*this is a continuation from the previous entry… *

Now, a little bit about our principal – ‘Brother Casimir’ was a name that brought tremendous fear back in those days. Though he wasn’t really the incumbent discipline enforcer and rarely made appearances around the classroom areas, rumor had it that he once appeared out of nowhere to grab a boy for misbehaving and gave him the nastiest whack ever on the ass. It was said that the cane whack seared so deep, that the poor boy couldn’t sit upright for days. Although I suspected the tale was probably a product of exaggeration as it traveled from mouth to mouth, I did notice that Bro Casimir indeed brought about an enigmatic aura of trepidation around him. He had the stench of a very dangerous man.

Maybe it was his macabre look, I don’t know. With a pair of deep dark eyes, protruded forehead, hooked nose and one side of crispy thin lopsided hind ear – it wouldn’t be surprising at all if one suspects that he was somewhat a cross between a nosferatu and that pesky pet rat of Jabba the Hutt. People were naturally scared of him. Especially us schoolkids. Whenever he passes by a classroom, one could notice the instant effect. The whole class would go quiet and silence would follow wherever he went. Words would travel fast from classrooms to the next, that “Brother is coming!” and everyone would perk the fuck up and be at their best behavior. Dicks would shrivel and sphincters pucker. And I reckon if there was to be a dog around, it would probably bite its own balls to commit suicide the moment Brother appears, no shit. (alright, that was just an exaggeration…)

So, this fearsome white wizard was standing before me, his white pulpit robe flowing, white hair glistening… but his eyes were fiery red. I’d never seen him so fucking mad before. He grabbed my puny arm and dragged me to the corridor and started to hurl a tirade of batshit angry rebuke at me. I couldn’t understand a single thing he said then because

a) I was too busy being scared shitless
b) he had this thick Irish (or was it Scottish?) accent that made him sound like Rambo with a toothache…

I only managed to make up a few sentences, one of them was “I’M GONNA MAKE SURE YOU GET A STICK FROM ME TOMORROW! NOW TELL ME YOUR NAME!” – He didn’t bring his fucking cane so, he had to book an appointment to get my ass whooped on the next day. And that, was the motherfuckest torture I had to endure in my entire life as a schoolkid. Had he whooped me right away on that spot, I wouldn’t had suffered that much. Imagine, I had to go home that day feeling like I was about to be lynched the next day… which gave me a fucking miserable and sleepless night. I didn’t eat well, nor did anything well. Just scared shitless. It was the longest night ever.

The next day was a Friday, I can remember… and I went to school dithering like a Parkinson patient, looking out for the white wizard to appear in front of the class to summon my head. I waited the whole day long, but surprisingly, he didn’t show up. I was at the verge of going insane, and amidst the agitated state of mind and paranoia, a more foreboding thought came to me – the wizard probably didn’t come because he wanted to save my ass for the Monday assembly public caning… OH MY FUCKING GODDD PANIC PANIC.

And from there, I had to endure another 2 tormenting days through the weekend to face the day of reckoning – which by then, I had already mentally braced myself for the worst… And then the time came in the assembly, it never fucking happened. Brother Casimir wasn’t even fucking there. And because the worst of the possible situation had already gone by, my fear sort of like subsided after that. And he never came that day, the day after and for weeks and months after. I gave it a thought one day, about what went wrong and I suspected that I might have given Brother the wrong name and the wrong class out of my freaked out mind – which might have prevented him from locating me… because you know why? We Chinese kids looked all the fucking same to him. The whole incident went by as if it was an incomplete nightmare… I woke up before Freddy Krueger manage to struck me with his evil ’stick’ (kinky)

That was my second narrow escape from a calamitous fate, after the first one. I can be unbelievably lucky sometimes…

People always say, that there are 2 things you cannot avoid in your adult life – tax and advertisements. But for a high school student, it has got to be the ‘classroom duty’. No I’m not referring ‘duty’ as in ‘your duty to fucking finish your high school and not be a yokel’. But ‘classroom duty’ as in, the janitorial work that your kiddy ass exploited to do by your corrupted school board in their bid to save some maintenance cost. You know, sweep the floor, dust the fucking blackboard and stuff? Yep. Back during my time (I am not sure if people are still doing that today), everyone had to take turn to clean up the mess after class – well unless if you’re a cripple or a biological retard.

The classroom duty was always a fun thing for me and my buddies. I’m not implying that we LIKED to do janitorial work, but more like having the propensity to make the most out of each job. We’d give half assed effort for it and spend the rest of the period romping around. You know, like engaging in broom fights… duster fights… duster soccer… duster juggling (there were a thousand and one cool stuff that we could do with a duster, besides dusting the stupid blackboard) and sometimes, illegal activities like swapping defective desks to adjacent classes. Such were our activities, fully utilized to our juvenile amusement.

