January 6, 2013

east vs west

Now that Christmas is over, the next holiday week that most people are looking forward would be the Chinese New Year (abbreviated as CNY). In the short span of about 1.5 months, most business premises would struggle to change their decorations from the Christmas theme to the CNY theme. Quite a big change for most people, but for me, I can’t help but wonder on the ‘too much to be just coincidence’ similarities between the two – especially on the 2 lead figures of both celebrations – Santa Claus and God of Prosperity. So much similar, that it would have warranted a lawsuit if either holiday were to be run by shit companies like Apple.

Anyway, let me line out the similarities between both, and you guys decide for yourself.

Body size – fat with bulging belly.
I understand that in the (ancient) Chinese culture, fatasses with huge belly signifies wealth and fortune. It shows that he is well fed, and he doesn’t need to do shit. But I can’t explain about Santa. My take is, a fat old guy is rounder therefore, it is more likeable for the kids (as opposed to a skinny guy that looked like a drug addict).

Beard – thick long beard
Well, it isn’t really ‘thick’ per se for the God of Prosperity but, his overflowing lush beard is da shit in the oriental standard. Santa’s beard is huge as well.

Choice of color for the garb – red.
Well it’s really simple for the Chinese. Red signifies fortune, and also the myth on the Nin monster being scared of red (and loud noise) or something like that. So, the God of Prosperity is conveniently red (and gold). For Santa, it’s red as well.

Motive – to give shit away to people.
Santa gives away toys to behaving kids. God of Fortune does it further – he gives away gold and fortune to any lucky bastard.

Hat – wears a fucking hat.
Santa’s hat changes all the time, but the most iconic one would be the same type we see sexy santarinas wear at pubs during Christmas eve. God Of Fortune wears a hard tall hat with 2 antennas that is similar to ancient Chinese government officials’. The type of hat usually signifies ranking in the society and the wealth status (and perhaps to boost mobile signal reception). Both have hats, even though neither has male pattern baldness.

Age – seems old
Both are old geezers in their 60’s – 70’s. At this age if you’re this fat, you’re usually marked for death from either an overwhelming high blood pressure, or osteoporosis for having to hold that huge amount of weight with those brittling old bones.

The existence.
Do you see any other holiday with fat geezers going around giving away stuff? If I get to choose, I’d opt for a hourglass shaped bimbo with perfect tits and tap-able ass to do the job. Go figure.

Of course, there are things that are not the same at all – like,
– the God of Prosperity is actually worshipped as a deity. And you don’t have to be good to get the benefits. It is said that the mere sight of the ‘God of Prosperity’ alone would grant you bright future and fortune.
– In Christianity? They have seen Mother Mary, and Jesus on their toast (ironically, no Santa Claus) – they fucking cried and prayed harder (but nothing happened).
– Santa has a sleigh with reindeers, and utilizes some elf labors to manufacture the toys.
– God of Prosperity materializes gold out of thin air, and he fucking walks (or teleports).
– Santa covertly climbs down the chimney to give away toys
– God of Prosperity walks to your door step and does drive-by blessing (or rather, walk-by)

And the God of Prosperity pre-dates Christmas for about a few decades… at a time when no one knew China even existed! So I guess sometimes shit like ‘too much of a coincidence’ can actually happen… or China had already spread its influence way back before we thought it was possible? Another theory would be that, both are actually the same person, that came to visit us from outer space? o__O”

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
December 25, 2012

2012 roll up

The year 2012 was all about adaptation for me and my family. At home, it was to adapt the life without my mom. My mom was never good at adequately providing for her children except for one thing – food. She’s one hell of a cook. I had been eating her Cantonese / Hokkien fusion food for all my life, and to not have her around anymore is like not having an engine oil for the car. Things get cranky, stuck up and gunk starts to deposit around. We have no choice but to adapt. With Emily’s new job (which requires her to work late), I had to take up cooking. What we’ve been doing has been somewhat of a synergy which we’ve not explored before (and should have) –
1) Emily preps the dinner ingredients in the morning and sends Regine to her nursery,
2) and I pick Regine up from the nursery in the evening, and cook the dinner.

It is a great arrangement and it has managed to bring us through everything until today.

