February 14, 2013

loser in the making

Check this piece of news out…

‘Teacher caned and sent my daughter out of class’
BUTTERWORTH: A father claimed his daughter suffered emotional distress after she was allegedly caned and sent out of class by a female teacher for failing to complete her homework.

Syahrul Asmawi Rashid, 35, said his daughter, Year Six pupil Nur Emilia, 12, had since refused to return to school because the teacher had allegedly also told her to fill up a transfer form and move to another school.

“The teacher contacted me at 9.30am on Friday to say my daughter had returned home for failing to finish her homework,” he said, adding that Emilia did not come home although their house was less than 100m away from the school.

“I later found her crying in the village. She didn’t tell me what had happened until her friend, who dropped by, related the incident to me,” Syahrul Asmawi, a self-employed, said here yesterday.

He lodged a police report on Tuesday.

Penang education director Tarmizi Kamaruddin said he had ordered the school head to investigate the allegation.

“Maybe, the teacher was overcome by emotion. However, it is against teaching principles to send pupils out of class for they have the right to remain in class to learn,” he added. — Bernama

So, instead of reprimanding that little turd for being an ultra emo queen and for not coming home after school (shouldn’t that be classified as ‘run away’?), the father lodged a police report that the teacher ‘caned her daughter for refusing to do her homework’?

Right… in the working world, that should be the equivalent of refusing to do my job when my boss asked me to… and when he gets upset, I lodge a police report against that fucker, all the while with the expectation that I still get paid in the process.

Man, this is so wrong on so many levels…

michaelooi  | snippets  | Comments Off
February 3, 2013

school nowadays

It was 1994 when I last seen my own school. Never been to a school after that, until my daughter started her primary one last month. It was only then, I realized that how much shit has changed!

One of the prominent changes would be, do you guys fucking know that they do not have blackboards and chalks anymore at schools (most of them)? *shocked* For some of you dipshits who were born to sissy whiteboards and markers, you won’t understand how much of a big deal this is. There used to be so many hundreds of cool things we could do with chalks and blackboards.

We can use the chalks to write/decorate on fellow students dark colored pants. Eg. draw an inverted Z or lewd image on an unsuspecting student’s chair, and when the sucker sits on it, the letter / image will be imprinted on his ass. We’ll have a few laughs after that and move on (because the chalk dust can be easily remove with a few kicks!)

Speaking of kicks, you also can apply the chalk dust on your shoes, and give someone a kick. It’ll have a cool dust mist effect when your shoes come in contact the victim’s ass.

The chalk can be ground into fine powder, and put into a folded paper bellow. You can use the self made paper bellow to puff a mist of chalk powder to any unsuspecting person, and see him startled.

The said grounded chalk powder can be mixed with water, and applied on the school shoes – in a last minute effort to conceal your sleazy pair of dirty shoes in the event of needing to impress some girls you’re about to meet.

Chalks also can be broken into smaller pieces, and flung towards a spinning ceiling fan for a game of random projectile roulette. It’s fun, until chalk hits the teacher of course.

If you’re the artsy kind, chalks also make a good material for carving practices. We’ve carved numerous lewd objects (dick, et al) and put them on display on someone’s desk. One can try the teacher, but that’s not recommended.

One can also do some graffiti with chalks too, and it’s never permanent.

And then there’s the duster. Everyone would volunteer to dust the duster at the corridor, to get a couple minutes’ worth of respite from a boring class, or using it as an opportunity to gawk at passing girls. There was once a classmate of mine took more than 10 mins to dust that goddamn duster and was duly punished by the teacher.

The duster was made of rags stapled together. That made it a perfect object for an impromptu soccer match, or safe object (otherwise embarrassing) to fling at a sleepy student.

Many more, I can’t remember them all. It’s sad to learn that my daughter will never experience the same fun I had when I was in school with chalks and blackboards. I can only hope at this time on, she’d find more fun with a whiteboard marker… which I doubt she will. Whiteboard markers and whiteboards are boring.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | Comments Off
January 17, 2013

weird parents at school

You wouldn’t believe how many weird parents I have seen at my daughter’s school. I mean, we know people like them exist, but to know that these people actually have progenies – that fucking baffles the mind.

