*long entry - summarized happenings for the past 2 days

Organized a barbeque party on new year eve at a rented bungalow. A rather cheap one… because it was haunted. No shit. 80 bucks for a big ass bungalow with a garden big enough to accommodate more than 50 cars. But we didn’t tell the girls that it’s haunted because we do not want them to get hysteric about it.

But Emily was too smart to be bluffed. While Emily and myself were on our way to the bungalow, she asked me

“Are there any ghosts inside that bungalow ?” [she smelled conspiracy behind our plans]
“Nope.”
“You’re not bluffing me, right?”
“No I’m not. Even if there really are ghosts, they would be going out to party anyway… and they will be taking a break from scaring people tonight.”

Alright, that was the final lie I told for year 2003. Of course she didn’t buy that piece of lame lie. She soon found out about it after we’re halfway through the barbeque event.

The barbeque turned out to be quite ok. There were approximately 17 of us. We started at around 7pm and stopped at about 10pm. Then we went to a nearby pub for the big party.

By 11pm, we managed to settle down with a nice table and our booze ready. The countdown inside wasn’t really that grand, but it was alright. The theme was a bit boring - there were only a bunch of cheap balloons and stupid confetti’s - which a lot of them fell into my drink and I accidentally ingested a few. Last year, the very same club organized a foam party and it was incredible. Maybe the location of our table this year was not as good as last year’s.

And yeah, something happened to the air conditioner too. It was probably overloaded or something … the place was freaking hot with so many people inside and reeked of sweats + smokes. The bartenders had to take off their shirts to bear with the heat (or was it an excuse for them to show off their six packs?). The usually sexy + peachy waitresses were looking like pieces of used oily wax paper (you know, the kind of brown wax paper used to pack chicken rice..?) - they were sweating profusely and probably developed enough salt to pickle a full grown cucumber.

By 1 am, our group was almost flat out on alcohol intoxication and it was unbelievably stuffy inside at the club scene. We had to leave the party at around 2am before anyone got hurt. Staying inside there any longer could be suicidal — the place was like a gassed chamber with concentrated nicotine and smokes.

We went back to our rented/haunted bungalow and continued our barbeque party. It was quite an experience you know, to barbeque in the wee hours of a brand new year like this. But I didn’t party with the guys till dawn. I went to sleep at approx. 4 … too exhausted to go on - signs of old age.

Woke up at almost 11am and hung out (inside the bungalow) with the rest of the BODs (Boards of Directors - my best of best buddies). Went out together for lunch at 1pm. Noticed that all of us had developed that haggard look. Back home at 3pm. Things were pretty blur after that until a couple of them came over to my place again for more hangout sessions.

By approx 5pm, I was literally transformed into a zombie. Everything that reflected inside my retina (or whatever shit you call that) was monochrome in color. Seriously, if anyone hot were to offer me sex at that moment, I probably wouldn’t have given a fuck. I was absofuckinglutely exhausted.

Halfway through chatting with the guys, I passed out and fell into deep sleep on my sofa. Then, as my saliva was about to start it’s happy hour free flow, I was dug up again. We’re suppose to go for our dinner together at a hearsaid kickass Thai restaurant. With a paucity of my energy left, I went with them straight to a friend’s place to pickup his girlfriend. But halfway through, Emily suddenly felt queasy and wanted to go home. And I drove a friend’s car home to fetch Emily home. She immediately crashed into the bed out of exhaustion once we got home.

But I did not get to sleep yet - as I have to stay awake to wait for that friend to collect his darn car, and that bastard only came at approx 11pm. I crashed right after that and never regained consciousness until that sick fuck alarm from my PDA woke me up for work today.

Signs of old age are getting eminent. The next thing I know, I might be spending my new year in an old folks home. The goddamn truth is sometimes scary.

I didn’t go out with my buddies yesterday. I usually parties on Saturday nights, but not yesterday. I just didn’t have the mood to enjoy myself while my father is ill like this.

Here is the sequel for the ‘ICQ meeting’ story (read the first part if the title’s new to you):

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Well, after the first incident with my ICQ friend, Jess, it was not long before Jess & Pornstar arrange for another trip up to Penang. I initially had some reservations about their trip, but Jess was able to convince me that PornStar was innocent. She was piss-drunk back then, and everything was an accident. And she promised me that it won’t happen again this time.

Being a nice person I am, I was like - ok, we’re cool about it. And Henry was also convinced that the unwanted incident was instigated by excessive alcohol intoxication that fateful night. It probably wasn’t PornStar’s fault so, we gave our green light for the second meet at Penang. It was a fucking mistake.

