Posts Tagged ‘Malaysia’

October 28, 2013

KidZania Kuala Lumpur

After much convincing from my wife, I finally brought the family to a supposedly ‘educational theme park’ in PJ, called KidZania. And that was only after I got an earful of ‘wonderful stories’ from my wife relating to experiences other kids from the neighborhood had at that place, and how they’ve learned so much about so many great things et al, that they probably averted from going to jail in the future. So I was like, ok let us go there already and there we were.

One thing’s for sure about this KidZania – it’s not as great as the housewives boasted it to be. One thing I learned after visiting this place – is not to be so stupid again. I mean, what a fucking rip off! Everything there is so goddamn expensive! From the entrance fee (parents have to pay 35 bucks per pax just to watch their kids, how about that??), to the food – everything is exorbitantly priced, to the ridiculous level that your great grandparents probably won’t forgive what you’ve paid for some fucking finger food! And all that for ZERO fun!

Initially, I thought this place was like, a bunch of kids role playing in a big carefully coordinated system, you know, just like Dungeon and Dragons or some shit like that (the real RPG stuff, with costumes and all). I imagined my daughter is probably gonna go in there holding a pitch fork playing a part in killing some nasty ass dragon in a pre-arranged plot and come back here to tell all her friends about that rewarding experience. But it was nothing like that (damn… I know, I should have researched about this place before agreeing to go there). The whole thing is actually a bunch of pseudo corporations/companies put together to – allegedly – give the kids some opportunities to experience ‘work’, and learn the concept of earning some moolah to be better in life. Yeah, right… like they won’t get to learn that evarrr, if they do not visit KidZania. Eventually, every kid grows the fuck up and forced to grasp the concept of earning moolah, so this whole thing is just a hokum about being ‘educational’.

And then, there are only a handful of ‘line of work’ available for the kids to choose from. Insurance agents, postman, fire fighter, policeman, you name it. Some of them are age restricted so, that pretty much limits kids under the age of 8 to just some crappy choices. What’s even more frustrating, is that the whole place is so damn crowded, that one has to queue up for ages to ‘get a job’. People are flocking to this place and it’s out of control, so bad that it kinda also makes me wonder what’ll happen if there’s a real fire breaking out in that crowded space full of wild kids? With the pandemonium already going on and the fake fire sound effects blasting from the loudspeaker for the fake ‘fire brigade practice’ – chances are high that most people will get apathetic to any potential danger going on.

The whole thing just doesn’t work for me really. None of ‘line of jobs’ are realistic anyway. Like I said, they’re pseudo, nothing close to the real thing. If you seriously want your kid to learn to do some useful stuff instead of say… playing, just pay that little shit 5 bucks to wash the family car (I’m sure they’d be more thrilled to earn real money), or just observe in a fucking post office for a couple hours. Or perhaps like me, you can subscribe to some documentary channels on your satellite TV, and force them to watch programs like ‘How do they do it?’, ‘Pawn Stars’ or maybe even ‘Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe’… you’d get better value for your money than visiting this shithole that is charging you your hard earned money for something which we can see everyday everywhere.

My Regine – she wasn’t at all impressed with the place either. Instead of enjoying herself, she wanted to bail after only a couple of hours inside it (much of it spent queuing and wandering around the thick screaming kids). When asked, she said it was alright – but we knew she said that just to show her appreciation, and to make us feel better about bringing her there. But deep inside, I know, she hated the place as much as I did. We brought her to the hotel pool the next day and she didn’t want to leave the pool. And that action, speaks louder than her words. A soak at the pool is much better than going to KidZania.

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July 18, 2013

Escape Adventureplay Theme Park, Penang.

I’m sure most of you have probably heard of ‘Escape Adventureplay Theme Park’. It is the first theme park in Penang (like, big fucking deal). At first, I was like “Meh…”, but after a visit there yesterday for a ‘Company T’ teambuilding event, I am now like, “WOW!”. I had a blast there. It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed an outing so much.

First of all, I’d like to stress how glad I am to learn that this first theme park in Penang is such an awesome place. It would surely break my heart if Penang’s first theme park were to be some sissy ass place like that Legoland, Lost world of Tambun or some shit like that. This is a theme park made of creativity and pure fun! Just how fun it is? Well, the easiest way to gauge the fun level of any place, is by measuring the number of times you whip out your mobile phone (to kill time). The more times you whip out your phone, the suckier the place is. And at Escape, my colleagues and I could have gone the whole day without a phone! (if not for the compelling need to whip it out to record some crazy ass videos!)

