We were at the mall buying this pair of expensive shoes of mine. The lady who manned (or womanned) the shop asked when we were about to pay, if any of us (my wife and I) is from outstation. Curious, my wife asked her why would she want to know that. Apparently, the mall has this special program of giving a 10% discount to whoever that is not from Penang. All the person got to do, is prove the ‘outstationness’ by producing an identification card or a driver’s license to apply for this ‘out-of-town’ discount card for selected shops. Fair enough.

So my wife gave the shop assistant her driver’s license – which has her old address from Perak – and which we thought would be sufficient to prove (beyond any doubt, beside having a ’08′ code in her MyKad number). Then the shop assistant took my wife’s license to the mall’s information counter to apply for the discount card meant for ‘out-of-town’ patrons while we waited in the shop. About a 5 minutes later, the shop assistant came back and told us, it was rejected because my wife’s driver license has expired!

Now think about it a minute, what fucking difference does it make if my wife’s driver’s license is expired or not? So if her driver’s license is expired, she’s not from Perak aaa? What the fuck?

And that was what I said to the shop assistant. She just shrugged and told us it was the mall’s policy.

I guess that’s what happens when you hire the wrong kind of people to do the job. I believe this was originally planned to encourage more outstation folks to shop at the mall. But instead of creating a positive experience, it created quite the opposite effect by being so anal like that. Short of providing some photos, one could have mistaken that he/she’s actually applying for a fucking passport!

This morning. My car. BAM! A motorcycle.

It was awesome. I have always DREAMED of sending a motorcyclist flying, and it finally happened today. Though it wasn’t intentional, but the experience was as gratifying as I imagined it would be.

It was an all too common case of a motorcyclist being a consummate idiot. I’ve encountered them doing maneuvers that are beyond comprehension thousands of times before, but all they got was a treat from my super loud air horn. The guy I sent flying this morning however, was a bit unlucky. He got both my air horn, and my bumper.

It happened after I made my move when the light went green, and at about 10 meters’ mark, the motorcyclist suddenly appeared 2 feet in front of me from my blind spot, cutting diagonally across my path. The result? Him flying about 3 – 4 feet away and landed on the tarmac. I got down from my car to have a look and saw this middle aged scrawny guy who resembled a goblin – sitting on the road with this confused look (he didn’t know what hit him). I then did a quick assessment

- motorbike, although still pinned under my car, looked fine. Just a bent mirror.
- My car bumper, fine – just some minor scratches.
- The goblin guy – fine too. He wasn’t dead nor writhing in agony.
- the traffic – not fine. It was starting to pile up from behind.

So I decided to settle things like, pronto. First, I helped him to get up on his feet and asked him a series of questions :
“Are you alright? What were you thinking? Were you trying to kill yourself? Are you drunk? Are you sleepy? etc”

He only answered he was alright but stayed silent on the rest of my questions. He then told me to let him get his shit together for a short while and stood there like a stump (I reckoned that he probably wanted to ask for a compensation for the accident). So while waiting for him to ‘get his shit together’, I dragged his junk motorcycle out from my car, put the damn thing on neutral (the idiot was already on his 4th gear – that means he didn’t stop at all) and dragged it out of my car’s way. Then I instructed the guy to pick up his stuff including his pair of sandals (they were at 2 different locations) and told him – “Now if you want to get your shit together, do it by the roadside there. Don’t fucking block the traffic. You’re lucky you didn’t die today because I wasn’t doing fast enough for it to happen.” It’s true. If the light was green all the way, I would have gone faster, and he would have transformed from a goblin into a goblin burger patty. And that’s not going to be cool.

I then got into my car, and he slowly rode off. Not a single fuck was given that morning.