September 15, 2015

Malaysia, the 58 year old douchebag

Read this

Display screens to counter allegations against Govt
KUALA LUMPUR: A network of display screens will be put up in public areas nationwide to counter allegations made against the Government, said Deputy Communications and Multimedia Minister Datuk Jailani Johari.

“For a start, this will be carried out in Kuala Lumpur through the Info2U programme.

“Information in the programme will be projected on screens put up in public areas along public transport routes,” he told reporters after launching the Info2U programme here yesterday.

Jailani said the Info2U programme was a collaboration bet­ween several government departments and agencies.

Among them are the Information Department, Kuala Lumpur City Hall, the Land Public Transport Commission, Malaysian Resources Corporation Bhd and Prasarana Malaysia Bhd.

Jailani also said amendments to the Communications and Multi­media Act 1998 and the Commu­nications and Multimedia Commis­sion Act 1998 would be tabled in the Dewan Rakyat next month to address cyber crimes more effectively. — Bernama

This reminds me of North Korea. I mean, we’ve all along knew that Malaysia has been somewhat a closet douchebag, spreading propaganda in the shadows through BTN or some other shit programs like that. But THIS… makes it to the whole new level and is an act of desperation.

What next? A PA system that can’t be turned off in all homes?

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September 2, 2015


Many common things that we see every day, remind me of how moronic the world has become. Amongst them, diet soda. That’s carbonated soft drink with less or synthetic sugar that’s supposed to be healthier or something. We also have vege-burger – burgers made of soy or some shit like that. And then there’s decaffeinated coffee. Coffee without caffeine. Let’s not even talk about those indie stuff like alcohol-free beer… and many more.

Lately, there’s this thing called e-cigarette (or better known as, vape) that takes the whole moronic cake, all by itself. People now, so to say, have a healthier option of puffing a ‘cigarette’ – by vaping (puffing e-cigarette). Just like those stupid diet coke or decaf coffee or alcohol free beer. They have a healthier option of a bad thing. Can you fucking believe that? That’s dumber than an animal spa and all those diet shit combined. The main argument I’d always throw is – if health’s your main concern, why don’t you just fucking quit smoking altogether?? Oh that’s right, smoking makes one look cool. My bad.

I don’t entirely know how that fucking vape works, but it does have smoke… though not from an actual fire. It produces this fake synthetic smoke that smells like the kind of enigmatic techno-smog emitted from the smoke machine in discotheques back in the 90’s. It’s powered by a rechargeable battery, and it looks like a cross between a Tektronix oscilloscope active probe and a vibrator. Some look small/plain, some has LEDs on them (depending on models/makes) and some even have colored 7 segment display to pimp up the look (numbers indicating the douchebaggery level perhaps? LOL). The puffer just need to add a canister of ‘flavor’, like fruits… flowers… seafood… it’s pretty gay really (with added variable % of chemical nicotine, the addictive ingredient inside a typical cigarette) and puff away the fake smoke. People claim that it has like, 99% less harmful elements that a fucking cigarette has – hence the ‘healthier choice’. Depending on models, a vaping device can be expensive from a few hundred bucks to the price of a third world child’s kidney.

The thing is, this vape device doesn’t even look cool. I mean, come on, LEDs and shit? That’s stupid. Part of the charm of smoking, has always being able to flick the ash and litter the butts. The glowing hot ember of its burning tip, can be used to torch a house, or torture-burn a prisoner (depending on your cool angle). The lighter to light a cigarette can be an art as well (see Zippo, etc). Ask yourself, how many movies have featured the hero with an awesome flip lighter and an explosion afterwards? The form of the cigarette smoke wafting in the air is tranquil and almost poetic (not as thick and coarse as a vape smoke – which looks more like steam than smoke). Film noir wouldn’t look as fabulous without cigarettes. It has been sung in songs by modern bards, and drawn in masterpieces by skillful artists. It’s the tobacco, tar, nicotine and carcinogen that gives it the distinct character of badassery. You get banned from public places, you get cancer in your blackened lungs and your goddamn throat / halitosis mouth. But that’s part of the package and that’s what make it so special. (I’m a non-smoker and never was, but I totally get it).

Now why would anyone think that puffing on an electronically produced smoke would be any better, or for that matter, healthier, than a fucking cigarette? Escapes me. Either you’re a smoker (courting danger/risk, badass reputation, cancerous) or you’re not (dan lain-lain). If you’re a vaper, you’re just a poser. Fake. Wannabe. Hippy. Pussy. And you’re nothing.

