March 14, 2016

“The Hateful Eight” (2015)

When a Tarantino flick gets out, you can best bet your ass that I’d flock to catch it. Has always been a fan of Tarantino and will always be. When “The Hateful Eight” got out, I was all so excited about it. I didn’t read a shit to keep the suspense up, and hell, kept me glued it did. It’s a western flick, just like the one before it – “Django Unchained” (2012). Only that it’s heaps better than Django, despite what people have been saying. I felt that it’s much simpler, and the plot blended very well with Tarantino’s way of storytelling. For the first time in many years, I felt Tarantino has got back his “Pulp Fiction” days mojo. I like Tarantino because he doesn’t give craps about getting his flick R rated, the guy just wants to keep it original and let his creativity flow. Welcome back, Jimmy.

The story revolves around a female murderer called Daisy Domergue, who was on her way to get her ass handed back to her through the hangman’s noose at a town called Red Rock – brought possible by her captor, John “The Hangman” Ruth, who’s a bounty hunter known to have the fetish to deliver his bounties alive for the noose (hence the nickname). John Ruth, chained to Daisy the prisoner, is in a six horse carriage in a heavy blizzard, when a black bounty hunter called Major Marquis – who’s also heading for Red Rock to deliver his dead bounties – blocks their way to request for a hitch. Reluctantly, John Ruth agrees to pick him up… only to stumble into another hitcher, Chris Mannix, who claims to be the new Sheriff of Red Rock on his way to be sworn in (coincidentally, who also will be the one to pay for the bounty, once he becomes the Sheriff). Now, with the blizzard getting worse, they travelling group (inclusive of the stagecoach driver) decided to detour to an inn-like shack called Minnie’s Haberdashery, only to discover a few shady characters in it instead of Minnie the owner and her husband. And here it goes on, the tale of the 2 bounty hunters in that treacherous shack, with the plot of having to deal with Daisy Domergue.

In the story you’ll find deceit & treachery, gun fights, murder & violence & gore, profanities & racial slur, and dark comedy. It’s one of the best flick in 2015, only bested by Mad Max, in my humble opinion. The whole plot if you think of it, is kinda similar to that old Chinese flick “Dragon Gate Inn” (1967), which was also remade by Tsui Hark as “New Dragon Gate Inn” (1992) – you know, standoff between shady characters in an inn, with treachery & deceit, and ended into a full scale fight between all characters. This is like the gunslinger version.

8 out of 10 (a must watch if you’re a Tarantino fan, a must avoid if you’re sensitive to gun violence, gore, violence against women, usage of coarse/vulgar language, sight of excessive blood)

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March 12, 2016

the teambuilding mate with gray split ends

…is a bitch.

One of my teammates in the teambuilding event. Middle aged, skinny top half, cellulite ridden bottom half, with gray split ends hair that looked like wild reeds growing out of a prison compound. Very asserting character, and couldn’t stop being a dominating mom in the team. As if having the experience of giving birth and schooling a couple of brats gave her the wisdom to control everything under her will on this planet.

Had a tough time dealing with her bullshit through the whole teambuilding event, but it culminated with a coconut eating event (it’s one of the activities in the teambuilding, don’t ask). Objective was simple – hack, drink the water and eat both coconuts’ flesh completely in the shortest time. I guess the organizer thought that city dwellers like us would struggle to do this, having had our food/drinks served most of the time at fancy food courts.

As expected, bitch with gray split ends stepped out and boldly told everyone to calm the fuck down (when nobody was panicking). She declared that she’s had loads of experiences when it comes to hacking coconuts, and she’s gonna be in charge of cutting one of them (well, only 1 participant is allowed to hack 1 coconut). She told me to just follow what she’s doing (I was in charge of hacking the 2nd coconut) and everything would be fine. So I asked what’s her plan, just to see what she’s gonna say – she outlined that she’d hack a hole on the top, finish the water, and hack a bigger hole to get to the flesh. I disagreed with her, much to her surprise (perplexed reaction, like she’s just heard her kid talking back to her)… I’ve hacked my fair share of coconuts myself, so I was kind of an expert.

“No, that won’t work”, I said.
“Why it won’t work? I’ve done this many times. You need a bigger hole to get to the flesh!”
“You drink the water, and you split the damn thing. You then eat from each half, like a bowl.”
“That won’t work. Splitting it is not easy, and time consuming”
“No, it’s going to be faster.”

And we both knew it was on, middle aged uncle (me) versus middle aged aunty with split ends (her – she’s much older). Getting to the water part was easy. Just hack a hole and insert straw to drink. But when it comes to getting to the flesh, bitch with gray split ends tried to what it seemed like violating the coconut to have a bigger asshole, and the end result looked amusingly like a coconut that was bit open by a fucking beaver. The fibres of the husk dropped all inside the bigger hole, which was not big enough to fit in a spoon. Bitch continued hacking until the coconut was badly mangled.

