August 12, 2013

ungrateful

There is this teenage nephew of mine who hitched my ride back to his hometown for a few times, whenever I send my wife/kid home (same hometown). He is a quiet and very reserved fellow, with a strong BO and snored very loudly in all the journeys. But I had no problem with him, until recently.

I found out that this nephew recently ‘expressed his dissatisfaction’ with the way I drive to his mom, who is my wife’s elder sister. I was allegedly, ‘cursing too much when I drive’, which I assume stressed out that impertinent brat of a nephew of mine. His mom then one day, conveyed her ‘concern’ to my wife when she was having a casual family chat, with a hope that I was going to repent and change, so that her son won’t be so stressed the next time when he hitches a ride home. o__O”

You should know where this is going. I was flipped out when my wife told me about it. Yes indeed, I curse when I drive (but never with profanities, mind you). That’s how I deal with the stress on the road, and it has been like this since I started driving at age 17. But that’s not the whole point. The point is, WHY DOES HE HITCH MY RIDE AGAIN AND AGAIN, IF HE’S SO SORE ABOUT THE WAY I DRIVE?? Just don’t hitch lah! I didn’t force him to ride with me. Like, he could have chosen to take a bus instead, I’m sure he would love the convenience, or the bus driver. I’m sure I could do better without him snoring loudly in my car, and for taking up the space which I could have used for my daughter to nap on (the very reason I bought a bigger car).

You see, I don’t expect him to like my driving. Or me either. I don’t really give a flying fuck about what this loser feels about anything at all because I’m not his driver, and I don’t care. He’s allowed to hitch a ride home in my car because we happen to be related through my conjugal relationship with my wife, and not really by choice. I would send him home safely right to his doorstep because of this accidental relationship (it’s a fucking privilege for him, in my point of view and he just violated it), for unlimited number of times – doesn’t matter – because that’s what a responsible adult would do for a nephew who needs help when studying out of town. And look what this chode did to repay my kindness… He conveniently ranted to his mom about being stressed when hitching a free ride home like a bitch, which ironically, doesn’t seem to be congruent with the fact that he had been sleeping so soundly all the way (albeit apnoetic in nature) like he’d been shot with an elephant grade tranquilizer on every fucking trip I did with him. And the mom? Instead of smacking her kid on the head for being such an ungrateful turd, went around her circle of siblings to make a topic of interesting discussion about MY WAY of driving, and opined that I should stop being myself because she and her kid didn’t like it (well, fuck me). And I shudder to think that all of these bollocks are stemmed from the fact that I was just trying to be nice. How about a little gratitude, by shutting the fuck up and appreciate all the little things made convenient for you, you little fuckstain??

I’m starting to dislike being nice to people. You can best bet that this nephew of mine won’t get a ride from me ever again.

michaelooi  | rantings  | Comments Off
July 28, 2013

BKM

There’s one acronym that I’ve learned at Company T which I find really meaningful (amongst the heaps of unmeaningful stuff I’ve learned) – it’s called BKM. Now it may sound vulgar to those of you Chinese ed farts who know some Hokkien (Bu Ki Ma), but it isn’t what you think it is. BKM, in Company T, actually stands for ‘Best Known Method’. It is often used to describe tricks or maneuvers – both conventional and unconventional – that are proven effective to get you out of some shitstorm.

“Dude, what’s BKM to override this motherfucking security thing? How did you circumvent last time?”

You get the idea.

Today, I’m about to share a BKM that I’ve learned after a night out with my bunch of single digit IQ drinking buddies, the BODs. Long story cut short (silly antics we did, not to be shared), I ended up having my brand new HTC One dying on me after drinking with them. At first, the phone had this intermittent connection issues and then it went away. The morning after, I discovered that it couldn’t be charged at all, and upon closer examination, I noticed there were water droplets inside the phone’s camera lens – that was when it dawned on me that the phone must have had some water seeped into its circuit and was fucked up because of it. My best bet at that time, was to power the fuck off, get rid of the moisture the best I can, and hope that it would work normal again.

So I did what most panicky doofuses would – I blow dried my phone with a fucking hairdryer. It didn’t work. Well, the water droplets would temporary disappear from under the lens when the phone got hot, but would return promptly when it went back to room temperature. And the charging problem was still there. After cussing my friends through the group discussion in Whatsapp, I cooled my mind and did a search on how to effective rid the phone of water and moisture without having to take it apart. Why? Because this is HTC One, and it has a unibody aluminium construction. It doesn’t have any user removable screws to have it taken apart just like that. It would’ve been easy for me if it can be taken apart, because I could have sun dried the whole damn thing in parts and have all the moisture removed promptly.

The search came up with a list of things that can be done, and there’s this odd BKM that came up quite a number of times – to bury the whole phone into a sack of uncooked rice grains, leave it overnight and all moisture will be gone. I was like, WTF?? half suspecting that it could be an old wives’ tale. But it was easy though, and all I got to do is find out myself. So, I was between choosing this idea and leaving the phone intact under the sun that day – but because it wasn’t very sunny that afternoon, I opted the rice burial solution. I took a ziploc bag, and filled it with as much rice as I could, then buried my phone into it and have it sealed with the lock. To give it a good measure, I dumped the whole thing into my electronic dry cabinet (for my cameras), with the Rh set as low as possible. And left the about-to-turn-paperweight phone in there for 24 hours.