One of them would be this old hag who must be in her 60’s. The first time I saw her, I almost had a stroke, even though my vitals are ok. She had this dyed shit brown hair, and permed to look like pencil shavings from a mechanical sharpener (it was surreal). Then she had this sheer white dress on, with light blue undergarments which everyone could see clearly. The dress was very short, revealing a pair of legs that looked like they had contusions on them, and looked damn fucking odd without toe tags on. And platform shoes that looked like they would trigger a foot cramp anytime. Finally, her face. She had thick make up on, and she looked like Gorn creature in Star Trek (only that Gorn actually dressed more decently). *flat lines*

The shock factor could be likened as how you would imagine Moses parting the red sea. Only the sea that she parted was the sea of people. A couple of mamaks were seen snickering behind her back, and some were at the verge of gagging.

I can only imagine how difficult this is for her kid. Her classmates are definitely going to say something mean, and the humiliation she’s going to go through will be traumatic. “Oh look at her zombie prostitute mom!”. Well, maybe she’s a great parent, I don’t know. But what the fuck do I care… in my opinion, she could have done a lot more for her kid by simply dressing more decently when showing up at school. Not like a skank all the way up. Weird parents. Fucking hell.

(speaking of her age, if she’s in her mid 60’s, that standard 1 kid that she was picking up couldn’t have been her child. If it’s her child, that would have meant that her menopause was running like, seriously fucking late, nevermind the odds of her finding a mate. So, my best guess is, that child must be her grandkid, which makes this even more shocking…)

michaelooi  | what I saw  | Comments Off
January 14, 2013

something that ought to get invented already

You know, one of the things that ought to get invented already, is a kid safe discreet tranquillizer. It is what the name says – a tranquillizer, that is safe for kids.

I do not know what’s wrong with the society, but I’ve been seeing a lot of wacky kids around these days that needed serious tranquillizing. You know, screaming, trashing and going crazy around like they’ve been possessed by a poltergeist. Back in my days, this would have been dealt with a hard back hand spank and that would definitely remedy the problem right away. But parents nowadays are too chicken shit to do that, fearing that their kids might turn into a psycho when they grow up or something (which is ironic, can’t they see that their kid is ALREADY BEHAVING LIKE THAT??). And speaking of screaming, all of the crazy kids seem to have this gift of making the most annoying high pitch scream that annoys me to the bone every fucking time.

So, I was thinking, why not a tranquillizer? They do this to animals, and mental patients in institutions when situations get out of hand. Why can’t they use the same method to control the kids? We can make it a kid-safe one. Like, fortified with vitamins and shit. A ranged non-piercing discreet kind of dart that attaches to the skin and administer a chemical that would immediately calm the tyrant the fuck down. The guy would sit down, all relaxed and would exhibit short term compliance to any instructions like “Finish your fucking rice now” or “Go clean up the kitty litter”. We can be more creative, and make the tranquillizer cross compatible too – like instead of administrating through the said weapon, the chemical ammo can be dropped into the little turd’s drink like Eno or Alka Seltzer.

The shit’s definitely gonna sell.

michaelooi  | imaginations  | Comments Off
January 11, 2013


As you all have learnt, my 6.5 year old daughter started her primary one last week. Second week in her school, she already started a computer class there. Being an engineer specializing in this field, I was curious, on what have they been teaching my daughter…

“So, Regine, what did they teach you in the computer class today?”

“How to off the computer. And write my name with it.”

“Off the computer? You mean the start then shutdown button in Windows? Don’t you already knew how to do this?”


“What else did they teach you?”

“Unix system”

I was startled for a while. I was like – they are teaching Unix in primary school?? Wow. I’m impressed already! Seeing that I was totally in OMFG mode, she prodded further…

“So daddy, do we have a Unix system?”

“Ermm, we don’t. We use Windows. But I do use some Linux in my workplace, which is kind of similar to Unix and…”

Before I could finish further, she interrupted “Noooo, not Unix. It’s UNIT SISTEM”.

Well, it appears that she was referring to the term, ‘Unit system’ – which is another lame ass description in BeeEm referring to a desktop unit of a personal computer – which I mistakenly heard as ‘Unix system’. Makahai. I might need to get my ears checked.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | Comments Off