I met a weird guy.

It happened inside this cocksuckers club. Right after the Christmas countdown, the club was showcasing some kind of dirty dancing performance on the stage (which sucked) and it was right in front of our place. It featured a few scantily dressed young girls dancing seductively at some corny mix by the mongoloid DJ…

Then came this fat guy with a thick spectacles. He stood right in front of our views and since he was so horizontally wide, we couldn’t see a fucking thing. As the show wasn’t that good anyway, we decided to let him enjoy it there and we minded our own business.

After for what must be like 5 minutes or so, I could still see that fat guy there. It seemed like he was having the highest moment of his life ogling at a particular dancer - whom I think was the most promiscuous looking of all. That was when I decided to check him out.

I went to him and put my hand around his bloated shoulder. He looked at me. I gave him “hi dude” smile. I was being my usual self, you know… making friends everywhere I go like I always do. He switched his attention back to the particular dancer. He was sweating profusely. I reckoned he must be imagining something vveerrryyy bad while watching the dirty dancing.

I then gave him a nudge. He looked back at me. I gave him a wry smile and a wink. He gave me an emotionless stare… and again, quickly switched his attention back to the slut dancer. Then I said to him “Hey… the dancer you’re looking at… she’s such a slut huh? I can tell that you liked her very much.” He then turned to me… and gave me this innocent look. He then gestured with his both hands by waving “no .. don’t beat me up”.

From what I gathered, he must have thought that I’m someone who was looking for trouble. The guy was freaked out. Man… I had to pacify that dude out by gesturing back “I’m cool… I’m cool… it’s ok. Nothing happened here… don’t be scared”. And once I completed the gesture, he resumed ogling at the dancer.

Weird guy.

I was at a club last night with the BODs, and I saw an old friend, Mark. Mark was there alone at the club last night, and he was there to look for easy girls to pickup. We chatted for a while, and then he went off to look for ‘victims’, while I continued to drink with the BODs.

About a good half an hour later, Mark returned and came to me, his hand crutching a girl, but he was looking somewhat disoriented and distracted (he kept looking over the girl’s shoulder). He then did a perfunctory introduction to ‘his’ girl

Mark : Mike … I want you to meet my friend, Stephanie. Stephanie… this is Michael. A good friend. [glance over her shoulder]

Girl : Damn it Mark !! I am Samantha ! [face turned real nasty]

Mark : Oh… yeah, Samantha. That’s what I said, right? Meet Michael [glance over her shoulder again]

Me : Fuck you Mark. You forgot your chick’s name? You ought to be put to sleep man!

Mark : Heheh… not a big deal. Hey, I’m gonna leave her here, now why don’t you guys chat a little cos’ I got something really important to do?

I then saw Mark bolted off hastily towards another chick, which I presumed was his new target. Obviously, his mind was full of that girl and this Samantha was his canceled project.

Poor Samantha.

I don’t know what was she thinking. Mark was off somewhere and never going to be back, and yet, she still looked content and shit. If it was me, I would have fumed off or at least went to look for Mark to clobber that fucker’s head. But she hung around nevertheless. She even attempted to start a conversation with me by asking stupid questions like “I haven’t seen you around here before, you’re not from Penang?” I was about to tell her that she must have hell of a good memory to be able to remember every faces but, I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her. So I blurted some bullshit that I was away in London for some kind of assignment. And then she said even more things, which I couldn’t hear because of the loud music, and I do not intend to go anywhere near her (because my wife was at the table next to mine)

Even if my wife was not around, I wouldn’t have continued the conversation anyway. She just isn’t my type for many reasons. Mark probably tackled her because she has a fuckable body figure, but her face, is the type that you’d want to cover up when you’re having your meal because if you don’t, it’ll come out from your mouth on your plate along with your gastric juice and stomach lining. Seriously, I was beginning to suspect that Mark actually has a sexual fetish for ghost and goblins.

Anyway, I continued to nod for about a good minute before excusing myself. I didn’t want to be rude so, I just took step after step inch myself away from her… and when the guys started another round of routine toast again… I excused myself by saying I need to get back at my table and bolted off.

Didn’t know what happened to Samantha after that. Mark did came back to check out on our progress, but that Samantha chick was long gone and I made a comment about his taste. His response was just a short comment - “Dude, sometimes, where you’re out of supply and nothing to do - you can’t afford to be choosy…”

I’d rather jack off.

Friday Evening…
5.10pm - Left workplace, fetched Emily & headed home.