I on the other hand, made a hard chop at the top center (with the hole), pressed down the chopper with my weight to make a 70% downward split, put the chopper away and pulled apart the 2 halves like they were beef flaps. The splitting took no more than 10 seconds. I was already finishing the flesh when the red faced hag was still violating the coconut. She was later heard disclaiming her epic fail with a pathetic – “I was given an older coconut! It was tougher!”. Bitches. They never want to lose and they never learn.

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March 7, 2016

act of desperation

Recent headlines in Malaysia – some top echelons of the Malaysian opposition party were seen in a press conference together with ex-PM Dr. M and his son and some other old BN farts, in a desperate attempt to seek some attention or gain empathy to oust the current Prime Minister of Malaysia, after a few failed feeble attempts.

Here’s a piece of news today, one of the opposition leaders trying to justify the orgy the other day [source]

‘It is time for us to move on’
SHAH ALAM: PKR deputy president Datuk Seri Azmin Ali says it is imperative that everyone moves forward to save Malaysia, rather than dwells on the past.

The Selangor Mentri Besar said although he had a close relationship with Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad when he was serving then deputy prime minister Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim, the reconciliation that took place last Friday was nothing personal.

It was about saving Malaysia, he said.

Both Azmin and Dr Mahathir had attended a gathering along with political figures from both sides of the political divide to initiate a citizens’ declaration to demand the removal of Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak.

Azmin also said it would seem curious for him to work with Dr Mahathir when the former prime minister had sacked his boss Anwar in 1998.

“I served a senior Umno leader (Anwar) for 13 years. Of course, I (also) have a close and personal relationship with Dr Mahathir for many years.

“We were at the citizens’ gathering as Malaysians representing different political parties, ideologies and different civil societies in the interests of the nation and the people.

“It is not about personal choice. To me it is a matter of principle,” Azmin said when met after flagging off the Women’s Marathon 2016 here yesterday.

“What happened in 1998 I certainly cannot forget. Nobody forgets the history. It is for us to learn the lesson.

“But we need to move forward and I think it is time for us to move on,” he said, adding that the reconciliation was “good for the country”.

Azmin said more meetings on the citizens’ declaration would take place with all leaders who had signed the document.

Here’s what I don’t understand – if Najib is such a bane to UMNO or BN’s existence, why do the opposition guys wanted to oust him out so much? Wouldn’t leaving him to continue the bad work be a boon to the opposition? Why orgy with the UMNO has-beens to oust the PM? Won’t they just replace the position with another nincompoop?

It’s like wanting Kim Jong Il to step down, only to be replaced by his corpulent son with a worse hairstyle. Don’t you guys see the problem? It doesn’t make sense. Oh, but what do I know, I’m just a goddamn engineer.

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February 28, 2016

kitty hate mail

Another verbose hatemail from the world wide web for my cat torture post. (I collect them like trophies)

This guy sounds like some dimwit who has very intimate relationship with his right hand… who uses the zombies in Walking Dead as a metaphor of hate, and the age twelve as the maturity benchmark, LOL.

It kinda boggles the mind to think that people like him would deign to spend that fraction of time in his awakening life to write such a long hatemail to me, rather than spending it for a better cause… like maybe volunteer at the soup kitchen? The animal shelter perhaps? Draft a petition to outlaw meat as food? et al.

On Thu, Feb 25, 2016 at 1:08 PM, Bombay [tessellation22@gmail.com] wrote:
You need mental help. You’re the kind of person Rick kills in the walking dead. You’re a stupid troll who sucks at shock value. You’re an attention whore.
“…So think twice about sending me an email”

BITCH PLEASE THE FUCK YOUR STUPID BITCH ASS GONNA DO? RESPOND WITH MEANNESS? OOOHHHH SO SCARY.
Bitch, I know how to filter an email address.
And bitch, even if a different one gets through I know how to NOT CLICK ON IT! And no, a hostile insulting attention-grabbing subject isn’t gonna make me click on your response either!
Go kill yourself :) Also, you may think you’re cool with this whole torturing cats thing, but you’re just another psycho from investigation discovery, nothing new.

Do you have any idea how many fucked up people are in this world? Do you think YOU fucking compare to any of them? Ha, you’re fucking funny, you stupid fucktard.

Yeah sure, you can make a website and post fucked up things because you’re thirsty and desperately need attention, and have the mentality of a six year old, which is the mentality of “I’m gonna piss everyone off” But this is the real world, and you’re gonna have to conform or be sanctioned eventually. And you’re not going to like it when someone finally puts you in your place :) Your stupid, stupid place :)
You haven’t matured past the age of twelve. Trust me. You haven’t. Because twelve year old boys talk about those kind of things. Or psychopaths. But acting like a psychopath doesn’t make you look all “mystical and interesting” it just brings hate your way so have fun dealing with all that.
We can troll too, bitch ass motherfucker.

Trust me, you can play on the fringe as much as you want; you’re only making yourself look like a preteen boy.
But once you start to play outside the edge, you know, with that pathetic little game of yours, then you’re going to piss of the wrong person. Who knows, it might be a cop (seems logical, considering you’re the type to throw a bitch fit if told to lay on the ground) And once you piss off the wrong person, they’re going to hurt you. They’re going to hurt your bitch ass. And people are gonna laugh at your twisted up, pale bloody pathetic little face.

