August 10, 2010

interviewed by a dipshit

That’s right, I was interviewed by a fucking dipshit.

Tall guy in his mid or late 40’s. Fish belly pale in complexion, rotund, balding and had a condition that made his eyes half closed like Jughead in Archie’s comics. He looked totally like what a pedophile should look like, and the first sight of him gave me this uneasy feeling that my interview session is gonna suck.

And I was right. At one stage of the interview, that dipshit interviewer decided to empower himself by delving into the ‘root cause’ topic which totally ruined everything. This was his first question (verbatim):

“When a supplier gives you the root cause of a problem, tell me of a tool, which you can use to verify the effectiveness of the root cause.”

I’m sure all of you know what a ‘root cause’ is. So I went ahead to explain how I’d do it based on my experience – you know, technical verification, SPC, audits, etc. But the dipshit cut me off halfway, and told me that was not the answer he expected. He stressed on the word ‘tool’ and then rephrased the whole question, which to my surprise, was not what he originally asked.

“No no no no no. That wasn’t what I asked. I asked, name a TOOL [annoyed gesture], that ONE TOOL, that can find us the root cause of a problem.”

Like I said, it was an entirely different question from what he originally asked. And fuck me but if there is such tool in this world, then we wouldn’t need engineers. We can just hire Indonesian maids to use the fucking tool to find root causes. So I was kinda stuck there because I wasn’t sure I heard it right from that dipshit, and I eventually gave up.

“The one tool that could find me the root cause of a problem? I’m sorry, that’s beyond my knowledge then. Maybe you can enlighten me.”

The dipshit then lit up like a bulb and gave me this despicable smirk. He then smugly said this (which totally got me dumbfucked)

“Ahaaaa! Let me educate you here. The tool is called ‘fishbone diagram’. You use a ‘fishbone diagram’ to find root causes.”

!@#$%^&* (self explanatory, people).

If I could yell WHAT THE FUCK, I would have done it. But you have no idea how it felt like to suppress the emotion inside like it’s a wrong thing to do. A ‘fishbone diagram’, colloquial term for Ishikawa Diagram, is a tool to brainstorm for possible contributing factors to a specific set of problems. Advanced use would be to put numerical weight to each brainstormed factor, and with it, you narrow down your scope for higher efficiency. And that’s just the beginning of many more things to do. It doesn’t fucking directly find a goddamn ‘root cause’. And that was what I told that dipshit, and yet he still had the cheek to argue, like a 5 year old child.

“No no no no. It can. It can help us to find a root cause.”

Why maybe he actually used a fishbone diagram to find out why his car wouldn’t start in the morning.
Not wanting to drag the conversation further, I replied him this,

“Maybe in your world. In my world, a fishbone diagram is a brainstorming tool.”

Not sure if he got my sarcasm, but I have that feeling I won’t get the job – simply because I’m not from his world. Never mind if he has enough life in him to get offended with my reply. The interview was concluded about 5 minutes after that. Shortest interview I had (whole thing lasted just 30 minutes).

michaelooi  | experiences  | 22 Comments
August 7, 2010

are we actually rich or poor?

Caught this in the news today

[source]
Malaysia donates RM3.14mil to Pakistan

PETALING JAYA: Malaysia is donating US$1mil (RM3.14mil) to Pakistan to help the country which has been hit by massive floods since July 22.

Foreign Ministry in a statement said the humanitarian aid was a manifestation of Malaysia’s sympathy and empathy towards the Pakistani government and people who had suffered the loss of lives and damage to major infrastructure and property in the floods.

“We hope the humanitarian aid can help ease the pain suffered by the flood victims.

“This is the worst flood Pakistan has experienced in 80 years. It has claimed about 1,600 lives, while almost one million have lost their homes.

“The lives of about 3.5 million people in several areas including Punjab, Balochistan, Gilgit Baltistan and Kyber Pakhtunkhwa have been affected because of this disaster,” the statement said.

The money would be delivered as soon as possible to Pakistan, which was also received aid from other countries and agencies such as the United Nations.

Malaysia donates to Pakistan, after a round of subsidy cuts. While 3.14 million may not be much (I wonder how they come up with that number…), but it paints a false impression that we’re very well off to give away money like that. It’s like a manager sees his employee buy a brand new car after having heard the fella complaining about being underpaid. False impression.

Hello!? Depa ada sendiri mia nuclear weapon! What makes you think Pakistan can’t afford a measly few million bucks to aid its own people??

michaelooi  | snippets  | 11 Comments
August 4, 2010

Squeak Art Asia

Have you ever looked at the bunch of artworks that your little tyke did and wondered if they’re going to end up on a wall like a prized collection somewhere/someday?

Well, unless your child is a prodigy, that is not likely gonna happen. But fret not, you can actually get it done (with a fee, of course) and have it hung at your own home. Or be given away as a gift to a loving grandmother/godmother etc. Two of my cousins started a company that does stuff like this, and I’m helping them to pimp their stuff here because they’re awesome.

