Posts Tagged ‘Malaysia’

October 27, 2015

Port Dickson

Made a trip to Port Dickson with my wife and kid last month. Reason: We needed to unwind and we’ve never been to Port Dickson so… it became our short getaway trip.

The Plan:
– drive to Ipoh (start damn early in the morning)
– have an awesome dim sum breakfast at Ipoh.
– visit a limestone cave at Ipoh.
– drive to Port Dickson and just in time for lunch.
– have an awesome lunch at Port Dickson.
– grab some groceries and beer.
– check in to the hotel. drink beer. soak in pool. relax.
– by the time I’m done pooling, it should be just in time for dinner.
– have an awesome dinner at Port Dickson.
– back to hotel, more pool time.
– sleep. pool. leave.
Read the rest of this entry »

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May 6, 2015

My wife’s hometown

…is a shithole.

I’ve been married for 13 years and the one thing that grinds my gears about my marriage has got to be my wife’s hometown, Pantai Remis (PR). Most of you probably haven’t heard of this place. For those of you who have, you probably had known it from the infamous oil spill incident near this shithole many years ago. It is located in the state of Perak, about a good 40km away from the port of Lumut. (If you still have no idea where it is, you should just swallow a box of thumbtacks.)

It is a small town with less than 20,000 inhabitants, built around the fishing industry (and later palm-oil). Initially when the place was first established, there were just shanties built by some fishermen lying around this coastal area along an old highway which linked Lumut to other more civilized parts of Perak (Taiping, Ipoh, et al). Population here then swelled because these fishermen lacked of entertainment, and PR became this unofficial rest-stop for truck drivers looking for a good meal along the highway. Truck drivers soon got integrated with the locals, and boom! This shithole was born. Despite being such a cibai small town, it now has a few sets of traffic light adorning its usually-empty crossroads without serving any purpose other than jamming up the high volume of vehicles plying the highway. To make things worse, the trucks narrow the shit down even further (yes, trucks still stop here). Whenever there’s a holiday, shit gets escalated a few folds and makes this place a jam-fest like it’s in the streets of Bangkok.

The air here is always foul with the smell from the fishermen’s jetties, pigsties and farms around the area. Garbage is strewn everywhere and the roads here have more potholes than people on the surface of this planet. Most of the drains here are clogged with leachate from unregulated small-medium-home factories in the community and uncollected garbage dumps. At certain time of the year, the place will be choked with smog from excessive incense and agricultural burning (from the palm-oil estate). Flies thrive here like hippies in America and they hold free will gathering anywhere they like. There’s at least one blackout every week, and having a generator set in a building is compulsory.

The people here are mostly fucked up too. Majority are Chinese, with a big percentage of them loafers, thugs and gangsters. These social garbage and delinquents swarm around PR town on motorcycles without wearing helmets and without regards to the traffic rules (which worsens the already fucked up traffic). Those who aren’t thugs or gangsters and born with some sense in them, would leave the town to seek for a better future, just like my wife (you’d see shitloads of cars with foreign plates jamming this place up during Chinese New Year). There’s 1 police station in PR, and it does nothing other than having a building/presence here (occasional roadblocks, mostly during Ramadhan month, if you know what I mean). That’s why the community here has its own voluntary neighborhood watch committee to keep things together. Rumor mongering is rampant, because every housewife knows everybody and their prying eyes become their source of information to fuel their daily gossip with equally nosy neighbors. Success stories and wealth become trophies for tales, and often leads to desperation. That is why the people here cheat/con one another for their own selfish gain, and this is as common as fleas to a stray dog.

I know I can always stay away from this place like a plaque, but this is where the problem lies. In relative to its distance from Penang, it is not far enough for my family to defer any trip there. Excuse is harder to fabricate when the hometown is this near and that put me in such predicament that no words can ever describe. Every 2 – 3 weeks, I’ll have to drive my wife back to her hometown (a 1.75 hr journey) and promptly drive back (another 1.75 hr journey) because I couldn’t stand spending an extra minute there. End of the weekend, I’d make the to-fro journey again to get her back to Penang. This has put extra mileage to my car, and that was why I changed to a hybrid vehicle 3 years ago to cut my losses.

The only thing that this place did right for me, was to churn out someone as decent as my wife. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have met her and have this great daughter/family together. Hell, I’d probably be married to terrible bitch from another planet, which would have been way worse. A decent wife with a shitty hometown is hands-down a better trade off than a fucked up bitch with a good hometown. Comes with the territory, I suppose. Nothing’s perfect.

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June 9, 2014

Penang tourist traps

I don’t fucking understand why you foreigners and outstation rustic bumpkins like to flock to the same few stupid tourist traps in Penang. More often than not (especially during long weekends or school holidays) those few places get unusually congested with people/traffic, and turn the whole Penang into a massive nightmare.