You’re only pushing it as far as you can without getting the wrong persons attention and getting set straight. Therefore, you’re just a fucking attention whore.

Get fucking real. And get fucking mental help.

You’re not some “scary” “powerful” man, you’re just annoying everyone in the world. You’re like a speed bump, or an annoying kid pulling on my shirt. Get over cats, and get over yourself.

IM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU BITCH. DONT BOTHER REPLYING, AS IF I WOULD READ SUCH REDUNDANT TRASH IN THE FIRST PLACE. AS IF I WOULD EVEN FUCKING BOTHER READING IT.
Get out of life’s fucking way and go see a therapist.

My reply to Bombay the 12 year old cat lover:

On Sun, Feb 28, 2016 at 4:46 PM, Michael Ooi wrote:
Bombay. Fuck you and your miserably pathetic piece of retarded rant.

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February 22, 2016

this CNY

I had the rare opportunity to rendezvous with a childhood friend of mine named ‘Wai’ this CNY. I’ve known Wai since I was 9, and this CNY, we would have known each other for almost 30 years (I’ll be turning 39 this year)! His mom and my late mother were BFFs and that was how we got acquainted. We never got off to be considered as BFF ourselves like our mothers but we were quite close as kids along with his younger brother whom we fondly called ‘FatKid’ (they also have a younger sister, but we weren’t close). I’d go to his village at Paya Terubong (a spot now developed into a big ass sports complex) whenever my mom visited his mom, and I had fond memories of us cycling, flying kites and hanging out by the filthy stream that ran behind his zinc-roofed house.

It wasn’t long after that Wai’s parents had to leave to work abroad and we lost contact with each other for a few years… up until circa 1991 when his parents returned and moved to become our neighbor a couple houses away. That was when we spent a lot of time hanging out (I’ve actually written a piece of bike crash adventure with Wai back in 2004 – link), and visiting his house – which his dad extended to incorporate a small women’s shoes manufacturing workshop, and he worked with his dad as a cobbler (he already dropped out of school then, and I on the other hand, earned some extra money doing odd jobs helping out at his family workshop). His younger brother – FatKid – was still schooling then, but eventually dropped out as well, and but instead of being a cobbler like Wai, he was in the sales at the family shoe outlet at the city (Chowrasta Market) so, he wasn’t around at home much. That explains why I was closer to Wai than with FatKid.

Then in 1994, Wai accidentally knocked up his teenage girlfriend and was forced into marriage. After that marriage, his family moved away from that workshop house for reasons unknown to me. That was when we lost contact again, until this CNY, when a classmate of mine – Paul – hooked our contacts up. So how did Paul managed to hook us up? Well, hear this, this is when it gets really interesting – Paul was married to Wai’s younger sister. So, in the grand scale of fate, Wai somehow became Paul’s brother in law (both whom I’ve known for years). The thing is, I hung out a lot with Paul in 1993/1994, and he had even visited my house back when Wai’s family was still living a few doors away from my house. So, some time in the past, Paul and his wife had crossed path and they didn’t even know it. Something trivial but nevertheless interesting. Anyway, I hadn’t contacted Paul himself for years until we stumbled into each other at a wedding banquet of another classmate’s, and got to talk about Wai and this rendezvous. That’s how I managed to meet Paul and Wai again this CNY.

That was like, close to 22 years I had not seen Wai. The first thing he said to me was, “Dude! You’ve grown so huge now!”. Figures… I was no longer 16 and have grown quite significantly over the years. But Wai was still in his scrawny frame, just like how he was when I last saw him. He has aged a lot, his face is now wrinkled like his dad, and there’s this permanent scowl on him that told me he had been through a lot, and had waddled pool deep of shit in life. He also talks different now. We used to banter about stuff when we were teenagers, but now it felt like we’re both strangers brought from 2 different dimensions to live back the memories we’ve shared at one point in life in the past. My views were later attested by Paul, over the beers when Wai left earlier in the evening. Wai had since split with his wife from that first marriage, and married the 2nd time with another 3 kids (His son from the first marriage is now 22 years old). Wai is now a business partner for a construction firm at Johor and is doing well for himself, but before he landed this stable life, he had been in a quagmire of debts and was even into drugs. It was through some sheer determination that involves a new found faith that put him back on track in life to provide for his family. I mean, I couldn’t be happier for him… he’d been to the bottom and back. Not many people can do that.

Anyway, as we drank into the night, Paul and myself did our own rendezvous talking about our own stuff (with another classmate who joined later). But deep inside me, I couldn’t stop recalling the memories of our old neighborhood, and think about the bike stunts we did at the kampung, and the simpler life we had back then. The smell of rubber glue from the shoe factory. The Carina Lau lookalike prostitute we ogled next door. The schoolgirls next block we got infatuated with. We’ve certainly came a long way.

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