6.30pm - Charles arrived at my place. Brought me my RJ45 cables for my Streamyx connection. Now, I can temporary live on the cable instead of cracking my head to figure out that stupid wireless device.

6.40pm - Charles broke my expensive sofa. He literally broke it into half. I don’t know how he did that. Need to call the carpenter tomorrow.

8.30 pm - Met up with more friends at Anson Park for dinner.

10.30pm - 8 of us arrived at C-Front club. The club looks great. Just had a new renovation. Everything is blue and lots of attractive waitresses. We came to the right place.

11.40pm - All the BODs arrived. We are also joined by some other friend’s friends. Our group swells into an unbelievable crowd of over 20 heads, & started the drinking binge. We’re 50% through the bottle of brandy.

12.30am - We were 100% done on the brandy and started the first bottle of whiskey. There were only a few of us focusing on the drinking and talking nonsense. Saw a friend throwing up in the toilet.

1.30am - We were about to finish all our booze. 90% of us are already not legally sober to be able to drive.

1.35am - A guy tried to take advantage on some of our girls. I intimidated him by grabbing+forcing him to drink the purest form of booze available on our table. Saw the guy gasping + choking before running off into the dance floor. Never saw him again after that. The friend that puked, was permanently attached to the toilet bowl and was making lots of sharks fin soup.

2am - Somebody ordered 2 more bottles of booze. Considering the fact that everyone was so worked out, my friend Soon and I agreed that it would be impossible for us to finish the remaining 2 bottles. No fucking way.

3am - We finished all the booze. I was so pissed drunk, that I couldn’t find Emily who was standing in front of me. We all did a bonfire dance and I asked Ayamas if he wanted to swap partner. He told me I was drunk and he would swap if his girl agrees. I told him back that he was drunk.

4am - We left the place. Someone drove us to a porridge shop and miraculously, we met back the rest of the members there. Ate a bowl of teochew porridge and cracked plenty of dirty jokes. The girls weren’t impressed.

4.30am - Back home. Went to toilet to throw up.

4.31am - I told Emily, “Hey, I can see the teochew porridge I ate just now ! uwwekkkk….” She wasn’t impressed. It is hard to impress someone nowadays - I thought.

4.32am - “Emily ..look ! the dehydrated vegetables just came out ! omg .. this is so unbelievable !”

4.33am - The tofu I ate at the porridge shop came out. And it’s green in colour.

5am onwards - Diarrhea… and my ass hurts till now.

Sure it was a wild night. I’m gonna have to take more rest today.

oo.. yeah. I’ve never felt any better. It’s like being reborn… the outing was awesome!

Last Saturday night’s theme was — Soon’s partner. My friend Ayamas brought along 1/2 dozen of his lady friends and wanted to intro one of them to Soon (he has been single for YEARSssssss). That was why, everyone anticipated something to happen and watched Ayamas & Soon walking confidently through that big crowd of clubbers… to that lucky lady who was dancing at the dancefloor.

And with joy in our hearts, we toasted each other hoping for the best for our brother… but out of the sudden… in less than 10secs, we saw Soon came running back looking pale and Ayamas followed suit from behind:

Me : “Eh dude … what happened lah?”

Soon : “… nothing…”

Me : “I thought you’re suppose to meet someone and work out something with her?”

Soon : “No ler … it didn’t work out”

Me : “Seriously dude… you were so excited a minute ago, …but look at you now, don’t want pulak?”

Soon : “Well, why don’t you go and have a look yourself? You’ll understand…” *upset*

Me : “Errm … how many points?”

We have our own common metric system to rate attractiveness for the opposite sex… it’s a guy thing…

Soon : “Don’t ask, just go see for yourself ler…” *upset x2 *

Ayamas overheard our exchange and intercepted,

Ayamas : “Eh… brother… come on lah. It is hard to find good looking girls who are still single nowadays… if you want people to intro… it will be like that lah…”

And the whole group of BODs took ‘a hike’ around one particular spot of that club - like a zoo sight seeing event - to look at the subject. Fast forward a few minutes later, back the table…

Everyone: *stunned* …

Me : “Damn … her hair’s so fucking tragic… so… 80’s … so high (picture Marge Simpson)… that must have taken a quarter can of hairspray to hold…” *shudders*

Luis : “Eh friend … how old is she? What happened to your taste?”

Ayamas : “Just give it a rest, ok?”

And the BOD moved on with the party with another mission failed in place.