*update 03 DEC 04 - lost the original photo… i found a temporary substitute.

Meet CrazyGuy. He’s my pet dog inside my car. He’s been inside my car for 4 years and is still single. His hobbies are watching cars and collecting stamps, although he still have not manage to get himself any collection to date.

CrazyGuy is a good pet and I love him. Why? It is because he needs no food and he doesn’t shit everywhere like any other dogs. I don’t have to take him out for a walk nor do I have to worry about him humping any female dogs he sees. He just knows how to behave and be an obedient best friend like he aptly should. A perfect pet for me.

Another wonderful thing about CrazyGuy is, he’s such a hottie. Chicks and kids that go up my car just love him. They will kiss and cuddle him like he’s their own dog or something. And he doesn’t have fleas or bad odor… But he does have lots of drools, lipstick marks, dandruff and hairs stuck on its yellow colored fur. Well, not that I mind that - because cleaning him up is as easy as picking my own nose. I’ll just need to groom him up with my portable vacuum cleaner and spray him with Febreze.

Let me also tell you a secret - those tiny sensitive receptors on his nose? Those things are awesome. Whenever there are girls around to cuddle him hard, he will telepathically transmit the bliss to me … and I will share with my magical pet the warmth and comfort from that cuddle. He’s such an altruistic pet.

But then, due to his inherently cute outlook, it is sometimes hard for me to control my guests from over-cuddle him. As he is especially sensitive to certain type of people (blimps, odorous individuals, hideous looking witches or someone shit fucking bad hygiene), he would sometimes send out SOS signals calling for help. When that happens, I will turn over from my driver seat and issue a warning like this - “Hey… put down my dog before I kick you out of my car… you cheebye”. We co-exist together in a symbiosis relationship - we’re both an essential part of a balanced ecosystem inside my car.

Ok, that’s all about my dog - CrazyGuy. If you feel that you need to ask some questions about him, feel free to contact me through my email.

Yesterday, while I was munching away my double cheeseburger, my eyes were fixed to a bunch of noisy kids playing. I was observing the way they enjoyed themselves doing things that adults (like me) would consider as ‘absurd’.

There was this particular kid inside the bunch who was especially stand out - as I noticed. He was like the leader of the pack or something. And his gang were running around with their mouth full and I could see pieces of half chewed food dropping all over the place. I was imagining how shitty the janitors must have felt seeing these little monsters messing up the place like nobody’s business.

After having their session of indoor olympic run, the kids then switched to another pattern of frolic. This time, the leader of the pack started some marching shit, and the rest of the trolls followed his lead. The marching commotion suddenly made the food court area looked like a WWII Nazi death camp. They were marching here and there; with that faux-Hitler shouting some made up military terms (which they probably learned from TV). Their plays were becoming more exciting by the minute and I was watching diligently while munching on my dinner.

Then, when the moms shouted for their kids back to the table, Hitler was left alone to march by himself. Finding no fun to do the marching alone, he creatively switched his pattern again. This time, he became the world renowned martial arts star - Bruce Lee. He’d flail and kick around like he’s neutralizing some hostile ninjas from the outer fucking space and even mimicked the sharp cry that Bruce Lee did. Nobody dared to go near Bruce within the radius of 6 feet or so. Even his kid friends were looking at him in horror while their parents were force-feeding them their colder-than-steel dinner.

He was desperately seeking for attention. His kungfu moves were dull and nobody seems to be interested to look at him (except for me and the bunch of the horrified kids, of course). He would sometimes roll on the floor, spin himself up and even tried to do some acrobatic stunts. Seriously, he could have injured himself easily. I was wondering, why would his parents stay static and not doing something to calm their seriously screwed son from getting injured.

And then, just as I was wondering if it could get any worse than that, Bruce stopped. He was too freaking tired and I could tell that he had ran out of energy to fool around. He was standing there looking derisively at his bunch of friends who wouldn’t want to join him romping around. He then shoved his hand into his own ass and started to scratch his own butt crack HARD. I mean, real hard. It was a sight to behold.

Man, I can imagine that if I happened to have a videocam to record the entire event, it would have been an incredible masterpiece to outdo that Star Wars Kid blooper video. I can then sell the clip to the boy’s parents to let him see himself when he grows up — how spastic he was at one point of his life not long ago…

This is Michael Ooi reporting about an inane observation while he was having his dinner last night, from inside a boring lab, at his workplace.

Ok. I hate to admit this but, I have a ‘boss’. Nope, not my workplace boss but, a ‘boss’ outside. You know, the one that covers me when I’m in trouble? Yeah.

Well, some of my friends always bash me up with concerns, how could a fine person like myself can end up with such troubles. What can I do? I am living in a challenging world out here, and without the ‘boss’, I surely would not have survived that long.