Speaking of job, besides Emily, I have also changed my job. I have finally left that shithole ‘Company Y’ for good, and joined a bigger MNC which I would refer as ‘Company T’. It’s a semiconductor company and everything about the job is completely different from what I have been doing. So, it’s a major adaptation going on here. I’m six months in, and shit is getting tougher. The job comes with its fair share of cockblock. Instead of having to deal with assholes everyday, now I get to deal with lame ass whiny douchebags with multiple bleeding vaginas to spare (boo-fucking-yah). I guess what the old geezers have been saying is true – the grass always look greener on the other side, but it’s all the same shit. Well, I hope I can adapt well and get back to be an overachiever like I have always been.

Remember the moolah that I got from the VSS at Company X? Finally used the money to buy a second home. Not planning to move there but, it will serve as an investment to secure the funding for my daughter Regine’s tertiary education – which I reckon from the time warp we’ve been experiencing, is going to be very soon. She’s going to be in Primary 1 next year, it won’t be long before she asks for a phone and eventually then sneaks out to have a drink with her friends… That’s when shit gets complicated to another level, and I do not plan to be short of funds when I’m old and not capable of fighting for more (hence the investment). Anyway, on the positive side of our banal lives, we’ve changed our ride. Sold off the Chevrolet Optra (which I referred it as ‘Lorraine’) after 8 years of ownership. We have a Prius now. A piece of engineering marvel it is and no regret so far.

I guess that’s about all that is worth mentioning. 2013 is going to be challenging for both Emily and I. It will be the year my Regine start her primary school, and it means a great deal especially to people like us (both working parents). We’ll have to juggle with our tight schedules, and get our shit together through it all. We have a plan in place, but are not sure if it’s going to work. I guess we’ll have to find out then.

Merry Christmas and have a safe New Year.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 4 Comments
December 16, 2012


I just had a bad moment with my daughter earlier in the evening (I kind of yelled at her), when my wife came to me at my computer desk and dropped me a small folded note – while giving me a stinky eye and a telepathic message that I am the worst person in the world. And then she said, “Your daughter wanted to give this to you.”

I opened up the folded note, and saw this strange drawing with some scribbling on, saying that she loves me. Here’s the scanned copy of the folded note:

Regine's note

Looked like something ancient from the Dead Sea

I tried my best to decipher what the whole drawing was all about – As you can see, there are 2 Suns in the drawing, which I find odd. And then, there’s this thing of what appeared to be a giant spaceship sitting next to a small house. Had to be a spaceship, because of that gear-like contraption on it, and the 2 other worldly creatures that looked like a cervix with a pair of fallopian tubes on them. (the 2 ‘rods’ however, looked like dicks to me. I tried not to think too much). The setting, I reckoned, had to be at a farm somewhere because I could see some crops (corn?) in the spaceship’s surrounding. And the whole theme is of course, hearts and love. But what has that got to do with loving me? That was when I decided to ask her :

“Regine, what are those little things with 2 arms on their heads?”

“They’re ladybirds”

I went ‘WTF??’ and asked her

“Are you sure those are ladybirds? And what about the strange things around them?”

She went on to explain that the ‘spaceship’ is actually the giant slide located outside her daycare center, and those are the ladybird drawings on them. That gear-like contraption? That’s suppose to be a ship steer wheel, which also can be found on that giant slide. She didn’t explain why there are 2 Suns and phallic looking ‘rods’ though, and why her ladybirds looked like a female’s reproductive organ. It didn’t matter. I just accepted her strange note of affection and gave her a big hug (and of course, taught her how to draw a ladybird properly…)

I hope she can be a gynaecologist when she grows up.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | Comments Off
December 7, 2012

hate mail from yonder

I received a hate mail today

On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 11:46 AM, r r [poiur1234@gmail.com] wrote:
you fucking worthless piece of shit. u don’t fucking deserve to live. u think u can hide behind a computer bc ur too fucking ugly to be seen. just FUCKING DIE

I don’t really know what was that for… I guess it must be for that kitty torture post again. Anyway, here’s my reply:

On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 7:12 PM, Michael Ooi wrote:
Bitch, please. Learn how to fucking type first, you miserable piece of sore cunt. I hope you get herpes and crabs for every sex you have, and all your pets die of cancer.

michaelooi  | mails/posts  | 3 Comments
November 21, 2012

Puisi 2012

Sajak satu rangkap.

Air tenang buaya berenang,
Di bawah bulan orang membangang,
Pilihanraya belum lagi menang,
PM sudah pilih siapanya orang.

Really kanineh. (if you faham the sajak)

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 4 Comments