If you don’t already know, the whole place is sort of like an eco theme park, and everything is close to nature (I like that idea very much – it reminds me of the greener Penang back when Teluk Bahang hadn’t had that damn dam yet). There’s one part of the theme park called ‘Monkey business’, a place where you’d spend most of your time doing what monkeys do best – climbing, balancing and go from tree to tree, through creatively designed obstacles. ‘Monkey business’ is all about ropes, nets, cables, zip lines and tricky steps. Think of it like, being in ‘Prince of Persia’ in real life, with obstacles on trees. Divided into 3 levels, 1 being the lowest and least difficult, to level 3, the most challenging of all. I could only complete level 1 and part of level 2, before I go all exhausted and bent out of shape. Suffice to say, one has got to have a reasonably fit physique and stamina to be able to tackle level 1, 2 and 3 all in 1 go. I now know that I am far from that category of a person. (if you have Acrophobia – extreme fear of heights – this is probably not your shit even if you’re fit).

For those who want to look for a respite from all that climbing, balancing and having to deal with vertigo inducing heights in ‘Monkey Business’ section, they can opt to take an unrestrained glide down a reasonably high slope on a tire, called ‘Tubby Racer’. This is a ride that’ll shrink your balls if you have them. I did a round in this section, and I learned about the dreadful feel of losing control over something you ride on at high speed. Wasn’t really a great feeling but, the adrenaline rush was massive. If you have heart problems, stay away from this thing, otherwise – I’d recommend to try it once. Then there are some other areas with more climbing & balancing, one with only pure zipping across high altitude above the trees, one that regulates a free fall from the height of a 8 storey building, et al. Didn’t get the chance to explore them all, due to the exhaustion from proving myself too damn much in “Monkey Business”. Also, there’s a section for the kids too, but I wouldn’t recommend bringing kids there – because it’s simply not worth the fee, which can be quite pricey (Google for the price).

All in all, it’s a great place to be if you’re into climbing, nature and something different. You’d spend the whole day here, and sleep the whole night well. You’d get muscle aches, blisters and bruises, but it’s worth it. The 2nd phase of the theme park is in construction now, and it’ll be a water based theme park – which I’m sure will make the place even better. I just hope they’d be able to sustain this place of attraction well, and Penang will surely get a shot at being one of the greatest place for eco-tourism…

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November 6, 2012

Langkawi Island

Went to Langkawi for the 5th time last weekend, and thought I ought to write a review about this place.

First of all, the very reason I went there again and again, is because of the booze. It is a duty free island, and the booze there is like, many times cheaper than anywhere else you can ever find in Malaysia. So naturally, miscreants who are looking to get shitfaced like me and my colleagues are attracted to it like flies to a rotten corpse. And a rotten corpse is coincidentally, a right metaphor to describe Langkawi, for it is nothing but a shithole (albeit not as fucking bad as Pangkor Island).

Recently, there has been news about the government wanting to turn this place into a world class top 10 tourist destination or some shit like that. Well, world class my ass. I don’t know how they’re going to do it. To me, it’s like making a bold claim of wanting to turn one of the most heinous looking old hag in your office into a Miss Universe finalist. I guess this will only happen if Langkawi were to be pitched against shittier places like Somalia or a patch of desert in Afghanistan.

Langkawi has literally nothing there. Trust me. I’ve been to all the tourist spots there – most of them suck donkey cock. Most of them are poorly maintained and holds little or no entertainment value at all. Examples:
– There’s an aquarium that looks like the old Pudu bus station (minus the Banglas).
– There’s a hot spring place that has dead water and shit floating around, that looks more like a massive breeding ground for mosquitoes.(photo proof)
– Shitloads of seedy & run down eateries that charge exorbitant prices for bland tasting food.
– A few waterfalls with garbage strewn all over and rotten amenities. Eco tourism fail.
– A small crocodile farm that looks like a red light district for terminally sick animals. (go to see it for yourself)
– A go-kart circuit that looks abandoned.
– Sight-seeing around the island will reveal a giant cement plant that looks out of place, and a giant landfill with incinerator facility bigger than its airport.
– Airport that brings you back into the 70’s. Considered a shame as it is suppose to be a major place for the annual LIMA event.
– There’s a cable car ride up a mountain called Mat Chinchang, which offers a somewhat mediocre view of the island. (but nothing else).

The only few places worth visiting are the vast stretches of beaches, which is quite spectacular if you’re into beaches. But then, the sea water isn’t very clean to begin with, so it is just really being mediocre. (You can opt to island hop on a boat ride or something, for a fee, which can be quite pricey depending on where you’re from, if you know what I mean).

So, Langkawi is really just a beach joint with cheap booze. If you’re into boozing and lazying around the beach looking and listening to the waves, then this is a place just right for you. World class top 10 tourist destination? Nuh uh. In another world perhaps.

