March 26, 2010

men and pussies

I was talking to my colleagues about Tiger Woods this morning. I’m sure most of you have heard about his fiasco. If you haven’t, well basically, it was about him cheating on his wife. He had sexual relationship with a dozen (or more) of porn stars and whores. And when his secret was revealed by one of them (whores), he admitted everything, apologized with a somber look and decided to take a break from golfing with plenty of drama and shit.

I was saying, I don’t fucking understand why Tiger had to come out to say he’s sorry and all that. And also why he had to temporary take a break from golfing (although he’s set for a return now). What does having sex rampantly with random partners have to do with golf? Does a golf tournament have a prerequisite of restricting one to have only 1 legit relationship at any given time? Mind boggling.

If I were to be him, I’m going to be all smiley during the press conference, and probably dispensing high fives to all the blokes at the front row. I mean, he’s an adult. If he is man enough to cheat on his wife to have sex with porn stars and whores, for sure he’d be man enough to face the consequences. He shouldn’t have whimpered like a chicken shit and expressed sorrow. Was he sorry when he was humping them whores? I bet not.

He only owes the apology to his wife, and he can always do it privately away from all the attention. But having to cheat on her for whores, well… I’d say he already had an existing relationship problem, otherwise he wouldn’t have done that – so an apology might be unnecessary. As for the media, he should have spit on them – tell them that it’s his private matter and none of their fucking business. Sponsors pull out? Fuck them. The Tiger is rich enough. Besides, being such a stud, he can always solicit for other sponsors like condoms or fragrances for men.

The same goes to that Jack Neo. Such a pussy. It saddens me to see great men like them selling out their self esteem to convince the public that they’re good men after a filthy sex scandal. What a fucking lame and ironic way to ‘control handsome’.

If you can’t take it, then don’t do it. If you decided to do it, then do it all the way, do it like a man.

Oh, by the way – fuck Earth Hour.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 11 Comments
March 23, 2010

Notebook computer myth #2

Myth#2: My notebook has performance issues because its cooling system is not efficient enough. That’s why we need those aftermarket cooling pads.

Bunch of bollocks. If your notebook works for the first week without a problem, then it is good enough – technically – for it to function for the rest of its life. There’s nothing wrong with its heat dissipation system, and you do not need a cooling pad (you know, those docking doohickeys with turbo fans purportedly be able to ‘increase your notebook efficiency’).

Most of the time, your notebook overheats and succumbs to performance issues because
a) you’re such a fucking sleazebag
b) you’re trying too hard to be cute

90% of the time, notebooks overheat because of clogged heatsink fins. Your fan sucks air from the very space you are in like a vacuum cleaner and blows out the hot air (concept of heat dissipation in a notebook), and because a notebook typically does not have an air filter, everything gets drawn in. That’s why you get clogged fins, usually with stuff like dust, lint, pubic hairs and what nots. (yes, I have seen them)

Don’t believe me? Check out the photos in the following links (I took the pictures).
Picture-1
Picture-2

When the fins get clogged, basically, the heat dissipation efficiency drops (depending on how much heat gets trapped). In the cases of both pictures above, basically nothing gets blown out. That’s why installing a cooling pad will not help. There’s only so much air gets blown out of the clogged fins. So, what happens next is quite predictable in such cases. The fan’s going to spin like mad (usually noisy), and eventually, the whole system will shut down (before everything gets toasted – it’s a safety feature). But not before experiencing major temp rise all over your keyboard and palmrest, occasionally sets off panic in some paranoid end users.

There was once, a girl in my office went around the company to look for someone to solve her notebook’s performance issues and someone in the management recommended me. It took me only 5 minutes to diagnose the whole thing with a screwdriver. She was flabbergasted when I asked her this “Say, miss… do you happen to have a purple mattress or blanket that you particularly fond of?”. She thought I was a humsup stalker or some sort until I explained the wad of purple lint cum pubic hair that was lodged in between her notebook fins, which was the main cause of the performance ‘issues’ she encountered. What an experience, eh?

So how do being a sleaze and trying to be cute come into the picture?
Aaaa… ask yourself, if the air is filled with so much dust and filth, then either you must be a consummate sleazebag for not cleaning up your workspace regularly, or you’re trying to be cute (and a moron) by using your notebook on the mattress or bed – like most teenage farts (and sadly in some cases, adults too) like to do. You know, lolling around in bed IM-ing their retarded chatroom buddies. (Just like that girl in my office with the fetish for purple mattress/blanket).

So how do we counter this? Well, you can’t prevent this from happening, but however, you can actually delay this until say, your notebook gets out-dated or something… by adhering to following suggested practices
1. Use your notebook in an air conditioned room. Preferably, one with an individual air conditioner. Individual air conditioners have built-in filters, the air is therefore cleaner. The cold air helps to reduce temperature faster, reducing the frequency of needing the fan to suck air to dissipate heat.
2. Always place your notebook in a clean, hard and flat surface (glass, marble, etc). This is to maximize the heat dissipation efficiency. Bed and soft surfaces tend to trap dust/particles, and they tend to block the vents from sucking in ample amount of air.
3. Clean your workplace at least once a day. Get your maid or wife to do it for you if you’re useless.
4. Use anti-dandruff shampoo.
5. Know your sex partners. If any of them gives you hygiene problems or even crabs, you’re going to get pubic hair loss, which might clog your heatsink fins.
6. Refrain from using your notebook near animals with fur. (Persian cats, Shihtzu dogs, Himalayan Yaks, etc)
7. If you know how to dismantle your notebook without breaking anything, you can also opt to take out your heatsink once a few months to clean it.
8. It also kinda helps if you’re bald.

