It’s the time of the month again. It usually happens right after I get my pay and funk myself up from spending a large chunk of it paying for various shit. The funk will then brew into agitation… and then, my mood will turn unstable. Sort of like the BAS (Big Aunty Syndrome) that girls encounter during their menstruation.

During this period, an iota of hatred towards anyone or anything will get amplified ten folds. So, based on my random encounter with people I’ve met during my lunch, I’ve again compiled a second edition of my hate list (read the first here).

DickNose - my project program coordinator. This guy has a nose so big, that it could fit a dozen pieces of loofah inside its nostrils, and yet still have an ample space to burrow a community of rodents inside. Beside having a chicken ass perpetually yakking mouth, he is also known for being a motherfucking pervert. Whenever he does any kind of public speech, he would quote examples that involves underwear or kinky sex… (he has gotten into trouble with the company authorities before - this was told by some of my female colleagues, much to their disgusts)

ToiletWhore - The admin clerk manageress at my workplace (yes, she’s the manager of all admin clerks). A cunt, slut, bitch, succubus or whoever you want to call her - who thinks that just because she’s the secretary of the Vice President, she can stomp on employees on behalf of him. Looking like a 6 feet tall sasquatch, she also sports a pair of hideous blue contact lens on her lopsided eyes. The very sight of her could make one puke out the shit of a thousand dinners.

Gary - a manager in my workplace, cum parasite of the management who doesn’t know a thing about his own work. Being unable to sustain himself at workplace, he has the propensity to use other people as resources and when they least suspect, he’d rob them of their credit. Like DickNose, he’s also a second to none pervert in the company (everybody knows that). If you’re any worse than Gary, you’d be a pile of shit.

Skeletor - I know nothing about him. It’s just that I hated they way he looked and acted every time he realize someone is giving him some attention. Feels like punching him on the face every time. (maybe I should…)

Alright. That’s about it. Short list. I have been quite content with everything lately, hence the short list. I will add more when the need arises.

There was once a friend sent me a URL while I was shirking around the office. Thinking that it might be something of interest, I clicked at the URL without giving much thought. It was a flash site, and not long after it started loading, a scene of a cartoonish old woman appeared… and then it happened.

All out of a sudden, my speaker blasted out this ‘ketchup song’ loud. It went like, “Le je… Le je…” or something, and the granny started to do some really absurd hand flailing dance on my screen (full screen). The most unfortunate thing was, I had this Altec Lansing home theater system hooked up on my office table, and as a result of that, half the office actually heard what was going on in my cube.

For a second or two, I didn’t know what to do. I was literally stunned. And then panic sets in, and I was fumbling to find a way to close the fucking thing from doing further damage. But because I was panicking, nothing seemed to work. The ketchup song would continue to pump out loud through the entire office floor. Curious heads started to pop up from cubes to see who was sledgehammering the office with a loud-fucking-speaker… I continued to look for ways to end the whole thing and finally, decided to unplug my Altec Lansing speaker to stop the whole disastrous episode from jeopardizing my career.

And there it was… the granny… still doing her ketchup dance on my screen, with sounds unplugged. But the damage had already been done. Some of my colleagues were already annoyed… while some were laughing at my ass off for being such a dolt. My reputation went down a few notches after that day. But then, I was very grateful, now that I think that the situation could have been worse. If it was porn that I was loading, and the noise projected out from my speaker were to be pornstars moaning in climax… I would have lost my fucking job right away.

Hate it when things like this happens. Sites with intrusive sounds. Man those shit should be made illegal. They make our lives difficult.

I don’t understand how some people could still wear a complete suit under our Malaysian hot weather. I can understand if it’s for work formality’s sake. Like if you’re a VIP or something (or a pimp?) But I saw one Korean guy today, who was just a supporting vendor doing some engineering job, wearing a long sleeved collared shirt complete with a necktie and a thick coat to our workplace.

Had I known the fella, I would have walked up to him and asked him to park at the disabled parking lot - because he’d have qualified to be a retard. I mean, do you have any idea how hot it is out there? It’s about 32 fucking degrees. It’ll be stupid to wear any thick clothing under this layer of hot sticky weather. If that guy’s concerned about looking smart, well, he didn’t look any smarter wearing that super hot clown suit. We wanted him there to fix and solve problems. Nobody gives a shit if he choose to look smart or whatever, but we’d be really concerned if he dies out of a heat stroke, because it’ll be inconvenient for us to wait for a couple more months to get a replacement vendor.

So the question is still, why do people still wear that kind of clothing here? What exactly is the function of a necktie? A convenient prop for us to strangle the motherfucker when he pisses us off? For the guy to wipe his mouth? To make the guy look more intelligent?

Other than causing discomfort to at the collar, a necktie definitely looks pretty useless to me. It’s just a long flap of cloth / nylon fabric hanging down from your neck. Spells disaster if you are working in a factory full of conveyor belts.