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August 17, 2015


I was at McDonald’s. My daughter wanted a Happy Meal with Filet-O-Fish. So I ordered one.

Me: “Happy Meal with Filet-O-Fish”.

The guy at the counter with a lisp and heavy Malay accent, then asked me this…

Lispy guy: “Mehfis?”

Me: “I’m sorry, come again?”

Lispy guy: “Mehfis?” [smiles]

Me: “Errm, can you repeat that again?”

Lispy guy: “Mehfis. Mehfis?” [smiles]

Me: “You said ‘mehfis’?”

Lispy guy: “Yes, mehfis. Do you mean mehfis?”

Me: “I’m sorry bang, I tak faham apa tu mehfis. Boleh explain tak?” [translation: I’m sorry bro, I don’t know what is a ‘mehfis’, do you care to explain a bit?]

Then that fucker walked under the lighted display board menu, and pointed to an item called “McFish”. I then went:


Happy Meal doesn’t come with Filet-O-Fish anymore, it comes with McFish now. I have not heard of a McFish before, or know the difference between that thing and a Filet-O-Fish. The only fish burger I know is Filet-O-Fish. I didn’t make a fuss about it since they’re all the same crap anyway, so I okay-ed him to put a ‘Mehfis’ into my kid’s goddamn Happy Meal.

Later when my kid got her ‘Mehfis’, I kinda opened up the burger to check it out – it appears that the difference is only missing a dollop of tartar sauce or mayo, and some greens – it’s essentially just a shittier version of the already shitty Filet-O-Fish. Mehfis, ladies and gentlemen.

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August 10, 2015

Bersih 4.0

When I read about those cro-magnons wanting to organize another round of Bersih (dubbed as Bersih 4.0), I immediately went “OH NOT THIS FUCKING SHIT AGAIN!!”. (If you do not know what is ‘Bersih’, it’s a coalition of non-governmental groups that is infamous of organizing rallies to seek for cleaner election in Malaysia, or something like that).

No I’m not a BN supporter. I’m just as neutral as fuck. I just opined that this whole bullshit is just a goddamn waste of time/resources. Not only it does not work, it’s outright bad for everything – the economy, the environment and it breeds hooliganism. Each time a Bersih ‘rally’ (it’s more like a demonstration without a solid cause) is organized, you get mounts of garbage, destruction of properties and injured people along its path. Tonnes of greenhouse gases will be released to the atmosphere from the crippling traffic and other directly/indirectly linked causes, reversing the shit you treehuggers tried to achieve by switching off your lights during Earth Hour by millions of folds. So in an ironic sense, Bersih does what it thinks by reforming the electoral system for a ‘cleaner election’ (which is still unproven), but it pollutes basically everything else there is in the country.

Sure enough, one can argue that this is an individual’s right to express him/herself. But Bersih is not it because it is illegal. If it were to be done inside a stadium or a large piece of field, it would have been given a green light for a conditional permit and everyone would go home an accomplished citizen by having given the opportunity to express him/herself to the gnats and ants on the open field. And depending on how morally inclined they are, they’d pick up the garbage after the event and garner a praise or two for being so ‘steady’. But fuck no, these people wanted to take to the streets for more attention. How is that alright by a civilized standard? To march and demonstrate on the streets without permit is dangerous and opens up possibilities for things to get out of control (and let’s not even talk about those imbeciles who bring their children to the rally). And when that happens, you get water cannon-ed, tear gassed and truncheoned like a bunch of animals by the FRU riot police (and I root for the FRU, because they’re there to upkeep the peace). Then you’d see these attention seeking Bersih 4.0 whores posting selfies about police brutality seeking for empathy when they shouldn’t have gone against the law to illegally partake in the Bersih rally in the first place (so much for the attention). Know this, when you deliberately break the law, you’re no different and is as despicable as those Mat Rempits wreaking havoc in the society. If you feel that you’ve missed your prerogative as a concerned citizen to do something you’re not happy about the current ruling government, you can choose to post a goddamn black picture as your profile photo on your Facebook page – it’ll have the same effect as Bersih – NOTHING BUT A HOKUM.