This time, as a precautionary measure (I don’t really know what precautionary measure they were considering), Jess brought along 2 guys with them, her brother & a friend. (Zoyee wasn’t coming). Don’t quite remember their names but, who gives a crap. It’s not important.

Anyway, we arranged to meet at Penang’s famous Gurney drive before we begin the night. So I was waiting with Henry in my car for them to arrive. And it wasn’t long before they show up. I can still remember vividly - once they stopped their vehicles behind ours’, I witnessed a very disturbing sight. We saw PornStar, jumping out from their vehicle, and ran like a dangerous retard towards our car. Henry saw the whole thing too.

I gave Henry this perplexed look, and my hand automatically engaged the first gear. I then sent him this telepathic message that it was his call if I should hit the reverse gear to run over that shit behind there, or I can hit the gas pedal and never return. But he didn’t get enough time to react, for the next thing we knew, PornStar was already inside the car. That was when our nightmare begins.

First, we were requested to bring them to a karaoke lounge. It didn’t sound very bad at that time, because I enjoy singing myself, you know? With the ’super golden voice of mesmerizing’ and stuff? Yeah. But I found out pretty soon that I was in for a really long night when PornStar began to wallop the microphone with her ‘call of the wild’ howling and of what resembled people farting through their mouth. It was a torture. It felt like she was trying to infect us with sexually transmitted disease through sound wave. Our eardrums were pricked and grilled for approximately 2 awakening hours before we adjourn to the next event - clubbing/boozing.

Once at the club, we were fed with plenty of booze to void of our sobriety. Then, when we were blitzed enough to be careless, PornStar made her move. She grabbed Henry by the neck, and started to sexually abuse him (them fucking sex offenders never learn.) The next thing we know, Henry got ‘curry-chickened’ (love bitten) on his neck and was all shocked by PornStar’s wild advances.

Henry then flicked PornStar away and tried to feign a pass-out. Like a distressed prisoner of war commando, Henry then discreetly pulled me to a dark corner and asked for a brainstorm to get the fuck out of there alive. After a few nanoseconds of telepathic discussion - we decided to stick with the pass-out plan. Henry would continue to feign a pass-out from having too much alcohol and I would be carrying him home. And if everything goes as planned, we should be able to get out of the club and then we’ll be at our liberty to abandon that sex fiend and run for our lives.

And that was what we did. I swear we could have at least got a nomination for an Oscar, as we stumbled out from the place with PornStar screaming for us to come back (that scene will be like a giant bolder rolling down a narrow passageway with both of us running). Labeling her as ‘fucking scary’ is a gross understatement. No words can describe how fucking scared we are. But we made it out alive. As Henry and I were giving each other a five on our escape to the nearest mamak stall (it the night was still too young for us to go home), PornStar called me on my cellphone… bummer…

“WHERE AREE UU GUYYYSS !?!?!?”

“Err… Henry has passed out. He felt like shit and he doesn’t respond to anything… I have to send him home urgently.”

“LET ME SPEAK TO HENRY !!!!!”

[At the same time, Henry was gesticulating that he'd kill me if I do anything stupid]

“Errr… look, PornStar, Henry is totally passed out… [pauses for silence]… see? he couldn’t even speak a word…”

[She began to cry hysterically and cussed me loudly like I have killed the person she loves or something...]

“AAAAA … FUCK! BASTARD ! LET ME SPEAK TO HIM ! I WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM !!! ARRRHHH”

[picture: the Exorcist]

Then, I heard some struggling noise and a few seconds later, Jess took over the phone. She apologized and hung up. And we continued to whack our late night snacks at the mamak stall and discussed about the terrible night we just had.

The next morning, acting as a courteous Penangite, I sent a few sms to PornStar asking for her well-being and she did apologize for her seemingly bizarre behavior. And I also did make some comments about PornStar’s low self esteem and also gave some smartass opinion on how she should fix her attitude. But my friend Jess, apparently, shared that with her and PornStar wasn’t too happy about it and decided to make me her sworn enemy (or something like that).

Have not heard from her ever since. The last I heard from Jess, was that she got herself a decent boyfriend and was leading a normal life now. But who cares, really?

Sunday - One of my department manager, Pete, organized a farewell karaoke party for one of our departing engineer - CK.

3pm - arrived at Red Box KTV.

3.20pm - I started off the party by singing few songs using my “super golden voice of mesmerizing”. The guys were charmed. We toasted a few pints of beers. It was nothing.

