I don’t understand how some people could still wear a complete suit under our Malaysian hot weather. I can understand if it’s for work formality’s sake. Like if you’re a VIP or something (or a pimp?) But I saw one Korean guy today, who was just a supporting vendor doing some engineering job, wearing a long sleeved collared shirt complete with a necktie and a thick coat to our workplace.

Had I known the fella, I would have walked up to him and asked him to park at the disabled parking lot - because he’d have qualified to be a retard. I mean, do you have any idea how hot it is out there? It’s about 32 fucking degrees. It’ll be stupid to wear any thick clothing under this layer of hot sticky weather. If that guy’s concerned about looking smart, well, he didn’t look any smarter wearing that super hot clown suit. We wanted him there to fix and solve problems. Nobody gives a shit if he choose to look smart or whatever, but we’d be really concerned if he dies out of a heat stroke, because it’ll be inconvenient for us to wait for a couple more months to get a replacement vendor.

So the question is still, why do people still wear that kind of clothing here? What exactly is the function of a necktie? A convenient prop for us to strangle the motherfucker when he pisses us off? For the guy to wipe his mouth? To make the guy look more intelligent?

Other than causing discomfort to at the collar, a necktie definitely looks pretty useless to me. It’s just a long flap of cloth / nylon fabric hanging down from your neck. Spells disaster if you are working in a factory full of conveyor belts.

I have always hated neckties. I didn’t wear one when I went for my first interview. And I always skipped the Monday assembly in school just because I didn’t want to wear the stupid necktie. Wearing a necktie always makes me feel like a dick.

Well, my point is - it is imperative that one dresses appropriately according to the climate. You don’t wear a suit when the weather is scorching hot, because that will make you sweat like a pig and once the excessive sweat is left to percolate under your thick coat, it’s going to smell like you’ve just came back from a game of tennis and you’re not going to impress anyone with that. In the Malaysian weather, people only wear coats when they’re getting married, divorce or attending a funeral. A necktie is for annoying salesmen who goes door-to-door annoying the shit out of people…

A few days ago, my sister paraded around the house showing off her new haircut…

“That’s a disgusting haircut. You looked like a typical witch version of ah lian” I remarked.

This of course aggravated her, which prompted her to respond,

“You and your poor eyesight. I am better looking than a lot of people. You ought to go for a checkup”.

“If you’re as good looking as you claim to be, then why would you need cosmetics or a fancy haircut to enhance your looks? Or are you trying to mask your ugliness? Just accept the fact already, you’re born ugly.”

My comment immediately sent her back into my mom’s room, in front of the mirror. She would look at herself to check for imperfections (it was everywhere, but she was too blind to spot one…) and attempted to fend for herself on my acerbic comment. But I think deep inside, she knows - that I have revealed an ultimate truth. It was her ego that was fucking with her.

Well… my sister indeed isn’t that bad looking compared to many living organism. Worms, houseflies, proboscis monkeys, to name a few. But revealing the truth and aggravate her at the same time is sure fun.

Anyway, back to the topic. Has anyone actually wondered, why do girls need to wear make up to feel more confident? Why do they need all the fancy hairdo’s to look good? Why do they like to make their face looks different with thick makeovers? Are these implications that they are ashamed of how they really looked like? And they’re masking their face up with makeovers and deception just to be confident? This is so wrong.

Imagine yourself seeing a pair of cool Timberland boots, which you liked very much. After saving enough money to buy it and bring it home, it turns out to be of different color, design and product altogether. In that case, would you feel cheated? You paid for a pair of boots you liked, but it somehow turned out to be something different! So if your girl were to look different without makeup, would you feel like you’ve been cheated? It’s very hard to think that you wouldn’t, dude.

Let’s face it. We are now all living in a world full of deception. Our ancestors used to say - do not believe anything unless you see it with your own pair of eyes. That belief is sure obsoleted now. With science and technology, nothing is impossible. Beautiful things are not natural anymore because the fake is so much better than the original. Fake face, fake teeth, fake tits, fake hairs… you name it.

For me, I will try to be honest here. I would like my girl to be attractive of course (hey,… who doesn’t?). But I would prefer for her to be like that ALL THE TIME. No makeovers to veil her face. No fake eyelashes. No fake titties for me to get excited. No fancy hairdo’s. I want her to be pleasant, just like that. All natural. And I’m glad that I found her.

So, to you guys out there. Good luck. Just a caution - be sure to check how “boots” really look like before bringing them home. Do not make critical decisions based on the first impression. You need to ‘test drive’. You need to clear the deception, and find out about the truth…

I was walking along in the office today and saw my colleague Goo in his cube. Being a friendly lad he was, he stood up and gave me the standard “Wuzzap?” greet. So I went over to have a short chat with him.

We had our usual banter and blank talk, when all of a sudden, a hot girl walked past us and distracted us from the conversation. The girl had this really tight white colored and almost transparent skirt on, and we whatever she was wearing under it. It was an undersized cute white cotton underwear. It was so fucking ecstatic.

“That girl wore her underwear too low…” Goo commented.
“Yeah…. I think low enough to expose her pubic hair at the front”

And we both laughed like jackasses in the office, prompting some attention nearby.