Why can’t you people do a little bit more research before coming here? It’s a digital age for fuck’s sake, getting information should be as easy as scratching your taint!

Here are some of the most popular tourist traps in Penang that people unknowingly walk into, and some suggestions where to go instead…

Penang Hill
I’ve blogged about it before. It’s a massive shithole. Why go there? There’s nothing there. The air there is not any fresher and everything on the hill is frigging expensive. If you’re going there for the view, you’d get a better view when you’re on the plane, trust me. The tram ride up there is congested with people like you and often breaks down. So, why bother wasting your time going to Penang Hill?
Where you should go instead:
Do you guys fucking know that Penang has a ‘National Park’ at the north side of the island? It’s called Penang National Park [duh!]. If nature’s your kind of shit, you should go for a hike there. You’d get acquainted with the local leeches, macaques, snakes and whatnots there. There’s a lighthouse there for you to do some one of a kind selfie, and a couple of beaches for you to relax on at the end of your short hike. If adventuring or climbing in the greens is your kind of dope, just go to Escape Adventureplay Theme Park – which I’ve blogged about here. If you do not fancy a hike or eking any energy out of yourself but just need some trees to get your shit together, you can opt to go to Penang’s Botanical Gardens. You’d get to see the local girls jogging there, on top of the faunas I mentioned earlier. The air is definitely fresh, and the most important of all, they’re fucking free. No traps.

Gurney Drive
For some strange fucking reasons, Penang’s Gurney Drive attracts tourists like a carcass to common houseflies. It’s just a promenade too congested to be enjoyable. The sea is now filled with so much sediment, mud and garbage, that I’m surprised that it isn’t gazetted as a sanctuary for salt water lizards, mudskippers and ultra chemical resistant rats. The food here is expensive, and the traffic here is stroke inducing. Why would anyone want to come here? Escapes me.
Where you should go instead:
Penang has at least a dozen other (better) promenades, I bet not many of you shitfucks know that. There’s an old one called ‘the Esplanade‘, near the jetty. It’s not as flashy, but at least it still has the nice sea view, minus the traffic. There’s one at Straits Quay, which is for pedestrians only, and you can have beers al fresco while enjoying the sea breeze (if you’re really creative, you can even have beer while cycling there). There’s another one in front of Queensbay Mall too, which has a proper cycling track, and stalls selling food and kites (lots of annoying people though, but better than Gurney). What’s special about this place, is that it offers the view of BOTH Penang’s longest bridges. If calm is all you seek (no traffic, not much people) and you needed a peaceful environment to jack off or deep thinking, there’s one under the first Penang Bridge, one near Jerejak Jetty, and another one near Jelutong (recently given a name ‘Persiaran Karpal Singh’). There are a couple of private ones near Tanjung Bungah, but they’re not open to public.

Kek Lok Si
Kek Lok Si is originally intended as a place of worship, but it reeks of tourist trap now. Everything in there is expensive, and revolves around parting your money from your wallet. There are even gossips that the monks there are raking in millions and are driving around in posh cars. Thanks to your contribution. Instead of living modestly and preaching humility to the people, the ‘monks’ are now leading a rock star lifestyle. They are charging a premium for a niche for the dead, keep building ostentatious ‘wonders’ near the surrounding hill that flaunts the might and riches of their religious faith… If you’re into expensive plastic beads and scriptures, then there’s nothing more I can say – go there already.
Where you should go instead:
If your faith is strong, and you want to pray, go to a real temple. One of the oldest temple in Penang is the Goddess Of Mercy temple at Pitt Street (now known as Jalan Masjid Kapitan Keling). The place look mostly as it was since it was built more than a century ago. Another unique temple would be Seng Hong Beow, near Katz Street. There, you’d see some deities being worshiped with pure opium (those black stuff on their mouth) and alcohol. Might be spooky if you’re a first timer, but this place screams one of a kind photography opportunity. If you’re fascinated with Chinese architecture, then there’s a whole bunch of them around Georgetown which you can enjoy – some free, some with a little bit of fee. There’s the famous Cheong Fatt Tze mansion, then there’s another one that is teeming with opulence owned by an ugly Kapitan called the Pinang Peranakan Mansion. Then there’s of course, Khoo Kongsi, the place where they filmed the movie Hidden Dragon Tiger’s Crotch (or something like that). There are a lot more around Georgetown, just walk around. Any of them is better than Kek Lok Si. (there are multitudes of places of worship around Penang, of various faith. Just search around).

