November 1, 2016

self conscious

I don’t understand how some people can be so lack of self conscious that they can’t fucking tell if they have a really bad case of body odor. I have that self conscious all the time. I know it when I smell and I’d do something about it like taking a shower or simply mask that shit with a body spray or something. Not because I give a shit but, because I don’t like the attention (alright, I give a shit).

But some people, they’d go around stinking up the place like nobody business, case in point was this cocksucker I stumbled upon in the morning at Company T cafeteria a couple days back. A scraggy Indian guy with a bald spot big enough to make his head ticks form a flat-Earth society, who stinked like he had just came out of a box full of squashed roaches. I was unfortunate enough to be standing behind him at the cafeteria cashier (fuck my life) when I caught a whiff of this cibai human tear gas. I almost keeled over and spilled my breakfast on the floor! People like him shouldn’t be allowed into the civilization!

I can totally understand that if

A) that guy was to be a laborer who had worked the whole day under the hot sun.
B) it was close to the end of the day

But Company T is a place full of white collar workers! And it was 7am in the morning! When every-fucking-one is suppose to still smell fresh from the morning shower! Who the fuck stinks like that early at 7am in the fucking morning!? This fucking Indian manager guy! God fucking damn I don’t know how much longer I can stand not beating up someone and end up in jail

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October 16, 2016

skeevy old man

I was at this regular food court in the morning for breakfast with my wife, Emily. We were waiting for our orders, when we got approached by this old man. From what I reckoned, he was probably in his early 60s. Donning a pair of thick sunglasses (perched on his hair like it’s going to make him 20 years younger or something), an oversized blue batik shirt and a pair of black old people slacks. He asked us this while pointing to an empty plastic chair at our table:

“Is this seat taken? Is someone sitting here?”

There were only 2 of us, so the seat wasn’t ‘taken’. But I didn’t know if he simply wanted that chair (which is common) or if he was asking if he could share our table with him – which was uncommon, because

a) Penang is a place that respects personal space, table sharing with strangers is not a common practice.
b) There were still a few empty tables at the back of the food court, and another lone-patron old lady with a table all by herself (if table sharing was his thing, he could have picked a better target, just saying…) – which oddly, he went right past and didn’t ask for a seat.
c) I do not like sharing tables with strangers. Even more so with old people. I’d lose my appetite if the table is shared by a stranger. If have to be, I’d rather give up my table than sharing it with strangers.

Anyway, I politely asked & remarked,

“Are you asking if you can take the chair? You can have the chair if you want.”

Old man then said, rather rudely “I want to sit here at this table!”

Bummer. I had to lie in order not to be rude, “I’m sorry, I am expecting a company to join us later. Perhaps you can find another table?”

Old man then flipped out and yelled at me, “THEN JUST SAY THE SEAT IS TAKEN!! YOU DON’T HAVE TO CHASE ME AWAY!!”

I was flabbergasted of course. Like, what the fuck just happened?? That was when my courtesy went out of the window. I went loud:

“HEY! Did you just say I chased you away?? This isn’t your table to begin with, how is it possible you got chased away?? Didn’t I tell you politely to find another table??”

Old man was taken aback because he didn’t think I would ‘talk back’, because you know, he is old. Things usually go his way because he’s a fucking geriatric, but too bad… I’m not a nice person. He then retorted in a toned down voice before walking off to the next table (like a table-to-table parasite):

“Aiyah! It’s still early in the morning, I don’t want to quarrel with you…” His response was ironic because he was the one who started to yell at us early in the morning. I wanted to castigate him further to lower his self esteem but, what’s the point. He had lived 60 over years to be this skeeve of a person, anything I say will not do him any favor but will only make me look bad for yelling at an old fart (that’s what it’ll look like to everyone). Who knows, someone might whip out a phone and the next thing I know, I might become an internet sensation in the wrong light. So I let him be and he eventually got a seat at the said lone-patron old lady’s table.

That fucking skeevy old man. If my daughter’s here, she would be traumatized. That is why I never liked old people. I think old people are overrated. Just because they’re old, they think they can get away with anything (and most of people are enabling them, by letting them get away with what they want). It’s exactly like spoiling a child – except that old people have way much less innocence. Most of them are rude, ignorant, and like to make scenes for attention. Some really bad ones, would even fabricate stories to discredit their own children or others, just to gain some pity attention. They set bad examples to our children and they fucking disgust me.

But I don’t wave a blanket dislike to all the old people because I know not all of them are skeevy. It’s just that in my code of things, they are always by default a “RETURN FALSE”… and will only get a “RETURN TRUE” when they do/did-not-do something or behave in such way that convince me otherwise.

michaelooi  | experiences  | Comments Off
October 12, 2016

I saw this fugly car today

I saw this fugly car today…

fugly car

I wonder what the fuck are those 2 holes for, a mobile mammogram machine to check fake titties for impure silicone?

My guess it’s a fake jet thruster to fool kids to believe that this rectangular piece of shit is quicker than it looks.

What a goddamn ugly car. Why would anyone make an already ugly enough car into an uglier car. Beats me.