It is not a solution to the problem. The current government, as corrupted as many claim it is, has deep roots down to the bedrock. A Bersih rally or a few, won’t undo everything in a fortnight. It takes much more than Bersih rallies to cure the chronic problem. If the decadence has taken so long to evolve to what it is today, my bet is it’ll take an even longer time to evolve back to the positive direction. If a much shorter route is preferred, then a revolution is the only way – but that is a route filled with death and destruction like what we’ve read in the history of the human world. And I don’t think I’m ready to go that route. I’d prefer the longer way. I’d start by voting the people I think is good for the job (for now) and I’d educate my child well. I’d teach her about responsibilities, how to be a considerate person, how to uphold her moral values and how to help the weak. She’d be a learned person with ample education provided through my sacrifice, and with her knowledge, she’d play a role/part to uphold the world in her generation (if she’s good enough, hopefully, she’d be a leader and will have the power to influence). If everyone does the same thing, I believe we’d see a better governance in the country in a generation or two. Takes time, but we’d get there.

P/S: That anti-Bersih group is worse. Those cretins are one of the many reasons I don’t like the BN government.

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July 23, 2015

proper meeting etiquette

You kids need to learn a thing or two about proper meeting etiquette… you cibai

Check your participants’ availability before you send an invite
If you’re an organizer, please fucking make an effort to check your participants’ availability before you call for an important meeting (if it’s not important, then you shouldn’t have fucking called a meeting in the first place).
In the old days sans the internet, people actually had to pick up the phone to call up every participant to do that. Now it’s just launching the goddamn calendar, and see with your eyes! Won’t take a jiffy.

Be punctual
This is a no-brainer. How would you like your coffee to be served half an hour late? Or your bluray movie only plays 25 minutes later after you’ve pressed the PLAY button? That’s exactly how everyone feels when your tardy ass comes into a meeting late and started to ask questions that had already been addressed earlier when you weren’t around. Being punctual is like watching a dog’s tail wag. It shows people how serious you are with your work and your trustworthiness. If you’re always late, you’re then likely not a dependable person and everyone should stay the fuck away from you.

Respond to a meeting invite, for fuck’s sake
Now, how hard it is to respond to a meeting invite or email electronically from your PC!? People fail to do that all the time and I don’t fucking get it why. It’s either a yes or no. But you have to be a dick about it and hold the invitation in the high Z in a conceited way (deliberate or not) and hope people will read your mind. That’s just plain reckless. If the meeting’s a fucking clown show, just grow some balls to respond a NO… otherwise, you’d be the dickwad that blocks progress.

Pay attention you fuck
And by accepting the invite through a response, you have agreed to dedicate your X minutes of work hours for that meeting. That means, no stray discussions or other activities like Facebooking or instant messaging with the office slut or whatever! Doing that is akin to being a party pooper. Know what’s a party pooper? A party pooper is like someone spreading a Christianity sermon at a rave party. Someone who regresses your progress. Someone who acts like an antimatter. Someone who sucks a donkey’s cock. Dedicate your time to get the meeting objective over with, and you’ll have less meetings to deal with later.

Hold your meeting at a proper time
Proper working hour, that is. In my book of reasoning, 30 minutes before lunch or end-of-business hour are not considered ‘proper time’. That’s because your meeting is either going to overrun your participants’ lunch hours, or the go-home hours. Either one isn’t going to be good for you because all they are going to think is not the agenda in the meeting, but food/home. That is a blatant waste of time and resources (when shit doesn’t get done). Worse it could get is to organize a meeting OFF-WORK hours. It means you’re not efficient and you’re compensating your inadequacy with your family time. Not only you’re a bad employee, but also a bad parent/spouse/partner/[insert social role]. You should be sacked.

Plan your meeting with agenda
Speaking of agenda, more often than not, I receive invitations to meetings that say “discussion…” or any moronic one worded title without an iota of information about what to be discussed et al. That’s just retarded. A meeting has to be set up with proper agenda to prep the participants what the fuck it is all about and what you plan to discuss. That’s to avoid the participants to look back at you like a deer in front of a pair of headlights and the whole discussion becoming a monologue. Just give them a background, a something. Get them prepared to take you head-on. Be a man.

Be prepared for a meeting
As a participant, if you have an agenda under your name, get your ass prepared. Just create a goddamn folder in your desktop and dump in a copy of every related shit you plan to share/show/present into it (you can delete it the fuck off once you’re done). That way, you’d always be able to find your stuff effectively and have an efficient sharing/presentation. I’ve seen some retarded chodes fumbled for 10 – 15 minutes looking for some folders or files, wasting a whole room’s worth of participants’ time.

I can go on, but these are the essentials. Will write another one when I can think of more…

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