I have always hated neckties. I didn’t wear one when I went for my first interview. And I always skipped the Monday assembly in school just because I didn’t want to wear the stupid necktie. Wearing a necktie always makes me feel like a dick.

Well, my point is - it is imperative that one dresses appropriately according to the climate. You don’t wear a suit when the weather is scorching hot, because that will make you sweat like a pig and once the excessive sweat is left to percolate under your thick coat, it’s going to smell like you’ve just came back from a game of tennis and you’re not going to impress anyone with that. In the Malaysian weather, people only wear coats when they’re getting married, divorce or attending a funeral. A necktie is for annoying salesmen who goes door-to-door annoying the shit out of people…

Many of my friends have been asking me… who will be your boss after Rob left? Not wanting to keep my friends and readers itching in suspense, I now have 2 new bosses. 1st - work boss, 2nd - administrative boss.

Work boss - the guy who needs to know every fuck I do at work. This includes my job scope and project for quarter/year and also my career development as an engineer.

Administrative boss - the guy who approves my annual leave whenever I don’t feel like working… and the guy who gives a shit about my welfare during working hours.

So, who’s my new boss?
My new work boss is Pete. If you can still remember, he is the same guy who organized the calamitous karaoke farewell for my ex-colleague CK. Pete is an ok guy… although he lacked of the intelligence to even know what exactly am I doing everyday. One thing I like about him is — he actually LISTENS whenever someone speaks. Now, that’s a very rare trait to be found nowadays. Another beautiful thing about Pete is, he’d approve anything that I pass to him, no questions asked.

My administrative boss is - unexpectedly - my colleague Kermit. Kermit is in his late 30’s and is a senior engineer. His pay is a few times higher than mine, so, he can be my boss.

How’s life after Rob left?
I hate to admit this but, it’s getting really boring for me and my colleagues after Rob left. As if we’ve lost a purpose in life… by losing a common object to hate at. We used to be able to vent all our anger and frustration by talking behind his back or laugh at his ass. But now that we’ve lost our dummy, our stress have nowhere to go. Rob is like the Japs in WW II that surrendered and ended the war. When the war ended, we start to become complacent and put on weight. Eventually, we’ll all be too fat to trim our own toe nails.

Same thing here. Rob’s departure made our brain too free from worries and lack of exercise. And eventually, our brains will all turn slow, rusty and infested by fungus. Seriously, I think I need to look for a surrogate for Rob’s position… else we’d risk of bringing down the whole chain of ecosystem…

My department is planning to have a teambuilding at the end of December, and I was nominated as part of the committee member to organize the event.

The arrangements include planning of headcount, balancing the budget, duty segregation amongst the committee members, selection of venue, transport arrangements, etc. A whole long list of them. It wasn’t easy. I never knew that planning for a mindless event can be so much pain in the ass.

My duty in the committee was to work out something that would make people wanting to participate in the event. This pretty much includes activity planning and also the lucky draw event. And while doing that, I kinda realized a lot of things about people in general. Sort of like an eye opener for me.

You see, the purpose of a teambuilding program is to educate people about the importance of working together as a team. Or just simply, it’s a program to make assholes realize that he’s not John Rambo. It’s a good thing. So, why the fuck do we need to give them free stuff or organize lucky draws to get them to do something that’s already good for them in the first place? Are they too stupid to realize that this is suppose to be good for them?

I actually quoted this in the meeting : “We people are really screwed up. We need to bribe them to do something good for themselves? That’s really stupid”. My point is, teambuilding is useless if the participants are not committed in the first place. Bribing them with gifts to get them to attend the event — is one perfect example that those people lacked of the commitment to improve. They will not attend the teambuilding event if there aren’t any free lunch or cool looking caps for them to bring home. They only want those free gifts, not the teambuilding. If that’s the case, what’s the point then, to organize the fucking teambuilding? Why don’t we just give the money away to charity instead? It would have served a better purpose.

Before I was nominated to join this committee, I was well known to be a skipper myself. I have skipped basically almost every teambuilding there ever was. Everyone said that proves that I’m a misanthrope. Well… misanthrope my ass. I told my boss (not Rob, it’s Rob’s boss - SaltyFish) the reason I refused to join any of their teambuilding was because of their bullshits. Their programs suck and they are only suitable for retards like them. That was why I got elected as part of the committee - to organize one that doesn’t sucks and for normal people. Me and my big mouth.

And now, I have to figure this big problem - how to make a bunch of stupid working adults to learn about the importance of teamwork? I proposed to throw them in an isolated island without anything for a week… but my suggestion was rejected. It is too dangerous and not practical - they said. Well, I guess those bunch of sissies prefer to be Rambo after all. They want their teambuilding to be simple like a primary school sports day event with free lunch. Fuck them.

Kinda sad when you think of it doesn’t it? That I have to work with these people every fucking day.