March 28, 2011

who the fuck cares?

I’ve had enough of this Anwar Ibrahim shit. I’m sick of seeing/hearing his name and the word ‘sex’ in the same sentence.
I don’t fucking understand why are there so many people so concerned about his private stuff.

Let me ask you this, which one of these would you choose to be your leader?

A) A virtuous vegetarian celibate who has never had a sexual experience before and an ardent supporter of Earth Hour – but totally suck at being a leader…

B) A womanizer who has fucked everything that moved before (except motorized vehicles) – but is totally awesome at being a leader…

I’m not implying that Anwar’s a good leader but I’m just trying to make this point – WHO THE FUCK CARES WHO/WHAT A STINKING POLITICIAN LIKES OR HOW HE LIKES IT?

We’ve heard conflicting accusations about him being gay and now being a whore hound. So what the fuck now? What has that got to do with anything??

Malaysian politics is just fucking sad.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 8 Comments
March 22, 2011

Siapa itu ‘Datuk T’?

Identiti kepada nama yang penuh misteri ini akan terbongkar di MichaelOoi.net…

Nama samar: ‘Datuk T’

Nama sebenar: Laurence Tureaud

Umur: Tak boleh cakap

Tinggi: Kira-kira enam kaki

Berat: Kira-kira seratus botol air oren Mirinda satu liter

Tanam chachar: Tidak pernah

Pekerjaan: Bekas peninju profesional. Sekarang menganggur.

Hobi: Menumbuk anjing, mengumpul barang kemas tiruan, tangkap video lucah orang lain.

Pasukan bola sepak yg paling gemar: Blackburn Rovers

Pelakon wanita yg paling gemar: Papillon Soo Soo, Maria Ozawa, Akira Fubuki, Anna Ohura, Azumi Kawashima, dll.

Pelakon lelaki yg paling gemar: Christopher Walken, Jason Statham, Dwayne Johnson, Aaron Kwok

Makanan yg paling gemar: ‘too boh sui’, koay teow goreng tak mau taugeh, mee segera perisa asam laksa berjenama Cintan.

Minuman yg paling gemar: 932

Pencapaian yang paling cemerlang: Mengalahkan juara dunia Rocky Balboa pada tahun 1982, dan menerima anugerah Darjah Kepangkatan Yang Teramat Tinggi Sekali (DKYTTS) yang membawa gelaran ‘Datuk’ oleh Sultan Sulu untuk pencapaian ini.

Benda yg paling tidak suka: orang tengok rambut dia, jam tangan berjenama Omega kerana ia mengingatkan dia tentang seekor robot yang hodoh dalam rancangan Transformers.

michaelooi  | nonsense  | 2 Comments
March 21, 2011

fuck you, me and Earth Hour

Please launch your favorite browser, fire up Google and search for this – ‘Fuck Earth Hour’.

If for some reason you’re too fucked up and unable to do that, check out the screenshot of the result below…

Awesome, isn’t it?

Now who would have thought, that there are so many pathetic dumb fucking asses at this very century, this very maturity, who think that the majestic art of turning shit old dinosaurs into light is a stupid boner? Our ancestors during the cave days would have traded their wives and all their precious animal hides for an hour worth of light without a second thought, and it would have been their ‘light hour’, and they would remember that hour for the rest of their lives.

Earth hour should be aptly renamed as Stupid hour.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 11 Comments
March 13, 2011

tak boleh pakai

Saw this in TheStar today

[source]
Salon owner fined for letting employee wear ‘inappropriate’ blouse
KOTA BARU: A hair salon owner is fuming after she was issued a summons for allowing an employee to wear a three-quarter-sleeved blouse while on duty at her salon on March 6.

The owner, who declined to be named, said she was upset because her employee was washing a client’s hair when the Kota Baru Municipal Council enforcement officer raided her salon.

“I would not mind paying the fine if my employee was not wearing a headscarf, which is a violation of the business permit conditions, but it is ridiculous to issue a summons for wearing a three-quarter-sleeved shirt.

“She was washing my client’s hair and it would be messy if she was wearing a long-sleeved shirt,” she said.

The salon owner was issued a summons under the municipal Trade and Industry 1989 By-law.

She also accused the council of double standards as other establishments had workers who did not wear headscarves.

