August 13, 2003

boss rage

I’m still very free today. Got nothing to do. Spent most of my time surfing and answering phone calls. One of them was made by BigSnake, asking me what the hell is Centrino. I told him it’s a brand of vacuum cleaner. Things like that.

Lunch with the usual bunch. Went to “the place under the bridge” to eat. The 3 old guys (Doug, LeRoy & Eric) were talking about their boss today. Apparently, their boss 3K (short for kiasu, kiasi & kiabo), is also a jerk. Rumored to be worse than Rob, 3K is the kind who would put his nose in anything you do. Micromanage – as they call it in our corporate world. And he’s a an asshole too. Anything bad you can imagine. He is the typical evil boss that all assholes in my company would worship like their religion.

Usually, the 3 old guys would just curse him around during lunch and I was already used to that. Heck, they even named my soft-toy dog (it’s a grimm) in my car as 3K… and occasionally, Eric would grab my dog and punch him in the face and yell – “motherfucker!”. My dog is like a physical dummy for him to vent out his frustrations …*I usually call my dog ‘crazyguy’ *

But today was different. Their rantings has advanced to a whole new level. Today, they talked about torture & some twisted plots to murder him. Doug started with something like cutting off his dick, sealing his sex life shut forever. And Eric continued, to peel his skins and rub plenty of salt on him… then coat him up in honey and let the ants devour him.

And they continued to add more ideas, each time with more grotesque imagination. I thought I was bad. But I felt really thankful today, for I wasn’t the one driving. Else, I couldn’t imagine what would happen to Crazyguy when their imaginations turn into action.

I think I’m gonna hide my dog up the next time I drive these 3 old guys out for lunch.

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August 8, 2003

a queer experience

The sky was filled with haze today. It shrouded the entire Penang bridge. Couldn’t see anything at all. I guess the Indonesians are burning their forest again. It’s really sick to have a neighbors like them. Imagine your neighbor doing their barbecue party right next door and fanning all the smoke into your apartment. And they didn’t bother to offer you any of their chickens… and all the while, the other neighbor rents your pipe water… and sell them back to your maid at a much higher price. People do weird things that are difficult to explain.

Well …today, apart from the hazy weather, there are something else that was weird too.

You see, my company hires a lot of assholes. Speaking to them nicely will not yield you any expected results. But today, everything weren’t happening as they should.

For the past few days, I have been arguing with a manager about the emergency exit in my lab and he has been acting like a prick about it. But today, he suddenly barged into my lab… I was getting myself ready for another round of shouting match… but to my surprise, that motherfucker came to apologize & agreed to work out a solution to my problems with a targeted dateline. It was totally unbelievable.

And Rob was acting weird too. He was particularly nice to me today. I felt so quirky about all these. Are all these related to the recent close up of planet Mars to Earth? Could all these be due to the Indonesian ‘barbecue haze’? Or could these be due to the eeeevviiillll spirits of the hungry ghost month?

When abnormal things turn normal, it scares the shit out of me.

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August 6, 2003

travel

I received a schedule from my senior today – my travel for the month of Sept & Oct. Scary. I’ll have to travel to Singapore 3 times every 2 weeks, a week’s duration for every travel. And since my company doesn’t pay our allowances upfront for our travel expenses, we’ll have to swipe our cards to be able to survive there… and then, to claim them expenses back 2 weeks later when we return.

What’s with all the Singapore trips? Well… there is this project that requires us engineers to make proactive visits to customers and educate them the necessary fundamentals of computers. Sometimes, to even fix their problems. Sort of like a car service guy… but the difference is… the products are different, and a car service guy doesn’t visit your miserable ass. I think I’m going to be very broke in the month of Sept & Oct, I guess no more clubbing for me…

Nothing special happened today – except for my amok incident in the office this morning. This time, a very unlucky Taiwanese supplier was the victim, got blasted with my breath of fire for delaying my reports. I will give that fucker another 3 days to come up with what I want, else, I’m gonna get his ass fried.

Right after that incident… my cube partner told me “You will have a very good prospect becoming a loan shark…” BLAAASSST… my breath of fire struck its second target. Perhaps he should know, a shark doesn’t breathe fire.