Just check out the 3 artworks my Regine did, 2 of which were done when she was 3 years of age (remember “Burning House” and “14 Colorful Clouds”? I’ve blogged about them here) and the other one done a few months ago (titled “Red Hill”).

So instead of chucking her works away like scrap papers, we kinda had them ‘immortalized’ in square shaped canvas and have them hung on a wall somewhere, to be appreciated for years to come.

Basically, Squeak Art Asia can help you make anything you want into canvas, including bootlegged paintings, original paintings by your talented maid (or yourself), or even photographs (this could be a thing for you if you’re a business owner and you want the pics of your products on your wall). They have all sorts of things going on there, you can check them out in the following sites.

http://squeakartasia.blogspot.com/
http://www.facebook.com/squeak.art.asia

Price is of course, reasonable. And you’re likely going to get better service, if not a discount, if you tell my cousins that Michael Ooi sent you. They are headquartered in KL, and delivery can be arranged. For more inquiries, you can email the owners at the following address here:-

amy@squeakartasia[dot]com

michaelooi  | misc  | Comments Off
August 2, 2010

old hags inc.

My buddies and I were walking back to the car from a night out at a pub. Because we’re all very intoxicated, we’re kind of loud and were talking shit throughout the long walk. You know, the normal stuff drunks do. On our last 50m or so in the indoor parking lot, I noticed 2 female creatures walking beside us, also on their way to their car… who looked like something that the science of evolution cannot explain… whose sole existence was to destroy urban buildings in Tokyo and fated to be beaten up by giant vigilantes clad in metallic silver tight latex suit with egg shaped tinted goggles.

On any given day, I would have ignored those eyesores but I somehow caught one of them overtly giving us a stinky eye. Because I was drunk like fuck, I was void of all the senses to be courteous and decided to say something about what I saw to the guys… [it was said in Hokkien, rather loudly]

“Hoiii! Lau ee tulan lu aa!”
[“Hoiii! The old hag is pissed at you guys!”]

Neither of the 2 creatures were actually old. It was said in a half jest just to piss them off (they’re probably in their late 20’s or early 30’s). But my bluntness kind of touched some raw nerves there and one of them yelled at me. I don’t quite remember what she yelled but, it was something like, ‘I’m not an old hag ok!!!’. She said it like it’s going to make them look young again…

My reaction? I laughed like a shit fuck (don’t know why). Square at that creature’s face. I swear, if she were to be one of those she-bitch types that could fight like an MMA contender, she could have easily tossed my ass 3 floors down the parking lot building, as I was in my most vulnerably drunk position. But fortunately, old hag didn’t resort to violence or anything like that. Strangely, they laughed back at us after that, probably delighted with the fact that some drunken idiots finally gave them some attention after a long grueling night out. What the fuck.

Anyway, their car was coincidentally parked right next to mine and as I was still laughing to the verge of puking, I rolled down my window, gestured to the driver to do the same. The driver rolled down her window and I then said this to them (not verbatim but something like that…)

“Sorry, I did not mean to call you an old hag… I was actually referring to your friend… HAHAHAHAHH!”

And I drove off to have the most wicked breakfast with the guys.

michaelooi  | rompings  | Comments Off
July 29, 2010

parting gift

A week before I left Company X, I received an email from my boss with an attachment. Content as follows.

From: Boss
Sent: Wednesday, July 21, 2010 2:06 PM
To: michaelooi
Subject: Testinony

Michael,
Would you like to have any alteration on your testimony, you can inform me for your input.

Regards,
Boss

Attached with the crudely written email, was a letter of testimony written by him. After I’ve read the letter, I did not know whether to laugh or cry. You can check it out yourself, the content of the letter is as follows:

29th July 2010

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

Subject: Testimonial for Michael Ooi

Michael Ooi has joined the company on [date]. Throughout his services in the company, he was attached to [department] as [position]. He is solely in charge of [lab name] for products testing & reliability function. He grows together with the [Company X].

He has demonstrated his dedication to work assigned. He is definite a good team player and diligent in carry out the task that assigned to him.

I am confident with his strong technical knowledge and positive work attitude that will equipped him for future career.

We thanks Michael Ooi for his valuable contribution to our team and wish him all the best on his future endeavors.

Thank you.

Yours truly,
[Boss’ name]
[Position], [Department]
Company X

I really do not know what to say. I wanted to tell him that the letter sucked-ass so bad, that I felt like swallowing a computer mouse. But thankfully, I didn’t do it, because I knew it was done in good faith. It’s like a cat came to you with a dead rat hoping you’d be impressed. It would be plain wrong to kick the animal and send it away, because in its best perception with a least intelligent mind, that rat carcass was the best thing ever it wanted to give you.

So I did what I should – I politely declined the letter, and thanked him for his thoughtful act.
[The letter actually made me more depressed, mahai…]

michaelooi  | mails/posts  | 9 Comments