Archive for the ‘work shit’ Category

April 26, 2012

the event

When I went into FuckChicken’s (my boss) office to tell him I’m quitting, he had just finished his breakfast. There were some remnants of what he had at the corner of his mouth, of what resembled uncooked rotten egg or animal sperm. It was a Friday morning, and I chose that very time just so that I could ruin his Friday, and the whole of his weekend. And he was most certainly unprepared of what I was about to tell him.

“Hey boss, just want to talk to you about my resignation.”

His mouth went wide agape, and I could see his half chewed food in his mouth. About one and a half second later, he asked

“What resignation?”
“Me. My resignation.”
“What?”
“I’m resigning boss. I’m here to tell you that.”

His reaction after that can be best described like a doctor breaking the bad news to him that he’s having a terminal stage testicular cancer. There was no comment, no nothing. He just went blank, staring at me. Shocked shitless. But that was just the first part of the blow. I was about to deliver the aftershock…

“And I’m going for a short notice. 1 month.”

He got shocked even more shit-fucking-less. It’s like he’s just been told that he’s also having a terminal stage leukemia. It was before long he managed to whimper out something…

“But… why?”
“I got a new job.”
“How much are they paying you?”
“A lot more.”
“And how much is that?”

He was delusional enough to think that it was about the money. It wasn’t about the money. It’s never about the money for me. Most of the people I know probably don’t believe it when I say, I never worked for money. But it’s the truth. I never give a fuck about the money. It’s not that I’m rich or anything, but it’s just the way it works for me. During the interview for the new job, the new manager asked for my asking pay, I just told him – pay me for what you think I’m worth. And that’s that.

“It’s not about the money.”
“I just need to know, so that I can benchmark if we’re doing it bad here.”
“I’d still quit and cross over, if they pay me less.”

He stopped asking about the money after that, for that fucker knew that I was pissed off about the system and everything. He continued to bitch about how short the 1 month notice is, and continued to rant about how difficult it is for him to get another candidate to fill my void. No shit sherlock. Who would want to have the workload of 4 engineers with no credit given…

“The new company actually offered to pay for me to leave in 24 hours. But I declined, and asked for 1 month instead. You should feel grateful.”
“Ok, I appreciate that. But it would really help if you could stay for at least another week…”
“That 1 week isn’t going to do jack shit on anything.”
“But it would mean a lot to me.”

He’s pulling the pity card. Pathetic asswipe. Like I would care what it means to him. Pissed, I then stood up and started to lecture him about how screwed up the whole thing has been. We engineers are required by the management to come up with risk management plans and cockloads of pFMEA sessions to foretell and mitigate risks when it comes to their engineering process. But on the other hand, these degenerates would do mistakes like overloading and abusing their engineers with tonnes of bullshit donkey jobs, and not having a contingency plan when any one of them leaves. And in my case, I have about 5 business units on my hands. My departure would leave a void so fucking big, that it’d suck passing light into it like a fucking black hole. He should have thought about this possibility even before I alerted him about my ‘shit about to hit the fan’ situation. But no, he’d sit on his ass all day and do nothing about it, but only to beg me to stay for another week when I tell him I’m gonna quit…

“I think 1 month is enough. I have already prepared the transition plan. You won’t have enough time to hire anyway, so just get a surrogate for a temporary transition, that should do the trick.”

In other words, it was a hint that he’s going to have to worry about that problem himself. In fact, teaching him that (the surrogate thing) was like doling out a donation in sympathy of his retardation. I have already done what I could. Had he been a good manager, he would have had a plan to contain this predicament without being this pathetic, if not avoiding this whole thing in the first place. He fucking deserved it.

A few days later, he actually pleaded me not to spread any ‘bad comments’ about the company, as he doesn’t want any of the ‘young engineers’ having a bad impression of his management. I told him I won’t, because I don’t have to. Half of them are already looking for jobs, and all of them already knew long ago that he’s phony. That motherfucker doesn’t even know he’s going against the traffic. I weep for you, Company Y.