Occupy Beach Street
Every Sunday morning, Beach Street will be closed to traffic to make way for a carnival called ‘Occupy Beach Street’. I wasn’t quite sure what the whole thing is all about until I saw people started to post pictures of them doing retarded selfies there, and that was when I thought of visiting the place/event/whatever. It was a tourist trap. It’s actually a flea market, selling merchandise with jacked up price which you could have gotten anywhere else at a fraction of the price. The flea market is about, 150 meters long (that’s like comparing an amoeba to a megalodon in the scale of actual flea markets)… but the crowd is usually about the size that could occupy 4 – 5 times the capacity of that carnival. You’d also see some annoying youngsters showing off their skating/skateboarding skills, as if Penang’s lack of the space they could use (hey, it’s all about the attention) and people cycling around like morons there. It’s so over-hyped that it’s borderlining retardation. I lasted only 10 minutes there and I had to fucking bail because I couldn’t stand the whole bullshit.
Where you should go instead:
If you have a Sunday morning to kill for buying bargain stuffs, there are a lot of places you could go. Penang has a lot of markets selling a lot of surprises, like Penang Bazar (or more popularly known as Chowrasta – selling food, souvenirs, clothes, shoes)… or the Balik Pulau town / market (food, durian, shrunken human heads… kidding), or Air Itam market (food, clothes), or Lorong Kulit flea market (real kosher flea market, this one).

Batu Feringghi
Penang’s famous tourist belt – Batu Feringghi. It has long stretches of beaches and a lot of luxury hotels. People like Batu Feringghi because it’s the only place they think they could go for beaches. And naturally, the place turned into a shithole eons ago with so many tourists visiting. Instead of just beaches, now you get dirty beaches, some add ons like paragliding (not sure if that’s the right term, the one on parachute towed by a speedboat), jetskiing, banana boat-ride, horse riding (horse poo and pee all over the beach!) – all for some exorbitant fee. It’s so severe, that the government has to think of controlling the license to operate such activities!
Where you should go instead:
Penang is a fucking island, and it has beaches all around it, why flock to Bt. Feringghi only? Check the fucking map bitch please, north south east and west. We have a whole stretch of beaches along millionaire’s row (if you know where to find it), Tg Tokong and Tg Bungah. We have the Teluk Bahang Beach right after Bt. Feringghi. We have a few beaches at the Penang National Park – Kerachut beach, Monkey beach, Ketapang Bay beach, Aling Bay beach, Teluk Kampi beach, Pantai Mas beach. Then at almost the south west, we have Pasir Panjang beach. Then at the south, we have beaches at Gertak Sanggul, Teluk Kumbar, Sg. Batu. We have more at other areas out of the island as well – all the surrounding islands (Jerejak, Rimau, Aman, et al). So why only settle at Feringghi beach? Why so fucking sohai?

Graffiti around georgetown (semi trap)
When it first started, it surely is something to be reckoned of. The heritage trail around Georgetown has a lot of Ernest SomethingSomething’s art adorning (otherwise) boring and older than shit brick walls. It was alright at first, because people admiring the walls walked or cycled around. But it has now turned into an annoying obsession. We have tour buses stopping on narrow streets and inconsiderate schmucks posing in the middle of a busy road taking selfies. This spells traffic congestion and in some cases, safety issues. It’s not yet a trap now, but is fast turning into a trap.
Where you should go instead:
The essence of Penang lies not on graffiti arts nor the pictures on its old walls. Penang has a lot to offer in terms of diversity, food and its uniqueness. Instead of endangering yourself posing in the middle of the road, try to go round the island on your car / bike. Or you can hail a taxi for that (expensive option). Everyone in Penang has done it, and its fun. Imagine a road trip that will never get you lost (it’s a fucking island, remember?)… and you’d stop at wherever that piques your interest, be it for food, shopping or a photography opportunity. You can never do that in KL, or Ipoh, or anywhere in Malaysia for that matter. This is the most awesome island in the Peninsula, savor it.

Any shopping mall
If you come to Penang with the sole purpose of shopping at one of its malls, then you’re here for all the wrong reasons. Shopping in a mall has never been a strong point in Penang’s portfolio. It’s like going to Singapore for mountaineering. It’s retarded to come to Penang to shop at a mall. Sure, we have nice malls, and equally annoying people inside them, but the malls are always a few tools short of a toolbox. If you’ve been to shop at Singapore or KL or Hong Kong, then you surely won’t miss a thing here at any of Penang’s mall.
Where you should go instead:
If all you wanted is to shop at a mall, go to KL or Singapore instead. Don’t fucking come to Penang you stupid cocksucking piece of shit.

Will add more when I can think of some…

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May 18, 2014

Zoo Negara

Brought my daughter to Zoo Negara (or the National Zoo) last week. To be frank, I wasn’t a fan of zoos. Never liked zoos in fact, because to me, going to a zoo is like visiting an animals’ prison. Watching wild animals that are meant to be free in captivity isn’t my kind of fun. If it wasn’t for my daughter, I wouldn’t have gone there in the first place (that explains why I hadn’t gone there prior, even though the place has existed for decades).

