August 1, 2018

keke challenge

I had to do a school run one morning for my daughter Regine. This is usually done by my wife, Emily, because I have many early morning meetings. Fuck of a job, I know. Anyway, as expected, I got stuck in a jam that inches towards the school gate that morning. I looked at Regine in my rear view mirror, she was looking outside the car, watching the world went by.

Me:: “You know what’s a ‘keke challenge’, right?”

She beamed me a smile and said,

Regine:: “Yeah, hahah!”

To those of you who lives in caves and have not heard of the ‘keke challenge’, it’s a man-made phenomenon that cashes out years of accumulation of stupid people who have survived the process of natural selection either from means of technological advantage or sheer dumb luck. The challenge is real simple – just film yourself jump out of your moving car, and do a dance along the moving car… and post the feat in your favorite social media. Stupid people will find this challenge irresistible (you should be seeing this all over YouTube now of people getting their shit ruined by attempting the dangerous challenge). That’s why I had to find out if my daughter has to be put to sleep or something…

Me:: “So I’m gonna go real slow in front of the school here, and you can do a ‘keke challenge’ in front of your friends… how about that?”

Regine:: “You crazy?? I’m not dumb, ok?”

Me:: “Worst case, you’d roll on the pavement a few times, but you’d look good doing it. But if you succeed, you’ll be full of style.”

Regine:: “Nice try.”

I guess she passed the test then. She’s going to survive this world.

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July 21, 2018

black shoes for school children

It is in the news today. The new government’s Ministry of Education came up with the idea of implementing black shoes for the school children. One of the primary reasons cited? Easier to maintain. *facepalm* Here’s one of the news snippet:

[source]
Students to wear black trainers next year, says Dr Maszlee
SHAH ALAM: Next year, school students will step out in black shoes instead of in white.

According to Education Minis­ter Dr Maszlee Malik, the ruling is prompted by parents.

“The mothers especially, not so much the fathers,” he said during a question-and-answer session on education organised by Sinar Harian.

The packed session yesterday was moderated by journalist Tan Sri Johan Jaaffar.

Dr Maszlee was also asked what he wanted to achieve while at the helm of the ministry in the next five years.

“I want to ensure that children carry lighter bags to school and shorten the number of years students spend in school before furthering their studies,” he replied.

Dr Maszlee also said the ministry agreed with the Transport Ministry to sell special number plates to alumni of public universities as a form of additional funding for the institutions.

“Through a JPJ (Road Transport Department) collaboration with the universities, we will try to issue and sell number plates.

“For example, a graduate of UM (Universiti Malaya) may like to have the number plate UM1000 or UM2322.

“So they will pay JPJ, with half of the proceeds going to the university,” he said.

He urged the alumni to support their own universities.

“If the graduates and alumni don’t help their alma maters, who else will?”

Dr Maszlee also said he had assured the universities that their funding would not be cut but at the same time, there would be no guarantees of additional monies for them.

Meanwhile, Mydin managing director Datuk Ameer Ali Mydin asked if Dr Maszlee’s statement on black shoes for school students had been made after adequate consultation.

“I’m sure some mothers have complained but has he asked all the stakeholders, like parent-­teacher associations?”

Ameer noted that for generations, the practice of Malaysian students keeping their school shoes clean was a way of demonstrating personal hygiene, standards and discipline.

He added that parents would have to fork out money to buy new black shoes for their kids.

“School uniform sellers and shops with stocks of white school shoes will also be left holding the bag if the minister’s words become policy next year,” he said.

My question to Dr. Mercedes Benz here is – is that going to make your students smarter? If no, then why bother spending the unnecessary resources to implement & enforce this good-for-nothing ruling?

Our school shoes have been white for many decades, and maintaining them hasn’t been a problem, until these new generation of oxygen-wasting moronic parents whine about the school shoes being hard to maintain.

White school shoes and uniform are supposed to teach our children one thing – discipline. The discipline to groom oneself, by maintaining the cleanliness of one’s own uniform. The white color would make it easier to spot dirt/filth/stain, and harder for the students to be a sleaze. It looks cleaner and in some ways, make it safer for them as a pedestrian because it’s easier to spot in white.

Pakatan Harapan government is trying too hard to make popular decisions. Sometimes you got to think yourself. Don’t just listen to idiots. (there are many of them)

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July 11, 2018

football & loogie

I was wondering, with so many players spitting into the field during a football match, how much loogie actually ended up on the players’ head/hair?

You see, every time a camera pans to a player, you’re bound to see that fucker spit something onto the field. There are 22 players in a field, and I can assume that half of them do that all the time. Let’s assume, 2 spits every 1 minute (very conservative estimate, the number could be much much higher). So, during an entire match, 180 spits from 11 players (let’s not count the extra time, and also the linesmen/referee). That’s like, 1980 spits.

You divide that shit evenly across the area of the field, that’s like, a quarter spit in each meter square (a football field is 7140 square meters). But we all know there’s no such thing as a quarter spit so, let’s put it a 25% chance of hitting a spit at each square meter (I’m not sure if that’s how it worked out but, that’s my logic) when it is close to the end of the match. But because that’s a rolling ball, you can bet your ass that it is accumulative throughout the game (not mentioning, the stale spits left over from the past matches). Meaning, if a ball travels the distance it has to go in a match, every square meter has a 25% chance of coming in contact with some asswipe’s phlegm/loogie, when it is close to the end of the match (disregarding the past matches factor). And that shit gets rolled over to the next square meter, gets the same chance of contacting a loogie, repeated again, and again. The whole ball is definitely going to be full of slime by the end of the match, even if they change the ball regularly.

