December 22, 2014

fake your mother

Stereotypical Chinese educated girls. Always striving to sound and look sophisticated. It is as if these people exists for the sole reason to not let people look down on them. They’d do anything to cancel out any negative perception on them. One of the most annoying of things they do – is to ‘fake-English-accent’ (as a verb, because I don’t know how to actually describe that) their Hokkien/Cantonese dialect. Pretty much like how the contemporary Malay girls would say “Keshahhh Chinnta antharaaa dua duniaaa”… you know, with the emphasis on the H and everything.

I don’t fucking understand. Why would these people think that it works on them? Fucking makes me feel like killing an innocent animal really. Why the fuck would these people fake-English-accent their native dialect?? WHYYYYYY!?

I’ve been getting this radiation from a couple of bitch new tenants in my cube lately. Every fucking day. Every awakening seconds. FUCKKK! They’d never stop chatting with these stupid faked-English-accented-Hokkien. Bhak-khut-theh. FUCCKCKKKKKKK!~!!!!

You know what I’m gonna fucking do?? I’m gonna start collecting dead roaches and I’m gonna stuff them one by one into their drawers through the gaps and I’m going to see how fake their English accent would sound when they yell like real bitches in the office!

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to the last privileged generation

We were visiting the aquarium at Ocean Park Hong Kong, and in the building, was this big area with a large glass screen overseeing an underwater view of the grand aquarium. In the grand aquarium, were shitloads of fishes of various sizes… and in the viewing area, shitloads of tourists of different nationalities (and sizes).

Amongst the crowd, one petite old Chinese lady stood out and was as excited as a 6 year old child in a toy store. What prompted me to notice her, was when she was standing right next to me and pointing at a seemingly ugly crustacean semi-hiding behind a fake rock, and she exclaimed excitedly in her heavily accented Mandarin “Hey! That’s the bugger we ate last time during the trip to XXXX!” (XXXX because I didn’t get the place). From what I reckoned, the lady must be in her 80’s, with a visible slouch and a walking cane – one can tell that she has seen everything and nothing surprises her anymore. But yet on that day, she was as happy as a lark because she had finally seen her ‘food alive’.

She then went around the area pointing at each and every of the sea creatures (excitedly) and exclaimed almost the same repetitive sentence every time she did that – “Hey! I ate this before! And that before!” To my amusement, I estimated that excited old lady must have eaten about half of the creatures in the aquarium, including some of the endangered sharks and giant manta rays. And for those that she had not eaten before, she’d go something like “I bet this bugger here tastes great by steaming it with some ginger…”

But sadly that day, no one would go near this old lady, especially the group of younger housewives who were with her (her daughters? relatives?). They’d ignore/avoid her like a plague. Not sure if they’re just not interested (they’re more into elbowing people and take selfies perhaps), or were they just plain embarrassed about the old lady’s behavior. Anyway, the old lady would have none of those setbacks dampen her spirit, for she’d continue to rock on calling dibs to them fishes she’d eaten before (sung to the tune of “To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before”). My hats off to the old lady… maybe to the last of the generation that would eat everything till they’re endangered. We’d never get that privilege again…

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December 16, 2014

Hong Kong

Back in 2003 – Emily and I took an unplanned 2 days’ trip around Hong Kong, and vouched to return one day with a more efficient travel plan around this city… and we did it 11 years later, last week, this time with an additional team member – our daughter Regine. I’ve had that experience (at Hong Kong) written down 11 years ago in this blog (link), and it felt kinda strange when I re-read the notes on how I really felt about Hong Kong back when I was in my 20’s. Oh how time has changed. Here’s my take on Hong Kong in 2014, 11 years later. A much much negative version, now that I’ve grown into a grouchier older man.

No doubt the theme is still the same. A huge metropolis with dazzling skyscrapers, neon lights and fast paced people walking all around that never sleeps. Only that, it has grown so much more. More buildings, more people. Everywhere I went in Hong Kong, I saw fuckloads of people. The city reeked of trash and rotten food because it’s so damn hard to keep clean when the place fucking gets this crowded and packed. Hell, even the air that I breathed was choking with haze, fumes and shit, that my boogers went a few shades darker than usual. All in all, Hong Kong is a shithole with too many rats in them. It’s not the kind of place to go for a relaxing vacation, but a place similar to Penang – you come here for the food and soak in the atmosphere of being perpetually on the move and being cranky. Now I’m starting to get why an old acquaintance of mine named Gordon moved out of his homeplace in Hong Kong to Australia – it’s not a proper place to live, he said. I kinda agree with him now.

