July 25, 2003

2 cents

My own take on meaning of life:
Why do we study? – so that we can get a steady job/career. Now that we have the job, of course we hope that it’s not some nutty job with puny wage. The understanding applies to all kinds of profession out there, from neurosurgeons to fishmongers.

The money, must be a lot. Now, ask again, why do we need so much money? So that we can use it to feed ourselves good, pay our bills and the ultimate goal – to be wealthy. Now, why is it so cool to be wealthy? Well, with money, we can do a lot of things… like getting ourselves a nice car or an opulent house… or condo …. or chick magnets… whatever. We’d be frigging happy to have a lot of money.

Hah… now that the word comes into view – happy. That means, all the studying, career / profession selection, struggles, etc …. are all for the very same thing – money (well..almost). One thing that ultimately satisfies all our lust & greed, for happiness. Ergo, happiness is actually the fish head (ref: Ishikawa… not Itchy Bawah) of all our needs. The rest are just branches, bones and twigs.

Now, if we can directly jump to the fish head… why do we need to go through so much troubles and waste so much of our time doing so many things for a very simple goal? My point is, why take a long route to find happiness, when they can be found everywhere. If you like that PS2 & you can afford it… go get it! If you like clubbing and you don’t have problem paying for everything that goes with it… go ahead! If you like to slam dunk chocolates into your throat when you’re watching a movie, to hell with dieting… go chow a bar! You will never know what is going to happen tomorrow. I am sure there a lot of people in this world already have this realization and most of them are actually suffering from some incurable disease, and about to die.

Enjoy your life while it lasts, every moment of it.

I realized this when I visited my grandma in Hospice… the environment there makes me think.

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July 22, 2003

letting out *caution*

Rob didn’t come to work today … so … the day was kind of relaxing … because I don’t have to see his fucking face.

Tomorrow will be my turn to MIA, as I will on my day off to accompany my dad to the hospital again. His leg is not doing very good – he is starting to limp … he is having a hard time to even walk. Don’t know why. Maybe it is his crashed liver. We’re going to the doctor tomorrow to find out. Hopefully, the doctor can do something about it. No one deserves to suffer like that.

But then, I’m not expecting much. Like, how could I expect someone to fix him back… for all the damage he had been giving to himself? It’s quite impossible, really. To be so ignorant for so many years, and then expect things to patch up just like that.

And this has also been so unfair to me. How much problem do I have to fix before i can lead a peaceful life? These family affairs of mine really get me down sometimes. They come wave after wave… no signs of stopping. I guess, when I was born, the stars were all in the wrong orientation (if they’re for real)… and perhaps that explains why I have to bear the misfortune for all my life.

And that’s probably why i don’t believe in God. If they really existed … there wouldn’t have been so much problem in this world in the first place.

It is time like this that makes me really envy those rich kids with happy families. They don’t have to give a shit about how much they’re going to spend their parents’ money. They don’t have to worry too much about their ambition. Nope … they don’t. They don’t have to worry a single thing about the balance of their family’s financial status. They’d just have to worry about how much money to ask for when they want to go bowling or fuel up a big ass car. How I wish I get to do all that.

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July 17, 2003

miserable

A bloody hectic morning. The entire Penang bridge was badly jammed – due to several accidents at the end of the way. The congestion was longer than 8 km on that narrow fucking bridge. Damn waste of everyone’s time … damn tired and frustrating.

I don’t know who was the fucking moron that designed the stupid bridge. It was so ridiculously narrow. Everytime when there is an ah beng or any speeding low life bastard gets into an accident, the whole fucking bridge will jam like a prostitute’s cunt. It is simply too impractical for a 2 laner to stretch 14km… goddamn. They should have built something wider …and a separate lane for those ignorant motorcyclists as well … FUCK…

Today Rob called me about my project. Asked this and that … covered a lot of details. Don’t fucking know what he’s up to. Asked him, that shitbag refused to reveal much – except that it was for some ‘justification’ purposes. What? Justification to get himself frigged in the ass?

Nevermind about him. I don’t give a shit if he decides to promote me or sack the shit out of me. I have had enough with that cheap skate skunk.

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July 15, 2003

mood

arrrghh …it’s so hard for me to wake up to begin my day… my holiday mood is emerging …

Rob still have not submitted my award. I am not sure what is the problem with this guy. I don’t know why he is so ignorant. Ever since he took over this department, I know this guy is going to screw up my future big time. And indeed. Goddamn son of a fucking bitch.

As if it’s not bad enough with the moody episode, I also discovered that my lab was in a mess this afternoon… solders, components and tools were scattered everywhere … and my scope was also not in its place. It quickly came to my knowledge that a group of Taiwanese terrorists (ok …engineers) were here and they’re to be blamed for all these. And they got a big bash from me.

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July 14, 2003

saturday night out

oo.. yeah. I’ve never felt any better. It’s like being reborn… the outing to the club was awesome!

Last Saturday night’s theme was — Steven S’s partner. My friend Ayamas brought along 1/2 dozen of his lady friends and wanted to intro one of them to another friend in the frat, Steven S (he has been single for YEARSssssss). That was why, everyone anticipated something to happen and watched Ayamas & Steven S walking confidently through that big crowd of clubbers… to that lucky lady who was dancing on the dance floor.

And with joy in our hearts, we toasted each other hoping for the best for our brother… but out of the sudden… in less than 10secs, we saw Steven S came running back looking pale and Ayamas followed suit from behind:

Me : “Eh dude … what happened lah?”

Steven S : “… nothing…”

Me : “I thought you’re suppose to meet someone and work out something with her?”

Steven S : “No ler … it didn’t work out”

Me : “Seriously dude… you were so excited a minute ago, …but look at you now, don’t want pulak?”

Steven S : “Well, why don’t you go and have a look yourself? You’ll understand…” *upset*

Me : “Errm … how many points?”

We have our own common metric system to rate attractiveness for the opposite sex… it’s a guy thing…

Steven S : “Don’t ask, just go see for yourself ler…” *upset x2 *

Ayamas overheard our exchange and intercepted,

Ayamas : “Eh… brother… come on lah. It is hard to find good looking girls who are still single nowadays… if you want people to intro… it will be like that lah…”

And the whole group of BODs took ‘a hike’ around one particular spot of that club – like a zoo sight seeing event – to look at the subject. Fast forward a few minutes later, back the table…

Everyone: *stunned* …

Me : “Damn … her hair’s so fucking tragic… so… 80’s … so high (picture Marge Simpson)… that must have taken a quarter can of hairspray to hold…” *shudders*

Luis : “Eh friend … how old is she? What happened to your taste?”

Ayamas : “Just give it a rest, ok?”

And the BOD moved on with the party with another mission failed in place.

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