The verdict? It’s not an old wives tale. IT WORKS! RICE BURIAL IS DA SHIT! Not only have the droplets gone, but the phone’s back functioning like it was before. So, to those of you who wanted to get rid of moisture out of your phone without taking it apart, you can actually consider the rice burial BKM (or better still, substitute with desiccant if you have them).

I was thinking, what would happen if we were to tie a small bag of rice around a dog’s nose – would the dog go drinking water like crazy the whole day because of the loss of moisture? *terrible idea looming…*

Burning House

Who would have thought this bag of rice would save my phone from getting bricked?

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | Comments Off
July 18, 2013

Escape Adventureplay Theme Park, Penang.

I’m sure most of you have probably heard of ‘Escape Adventureplay Theme Park’. It is the first theme park in Penang (like, big fucking deal). At first, I was like “Meh…”, but after a visit there yesterday for a ‘Company T’ teambuilding event, I am now like, “WOW!”. I had a blast there. It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed an outing so much.

First of all, I’d like to stress how glad I am to learn that this first theme park in Penang is such an awesome place. It would surely break my heart if Penang’s first theme park were to be some sissy ass place like that Legoland, Lost world of Tambun or some shit like that. This is a theme park made of creativity and pure fun! Just how fun it is? Well, the easiest way to gauge the fun level of any place, is by measuring the number of times you whip out your mobile phone (to kill time). The more times you whip out your phone, the suckier the place is. And at Escape, my colleagues and I could have gone the whole day without a phone! (if not for the compelling need to whip it out to record some crazy ass videos!)

If you don’t already know, the whole place is sort of like an eco theme park, and everything is close to nature (I like that idea very much – it reminds me of the greener Penang back when Teluk Bahang hadn’t had that damn dam yet). There’s one part of the theme park called ‘Monkey business’, a place where you’d spend most of your time doing what monkeys do best – climbing, balancing and go from tree to tree, through creatively designed obstacles. ‘Monkey business’ is all about ropes, nets, cables, zip lines and tricky steps. Think of it like, being in ‘Prince of Persia’ in real life, with obstacles on trees. Divided into 3 levels, 1 being the lowest and least difficult, to level 3, the most challenging of all. I could only complete level 1 and part of level 2, before I go all exhausted and bent out of shape. Suffice to say, one has got to have a reasonably fit physique and stamina to be able to tackle level 1, 2 and 3 all in 1 go. I now know that I am far from that category of a person. (if you have Acrophobia – extreme fear of heights – this is probably not your shit even if you’re fit).

For those who want to look for a respite from all that climbing, balancing and having to deal with vertigo inducing heights in ‘Monkey Business’ section, they can opt to take an unrestrained glide down a reasonably high slope on a tire, called ‘Tubby Racer’. This is a ride that’ll shrink your balls if you have them. I did a round in this section, and I learned about the dreadful feel of losing control over something you ride on at high speed. Wasn’t really a great feeling but, the adrenaline rush was massive. If you have heart problems, stay away from this thing, otherwise – I’d recommend to try it once. Then there are some other areas with more climbing & balancing, one with only pure zipping across high altitude above the trees, one that regulates a free fall from the height of a 8 storey building, et al. Didn’t get the chance to explore them all, due to the exhaustion from proving myself too damn much in “Monkey Business”. Also, there’s a section for the kids too, but I wouldn’t recommend bringing kids there – because it’s simply not worth the fee, which can be quite pricey (Google for the price).

All in all, it’s a great place to be if you’re into climbing, nature and something different. You’d spend the whole day here, and sleep the whole night well. You’d get muscle aches, blisters and bruises, but it’s worth it. The 2nd phase of the theme park is in construction now, and it’ll be a water based theme park – which I’m sure will make the place even better. I just hope they’d be able to sustain this place of attraction well, and Penang will surely get a shot at being one of the greatest place for eco-tourism…

michaelooi  | places  | Comments Off
July 9, 2013

mid life and crisis

I overheard a snippet of talk on the radio about the list of ‘symptoms’ that could indicate one having a mid-life crisis. Curious, I did a quick search on the internet and found this list of ’35 symptoms’… Couldn’t help but pitch myself against those ‘symptoms’ to see how I fare…

1) Looking into the mirror and you no longer recognize yourself.
What the fuck, if I do not recognize myself, I’d be hallucinating – which means I probably have bigger problems to worry about than middle age crisis. So, no.

2) Desiring to quit a good job.
Let’s put it this way – I think no job is good enough for me. So, I’m never going to have this problem.

3) Unexplained bouts of depression when doing tasks that used to make you happy.
Anything that involves effort depresses me, and I was never happy undertaking ‘tasks’. Never going to have this problem.

