Archive for the ‘work shit’ Category

November 21, 2005


I think I’m a mean fuck. I just berated Rod the rookie engineer for lending a capital equipment to Elliot the freak – who didn’t have a security clearance to use that equipment (one would require a security clearance to use it)

“If you want to do charity, you can go buy some wheelchairs for the disabled! This is work, goddamn it… you don’t break rules because you feel sorry for some dolt who wants a shortcut for his own conveniences!”

It’s sometimes very hard to balance between getting personal and being efficient at work. Somebody tell me I’m doing the right thing…

(no, this isn’t about the boss thing. Rod the rookie engineer is a trainee whom I’m supposed to train up. He’s very way behind schedule now… and I’ll be in hot soup in a month’s time if he’s still as blur as he is today…)

michaelooi  | work shit  | 6 Comments
November 18, 2005

who’s in charge?

My boss have officially gone for his 10 days vacation starting today and I am put in charge of both the labs. That means, within that couple thousand square feet of the both highly restricted labs, I will be the one who’s pulling all the strings there.

I will have the final say of who’s gonna walk and who’s gonna talk. I will have the authority to restrict basically any living organism from entering that area, at the discretion of my mood condition.

Besides that, I’ll also be in full charge of the highly sophisticated doohickeys in the lab worth millions, which some are capable of producing weapons of mass distraction… I mean… destruction. (Eg. the screwdriver, I can use it to open up the hull of a missile launcher… or use it to stab somebody’s head, and that guy’s gonna be as good as a corpse. Muahahahh!)

So I called out for the hordes of engineers’ attention right after our lunch time today, you know, to do that boss-employee relationship improvement kinda shit…

“Guys! I’ll be in charge for the next 10 days. That means, I’m your boss now… and you have to pay attention to every order I issue from now on … and move your ass pronto to get it done. Are you clear? Alright, now go home and enjoy your weekend early. The lab’s closed for the rest of the day and I don’t want to see your fucking ass here”


The guys worked on totally ignoring me.

Damn, it’s hard to be a good boss. Leave me alone.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 10 Comments


My colleague Jason and some of our members were already waiting at the building entrance when I came loping out to meet them for lunch. Seeing that they’re still not moving yet, I asked :

Me : “Who are we still waiting for?”

Somebody answered some names, but the one that caught my ear was Jason’s reply.

Jason: “We better move quick lest that GODDAMN FUCKING FREAK comes out!”

Yep, he was referring to Elliot the freak. You see, Jason had just discovered my blog a few days ago, and apparently got very excited about that Elliot entry he read.

The moment when Jason mentioned “GODDAMN FUCKING FREAK”, I noticed that there was a female employee gawking at him just a couple feet away from where he was standing. She appeared stunned, probably in a state of disbelieving what she heard. I was kinda alarmed at that particular split second, because some people are just plain sensitive on hearing profanities at workplace…

Like, sure enough, a girl might be condoning sexual acts or wouldn’t mind blowing the cream off his boyfriend’s lizard… but still, that person could still be very likely offended with things as simple as overhearing an unintended use of expletives – which in turn, might prompt her to report this to some authorities and get our ass fired for conspiring a harassment act against another employee… You get what I mean? (this workplace harassment thingy goes a lonnnnnng way…)

Then, just as I thought it was over, Jason reiterated louder… “Elliot. The GODDAMN FUCKING FREAK.” Part of me wanted to laugh at that remark (because it was just too funny at that time) but another part of me wanted to be serious about making sure that we’re not in hot soup pissing off that lady who might think this is all offensive. Well, luckily, she just let out a suppressed laugh and we bailed that place immediately.

That was a close call. We’re lucky that she wasn’t one of those troublemakers who love to abuse the system (protection from workplace harassment, that is). There are simply too many of such tramps around, waiting to strike at any opportunity they can find.

You see, there have been talks around about this workplace harassment thingy… and it has been our fear ever since we got educated about the possible liabilities on what we do everyday. A simple exclamation of the word “fuck” could pretty much get one into trouble. How close are we to that? That’s our colloquial word! All you need is someone to hear you and get pissed off… and that’s it.