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
April 22, 2012

I quit

I quit. The last straw has broken the camel’s back. If you’re good at reading between the lines, you’d probably get the sarcasm veiled in the letter below.

To:
[My manager]
[his position]

CC:
[My HR manager]
HR manager

Resignation

I hereby tender my resignation as Senior Quality Engineer (Quality Assurance department) effective today. Tentatively, I would like to request for my last working day to be on 18 MAY 2012. In compliance to the company’s policy, I have to serve 2 months resignation notice, therefore I am willing to pay the company the sum equivalent of 1 month of my current salary for the shorter notice.

I would like to express that it has been a pleasure of mine to work with the team in your organization for the past 1.5 years. I appreciated every opportunity that has been pitched to me, and that I believe, has helped to make me a more experienced person. But the time has come for a change (for me). Career advancement opportunities have led me to accept an offer from another MNC and this was done only after a thorough consideration. I hope you’d understand and give me your blessing on this.

I wish [Company Y] continued success in all its future business endeavours, and great times ahead for yourself as well. During the transition period, I vouch to do everything in my capacity to ensure a proper handover of all my present responsibilities to the replacement engineer.

Sincerely,

……………………………………….
Michael Ooi

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March 12, 2012

division ‘unwanted bastard child’

*this is a long rant, you can choose not to read it*

Not long ago, I wrote about ‘the people from the main plant’, you know, the bunch of conceited but underpaid shit-stains who think they’re awesome because they have a bigger organization. Recently, there is this manager who just joined this group at the main plant, let’s call him Gaylord for the fun of it. Gaylord, being somewhat gay looking and wimpy, joined at the wrong time, for his main customer was at its raging peak stirring up fuckloads of shit about the quality of Company Y’s products.

That explains why this Gaylord was tasked with the seemingly gargantuan task of drafting a strategy plan of what he’s gonna fucking do to keep his job relevant (that’s what managers do). Now, Company Y at my division (division ‘unwanted bastard child’), is a completely different segment and Gaylord has no authority over what happens here at our place. That is why 1 week ago, he called for a meeting with our team to plead for help. He wanted us to draft a similar strategy plan, like theirs – which he’d need to park into his deck of presentation that would serve the one and only purpose – that is to bullshit his ass through this shitstorm.

Now, the most fucked up thing about this whole dirty business is, I was the one who’s got to do it for Company Y division ‘unwanted bastard child’. The Engineer. Who is given no power of whatsoever to make any changes. Hell, my manager couldn’t even get me an engineer, which I requested 8 months ago. I was already juggling the duty of 5 engineers at the moment, barely has enough time to eat, and these dickwads want me to draft a strategy plan for the company?? This should be my boss’ job!

Pissed off, I did what I think was pragmatic, given my predicament – I took a deck of slides from the admin (which details something irrelevant), and dumptrucked the whole thing to Gaylord, carbon copied all the useless managers in Company Y division ‘unwanted bastard child’. One of the program manager got fuming mad (because the presentation was his stuff), and protested with some single digit IQ remarks in shittier than elementary English, which I ignored. My boss – FuckChicken – on the other hand, felt a sting up his self inflated pride and made an effort to put up an additional slide to control the damage, which comprises of only 3 sentences in large fonts (that made no sense) on Friday. (I think that slide actually made things worse… he could have sent out a picture of himself naked sucking a cactus, it wouldn’t have been that bad…)

Today, FuckChicken summoned me into his office and he gloated over the fact the he ‘had to’ work hard to come out with a ‘STRATEGY PLAN FOR ME’ (again, the slide with 3 short sentences with wrong syntax) and reproached me for not being able to ‘carry out my duty’. I was very close to grab his throat and pummel his face into the back of his skull, but I remained calm and composed throughout – slowly plotting a plan to leave this fucked up organization. Division ‘unwanted bastard child’. Psssshhhh.

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
January 6, 2012

tough luck bitch ass motherfucking life

Remember this guy? Well, he is now my direct boss in my current workplace. Small world, I know. But what can I do, karma has this tendency to fuck with you in the strangest of ways. I’d take it that intelligent people don’t get a lot of luck, taken at the ‘intelligent’ part.

