared)

My parents never gave a damn about what I want to be when I grow up. They just hoped that I would finish my high school and stay the fuck out of jail. I grew up in a simple family with not much plans for the future. I can imagine, I could have told my mom that I want to be a rock star, she would not even show any reaction. She would probably say something sarcastic like “Sure. Go ahead be a rock star. Just don’t ask me for money to buy a guitar.”

Anyway, back to the topic - ambition. Whenever I was asked about my ambition, the only thing that always come into my mind would be “I don’t know”. But of course I won’t answer “I don’t know”. It will be stupid to do that. The adults would think I’m a troubled child and probably would send me for a counseling or something. So, I’d always tell them what they wanted to hear - “Oh, I want to be a doctor / lawyer / pilot / engineer” - then get myself a pat on the shoulder and get the fuck out of there. It has always been about what they want to hear, not about what we really want to be when we grow up.

In fact, if you take a look at the question carefully, you’d realize that it is quite a subjective topic. There will be no definitely answer to that. First of all, there is no real definition of “grown up” in this world here. Some of my friends, like Eric, still doesn’t show any sign of growing up even in his 40’s. So, if I decide to party hard and “grow up” later in my life, say about, 70 years old, why would I need a profession or career still? “My ambition is don’t have to do anything. Hope to have less grey hairs and be able to sustain an erection.” - that would have sounded so absurd.

Second, there are no fixed career paths in our dynamic society. 40 years ago, if your ambition was to be an engineer, you’d get oohs and aahs, and people would see you as a bright kid that wants to carve himself a niche in the society. Then come today, the name ‘engineer’ has become so common that even a door-to-door salesman is calling himself a “Sales Engineer”. And these engineers are the ones that go door-to-door to solicit their ill selling products and aggravating people is part of their job scope. You get my point? It’s not a job that was as glamorous and great before.

So, please leave your kids alone. Don’t ask them what they want to be when they grow up. They are not fortune tellers. Just give them the best education you can, and let them decide for themselves - what they NEED to be to get what they want. The world has changed and it’s not the same anymore.

I love horror movies. I have always been an avid fan of zombies, ghosts, mythical creatures and monsters (oh, except for my boss Rob. He’s just despicable). A good horror movie, will always make me think of them whenever I’m alone. It makes me feel… vulnerable, and the after effects would take a long time to heal. Some of the them good ones that I can think of right now are - “Evil Dead”, “The House”, “The Thing”, “From Beyond” and motherfuckest of all horror movie, “The Exorcist”. Of course there are many more good ones, but I can’t remember all of them. But these are amongst the most splendid of the lot.

But then, if you noticed, most of these flicks that I like are actually a little bit old. I have to admit, that despite the advent of computer graphics and improved special effects in modern films, contemporary horror flicks aren’t exciting enough to my liking anymore. I feel that they lacked of the substance. Modern horror flicks tend to focus more on having shitloads of impress-to-kill special effects than real creativity, making them all dull and boring. They have evolved into some kind of family oriented entertainment… all for the money.

Yep. Movie makers nowadays do things for money. And this diminishes their level of creativity. Just imagine, if they put too much gore or scary shit into their movies, they would suffer on the ratings. And if the ratings are not favorable to the general public, the sales will be significantly affected. You get the idea. So, why bother? Just make a film that suits every fucking sissies on the planet and make more money instead. Play safe. Now this, is detrimental to the work of art.

That’s why, I feel compelled to come up with this short list - the key ingredients in a good horror movie. This comes from my years of experience watching shitloads of horror movies (both good and bad) and I hope it will be of some use to someone and even perhaps, will help to revive this waning genre.

A good horror movie should …
1) …have a simple storyline, and revolves around the horror plot. I mean… fuck, if we wanted stories, we would have opted to read novels and story books. Nobody looks forward for a fairy tale in a horror flick. The storyline is not really important in a horror movie. It wouldn’t make a lot of sense to have 70 minutes worth of dialog and flashbacks in a flick, but only leave the remaining 10 - 15 minutes on the horror part. It just don’t work.

2) …not be too modest. Fuck the ratings. Give it some gore. Gore disgusts viewers and makes them sick. This is what they are looking for. This is what they want. People who opted to watch a horror flick will least expect you to spare them some decency and will not mind you for showing them some of the grosses shit your mind can imagine. Show them what you’re capable off. Don’t be a pussy. A good example : A headless undead with a chainsaw… grabs the family dog and mutilates it into minced meat. The youngest kid girl saw the whole thing and makes a panic dash to the nearest exit… but tripped on something and fell. The headless undead then catches up and chainsaws the kid’s limbs off before feasting on her intestines and liver… (I’m good).

3) … be realistic and logical. We horror movie fans are cool people and we do not expect to be treated and bluffed like dorks. Laws of physics and nature applies everywhere on Earth, horror movie scenes are of no exception. Some examples of mistakes: A sane person wouldn’t choose to go out in the dark empty handed to check out an evil moan from outside his house. Heroes can’t jump from a 2 story building and escape unharmed from platoon of blood-thirsty undeads. Zombies and poltergeists won’t take a break when a hero decides to screw a cute chick he happens to meet while bailing out from a haunted mansion. Things like that…

4) … have a good creature / villain design. This is the most important element. A hag with fangs and wig running around biting everyone within her proximity - is not scary. A hollow eyed Kate Moss lookalike with entrails hanging out from her open stomach and foaming black fecal-like goo from her mouth… who could also turn her head 360 degrees perpetually while singing the Sesame Street theme… IS SCARY. I would suggest that each time someone comes up with a new creature / ghost design, try to test it out on your annoying sister-in-law or your despicable neighbors to pilot it… see if it scares them blackout. If yes… then, that’s probably an acceptable design and there’s a higher chance that the viewers might like it.

5) … have a good cast of characters. The viewers would like their horror movie heroes to be someone that can really do their job well. You don’t hire Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet to star in a horror film. It will transform the horror movie into a blooper homevideo. Hire someone cool like Harrison Ford or The Rock. You get idea.

Ok. Like I said, it’s a short list. I can make a longer list if I wanted to … but it’ll be very detailed and technical, right down to the model of chainsaw to be used for the mutilation effects and whatnots - which I think will be too technical to make most filmmaker dullards understand.