“Why only target my salon when the others clearly flout the law and should be issued with summonses?” she asked.

MCA central committee member Datuk Ti Lian Ker said the council’s action was “unconventional” and “unbecoming”.

“This is sending the wrong signal to the world about Malaysia,” he said, blaming the PAS-led Kelantan government for the actions of the council.

“Most people prefer to take the ‘easy way out’ for fear of repercussions from local authorities.

“This is not the first time that such a summon had been issued,” he said, adding that many often paid up because they did not want trouble with the local authorities.

Ti said this could also give the wrong impression that people were condoning such laws.

The Kelantan Government had recently come under heavy criticism after banning the sale of lottery tickets.

If you were to ask me what’s the most embarrassing thing about the opposition party, I’d say having PAS in it. We often find these PAS nincompoops do stupid things in the name of their religion, and put our country in a bad light. I understand that this PAS party is very ardent about their beliefs and shit but, really, isn’t this ‘going around to fine people for trivial stuff’ a bit ridiculous? Like, haven’t they got anything more important to do?

If you were to look at it my way, you’d see that this PAS party is against everything that has a connection to either one of these – money, looks and modernization. So in a way, if they were to be given a chance to run the government, they’d do everything in their power to regress the society backward, to become rustic, parochial and irrationally anal retentive bunch of shitfucks. The people will all dress the same color, grow a stupid goatee and smell like a clogged drain (the women on the other hand, will be reduced to wearing ponchos and reproduce domestically).

Looks like we haven’t got much choice nowadays… either BN, or Pakatan Rakyat. If your district only fields reps from BN and PAS, then you’re in for a tough choice. It’s like selecting to swallow a roach or a stink beetle. Makahai. Tak boleh pakai.

michaelooi  | snippets  | 12 Comments
March 7, 2011

hook up

‘Hook up’. Many people don’t seem to know this phrase really well. Apart from carrying the meaning of having a literal one time off steamy sex, this phrase actually carries something that is profoundly deep in meaning. Something that boldly defines the level of bond between any 2 individuals, especially in this modernized world where putting one’s life in danger for a friend is no longer a pragmatic approach. But able to ‘hook your friend up’ is.

So what the fuck is actually a ‘hook up’? Simple – to lookout for a job opportunity. I don’t know if any of you uses the phrase ‘hook up’ for this but, this is what I use for my friends. I ‘hook them up’. It works like this, I help to keep an eye for something my friend is looking for, and go the extra mile effort of WANTING to help him/her get it. Or if it is just some position which I think swells, I’d hook him/her up too. I don’t need to lose a body part or sacrifice anything, just forward a resume to the hiring asshole. And this is even easier with the advent of wireless communication devices. It’s almost effortless. Just a click of a button.

Why the need for a hook up? one might ask… It’s because of how things work (or rather, doesn’t work) in this world. Because by the time you see something suitable in the ad or job search engine, thousands of contenders would have gotten word of that position and everyone gets that proportionately less chance of winning it. A ‘hook up’ saves you the time of having to bet on your luck to millimeter through the stack of applications other assholes vie for. You go beeline to the hiring manager, through a ‘hook up’. That’s how awesome it is. There are in fact, many big corporations that are exploiting this ‘hook up’ idea. That’s because they can save a fuck lot from having to pay for advertisements. They’d just ask the existing employees to ‘hook their buddies up’ and achieve the same objective!

Over the years, I’ve attempted and successfully hooked many people up. And I’ve been hooked up by others in all my 3 jobs too. A cousin to his company (my first job), a friend to Company X (he was an employee there) and recently, someone I hardly even knew hooked me up to work in Company Y. It has become a way of life for me, and also I believe, for many.

But sadly, there are still some fucked up cynical people who still live under a rock that they foolishly believe everything revolves around. I’ve came across a couple of guys whom back then I thought were my friends, who told me to ‘check out the ads in the newspaper’ when I asked if they could hook me up for anything. Like, I don’t know how to read meh you fucking cibai?? They just don’t know what a fucking ‘hook up’ means. Sad sad motherfucking bunch of retards, these people.

So, be learned. Know what a ‘hook up’ is. Don’t fucking ask your ‘friend’ to ‘check out the ads’ when a hook up is requested. It’s insulting. Just do it or don’t.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 7 Comments