One day, we overdid it. I overdid it. I don’t quite remember what was the theme and who was there with me that day but, I was having a blast. Towards the end of the duty, right before we were about to wrap up and lock the classroom, I did a final stunt called ‘the basketball chair’ maneuver. The ‘basketball chair’ maneuver, as the name implies, is played like a basketball… except that there is no ball nor basket involved. You use a fucking chair. Here’s how it works – you throw a chair from a distance away towards another chair, so that it lands upright and stacks up on one another. Requires a little bit of skill to pull a stunt like that but, if you can master it, you’d save a lot of work stacking up chairs.

That day, I was pulling a feat that none of my friends had ever done before (well, that’s probably because they’re not as such a dumbass as I was…). I was trying to do the basketball chair thing at the full length of the class. That is – from the front of the classroom, right to the back of it. That’s like the equivalent of a full court shot in a real basketball game. I don’t know what was I thinking but, it seemed like a neat idea back then.

I can still remember, the chair I was holding was one of those ubiquitous old skool rusty steel chair (that always fucking stain our white uniforms). That thing was heavy, about a few kilograms. I lifted it up with little regards, took a careful aim and flung it with all my might. The chair took flight across the classroom, landed about half a foot short of the target and fell sideways, resulting a din of metal crashing against the cement floor, which I reckoned was loud enough to be heard across the building block. On any other normal day, this would had been a really trivial thing to happen. But that day, was not an ‘any other normal day’. It was the day the planets were not in alignment to my chi, and the cosmic energy was incongruent with my spirit, which thoroughly fucked up my chakra. After the explosion of sound, I noticed a white object towering above me from behind… which prompted me to turn back and look up, and saw my 6 feet something school principal – the formidable Brother Casimir Hannon… and that was when I realized that my fate was in jeopardy there…

(to be continued…)

*Kinda free at work this morning, so I decided to write a little…

There was a time when I used to be immaculate. A time far before the internet and porn. A time when I only know about soccer and being innocently mischievous… until I learnt ‘more’ about the world that one fateful afternoon.

It was after school at about noon, and as usual, I went over to the school field (which was opposite my school by the sea) to play soccer with my friends. It was like a daily routine for me whenever I had to wait for the school bus. But when I arrived there, I was quickly ushered to the edge of the volleyball court changing room building (which was just right next to the field) by this friend of mine (the same guy who showed me my first porn mag).

He whispered to me in a hushed tone :

Friend : [whisper] “Duuuuuude.. shhhh! Keep it down! There’s a guy at the back of that wall there jacking off! ahakss!”

Well, he actually quoted ‘pak chiu cheng‘, which is Hokkien for ‘wanking’. I heard that word many times before at that age (I was only 8 or 9), but only had a faint idea of what it really was. But I was about to find out…

Me : [whisper] “What the fuck?? He’s doing it on our field?? Why would he want to do that lah??”

I was innocent. Forgive me.

Friend : [whisper] “I don’t know man. Don’t ask me. Maybe he’s just sick or something.”

It was just a blank discussion. It really mattered not to us on why the guy did it. But for something like this to happen in our school compound, it’s already heck of an interesting phenomenon for the rest of the younger boys. The news then started to spread faster than a wildfire, and in the matter of seconds (it was really that fast), we had dozens of curious boys sneaking behind the wall… myself included, to peek at that psychotic horny dude jacking himself off under the hot sun.

The guy happened to be a middle aged bloke… still wearing a motorcycle helmet, sitting on the edge of the washing well (a place to wash our feet) and fervently working on his dick. He was pretty much in ‘control of the situation’ until I made that fake moan in falsetto voice…

Me : “Ooooohh ahhhhh oooooohhhh aahhhhh ooooh aaaahhh~~”

My prankish cry triggered 2 simultaneous reactions:

1) The guys catching for their breath for laughing too fucking hard, and
2) The wanker jolting up as if he was discovered by his mother-in-law porking the family dog.

I kinda half expected him to immediately pull his pants up and skedaddle, you know… but then surprisingly, he went on with his business. I guess he must be already ‘too far to go back’ in his fantasy, lest he’d spill his cum on his pants or something like that. And that kinda gave us more time to goad that guy up with more of our shenanigans.

Some of us would howl like wolves, some would follow suit with more creative orgasmic moan, some would simply yell “HOI!”. The jeering lasted for about 10 minutes (Now that I think of it, that was kinda long for a session of jackoff) before horny dude decided he had had enough, pulled up his pants and got the fuck out of there – but not without yelling at us with some profanities.

We had a good laugh and some of the kids even went to the site to survey if horny dude had actually ejaculated, which they later ascertained that he didn’t. He left the site clean, except for perhaps a few strands of pubic hair for the roaches as souvenirs.

Believe it man… there are a lot of sick people amongst us. (I meant the horny dude, not us innocent kids…).