4pm - Some of our Taiwanese supplier joined us. Our crowd grew into over 20 heads. The beers were finishing fast.

4.10pm - CK and Pete also invited their boy toys - a couple of KTV girls whom they befriended some weeks ago. I was not sure why they were so excited about the girls because they definitely looked like overdressed sewer lizards to me. They were an eyesore. The rest of us eased off the pain by toasting a few more pints of beer.

4.30pm - My super “golden voice of mesmerizing” did it’s magic again. The KTV girls were charmed. They bowed in deep respect to my “golden voice of mesmerizing”. We toasted a few beers but that still didn’t improve their outlook for me.

4.35pm - SaltyFish (our really big boss) arrived. He missed my “golden voice of mesmerizing”. It was his loss. He should try to be more punctual next time.

4.45pm - CK ordered whiskey. The party started to get real. None of us was focusing on the singing except my colleague AssTee. He sang like Elvis… with plenty of action… but he needed to learn more about rhythm and timing.

5pm - Emily called me up. She said she will be arriving from her Langkawi trip in 45mins. I was suppose to pick her up at the mainland.

5.10pm - I challenged Rob (my undead boss) for a bottoms up. CK told me Rob had a record of taking off his shirt in public when he’s drunk. I was laughing so hard that I almost dropped my glass.

5.15pm - We finished 2 bottles of whiskey. I’m blitzed. I asked the KTV girls to get more education. SaltyFish told them to finish their Standard 6 level first. They took the joke well and we toasted a few rounds. I’m still very uncomfortable with how they looked.

5.30pm - CK & one of the lizards were slow dancing in front of the KTV screen. I couldn’t see the screen. I took one of AssTee’s shoe and pitched towards the lizard. It hit her lardy ass and I was penalized by finishing a glass of neat whiskey.

5.40pm - I had to leave the party. I’m seriously blitzed and needed to sober up to drive (I was suppose to fetch Emily).

6.00pm - Emily called, and I was still looking for my car. She was furious. She told me that she will be hitching her colleague’s car home and I better have a good explanation of what’s was going on. I realized then I’m in serious trouble.

6.30pm - I reached home and passed out. (miraculously, I drove all the way home by myself…)

I only managed to wake up around 7am this morning with a serious hangover. I made an SMS to my colleagues that I’m not coming to work.

And I have yet to make any explanation to Emily about why I didn’t pick her up yesterday. But I guess I need not to do that anymore as she would have been able to tell by herself, what actually happened to me.

I am bored. Emily had gone to Langkawi for a few days, so, I it will be even more boring for me throughout the weekend. I partied hard last week, and I really need to give my liver a break this time. So, I decided to be at home all alone this weekend. *Sigh*

Life is funny… when I was a kid, it was relatively easier to kill boredom. And then, it got even easier when I transcended to teenage. Bored? Grab a phone and call up your girlfriend, and you’re off for a few hours on the phone. Not enough? Go look for some chicks in the local newspaper (internet wasn’t that popular yet… that time).

In my 20’s, the requirements took an ominous turn towards particularity. Hormones were in the steady state & we were, for the first time, above the legal age to hang out at night spots. I started to get selective on who to hang out with & started to call people ‘dorks’. Alcohols & girls became the main ingredients of having fun. And that was also the time when I started to worry about money. List goes on…

Sometimes I would wonder - what is so fun about getting intoxicated and talk stupid things while getting blasted by loud music? I just cannot explain, but, that’s how I’m getting myself occupied on most weekends, most of the time. I think people are just looking for an excuse to hook up or get laid. Whatever.

Here’s something interesting that occurred to me a couple of years ago:

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I met this girl from KL - whom I’ll call “Jess” - through ICQ. After meeting each other online for a few months, Jess organized a trip to Penang for a meet up. She brought along her 2 buddies - whom I’ll call “PornStar” and “Zoyee”. The 3 girls weren’t bad looking, except… Jess herself. She was a little bit, unattractive to me, so to say, but that’s not important. Now a little bit description on the girls, PornStar - resembled Jet Li’s wife, but was little plump. Zoyee was the best looking of the pack but I could tell from the moment I met her that she’s a fucking emo bitch. The meeting went quite smoothly.

After showing them around Penang for an entire Saturday afternoon, I brought them to meet up with the rest of the BOD members - Tony, Luis, Henry & Soon - at the suite the girls rented. Each of us brought our own booze, so, we sort of like having a drinking party before hitting the clubs. During the drinking session, I sort of noticed PornStar kept eyeing on my friend Henry, and I could tell from her body language that she actually liked him a fucking lot. The way she talked to him, laughed like a retard (snort snort) at his absurd jokes and her lolling beside him - she was clearly in heat. When I told Henry about it, he’d brush me off and said that he’d rather kill himself hooking up with PornStar. So I let the matter rest.