The protection that the boss gave doesn’t come free of course. I have to pay monthly fee to sustain the service… and there’s no bailing out unless I clear all my debts. He has an organization not to be messed with. With his networks of cohorts, and other connections, it’s virtually impossible to escape from his clasp once you’re in.

*Sigh* My mom always reminds me not to mix up with bad company like this, but it really is not that I refuse to listen to her. It’s just that, I was pushed to a dead end and had no choice but to submit to this. I am in so much trouble now. Me and my stupid ass. I could have lived a much more carefree life without this. No more sleepless nights and worries.

[Tears rolling down my cheeks]. Oh, is there anyone out there willing to help me get out of this mess? Please? Does anyone care anymore?

The boss I was referring to = Citibank. I just came home from settling a fraction of my credit card debts. [wiping my tears away]

I didn’t go to work today. I had an upset stomach for drinking too much ‘lassi’ last night. If you do not know what’s a ‘lassi’, it is basically yoghurt blended with milk (Indian origin, hence the name).

So, I had been purging myself stupid real hard since yesterday, and currently is so debilitated and lethargic.

Anyway, since I had too much time at hands today (when not shitting slime inside the toilet), I took some time to check out my Nedstat, and found some bizarre shit — the keywords people used in search engines that stumbled into my blog! Here is the list in alphabetical order :

1) aaron kwok’s career - what the fuck? Aaron Kwok’s career? Well, the Aaron Kwok mentioned in my blog here is a stinking asshole. His career? A nobody and a consummate pervert.

2) aaron kwok’s weight - his weight? he weights differently in different environments. If there are girls around, he’d be weightless because he is such a fucking pervert.

3) body disatisfaction in young girls - this is so fucking bizarre. Dear searcher… allow me to enlighten you - young girls always have problems with their butts and boobs… no matter how good they are.

4) burp loudly extremely - why do one need to search such information? What about farts?

5) convince that food preservatives have benefits - they do. they let you make your food last longer. Duh.

6) download “aaron kwok” “shake it” - shake what? These people need to be more specific with their search terms, else, they’re gonna end up in sites like mine. Dolt.

7) film horror gore burp - film (check), horror (check), gore (check), burp (WTF???).

girlfriends of Aaron Kwok - aaron kwok’s girlfriend is a slut. Trust me. I’ve met her before.

9) niobe’s hairstyle - nabeh’s hairstyle = a new kind of insult commonly adopted by Singaporeans.

10) no condom blog - I didn’t know blogs are suppose to come with condoms…

11) photos of bullimic patients - search for ‘Kate Moss’, you’d find what you’re looking for.

12) putu mayam manufacturer in singapore - ‘manufacturer’… must be some big ass company doing something important…

13) putu mayam recipe - flour, brown sugar, dried coconut pulps and a hungry stomach.

14) singapore bitchy slut blog - It’s not that hard to spot one, is it?

15) stinked alcohol - alcohol itself doesn’t stink. Heck, they even use alcohol in perfumes. Get some education.

Kind of gives you an idea if our society’s making the best use of the internet, eh?

I hereby proclaim durian to be the national fruit of Malaysia. Durians not only taste good, but they’re known to be nutritious and all-purpose useful as well. If you are not aware about the facts already, please peruse the following list to enhance your general knowledge…

- They contain a lot of anti-oxidants, fibers and protein. Scientific studies revealed that durian actually can prevent herpes and also is a good agent for body cleansing (shits inside brain, cellulite, etc). Long term consumption can prolong life expectancy and also reduce the risk of dick cancer (for female = beaver cancer).

- Its expired stale smell can be used as an effective weapon to rid of insects, perverts, ugly hags, vagabonds and vermin alike (see example below).

Situation (being mugged) :
Mugger : Alright dude … this is a stickup. Give me your wallet and don’t do anything stupid. I have a gun here…

Dude that with durian breath: Hahah … you made a boo boo mugger. Eat shit and die!! [BURRRRRRPPPP]

Mugger: Arrrggghhhhh !!! … [knocked out cold from the stale durian burp gas]

- Fart gas from consumption of durians can be used as a new source of methane-based burning fuel — which in turn, can be used to replace our already depleting fossil fuel. (thus, more environmentally friendly)

- Thorny shells from durians can be used as an effective self defense weapon and also a cheap solution for American cops as a replacement for spike strips.

The list goes on…

The most wonderful thing about durian is… THEY TASTE VERY GOOD WITH CENDOL! If you haven’t tried it before, just put a dollop of durian flesh into your cendol and add a little pulut (sticky rice) - you will discover the truth of life.