Anyway, I got quite surprised with the place. Turned out to be very lushy green and well maintained. I was expecting it to be filthy and stinky, just like the other zoos we’ve visited – which usually have this animal waste stench that hits you square in the face the moment you enter. But not Zoo Negara. Instead of stench, I smell fresh air (that has to account for something, because it’s frigging hard to get fresh air in KL) and the place was actually clean! (and that’s a rare find as well). The whole place was rigged like a greenery park, with huge trees and cooling shades. Even though the day was scorching hot under the sun, the huge zoo was breezy to walk around on foot. There’s a lake in the middle of the zoo, where you can see some storks or whatever shit those were, flying around freely. And if you’re up for some picnic, there are a few gazebos with awesome view for you to do that. There’s also this ‘tram’ service, that runs on electric power and therefore, no fumes that could cause lung cancer amongst the inmates there. Thumbs up!

And when we were there, we also saw some posters that the Pandas are going to be here very soon – which must be the controversial (costly) 20 million bucks leasing project that our government is gonna pay China for 10 years – just to have these 2 pandas here in Malaysia. With 30 bucks a pop, the zoo’s going to need close to a million visitors in the course of 10 years just to break even that cost alone. And there are going to be more cost to cover – like the renovation, the environmental conditioning that’s going to draw shitloads of power in this weather, food (pandas fucking eat a lot), the existing costs for the rest of the park/animals… Just, how wise it is (in the economic sense) for us to put 2 pandas in there? I doubt it’s going to change anything because the zoo’s already awesome the way it is. If our government feels like spending some money anyway to uplift the zoo, just engineer a few canopy walks or ziplines (can work with Penang’s Escape theme park to get that done easily) across the tiger/lion enclosures for a little bit more fun. Make it a fun park instead, you know, visitors get to climb and zip through the zoo, while checking out the animals from the top of the trees – it’ll be the first of its kind and fun… for both visitors and the animals too.

Go there if you have kids. It’s a great place to relax and it isn’t expensive at all.

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March 4, 2014

Melaka

What do you do when you wanted to go somewhere to unwind, but you’re too broke to go overseas? You fucking go somewhere local. That’s what I did about 2 months back, I went to Melaka – the historical Unesco city which can only be rivaled by Penang. The land where Parameswara rested under a Melaka tree and saw some mousedeers humping or something like that.

It has been years since I last went to Melaka. The last time I went there, it didn’t give me a good impression, albeit we had quite a romp at one of its clubs there. I wrote about seeing some odd bimbo wearing an extremely revealing attire exposing some taped nipples – check it out here. That was 9 years ago. This time, I went there again not with my crazy ass friends, but with my wife Emily and kid Regine for a short 1 day trip. The trip was meant for us to seek respite from our banal working life, and armed with some half assed googled information about the place, I drove all the way there in 1 sitting (it was damn exhausting but, well worth it).

The first thing that I felt when I entered Melaka, was how quaint the place is. Sure, there were traffic all around and shit… yes, but for some weird fucking reasons, it didn’t feel as hectic and rushed as what we would experience in KL or even Penang. The drive through the town was just so damn relaxing (maybe it was quite early in the morning, I don’t know). The place was exceptionally clean too. Throughout my trip there, I did not see a street littered with garbage and craps all around like Penang. It somewhat felt – for the first time ever in Malaysia – nice… Gotta give it to the guy who runs the city. Penang has so much to learn from Melaka on this aspect…

Well, we got ourselves a hotel smack dab in the heritage area, and had a blast by just walking around taking pictures of some really old and nice buildings, and because it was quite cool / windy back in January, I didn’t even realize I had a sunburn from all the walking and under the sun. The foods there were great too, although not really comparable to Penang. Penang is full of spoilt for shit choices of junk and guilt laden hawker food, whereas Melaka’s greatness rests more on only a handful of specialties like durian cendol (which tasted like mediocre at best), chicken rice (which in my opinion, beats the crap out of the best stall in Penang) and the famous artery clogging ‘satay celup’ (didn’t get to try it due to the overwhelming crowd). Nice place, good food, fair amount of crowd, Melaka really stands out in this peninsula of nothingness. (for those of you really gay people out there, yes, Melaka has shitloads of murals and graffiti too, not my kind of shit though).

It was a pleasant 1 day trip for all of us AT THE CITY, and would’ve been a memorable one for the whole trip if not for that regrettable decision to go to ‘A-Famosa Animal Safari’ (or something like that). I thought it would be great for Regine, you know, after all… looking at old buildings wasn’t really fair to her. It was a big mistake. That place turned out to be a major shithole, everyone should fucking stay away from it like a plague. Sick animals, unbearable stench, filthy establishment, while charging exorbitant price for an entry… it’s a sad sad place. If you’re going to Melaka, just stay within the city and away from crappy places like this, and you’ll be alright.

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