Speaking of cranky, the people of Hong Kong (Hongkies) are definitely a cranky bunch. I thought I was antisocial, but wait till you see the Hongkies. It’s funny that they bitch so much about the swarm of mainland tourists from China being so much of an annoyance but, to be honest, that’s like a pot calling a kettle black. Hongkies are the same turd from the same colon (if not worse!). They never smile, are rude (you can tell by the way you get treated by the immigration officers at HK airport, despicable!) and are fucked up. I didn’t feel the same way when I went to China. I was treated with more respect in China (but that’s probably to buy my trust enough so that they can con me better or something, oh well). The only way to differentiate a Hongkie vs a mainlander Chinese (the people of China) in Hong Kong, is to spot the facial expression. A Hongkie can be easily distinguished with a pissed off or scowling look, like he/she has a battery operated butt plug with spikes up his/her ass and its going to vibrate harder if they smile/being-polite. A mainlander Chinese on the other hand, looks apathetic to everything and would just elbow his/her way over anything like a stampeding buffalo herd. This, is a major turn off for me at Hong Kong. Both the Hongkies and hoards of mainland Chinese made it shitty. I did go to Disneyland/Ocean Park, but it felt like visiting 2 rehabilitation centers with different majors in mindfuck. Those Hong Kong cheebyes… simply unbelievable.

Hong Kong, like Penang, has a lot of evolved food that has been cross influenced by various cultures (more on western for Hong Kong), only very much shittier (it’s not even in the same league as Penang). Many of its restaurants are Michelin starred, and 90% of them are overrated. Their food are expensive, and most outlets have crappy services (getting yelled at, getting shooed away, ignored at, are norms). As if this is not bad enough, due to the limited spaces, patrons are often required to share tables at eateries/restaurants. Their breakfast to start the day are also pathetic – they’d consider instant noodles, macaroni in bland soup, half hearted shitty toasts as delicacy and would queue for hours for one shot of those craps. (if only they knew what we Penangites have for breakfasts…). And the dim sum aren’t really as good as I’ve expected either. Michelin starred dim sum at that, they’re just passable food. Of all the restaurants I’ve visited, only 2 really stood out for me. One was a beef noodle stall located in a run down wet market with roaches to keep you company (link), and the other in a damp basement of a derelict building serving noodles with handmade tomato gravy (link). For food, I’d pitch Singapore with Hong Kong, they’re probably in the same shit league in terms of blandness and limitations of variety.

11 years ago, I navigated half of Hong Kong with a big ass paper map and a few brochures. Now, I did it all with just a Google Map app, with my planned places saved in my profile and let the app tell me how to get there with public transport – which is impressively efficient as hell (that’s the only impressive thing about Hong Kong – but really, what’s the point of having an impressive transportation network, when the whole city’s that shitty?). Hong Kong’s public transport is second to none (compared to Singapore, it’s much better). Its subway network covers most major spots, and for the rest that are not, it will be covered with intricate networks of buses and taxis. You don’t really need to have your own car there. And the Octopus payment card saves you the need to keep loose change, as most places support payment with this card (it’s like a virtual wallet). That’s efficiency at the next level. I kinda wonder, with such first class transport infrastructures and payment system like what they already have, why Hongkies are still so stuck up in the ass like they are now? Shouldn’t they be much more stress free than most of us and be that wee bit of a pleasant people to contend with? Fucking boggles the mind really.

Anyway, it was just a trip to bring my Regine to the poor man’s Disneyland (Hong Kong) and some tripping day at the Ocean Park. The city roaming and food hunting were just the sidelines which we’ve been wanting to do since our trip back in 2003. It wasn’t as enjoyable as I thought it would be (well, I might have enjoyed it if I’m a Singaporean), but at least I’ve crossed this off my list.


