Ok. I hate to admit this but, I have a ‘boss’. Nope, not my workplace boss but, a ‘boss’ outside. You know, the one that covers me when I’m in trouble? Yeah.

Well, some of my friends always bash me up with concerns, how could a fine person like myself can end up with such troubles. What can I do? I am living in a challenging world out here, and without the ‘boss’, I surely would not have survived that long.

The protection that the boss gave doesn’t come free of course. I have to pay monthly fee to sustain the service… and there’s no bailing out unless I clear all my debts. He has an organization not to be messed with. With his networks of cohorts, and other connections, it’s virtually impossible to escape from his clasp once you’re in.

*Sigh* My mom always reminds me not to mix up with bad company like this, but it really is not that I refuse to listen to her. It’s just that, I was pushed to a dead end and had no choice but to submit to this. I am in so much trouble now. Me and my stupid ass. I could have lived a much more carefree life without this. No more sleepless nights and worries.

[Tears rolling down my cheeks]. Oh, is there anyone out there willing to help me get out of this mess? Please? Does anyone care anymore?

The boss I was referring to = Citibank. I just came home from settling a fraction of my credit card debts. [wiping my tears away]

I didn’t go to work today. I had an upset stomach for drinking too much ‘lassi’ last night. If you do not know what’s a ‘lassi’, it is basically yoghurt blended with milk (Indian origin, hence the name).

So, I had been purging myself stupid real hard since yesterday, and currently is so debilitated and lethargic.

Anyway, since I had too much time at hands today (when not shitting slime inside the toilet), I took some time to check out my Nedstat, and found some bizarre shit — the keywords people used in search engines that stumbled into my blog! Here is the list in alphabetical order :

1) aaron kwok’s career - what the fuck? Aaron Kwok’s career? Well, the Aaron Kwok mentioned in my blog here is a stinking asshole. His career? A nobody and a consummate pervert.

2) aaron kwok’s weight - his weight? he weights differently in different environments. If there are girls around, he’d be weightless because he is such a fucking pervert.

3) body disatisfaction in young girls - this is so fucking bizarre. Dear searcher… allow me to enlighten you - young girls always have problems with their butts and boobs… no matter how good they are.

4) burp loudly extremely - why do one need to search such information? What about farts?

5) convince that food preservatives have benefits - they do. they let you make your food last longer. Duh.

6) download “aaron kwok” “shake it” - shake what? These people need to be more specific with their search terms, else, they’re gonna end up in sites like mine. Dolt.

7) film horror gore burp - film (check), horror (check), gore (check), burp (WTF???).

girlfriends of Aaron Kwok - aaron kwok’s girlfriend is a slut. Trust me. I’ve met her before.

9) niobe’s hairstyle - nabeh’s hairstyle = a new kind of insult commonly adopted by Singaporeans.

10) no condom blog - I didn’t know blogs are suppose to come with condoms…

11) photos of bullimic patients - search for ‘Kate Moss’, you’d find what you’re looking for.

12) putu mayam manufacturer in singapore - ‘manufacturer’… must be some big ass company doing something important…

13) putu mayam recipe - flour, brown sugar, dried coconut pulps and a hungry stomach.

14) singapore bitchy slut blog - It’s not that hard to spot one, is it?

15) stinked alcohol - alcohol itself doesn’t stink. Heck, they even use alcohol in perfumes. Get some education.

Kind of gives you an idea if our society’s making the best use of the internet, eh?

I hereby proclaim durian to be the national fruit of Malaysia. Durians not only taste good, but they’re known to be nutritious and all-purpose useful as well. If you are not aware about the facts already, please peruse the following list to enhance your general knowledge…

- They contain a lot of anti-oxidants, fibers and protein. Scientific studies revealed that durian actually can prevent herpes and also is a good agent for body cleansing (shits inside brain, cellulite, etc). Long term consumption can prolong life expectancy and also reduce the risk of dick cancer (for female = beaver cancer).

- Its expired stale smell can be used as an effective weapon to rid of insects, perverts, ugly hags, vagabonds and vermin alike (see example below).

Situation (being mugged) :
Mugger : Alright dude … this is a stickup. Give me your wallet and don’t do anything stupid. I have a gun here…

Dude that with durian breath: Hahah … you made a boo boo mugger. Eat shit and die!! [BURRRRRRPPPP]

Mugger: Arrrggghhhhh !!! … [knocked out cold from the stale durian burp gas]

- Fart gas from consumption of durians can be used as a new source of methane-based burning fuel — which in turn, can be used to replace our already depleting fossil fuel. (thus, more environmentally friendly)

- Thorny shells from durians can be used as an effective self defense weapon and also a cheap solution for American cops as a replacement for spike strips.

The list goes on…

The most wonderful thing about durian is… THEY TASTE VERY GOOD WITH CENDOL! If you haven’t tried it before, just put a dollop of durian flesh into your cendol and add a little pulut (sticky rice) - you will discover the truth of life.

I saw a documentary on Discovery today and just learned that a cockroach actually has 2 brains! If you flunked your math, let me shed some lights for you here - that’s 1 brain extra compared to us humans. Amazing… isn’t it? The ‘other’ brain is located at its ass. So… beheading a cockroach will not actually kill it… you will have to behead and ‘be-ass’ that fucker to be able to really kill it.

I didn’t know of anyone who has an extra brain but… I actually know someone with his brain located inside the ass like a cockroach - yes, as you may have guessed it correctly, he’s my ex-boss - Rob. To put it quite simply, my boss Rob is equivalent to a cockroach without a head! He’d be so thrilled to learn about that.

Guide on how to be a datuk:

1) Get yourself a cool chick and work on her. This might require some money to start up - eg. buy an ice cream, go for a movie, they all require money.

2) Once you are sure she’s the one for you, ask her to be your girlfriend. Of course, this is a critical step to become a datuk. So, be sure she’s the one for you before you pop the question. A big boner always begins with a simple mistake.

3) Get to know her better. Learn how to like her. And when you think that she’s ready enough to be someone you’d spend your lifetime with, propose to her. Ask her to be your wife. (and get married)

4) Once she is your wife, make yourself a plan. Make your plan a sound one. Do not use condom when having sex.

5) Get her to bear some children for you. To be on the safe zone, get at least 2 - 3 boys or girls. Should be fine.

6) Raise the kids. Feed them milk and food. See them grow. Then educate and groom them well.

7) Once they reach puberty, teach them about the concept of sex and fashion. Then give your kids this guide… and ask them to start at Step 1 above.

Sit back and relax. Wait for 10 - 20 years… you will be a datuk when your kid reaches Step 5 of this guide (that you gave him in Step 7).

And who says datuk can be bought?? It requires a lot of time and commitment to be able to qualify as one ….