December 16, 2012

ladybird

I just had a bad moment with my daughter earlier in the evening (I kind of yelled at her), when my wife came to me at my computer desk and dropped me a small folded note – while giving me a stinky eye and a telepathic message that I am the worst person in the world. And then she said, “Your daughter wanted to give this to you.”

I opened up the folded note, and saw this strange drawing with some scribbling on, saying that she loves me. Here’s the scanned copy of the folded note:

Regine's note

Looked like something ancient from the Dead Sea

I tried my best to decipher what the whole drawing was all about – As you can see, there are 2 Suns in the drawing, which I find odd. And then, there’s this thing of what appeared to be a giant spaceship sitting next to a small house. Had to be a spaceship, because of that gear-like contraption on it, and the 2 other worldly creatures that looked like a cervix with a pair of fallopian tubes on them. (the 2 ‘rods’ however, looked like dicks to me. I tried not to think too much). The setting, I reckoned, had to be at a farm somewhere because I could see some crops (corn?) in the spaceship’s surrounding. And the whole theme is of course, hearts and love. But what has that got to do with loving me? That was when I decided to ask her :

“Regine, what are those little things with 2 arms on their heads?”

“They’re ladybirds”

I went ‘WTF??’ and asked her

“Are you sure those are ladybirds? And what about the strange things around them?”

She went on to explain that the ‘spaceship’ is actually the giant slide located outside her daycare center, and those are the ladybird drawings on them. That gear-like contraption? That’s suppose to be a ship steer wheel, which also can be found on that giant slide. She didn’t explain why there are 2 Suns and phallic looking ‘rods’ though, and why her ladybirds looked like a female’s reproductive organ. It didn’t matter. I just accepted her strange note of affection and gave her a big hug (and of course, taught her how to draw a ladybird properly…)

I hope she can be a gynaecologist when she grows up.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | Comments Off
December 7, 2012

hate mail from yonder

I received a hate mail today

On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 11:46 AM, r r [poiur1234@gmail.com] wrote:
you fucking worthless piece of shit. u don’t fucking deserve to live. u think u can hide behind a computer bc ur too fucking ugly to be seen. just FUCKING DIE

I don’t really know what was that for… I guess it must be for that kitty torture post again. Anyway, here’s my reply:

On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 7:12 PM, Michael Ooi wrote:
Bitch, please. Learn how to fucking type first, you miserable piece of sore cunt. I hope you get herpes and crabs for every sex you have, and all your pets die of cancer.

michaelooi  | mails/posts  | 3 Comments
November 21, 2012

Puisi 2012

Sajak satu rangkap.

Air tenang buaya berenang,
Di bawah bulan orang membangang,
Pilihanraya belum lagi menang,
PM sudah pilih siapanya orang.

Really kanineh. (if you faham the sajak)

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 4 Comments
November 6, 2012

Langkawi Island

Went to Langkawi for the 5th time last weekend, and thought I ought to write a review about this place.

First of all, the very reason I went there again and again, is because of the booze. It is a duty free island, and the booze there is like, many times cheaper than anywhere else you can ever find in Malaysia. So naturally, miscreants who are looking to get shitfaced like me and my colleagues are attracted to it like flies to a rotten corpse. And a rotten corpse is coincidentally, a right metaphor to describe Langkawi, for it is nothing but a shithole (albeit not as fucking bad as Pangkor Island).

Recently, there has been news about the government wanting to turn this place into a world class top 10 tourist destination or some shit like that. Well, world class my ass. I don’t know how they’re going to do it. To me, it’s like making a bold claim of wanting to turn one of the most heinous looking old hag in your office into a Miss Universe finalist. I guess this will only happen if Langkawi were to be pitched against shittier places like Somalia or a patch of desert in Afghanistan.

Langkawi has literally nothing there. Trust me. I’ve been to all the tourist spots there – most of them suck donkey cock. Most of them are poorly maintained and holds little or no entertainment value at all. Examples:
– There’s an aquarium that looks like the old Pudu bus station (minus the Banglas).
– There’s a hot spring place that has dead water and shit floating around, that looks more like a massive breeding ground for mosquitoes.(photo proof)
– Shitloads of seedy & run down eateries that charge exorbitant prices for bland tasting food.
– A few waterfalls with garbage strewn all over and rotten amenities. Eco tourism fail.
– A small crocodile farm that looks like a red light district for terminally sick animals. (go to see it for yourself)
– A go-kart circuit that looks abandoned.
– Sight-seeing around the island will reveal a giant cement plant that looks out of place, and a giant landfill with incinerator facility bigger than its airport.
– Airport that brings you back into the 70’s. Considered a shame as it is suppose to be a major place for the annual LIMA event.
– There’s a cable car ride up a mountain called Mat Chinchang, which offers a somewhat mediocre view of the island. (but nothing else).

The only few places worth visiting are the vast stretches of beaches, which is quite spectacular if you’re into beaches. But then, the sea water isn’t very clean to begin with, so it is just really being mediocre. (You can opt to island hop on a boat ride or something, for a fee, which can be quite pricey depending on where you’re from, if you know what I mean).

So, Langkawi is really just a beach joint with cheap booze. If you’re into boozing and lazying around the beach looking and listening to the waves, then this is a place just right for you. World class top 10 tourist destination? Nuh uh. In another world perhaps.

michaelooi  | places  | Comments Off
October 11, 2012

pet

My 6 year old daughter couldn’t stop harping about wanting a goddamn rabbit (or two) as pet(s). It was in my top priority list of things to worry about and it totally ruined my weekend. After a day’s worth of cajoling and shit, Emily finally managed to convince Regine to have a couple of goldfish instead. I was like, well, that’s definitely better than a fucking rabbit so, it was on – my wife got our little kid a couple of goldfish (to placate that little tyrant), which she fondly name them as Starry and Sunny.

I thought it was going to be easy to keep a couple of goldfish, but I was fucking wrong. First mistake – I shouldn’t have assumed that a 6 year old girl would honor her words that she’d take care of a couple of fish in the name of being responsible. The truth is, she just wanted to keep them, not taking care of them. Like slaves. No strings attached. The second mistake – I shouldn’t have assumed that taking care of a couple goldfish is easy. It’s not.

So, as expected, it ended up being me having to take care of the fish. One thing I’ve learned about fish (or goldfish, for that matter) – is that goldfish seem to have the ability to turn very little amount of food into massive amount of slime and shit. I have to clean the fucking tank like, once every 2 days lest they’d stink up the whole house! (and believe me, it really stinks!). Also, they seem to be hungry all the time, and this sort of becomes a perpetual cycle of feeding them and watching them producing more shit (another thing I also learned is, fish do not have a sphincter. i.e. they can’t clip the shit off their ass, so their shit would grossly stuck out of their ass until it drops off its own.).

Me in my sorry state of woes. I’m leaving the commenting system open for any advice on taking care of goldfish – like if any of you know of any synthetic drug that can mutate the goldfish to eat/shit less, or simply being able to do it without murking up the goddamn water… just let me know.

Starry and Sunny

Just had the water changed before this photo was taken.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 11 Comments