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November 30, 2014

armpit hair

This is not right on so many levels…

New beauty trend – Dyeing armpit hair
PETALING JAYA: A new trend has emerged among women – growing their armpit hair and colouring it bright.

Roxie Hunt, who works at a salon in Seattle, United States, said in her blog that she always wanted to dye someone’s armpit hair.

“I’ve always wanted to colour someone’s pit hair, I have actually done it once but it was at late night with too much wine and without the proper tools available.

“I asked my co-worker Rain if she would be down to let me dye her pit hair blue to match her hair colour and she agreed,” Hunt wrote.

In her blog titled Offbeat Home and Life, she also gave a detailed explanation on how it was done.

On Instagram, many women posted pictures of their dyed pit hair using the hashtag #dyedpits.

There are also videos on YouTube.

When last checked on Instagram, there were 63 posts from women using the hashtag showing off their coloured hair pits.

It’s bad enough to
a) dye your natural hair to other colors,
b) even have hair on your armpit (females)

but to dye your armpit hair?? What the fuckkk? That’s like attempting to double the damage!
Why are the kids so damn fucking retarded nowadays??

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November 12, 2014

Arab tourists suck

I was in KL for a day trip on assignment, and met a chatty Indian taxi driver. The long ride in his taxi, got us to talk about everyday stuff – from the GST to Anwar’s butt, but the most interesting of all, our shared hatred for Arab tourists (and what followed after that).

The taxi driver told me his experiences with Arab tourists and he hated them because most of them are assholes. They’d either fleece him off his taxi fare, or they’d scream at his ass for not driving fast/slow enough. Had a couple of police reports to prove it. I couldn’t agree more with him – I’ve always disliked them for being inconsiderate and rude, i.e. assholes. It was as if they’ve been brought up to believe anyone who isn’t an Arab is inferior.

Anyway, it was just a chat to pass time. The last time I actually had an encounter with an asshole Arab was eons ago, until that VERY DAY ITSELF in the airport (after the taxi dropped me off) – believe it or not, I had another incident with the Arabs! (this time, it was a young couple with children).

I was queuing up at Burger King, and saw this skinny fucknut Arab standing at the counter next to the queue checking out the menu displayed behind the cashier. He was pretty much minding his own business there and then walked away. When it came to my turn to order, suddenly this Arab bitch appears right next to me and ordered 2 cheese burgers. Everyone in the queue then (myself included) glowered at the fucking Arab bitch for about a few seconds, before the cashier politely told her that she won’t be served because there’s a queue at the counter. Arab bitch went nuts and claimed that her husband was in front of me in the queue and she was standing in for him. Not knowing who her husband was, I asked

“So who’s your husband? And where is he now?”, I thought, maybe she’s a wacko and has an invisible husband…

She pointed to that skinny fucknut Arab cheebye I saw earlier on. He was standing about 20m away, looking at the roof. I then said to the Arabian bitch,

“No he wasn’t in the queue”, and looked squarely in her heavily eyelined eyes, to which she got intimidated and backed the fuck off… but not without bitching something in her language (a language which sounded like she’s trying to get rid of something stuck in her throat – that’s how I knew she and her fucknut husband are Arab tourists). I wanted to yell at her with my native language (perhaps with a little mix of Tamil to confuse her), but I simply wasn’t in the mood (been a long day for me). So, I just chose to ignore her instead.

I thought that was the end of it, and she’d go queue up or something. But guess what, it happened again to another patron. It appears that this fucking Arab couple does not know how to queue up (like, standing behind a line?)! How fucking ridiculous is that? And after that, they somewhat had a quarrel in the Burger King joint (screaming some high energy pubic-hair-stuck-in-throat language, creating a big scene) and both of them then walked off towards different directions, leaving their 2 confused children inside the place for the whole duration of my meal (that’s about 15 mins). When I left the joint, their children (and bags) were still there. Fucking Arab tourists. Inconsiderate, stupid and reckless.

What are the odds, eh? That’s like you ranting about acne problems back during your puberty years and then WHAM! a big zit appears on your motherfucking nose. Shit happens out of the blues mann…

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