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July 10, 2012

Penang Hill

I have not been to the Penang Hill for such a long time, that I have totally forgotten how shitty it is. About a week after I have joined Company T, the department organized a teambuilding up there on Penang Hill for a treasure hunt event and yes, I have confirmed it again – that place is a shithole.

A lot of people out of state always ask me about Penang Hill, and I always tell them that Penang Hill is a shithole. There’s nothing to do there. Like literally. No theme park, no mall, no nothing. I really don’t understand why would anyone want to go up there. There are only a few ordinary buildings there which hold no entertainment value at all. Eg.
– an Indian temple (Ordinary at best. You’d pretty much get more awesome temples with more historical value around the town than this one)
– a mosque (Same thing – you can get more awesome mosques around town – check out Kapitan Keling)
– several eateries (Overpriced and bland. Any shit down the hill is better)
– a hotel (That looks like it’s a working place for cheap geriatric hookers)
– an owl museum (Tourist trap. It’s not even a fucking museum)
– a police station (That looks deserted and a bit dilapidated.)
– a posh looking restaurant overlooking the ‘view’ (that’s about as ordinary as seeing white hair on an old geezer’s head)

Some say it’s a great place to hang out because the air is cool there. But that’s a complete bollocks. It’s not any cooler than my car air con at its worst condition. Some people say that the view’s awesome (or something along that line). But it’s just a view of the city, which most of the time is blurred with smog from the pollution and haze. So, without (or lack of) the view, the coolness, and places of interest, Penang Hill is reduced to nothing but a massive shithole.

The most interesting thing is probably the train ride up and down the hill. The new train is pretty fast, which makes ascending/descending the slope a little bit of an exciting event. But what’s the point if its sole purpose is to transport you up a giant stinking shithole? It’s sad really. Penang the fucking Hill. The only way to redeem its sad existence is to probably to pimp up the train to become a roller coaster, that meanders up and down the hill for a fee. Maybe to spice things up, we make it go under a fake log, throw in a few areas with close proximity with wild local animals and perhaps a couple of fake paranormal effects (hill spirits) or something like that. It’ll be a bomb. Or at least better than a stupid train ride up into a shithole. But alas, I’m not the government so, it’s still a shithole. Don’t go there.

(I see it more as a fancy rest stop for hikers hiking from the Penang Botanical Gardens. But if you’re going there by the train and expecting it to be interesting, you’d be disappointed)

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April 18, 2011

Pangkor Island

Pangkor Island, the tropical paradise. Heard of that many times. Never got the chance to visit it… until last weekend. It was a big stinking shithole. Would never go there ever again.

But I have to admit, the first impression at the marina (Marina Island – the place where my family and I boarded a ferry to Pangkor) was pretty good. It looked like an airport complete with landscaping and stuff. It even has an electronic ticketing system, where you don’t get to see middle aged creepy Malay blokes with strong B.O. going around asking for your ticket (like many places in Malaysia). I was like “Wow, this is impressive!”. The ferry ride was also quite pleasant. But that’s about the point where it ended.

Once we got to the other side (i.e. Pangkor Island), shit just went down 7 classes and negative 4 stars. It was like walking through a portal from a world class airport into a Mogadishu pirates’ fishing village. Filthy, worn out and fucked up. The whole place also reeked of dead animals – must be the fishes. And then, once we’re out of the fucked up jetty complex, we were swamped by a group of thuggish looking taxi drivers offering their services. I don’t know if it’s just me but, I felt intimidated by this… and felt strongly so much more after got up into their van-taxis. (total junk, no air conditioner, spewing black smoke – which is ironic about the claim of going there to whiff some fresh air).

So what about the place? It’s like a retarded version of Langkawi. But Langkawi is so much better because it has got cheap ass booze (otherwise, still suck as a resort place). But Pangkor, there’s nothing there – just some ridiculously narrow roads, giant landfill, expensive food and contaminated sea. I’ve heard people claiming it to be a world class resort, but that’s definitely a bullshit. World class for houseflies perhaps….

There’s another resort nearby – ‘Pangkor Laut’ – which I heard from some pesky housewives, is a secret hideaway for Brad Pitt and the chick who starred in ‘The Eye’ (hence the spillover claim of being world fucking class). But for a few grands a night, that better be fucking out-of-this-world awesome, but I seriously doubt it’d be just by being so near this big stinking shithole. Overall, it’s just an utter waste of time and money being at that few degrees on the surface of our planet.

If you’re planning for Pangkor, better fuck that plan. Go somewhere better instead – like Redang or something (but don’t come to Penang, we’ve got enough traffic already).

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