But anyway, it is bad enough to roll around for a few minutes on the field (those who fake injuries like Neymar, has a 100% chancee of getting in contact with someone’s loogie). You take the area of the head contacting the ball during a header, divide it with the total area of the football – you get the % of chance of a loogie getting into someone’s head/hair/face (I’m just too lazy to do the math) on every encounter.

So, what the fuck? If you don’t see the problem here, go google for Hepatitis C, B or Herpes. Players who spit into the field should be given a red card.

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July 3, 2018

15 fucking years old

This weblog has just fucking turned 15 years old. To you fucks who have no fucking idea how fucking long that is, here’s a fucking list to put things into fucking perspective:

– When I fucking started this weblog, I was only fucking 26 years old. I will be turning 41 this September. Fuck.
– I have fucking changed a total of 3 fucking cars since this weblog fucking started. The latest car I’m using now is 6 fucking years old. Fuck me.
– My daughter is fucking 12 now. I was still fucking bar hopping when the weblog started.
– My country has changed 4 fucking Prime Ministers since this weblog started. Madey, Pak Lah, Bijan and fucking Madey again.
– We were still fucking around with cathode ray tube televisions 15 fucking years ago.
– The word ‘tweet’ fucking meant nothing as a verb back when this weblog started because Twitter has not fucking existed yet.
– There were fucking no internet connectivity on phones 15 fucking years ago.
– Kill Bill was fucking launched the same year when this weblog started. I bet half of you fucking turds don’t know who Bill was (Bill’s dead).
– The Ronaldo we fucking had back then was a fucking Brazilian, not a fucking Portuguese.
– If you fucking started reading this weblog when you were fucking primary one, you’d have completed or about to fucking complete your tertiary education by now.
– Online shopping was largely unheard of 15 fucking years ago and laptops still fucking had floppy disk drives on them. (if you do not know what’s a fucking floppy disk, that’s your save button).
– Your mom wasn’t so fucking fat back then.

Proudly brought to you by the words ‘fuck’, ‘you’ and ‘me’.

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June 17, 2018

discipline your kids

I got into a sushi restaurant and took my seat. A short moment later, I heard this sharp squealing that originated from 2 tables away that sent out shock wave throughout the restaurant, triggering scorn from every patron inside the space. I looked over, and it was this little girl of no more than 4 years of age from a Malay family. The alpha male of the family, which I assume was the dad, was sitting beside this mad little fella. The dad had a full beard on him and he looked like someone you shouldn’t mess with. But despite that, the little girl were totally oblivious to that and went on screaming for a plate of sushi that she wanted on the conveyor. The dad, with a grim expression, complied her request and kid stopped screaming. This went on again and again, except for once when the dad decided that it was enough, to which the little girl went full scale meltdown. She spat stuff and started flailing her little arms, and screamed like she was possessed by an ancient demon from Sumeria. Dad of course caved, and again, gave her what she wanted (not sure because they were attracting a lot of attention, or simply because he was piss scared of his possessed daughter). It was an excruciating scene to see.

…which prompted me to notice – why do most Malay parents spoil their kids? I don’t see them spank their kids. I see shit like this all too many times. They let their children climb all over their heads, and they’d do nothing about it. When their children screamed at them, they’d relent to their way, and give them what they wanted. And I can tell that this has gone on since the old days (not just modern parents). I have many Malay friends, a lot of them had no authorities like what we Chinese/Indian kids had back in my time. The worst of the lot was a friend called Ariza. He lived 1 floor down from my old apartment. That guy screamed at his mom like she’s a slave to him. His dad was a burly and big guy, and Ariza screamed at his dad too. Occasionally when his mom go against his will, he’d go “PUKI PUNYA MAMA!! CIBAI PUNYA MAMA!!” – and half the block could hear him yelling that. The mama would look indifferent like a camel chewing cud and the dad would continue to read his newspapers. Ariza got what he wanted most of the time and he could come and leave anytime he wanted. If it was me, I’d have died because my mom would have beaten me to death.

And it’s not just about spanking your kids really. If one is ignorant/dumb enough to reach to the state of disrespecting his/her own parents, then it’s already quite late in the game. Like a advanced stage cancer. The parents would be considered a failure already. This has to be cultivated since the early age, teaching them about respecting the authorities and what are considered cardinal sins. I have never beaten my daughter before – not because I let her climb all over my head, but because I never have to. From an early age, we taught her what was acceptable and what was not, and it’s all psychological. In that kind of household, she automatically learned herself how things goes and got the gist of it. She’s never thrown a tantrum, never wailed like that banshee kid at the sushi restaurant and never gave us troubles in the cinema – because she knew those things would only get her more troubles (she just knew it). And now, when my daughter sees a scene like this, she could immediately relate and say “what was she thinking?”

But for me, it’s more like, what are the parents doing? Fucking discipline your kids already. Raise them up to be ‘berbudi bahasa‘ and ‘bertimbang rasa‘, not some spoilt kotek who goes around wrecking stuff when he/she doesn’t get what he/she wants. Teach them to reason. Spank them to let them know how to respect the authority. Do this instead of signing petitions or holding candle light vigils or breaking beer bottles in public. It all starts in the family. It’s better than you discipline them now than them learning it the hard way in the prison.

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