I’m going to fucking key this shit if I see it parked anywhere near me.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | Comments Off
October 2, 2016

pious Muslim bloke

A single Muslim colleague, who is from outstation, is renting an apartment in Penang. I don’t know about you guys but for me, being single and renting beckons for an interesting icebreaking conversation… which is what I was trying to do…

Me: “So… Sohaimi, I heard you’re renting. So do you have female housemates? Or all blokes?”

Sohaimi: “In Islam, it is forbidden for unmarried guys to be living in the same house with females.” *smiles*

Me: “What about when you bring home your girlfriend? Those guys have to make themselves scarce?”

Sohaimi: “I do not have a girlfriend. It’s forbidden to bring them home, even if I have one.”

He was saying as if it was forbidden for him to have a girlfriend.

Me: “And do you watch porn? or play games?”

Sohaimi: “I’m not into games and porn is ‘haram’ in Islam”

Me: “You don’t have a girlfriend, don’t have female housemates, you don’t play games. So what do you do? Watch movies at home?”

Sohaimi: “Yes, I do watch movies. I like watching movies.”

Me: “So you must have shitloads of original bluray discs at home.”

Sohaimi: “No, not blurays. Why blurays? I download my movies, via bittorrent.”

Me: “Don’t you know that downloading via bittorrent is illegal and is widely regarded as a form of larceny? I’m pretty sure stealing is ‘haram’ in Islam.”

Sohaimi: “Oh hahah that one is ok.”


Adik-adik sekalian, if you want to be pious, go all the way lah. Illegal software / movie download is a form of theft, and if those traditional Sharia laws were to be enforced, Sohaimi should have his mouse clicking hand hacked off with a blunt machete for taking something he didn’t pay for. I really don’t understand how this kind of reasoning works on some people.

michaelooi  | dialogs  | Comments Off
September 26, 2016

what to look out when buying an apartment/condo – part 3

this is an addition to what I’ve already written in the previous 2 lists…here and here

A short discussion with a bunch of younger friends yielded one important insight about what to look out when buying an apartment/condo…

You see, buying a home is a risk. You risk of spending a fortune buying a home that could suck. Believe me, the odds are against you if you’re as dumb as I think you are (I’ve seen a lot of sohais getting their shit ruined because they couldn’t deign to put in some effort to think, before deciding to throw in the downpayment for an apartment/condo).

Crime rate
How do you fancy getting your everyday stuff stolen every now and then? Stuffs like shoes, sandals, undergarments? Or even worse, getting held up with a machete while the robbers ransack your goddamn house? It is a fucking problem, I tell you. I have a friend whose place is so damn fucked up, that he even got his dog stolen! (it was one of those fancy ass dogs).

Horrible neighbors
I’ve had neighbors from hell before (that’s why I hate neighbors, it’s a trauma I carried from my childhood). I had neighbors who’d rear chickens with her rotten leftover rice (whom I’ve written about here), and another Indian family whose sons would boom box the night away in drunken stupor and house fights. One day, a couple of the sons murdered the older brother and all of them were thrown in prison leaving the old mom behind (it was surreal). But your worst nightmare would be a neighbor who would rent out his/her unit to a Bangla, who in turn will grow more comrades from the mud, start chopping trees down, build ballistas, war machines and whatnots and before you realize, you’re dealing with hordes of them showing up at every corner of the neighborhood flashing war paints on their genitals to your young daughters.

Garbage collection
And do you believe there are places where the garbage truck won’t go? It’s not in their area of coverage. Or maybe some council-man did something stupid to piss off the garbage collection contractor and as a result of that, landfill in your neighborhood. It can be a sore sight to behold, and you’d be living in filth, and before long, stray animals and flies start to appear and be too close to your comfort in your own home.

Electricity disruptions
There are some jinxed area in Malaysia that have electricity disruptions so frequent, that if everytime the homeowner gets a buck from a black out, the homeowner would get to buy a new house with the money before he/she finishes the original mortgage. Ask the people in my wife’s hometown. Every household has their own generator for a reason. Stuff like these probably won’t be outlined in the brochure for your brand new apartment. You’ve got to soak it in for years, before you know it is an actual problem.

Parking problems
For some fucked up reasons, our governments (both federal/state) aren’t very good at city planning. A lot of apartments and buildings do not get ample parking lots because it is not part of the requirements to get the occupancy permit. Booyah! you get people parking all over the place. That’s when traffic jam becomes rampant, and going to/from from your home could be the nightmare instead of going to the office. There are shitloads of places with such problem in Penang. Ask your Penang friends.

Just to name a few.

Things like these can only percolate and show up later in years, and there’s very little you can do about it other than taking a chance to get some advice from a soothsayer. So, the question is, how can you mitigate these risks? Simple – buy a used unit. A used apartment/condo unit is a tested experiment, tried and true to its current status. You’d know who are the neighbors, and whether it has a crime problem. You’d know if there is an erratic garbage collection schedule and if parking/blackout is going to be a constant headache for you. Sure, it’s going to be harder to find, and most likely going to cost more – but it will still be a good trade off for all the bad deals you didn’t see coming above…

Both my 2 properties were bought used. I paid a little bit more, but I have less problems to worry about. I’m just saying, you do the thinking…

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