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August 4, 2003

Eric – the disturbed + dangerous

Eric is a VERY DANGEROUS DRIVER! Man… I was at the edge of my seat when that guy drove us to lunch today. Switching from the outer lane to the inner without signals… making illegal u-turns in the heavy traffic… sudden pull overs whenever he notices something that interests him… etc. He should be banned from driving man… his existence is endangering other road users.

I can imagine if Eric were to race for the McLaren team… ishh… Ron Dennis would smack his own head so often.. that his skull would turn into a lopsided+flat gorilla head shape. There will be a constant need for a safety car… and Malaysian stormtroopers would probably consider banning the idea of telecasting F1 on national TV – for confusing the mind of already screwed up Malaysian motorists.

A couple of bad news:
– My HK trip had to be cancelled due to lack of headcounts for the tour. Damn it. Now… either I’ll have to go to another tour agent… or I’ll have to consider vacationing to other places… It’s a tough choice with limited budget & time…

– Doug told me about the recruitment freeze incident. That means… I will have to stay in Rob’s department longer… while waiting for the position to be available. Arrghh… what have I done to deserve this?? Why is the economy so shitty when I needed so much from my career? Why can’t I have a normal boss like everyone else?? This is all Rob’s fault… why was he born on the same planet as I was? Or why does he even exist in the first place? FUCKKK.

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August 1, 2003

Board Of Directors

I was a bit free at work today… so I browsed my archive to burn some time & I found one interesting email that was the first time me and my buddies coined the name ‘BOD’ (Board of Directors) for our group. You see, whenever we are all at work, we would usually send short emails to each other discussing about our plans for the weekend – something like, “apa kangtau saturday?”… “where are we going to float this weekend?”… most of the time, full of censored language. Then, I started to notice that my buddy Henry, he always changes the email subject to a somewhat formal title and replied all our correspondence with office level formality. His excuse? He was afraid that his boss would cream his ass for using the company email for private business. The ones full of fucks & asses were especially detrimental. One day, I decided to play along:
————————-
From: Ooi, Michael
Sent: Thursday, August 30, 2001 9:21 AM
To: Luis; ‘henry’
Subject: URGENT: Request for schedule of meeting
Importance: High

Dear Mr henry and Luis
Would appreciate if you can confirm the activities that we are going to roll out tonight, as I would desperately like to know the schedule planned for tonight’s meeting. The intention is to allow me to pre-arrange my working hours to cater for the above-mentioned function.

Forehand, I have been pre-informed by Mr Luis that we are going to have Tony as company for the above function – with a bottle of Chivas for the occasion. As far as I understand, we may face a lot of inconveniences and difficulties if the Chivas were to be brought along into the Canto meeting room. As a result of that, we may need to meet-up in a separate venue before the meeting – bak kut teh , or animal’s corner.

Would appreciate your prompt response on this matter

With regards
Michaelooi
————————-
*Luis replied:

From: Luis
Sent: Thursday, August 30, 2001 10:12 AM
To: Ooi, Michael; ‘henry’
Subject:RE: URGENT: Request for schedule of meeting

Good morning everyone.

As per discussion with our Thai representative, Mr. Henry – nothing is confirmed yet as of now. Our organizer Tony still hasn’t give me a call to finalize the time and venue. So, I guess we still need to wait for our boss, Tony as he is having the ultimate agenda for the meeting – CHIVAS –

But it still will be at night as usual, Director Michael, and what time will you be available? Do keep in touch for the plan tonight.

Regards, Luis
————————-

and that was how the BOD (Board Of Directors) was born. Our way of communication was never the same again.
Here are some explanation to aid your understanding for certain confusing words:
Chivas - a 40% alcohol beverage (whisky) made by Chivas Brothers.
Canto meeting room – a pub in Penang.
bak kut teh – a cafe in Gurney drive … we usually test our livers there.
animal’s corner - a kopitiam in Macalister Rd, Penang. My friend – animal…his dad owns a stall there … that was why we named the place animal’s corner.

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