Some people, they get personal over stuffs. They would abuse the privilege and make use of the system to rid of the people that they don’t feel good about. They’re dangerous. (office politics). So, it’s not really hard that you might get such people eavesdropping on you and allege that he/she’s offended by what you’ve said. (trust me, I’ve heard far too much horror experiences about the abuse…)

Man, what has this world been turned into. Respects are being manipulated like toys by jerks… I don’t even feel secure working around with people anymore. It’s so easy to get axed nowadays. (Perhaps I should work at a zoo with animals, at least they won’t report to authorities when I say “fuck” too much…)

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
November 12, 2005

what was that???

I was hanging out on a bench waiting for someone today, when I saw one of our departmental senior manager came walking towards me. He was wearing this ear to ear smile and looked extremely pleased like that. I initially thought he was probably establishing some friendly contact with another person, but it soon became apparent that he was smiling to me.

I felt strange, you know, as our relationship was never more than acknowledging each others’ presence through exchanges of courtesy nods and smiles. But today, it was all different. I took a deep breath as he walked closer … then stopped briefly in front of me … gave me a few pats on my shoulder… uttered something inaudible to my ears (or was it that I was too dumbfucked to hear anything? I don’t know) … and bailed off. Just like that.

I was stunned. And then I turned towards my friends and went “What the fuck was that???”. Nobody knew. I tried to cogitate hard about that disturbing act, but I still couldn’t make any sense out of it.

No I did not get promoted, nor did I do anything victorious for the department these few days (in fact, I’ve been shirking quite a lot recently, it has been a while since I’ve made anyone proud).

Then somebody suggested that it must be the bitching article which I had written for the survey. Sounds kinda plausible at the very first thought, but soon was dismissed as we realized that the survey result was still not released yet.

So… what could be the reason behind that simple act of benevolence??? Could it be somebody from the higher management discovered my blog and published my URL to the directors? And that manager was actually giving me a ‘goodbye’ pat instead of a well-done pat???

I don’t fucking know man… I don’t fucking know.

Just in case, if any of you management guys are really reading this – here’s a message for you:


michaelooi  | work shit  | 19 Comments
November 7, 2005

one thing

Somebody from the top organized a survey, asked me if there’s ONE THING that I’d like to bitch about my workplace. I was like “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????” I’ve got gazillions of things to bitch about! But I gave them one, nevertheless. Here it is (edited company name to retain my ass):

[Company name] has too many management level employees. Not only it created a void in the workforce (that is, the REAL people who actually gets work done), but also consumed larger shares on the allocated budget – limiting the annual pay increment of the middle/lower income executives. This will indirectly demotivate everyone and create a negative work environment. Sure enough, [company name] is a stable pillar for a lot of career seekers, but it is not a very good place to DEVELOP oneself.

Eg what I’m talking about : Why do we have so many highly paid managers and directors reporting to each other? They’re taking up a lot on our budgets. And these budgets are often reported as OVERSPENT… and that’s when these people FINALLY get to do something – to send out memos announcing that we’re gonna have to cut down our spending and virtually have everything frozen. As the matter of fact, we did not overspend. The only thing that can be deemed as overspent was to feed these loafers lavishly to read emails and making stupid decisions. They’re siphoning off the company resources! Why couldn’t anyone figure that out already??

The management kept stressing that the boss-employee ratio is at a healthy level and things like that… but I think it is inaccurate because it includes the direct headcounts (manufacturing operators, that is) – which shouldn’t be accounted into the ratio calculation at all. Throw a stone, you’ll hit a manager/director easily at [company name]. Everyone knows that.

Rather than having so many highly-paid management level leaders on top, why wouldn’t [company name] employ more middle income/level execs to get things done? No budget? Sack a director and we’ll have enough money to pay half a dozen of such people working for us – increasing job opportunity and reducing the unemployment rate (which is in line with our country’s vision). You do the math.

So… as a summary …

Less high-pay management workforce = more budget share
More budget share = we get to hire more talented execs
More talented execs = more work done
More work done = higher profit share and earnings

See … it’s all good and I’m brilliant.
(I’m a middle level exec btw, you should hire more “abled” personnel like me.)

Am I fucking right or what? Should anyone of you want to use the response above for any means of conveniences, be my guest. Just insert your company name and you’re ready to go.

You’re welcome.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 15 Comments