Can’t think of anything more… but you get the idea.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 16 Comments
March 22, 2010

rendezvous

Felt like expressing myself this morning…

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 11 Comments
March 18, 2010

observations

This incident happened many years ago when I was a Quality Assurance technician working in a PC notebook manufacturing line. (this post could be too technical to some…)

I don’t quite remember what I was involved in, but the situation kind of called for my attention at the assembly station. There were many rejects coming from the assembly station, most of them related to the fragile LCD flex cable connection. Some were damaged, and some had unflushed insertion.

So I stood there to make some observations. It was then I noticed that the assemblers (all of them were young female operators) weren’t given a fixture to provide a stable platform for the LCD cable assembly. As a result of that, each of the builders had to resort to their own method of finding an effective way to assemble the LCD module.

Then I noticed one lady – called ‘Rose’ – who stood out from the rest, who managed to devise the most effective and productive method of them all. What she did was, she let the LCD panel lean 45 degrees on herself. That way, she could free both her hands, and use them to effectively insert the LCD cable to the back of the LCD (the rest were using 1 hand to hold the LCD, and another hand to assemble the cable). Rose’s method was faster, more stable and very efficient.

So I asked her partner, Sue, to adopt Rose’s method to assemble the LCD. After some tutorial, Sue started to assemble her stuff with Rose’s method. But instead of making her more productive and efficient, it made her even slower, and even damaged some of the parts. That was because the LCD she was assembling kept falling flat on the table. At first I couldn’t understand why it didn’t work on Sue. But after much more observation, I finally figured out the problem, and started to laugh like a shitfuck.

Rose had bigger tits, and Sue was flat-chested.

Now how’s that possible? Because of the distance of the stool from the bench, versus the fixed assembly tray, the size of their tits kind of played an important role to decide whether they’re able to support an LCD with their chest. In the case of Sue, she didn’t have what it takes to support the LCD, and the LCD would slip right off her flat chest.

“Eh, apa you gelak-gelak aa??”

“You punya equipment out-of-spec… HAHAHAHHH!”

That goes on to prove that sometimes, bigger tits have its advantage in the technical aspect too. They’re not solely for cosmetic.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 12 Comments
March 15, 2010

Cameron Highlands

I always had the impression that Cameron Highlands is the ‘tame’ version of Genting Highlands. You know, instead of theme parks and casinos, Cameron has farms and fresher air. A laid back place to relax and shit. That was what I experienced when I visited that place 11 years ago. Time was slow there, and things were simple.

But not anymore. Went there again last weekend, and discovered that the place has turned into a shithole. Cameron Highlands, like Genting Highlands, sucks donkey cock. Actually, it sucks even more than Genting Highlands.

Let me tell you why. I’m going to make this in point form.

1) Bad traffic. It has only 1 main (small 2 way traffic) road connecting between all the towns and commercial spots, and there are like, hundreds of thousands of vehicles there. As a result, you get a simulation of what happens when a woman flushes down her big piece of sanitary napkin down the toilet bowl – an overflow of shit all over. Laid back and relaxing? Not really. Traffic jam, lack of parking space, frustration and cusses? Yes. That’s not my idea of relaxation.

2) Lack of fun. In the scale of 1 – 5, with 5 being the best? I’d rate the fun factor as 0.5. There’s basically nothing there. Only stuff commonly found in any pasar malam or wet market, nothing unique. And another thing that I noticed was, the people there seem to be very gung-ho about their strawberries. You’d see strawberry themed merchandise every-fucking-where. Giant styrofoam figures, pillows, lamp covers, etc. It was as if they invented and introduced strawberry to the world. “I see strawberry also, I tulan” – quote from me.

3) Run down. The roads there suck. Full of potholes, pebbles and garbage. We went to the pasar malam in the evening, it was full of garbage as well. The public toilets, like Genting Highlands, are a true reflection of our Malaysian hygiene. Filthy as hell. But they’re much worse than Genting because you have to actually fucking pay to go into their shitty toilet! The parking’s free though, if that’s any consolation to anyone… and not many of them around.

There you go. Some people say, Cameron Highlands is a great place to host gatherings with friends or relatives. I don’t know about that but, if it is the company of people that makes one enjoy an event, then why can’t that person do it somewhere nearer, cheaper or more convenient? It doesn’t fucking make any sense. Maybe I’m just hard to please and being pain in the ass, I don’t know. But it was really dumb of me – that’s for sure – to expect things to be exactly like how it was 11 years ago.

To make it short, it’s a boring place. The only thing nice is probably the tea plantation scenery there. But if you were to ask me, I’d say it’s not worth the trouble to go all the way up there.

michaelooi  | places  | 20 Comments