Been having a lot of conflict lately with this guy, whom I’d refer from now on as – FuckChicken. In my recent work performance review, FuckChicken gave me an awesome rating, which I kind of expected considering the fact that I was the only one running 7 projects for him, while his incompetent ass was struggling to hire enough engineers to cover the scope. But there was this one little mistake he did in my review. He put in my record that I was ‘too emo’, and that set me off.

Let me explain why. You see, being a Quality guy in an organization is not an easy thing. You have to be nasty and tough, because the position is a counter-cost position (i.e. it costs more to have Quality). That means, everyone won’t like you, if you’re the Quality guy. I have been in the business for years, and I am inured to it. That’s why, the Ops guys do not like me. That’s because I execute my duties well, and the Ops guy had a tough time dealing with me (I am awesome). I am crazy, yes. I am an asshole, yes I am. I am unpredictable and psychotic, no shit yes. But I am NEVER EMO.

But then, this invertebrate chicken shit boss of mine, seem to have this balless trait that people like to exploit. He’s too soft for a Quality guy, and people used his soft part to make him cum in his vagina. That’s why he called me ‘emo’, and that I wasn’t being diplomatic enough. Well then, there’s this thick distinction between doing my job and being diplomatic, leh mah cheebye I tell you. You can never have both at the same time. FuckChicken is so fucking lame that he personally sent me emails a couple of times to stop me from executing people, and took over to suck some asswipe’s dick. I have never seen a manager stoop so low to suck dick. I couldn’t help but felt ashamed for being in the same department as him.

That’s why I had to confront him, and personally told him that he should really man the fuck up and grow some balls to do his job (particularly a badass manager who has been making FuckChicken his bitch). He didn’t take it well, and has been taking out on me by asking me to call more meetings (can you believe this guy??).

God I do not know how long I could last with this guy at the helm. I could have been a waayy better manager than he could ever be in a few lifetimes. Fuck me.

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
October 4, 2011

emo and shit

I have this nubile Indon girl working as a Quality Inspector under me, whose daily job – apart from checking for product defects – includes auditing the workplace for petty non-compliances like discipline problems, etc. One of the things included is, not tying one’s long hair up.

So far, she did quite a job catching many workplace operators violating this. But there’s one dumb thing that she always do while performing her audit – she let her long hair hang down herself. That was like, a drunken policeman catching drunk drivers. This of course, rankled some of the operators who felt it was a case of pot calling the kettle black. Recently, things got quite serious when one fat housewife operator decided to threaten her for being such a bitch. She got upset about it and I decided to give her a talk…

[translated from Malay/Indon language]

“Why didn’t you tie your hair up like the rest of the people here?”

“I don’t think it’s necessary, because mine isn’t too long”

It’s a fucking lie. Her hair’s long. In her early 20’s, I reckoned that it must be of grave importance for her to look every bit good, and that’s why she had to let her hair down. She is of ripe age to look for a mate. And from the way I observed about her, she wants to get some lead poisoning in her cooter by those Filipino technicians who handle non-RoHS soldering work everyday. Either that or she’s just plain stupid.

“You see that tomboy’s hair? Now THAT’s short. Yours isn’t short.” [pointed at a nearby tomboy’s hairstyle, tomboy smiled back]

“… … …” [silence]

“If you do not want to tie your hair, you need to cut your hair like that tomboy. It will still look good on you.”

“No I don’t want to.”

“Or maybe you can wear a headscarf (tudung), like the Malay girls around here. You won’t have to worry about tying anything.”

“No I don’t want to. It’s boring!” [disgusted]

“Boring? You can add some racing stickers on your headscarf, it won’t be boring lor! I don’t care, and nobody cares!”

I was about to even propose her to tailor-make a tudung with some Angry Birds patterned fabrics (to make it exciting and shit), but she was obviously too upset to continue with the conversation… so I left her alone.

Girls and their fucking emo. I guess I just had a taste of what I have to deal with when my daughter grows up. It’s going to be hell of a ride, I’m sure.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 2 Comments