We were just exaggerating about her underwear position. There was nothing wrong with her underwear. She was, in fact, quite perfect in her own way. Long hair… sweet face… she didn’t overdo her make-up… and a pair of nice heels. Very charming. I’d want to pork someone like her anytime. If only all girls are as tasteful as her…

Alright, that had me stiffened a little bit. Forgive me. It’s a guy thing. You know, we live to think of things like that all the time - how would a girl look like when she’s naked… and whether is it going to be fun kneading her tits, etc etc (forgive me, I’m just being honest)

That kinda had me thinking, what is so great about the female body? Don’t we all already knew how they looked like? Don’t they just differ in shapes, size, colors and packagings? So, why all the attention? Really, it shouldn’t be as enigmatic and exciting anymore… because we all know that there isn’t going to be any surprises when a girl strips for you… Almost predictably, a pair of tits and a patch of shaved/unshaved beaver for you to eat/pork. That’s about it. (unless the person has not seen a girl naked before - quote unquote nevermind the internet and porn mags)

So, what is the thing that makes us guys to become so obsessed with girls? This is really mind boggling man - I don’t fucking know. What I know, is it’s hardcoded inside us. Mankind has fought thousands of wars because of it, shitloads of empires crumbled, and countless of spirits are broken. And it is also why civilizations thrived, wonders were built and allies were forged. This is almost like, the reason why we men exist. We probably don’t know it but, it’s all inside us. This shit.

And this is only the furthest I can stray away from my sanity. I can best wonder, but I can’t change a thing. After this, I’d most probably go back to ogle more chicks and imagine them naked, totally oblivious to this grand scheme of sorts that is remotely controlling our actions and corrupting our souls… Oh here comes a bouncy one…

*oh btw, if any of you girls out there own shoes that has those 5 - 6 inches thick soles, throw them away. They’re revolting.

My lunch members and I were patronizing the cendol stall as usual today, when I suddenly caught a glimpse of a lady ambling along towards the cendol stall. What actually piqued my attention, was her hair, which was unusually orange in color, just like that Fifth-Element girl… Her hair covered about 80% of her face, giving her all this enigmatic profile. Her head was attached to a great, with a miniskirt short enough to make you wish you were shorter than Danny DeVito.

So, I gave Eric an elbow nudge - to check her out. She got all of our attentions alright, with her hair and stuff. Our cendol spoons were left static in the bowl, all activities ceased. It was like something out from a movie… you know, where everything seems surreal, with a fine exotic unicorn for us to ogle at.

Eric, being the most prolific pervert in the group, was particularly enjoying the sight… he was literally hypnotized, to the verge of willing to part with his car (junk anyway). The shaved ice in his cendol was melting fast and he didn’t give a shit about it. It looked as if he wanted to salvage every single second studying every inch of that chick and immortalize the image of her in his mind for later fappings.

And then it happened.

Eric choked. The green worm-like cendol almost came out from his nostrils like he had just caught a fit of epilepsy. And then in a more bizarre twist to the sight, the same occurred to the rest of the members as well. LeRoy had a big vein popping up on his temple like he’s about to have a heart attack. Blackie was petrified, with a very seriously dumbfucked look. BigSnake’s face was as pale as that McDonald’s fucking clown.

And it got me real scared to see my friends like this. Was that the cendol were poisoned? If it’s really poisoned, then why weren’t I affected? What the fuck is going on??

It happened to me soon enough. I first felt this sudden tingling sensation, which eventually turned into a feeling nausea, and then my facial muscles started twitching. It’s hard to describe but, it was about the same when Michael Jackson turns into a zombie in the Thriller MTV. And all these happened in the following millisecond after Eric got his epilepsy fit. I didn’t even have enough time to decipher what triggered this domino effect. Then, it began to make sense.

It was that miss 5th Element. It was that hidden part of her face. Shockingly gruesome. She has got to be the most fucking ugly creature I’ve ever seen in my entire life (up to that point).

As we recover from the shock, we all started to choke and barf out green pieces of cendol. Eric even had tears rolling down his cheek… and then he started to laugh like shit and quoted “FUCK!! hahahah!!! We’re conned! She looked like something that escaped from the chicken coop truck!”. We quickly regained our composure to laugh out loud with Eric.

The sight of that girl was beyond words. It was a classic example on how cosmetics and props can deceive even the most veteran blokes out there. And today’s experience was definitely a lesson meant to be learned the hard way - and me blogging this for the benefit of others. I swear I’m not going to judge a book by its cover ever again.

I did not go to work yesterday. Why? I needed to go to the dentist very urgently. Something very embarrassing happened which I’m not going to reveal here for some reason. Let’s just say, some part of my front teeth went missing, and I talk + look funny now. There is a big gap between my teeth, and my pronunciation of the word “FUCK” is now distorted.

The trip to the dentist was short. The guy was pretty sure what he needed to do and I too, was confident about what he was going to do. No injection nothing - he just made a few prints from my set of teeth and we’re done. As he will only be able to fix back the missing part on Saturday, hence, I will have to go back to work looking funny today - no choice. I thought of taking a few days off saving the embarrassment… but my leaves are limited now.

Talking about me looking funny, there was another lady I saw today at lunch who looked even funnier. Or, awkward - it’s hard to describe. You see, this lady was wearing a dark colored dress, sleeveless and with a long skirt (whole thing was actually a dress). The dress looked ok but the belt she wore was really disturbing. It was a very thick beige colored belt, and from an angle, it made me thought that her dress was revealing her lardy abdomen - spare tires.

But with a closer look, it was quite clear to me that the ‘thing’ was actually a hideous looking belt. A very big belt - as thick as a world wrestling champion belt wore by the grunts in WWF. And her’s would make Elvis looked like Honky Tonk Man. It’s really out of this world.

Pardon me but, I don’t know a lot about fashion, but this is something common sense. Some people just do not know how to dress appropriately. Belt like this only matches a rugged leather jacket or something to do with latex. But wearing it to work would be a mistake.

Luckily, I only saw the lady after I took my lunch, and left the place quickly without taking another glance at that Wrestlemania hag.