September 23, 2018

essential travel packing list

I’ve been traveling enough to have a list of my essential items for travel – which I plan to share here.

Alright, I’m going to split this shit into 2 parts. ‘Must Have’ and ‘Nice to Have’.
Must Have – you’re definitely going to thank me for it. You should not travel without it.
Nice to Have – only some of you might thank me for it. You can still travel without it, but it’s not recommended.
Now, on to the list:
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michaelooi  | enlightenments, places  | Comments Off
September 10, 2018

FB is good for escalating shit

You know how frustrating it is when you have to deal with some scumbag merchants who do not give a shit about you and your problems? Well, now I seem to have discovered a new way of making these cocksuckers ‘care’ – Facebook (I know, I’m a latecomer. But hey, if you don’t already know this, then consider this a favor!).

A few months ago, I bought some shaving supplies in the US and the shipment made all the way to the east coast (parcel expected at north west) and stuck there for a few days. When I sent an email to the company & USPS (which suck, btw), they did not bother to give me a respond. So after a few days, I vented it out in Facebook, and guess what? I got a refund almost immediately, and the shipment came very much later for free.

And then recently, there’s this FedEx incident, hear me out:
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michaelooi  | experiences  | Comments Off
August 21, 2018

my daughter’s handwriting

I noticed that my daughter’s handwriting is similar to mine. Strange thing is, I didn’t teach her how to write… and she hasn’t seen my handwriting before…
It appears that I could transfer my writing skills via my cum…

the top one is mine... circa 1992

michaelooi  | nonsense  | Comments Off
August 15, 2018

super slow mo

I recently got a refund for my 1 year old phone, due to a persistent receiver problem. That was why I was in an electronics retail shop to purchase a new phone for myself. It’s the latest Samsung Galaxy S9, and I got a pretty good deal about it. One of the sales guy, who looked like he just left school, was eager to explain the phone’s perks to me, while doing the paperwork for the purchase.

Salesboy:: “Congrats on the new phone, Mr. Ooi, it’s a great choice. This phone has a great camera and a lot of features”

Me:: “Thanks, this new phone looked very similar to my S8, really hard to tell them apart unless you look closely”

Salesboy:: “It has a much better camera, believe me. And it has super slow mo, which is cool” *nods enthusiastically*

Me:: “Well, I’ve owned my S8 for close to a year, and I’ve only used the slow mo twice… I guess I won’t be using the super slow mo much…”

Salesboy:: “Yeah, it’s mostly used by the younger generation.”

I felt a stab in the heart, his words reverberated inside my head… ‘younger generation’. What the fuck. So now I’m in the older generation that is not savvy about the latest technological features of a goddamn phone?? Fucking shit man. This is so damn sad.

It ought to kill the mood but, oddly, I wasn’t pissed or anything. I was more like, amused with what he said. I then made a joke that he didn’t get and went ‘nevermind’. Fucking old fart, starting to get out of sync with the world.

michaelooi  | dialogs  | Comments Off
August 1, 2018

keke challenge

I had to do a school run one morning for my daughter Regine. This is usually done by my wife, Emily, because I have many early morning meetings. Fuck of a job, I know. Anyway, as expected, I got stuck in a jam that inches towards the school gate that morning. I looked at Regine in my rear view mirror, she was looking outside the car, watching the world went by.

Me:: “You know what’s a ‘keke challenge’, right?”

She beamed me a smile and said,

Regine:: “Yeah, hahah!”

To those of you who lives in caves and have not heard of the ‘keke challenge’, it’s a man-made phenomenon that cashes out years of accumulation of stupid people who have survived the process of natural selection either from means of technological advantage or sheer dumb luck. The challenge is real simple – just film yourself jump out of your moving car, and do a dance along the moving car… and post the feat in your favorite social media. Stupid people will find this challenge irresistible (you should be seeing this all over YouTube now of people getting their shit ruined by attempting the dangerous challenge). That’s why I had to find out if my daughter has to be put to sleep or something…

Me:: “So I’m gonna go real slow in front of the school here, and you can do a ‘keke challenge’ in front of your friends… how about that?”

Regine:: “You crazy?? I’m not dumb, ok?”

Me:: “Worst case, you’d roll on the pavement a few times, but you’d look good doing it. But if you succeed, you’ll be full of style.”

Regine:: “Nice try.”

I guess she passed the test then. She’s going to survive this world.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | Comments Off