4) Changing or investigating new religions, churches or new age philosophy.
I have a questionable faith and I’m an atheist. I have no religion. Never going to have this problem.

5) Change of habits. Activities which used to bring pleasure now are boring. Unable to complete or concentrate on tasks which used to be easy.
I don’t booze as often as I did, but it’s still good for me. I find myself becoming more adept in completing tasks that used to be hard for me, I’m going the opposite direction…

6) It feels good to get hurt.
It is a little bit different for me – It feels good to hurt people.

7) Wanting to run away from everything.
Like, if you see a hobo with chumps of unwashed hair coming towards me? Yeah. A girl with no bra wanting to hug me? No.

8) A desire to get into physical shape.
Who doesn’t? I’d be an amoeba if I don’t physically manifest myself a shape…

9) Irritability or unexpected anger.
I get pissed off for every fucking thing. People driving too fast, girls camwhoring, people queuing up in front of me, people being too old, people being too young, et al. But it’s good, you see, they’re sort of expected

10) Change in allergies.
I don’t have allergies.

11) Desire for physical -Free Flowing- movement (Running, Biking, Dance, Fast red sports cars, Sky diving, etc).
When I get home every day from work, I desire to lie down and be as lazy as I can…

12) Exploring new musical tastes.
I dig everything except classical music. Never going to have this problem.

13) Sudden desire to learn how to play an instrument.
I’m scheming to rig an awesome home theater set… but I guess that’s not counted because that’s not an instrument…

14) Sudden interest in drawing, painting, writing books or poetry.
I’m still writing this blog, if that counts.

15) Shifting sleep patterns (Typically to less).
I don’t sleep less but, kinda sleep more…

16) Thinking about death, wondering about the nature of death.
I told my colleagues – when I die, I want to be cremated and dumped into the sea, so that I can lurk around hot chicks frolicking at beaches.

17) Changes to the balance of vitamins you take. Or taking dietary supplements for the purposes of extending life.
I don’t take supplements or suck dicks.

18) Extreme changes to what you eat.
I eat differently now because my mom croaked, otherwise it’ll still be the same (god I miss my mom and her cooking)

19) Excessively buying new clothes and taking more time to look good.
I don’t buy my own clothes. My wife does it for me.

20) Hair changes. (Natural changes in thickness, luster, color or Assisted changes in dying hair suddenly or shaving your head bald)
I have short hair now – but it is because I am fucking sick of grooming myself.

21) A desire to surround yourself with different settings.
I don’t fucking know what this means but, yeah, I do like things a little different sometimes.

22) Hanging out with a different generation as their energy and ideas stimulate you.
I don’t mix with people in general. I hate human beings.

23) Restarting things, which you dropped 20 years earlier.
I have only quit soccer before, less than 15 years ago because of sports injury. Not going to pick it up.

24) Upset at where society is going. Experience a desire to change the world for the better.
I am upset at everything, not just the society.

25) Feeling trapped or tied down by fiscal responsibilities.
Who isn’t? It’s a competitive world.

26) Leaving (Mentally or Physically) family or feeling trapped in current family relationships.
I feel great about having my wife and daughter around me. I have no problem with them.

27) A desire to teach others or become a healer.
I desire to hurt people.

28) Desiring a simple life.
I just want to dick around doing nothing because I’m lazy.

29) Excessively looking back to one’s childhood.
I have a really dark childhood and reminiscing it would make me depressed. So, no.

30) Playing again just to play!
This is a sign of retardation. The symptom itself is retarded.

31) Keep re-asking yourself: “Where am I going with my life?”
I keep asking myself – “How do I go there?” – if you know what I mean…

32) Getting fixated on new “wonder” solutions to problems.
I am an engineer and I solve problems everyday. ‘Wonder’ solutions only apply to people who are religious (see #4) or [insert your own offensive slur about the people you hate]

33) Recently experiencing something extremely stressful. Stress can trigger a Midlife transformation. Some examples include: Changing Jobs, Divorce, Death of someone close, Chemical/Toxic exposure upon the body or experiencing a major illness.
I had a job change to Company T – and it was for better transformation. Company Y was a big shithole. Company T is a less of a shithole. Much less.

34) Doing things that get you into trouble when it surprises everyone as being out of character.
When I’m intoxicated – yeah.

35) Someone unexpectedly exclaims: “You are going through a midlife crisis!”
Most of the time – just ‘asshole’. But that doesn’t mean it’ll come true.

Mid life? Yes. Crisis? Yes. Mid life crisis? Nope.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | Comments Off
July 3, 2013

1 decade

My blog has existed for 10 years today. 10 years ago,
– Mahathir was still the PM. Dubya was the US President, first term.
– Vampires sucked blood, not dicks.
– Hokkien Mee in Penang was on average less than 3 bucks.
– Dumb phones were still the smarter choice.
– We didn’t have so many annoying tourists taking pictures of walls around Georgetown.
– People did not take pictures of their food before they eat.
– Camwhore wasn’t an epidemic.
– Pluto was still a planet.
– If you’re young when you started reading this blog, now you’re old…

michaelooi  | site stuff  | 11 Comments