We finished enough booze to start the night, and everyone was blitzed and ready to party. We all then proceeded to our usual joint (a club) for more booze. I couldn’t remember most of the events occurred that night as I was very blur from excessive intoxication. But I recalled that the girls were very affectionate, and they did everything right that night (I’m referring to the partying bit).

I was busy enjoying myself at the place when my friends told me that the girls had left the place. It was all very sudden. And of course, I was kind of pissed - you know, you don’t simply bail without informing your buddies. But we still continued to enjoy ourselves at the club without the girls and had a blast ourselves there.

It was only the next morning that I managed to find out why the girls left us that night - when Jess gave me a call. Apparently, what happened was, PornStar actually got very inebriated that night, and she forced herself on my friend Henry (Henry himself was half-passed-out and struggling). Jess saw the whole thing and immediately dragged PornStar out of the place to prevent anything untoward from happening.

I was so shocked. I immediately called up Henry to clarify the incident. He sounded like a rape victim on the phone… and I was like - Oh my fucking god, this is so fucking unbelievable. My best friend got molested by a bimbo! It appears that PornStar was so attracted to Henry that she couldn’t resist him for a second. She had suppressed the thought of raping him for the whole night… until her alcohol addled brain couldn’t differentiate between right and wrong anymore - and she finally did it.

Since nothing really happened, Henry decided to swallow the bitter experience and wiped it off like it was a nightmare - albeit he was probably emotionally scarred for the rest of his life. And we never talked about this incident since, especially after his girlfriend came into his life. It was an night that all of us will never forget.

*Jess, PornStar & Zoyee left for KL the next day. But Jess & PornStar would return to Penang a few months later… and that’ll have to be a story for another time.

Friday Evening…
5.10pm - Left workplace, fetched Emily & headed home.

6.30pm - Charles arrived at my place. Brought me my RJ45 cables for my Streamyx connection. Now, I can temporary live on the cable instead of cracking my head to figure out that stupid wireless device.

6.40pm - Charles broke my expensive sofa. He literally broke it into half. I don’t know how he did that. Need to call the carpenter tomorrow.

8.30 pm - Met up with more friends at Anson Park for dinner.

10.30pm - 8 of us arrived at C-Front club. The club looks great. Just had a new renovation. Everything is blue and lots of attractive waitresses. We came to the right place.

11.40pm - All the BODs arrived. We are also joined by some other friend’s friends. Our group swells into an unbelievable crowd of over 20 heads, & started the drinking binge. We’re 50% through the bottle of brandy.

12.30am - We were 100% done on the brandy and started the first bottle of whiskey. There were only a few of us focusing on the drinking and talking nonsense. Saw a friend throwing up in the toilet.

1.30am - We were about to finish all our booze. 90% of us are already not legally sober to be able to drive.

1.35am - A guy tried to take advantage on some of our girls. I intimidated him by grabbing+forcing him to drink the purest form of booze available on our table. Saw the guy gasping + choking before running off into the dance floor. Never saw him again after that. The friend that puked, was permanently attached to the toilet bowl and was making lots of sharks fin soup.

2am - Somebody ordered 2 more bottles of booze. Considering the fact that everyone was so worked out, my friend Soon and I agreed that it would be impossible for us to finish the remaining 2 bottles. No fucking way.

3am - We finished all the booze. I was so pissed drunk, that I couldn’t find Emily who was standing in front of me. We all did a bonfire dance and I asked Ayamas if he wanted to swap partner. He told me I was drunk and he would swap if his girl agrees. I told him back that he was drunk.

4am - We left the place. Someone drove us to a porridge shop and miraculously, we met back the rest of the members there. Ate a bowl of teochew porridge and cracked plenty of dirty jokes. The girls weren’t impressed.

4.30am - Back home. Went to toilet to throw up.

4.31am - I told Emily, “Hey, I can see the teochew porridge I ate just now ! uwwekkkk….” She wasn’t impressed. It is hard to impress someone nowadays - I thought.

4.32am - “Emily ..look ! the dehydrated vegetables just came out ! omg .. this is so unbelievable !”

4.33am - The tofu I ate at the porridge shop came out. And it’s green in colour.

5am onwards - Diarrhea… and my ass hurts till now.

Sure it was a wild night. I’m gonna have to take more rest today.