I don’t understand what’s the big fucking deal with Earth Hour. Everyone switches off their lights simultaneously to promote widespread awareness that global warming could ruin our shit? What the fuck. Aren’t we all already aware of that?

The majority of us Malaysians, do not even recycle (oh, maybe only for the wrong reasons, like stealing manhole covers, for example). About a good quarter of us (my humble estimate) drives/rides a gasoline/diesel powered vehicle. We burn fossil fuel and coals to generate electricity. We urbanize our lands without control (you can ask around in Bukit Antarabangsa), use synthetic products and blast our air conditioners the whole fucking day. You want to talk to me about Earth Hour? Forget Earth Hour. One hour isn’t going to do jack shit to anything except making the economy slump spiral down further. Earth Hour is nothing more than a hokum that gives you this self inflated assurance that you’re doing something to conserve the environment.

Do you have any idea how many tonnes of greenhouse gases are produced each time there is a war? I don’t know the exact figure, but what I know is, it’s way much more than what you and your retarded friends could do by switching off the lights, for a billion years. And this is just one of them. There are thousands more. We do things everyday to survive, that are contributing to global warming. Let’s face it, modernization and the environment just do not get along.

In my opinion, the only thing we human as a whole can REALLY do to stop global warming at it’s tracks – is fucking kill ourselves simultaneously. We disappear from the face Earth – that’s the only way. Let’s be real here. We humans are a bane to our own planet. As long as we exist, there are bound to be problems. We are already fucking the Earth every awakening seconds by being alive (we exhale CO2, remember? And we populate and urbanize at warp speed). So, why fucking bother?

I don’t know why but, every time I see the current President of the United States, I think of a guy named Nǃxau (who had difficulty counting anything higher than 20… no disrespect to the President though…)

Please expand this post below to see the picture of Nǃxau…

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m sure a lot of you have heard these 2 words before – ‘Penal Code’. But how many of you really know what a ‘Penal Code’ is? I’m not a lawyer but, I’m going to try my best to interpret these 2 words that ever so often appear in our local newspapers. Alright, according to Wikipedia, the ‘Penal Code’ is defined as :

…a portion of a state’s laws defining crimes and specifying the punishment. [source]

Quite self explanatory, eh? In another words, it is some sort of reference or list that defines all types of crimes and the punishment that goes with it. Cool. But what is a ‘crime’? You’d be a retard if you do not know what a ‘crime’ is. When someone breaks the law or does something illegal, that person is committing a crime. Now why is that? Wikipedia defined ‘criminalization’ as:

…a procedure intended as a pre-emptive, harm-reduction device, using the threat of punishment as a deterrent to those proposing to engage in the behavior causing harm. [source]

The key words are – pre-emptive / harm-reduction. I guess the ‘harm’ pretty much covers inanimate objects like buildings, properties and belongings. The whole idea is, to keep the society stable and in control. Very simple.

Alright, now that you guys roughly got it, can somebody help to explain already, WHY THE FUCK IS ORAL SEX CONSIDERED A CRIME IN OUR COUNTRY THEN?? Why does 2 humans of legal age, within a privately confined space and religiously permitting, consenting and giving oral sex pleasure to each other, is considered a crime?? What is the harm?? What is at stake here?? Or more important, what’s the rationale behind the criminalization?? What about jacking off? And tit fuck?? Are they illegal too??

This is in reference to the recent sex scandal that involved a prominent political figure, in which he had a video secretly taken by someone of him allegedly getting a blow job from a female partner [source].

It is very clear in this case that the political figure here is the victim. He’s just someone who was out to have some fun that night and had no absolute intention to commit a harmful crime that could destabilize the society (albeit his infidelity kind of regressed the whole idea of being innocent, but that’s an entirely different matter). But out of some weird twist of fate, he ended up being investigated by the police ‘under Section 377A of the Penal Code for carnal intercourse against the order of nature’ and will probably get prosecuted for that ‘crime’. Man, what a drag it must be for that politician – to have his shit ruined over and over again – all because of a night’s romp, and because someone is dull enough to make oral sex a crime in this country… Oh we did make more awesome headlines this time…

(in case you haven’t checked out the article I wrote about how to prevent yourself from getting entangled into fuck ups like this – this would be a good time for you to do so… )

I’m not sure if I have written this before but, I kind of expressed to a bunch of my bewildered colleagues today about my ideal way of dying.

Everyone dies, right? But is yours going to be a long and painful one, or is it going to be a quick and easy one?

Obviously, nobody wants to die a painful death. No not cancer please. I don’t want to have kidney or liver failures either. So how do one actually die a quick and painless death when the time comes? The answer is – Heart Attack, and that’s what I said to my colleagues today.

I’m sure you’ve seen shitless of campaign posters before that says ‘heart attack’ is bad for you. I don’t know why is that. For all I know, having a heart attack is actually a blessing in disguise. It’s quick, painless and it’s neat. You don’t get hair loss or look sick like a cadaver. You’ll be looking like who you are when you die and the whole process (of getting an arrest and die) probably takes less than a minute. I mean, how much better could one ask for? It is a perfect way to die.

So, I was thinking, maybe when I’m old and have had enough of this world, I’m going to settle off all my outstanding (wills and shits…), and then I’m going to get myself a heart attack. Eg. I’m going to start by getting myself fellated back to back by 20 awesome looking professional hookers to get the adrenalin pumping. And when my blood’s all boiling and heart’s pumping mad, I’ll take a ride in a roller coaster or perhaps bungy jump… and then FFFTTTTTTT… the light fades away. No pain, no suffering, had 20 blowjobs and all still excited.

So, how much money and resources would it collectively take (for the nation of Malaysia) if each of us were to fill in the stupid form and submit it to the EPF department, just to tell them to fucking leave our 11% contribution untouched? I did a crude calculation.

1) Calculation for cost of man hours to get the job done
- Per capita income in year 2007 is RM 22,345 (reference to an article in TheStar some time ago)
- We all work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 52 weeks in a fiscal year – average per capita hourly income works to about RM9.55.
- Assuming it would take each person 30 minutes to print, read, fill in the particulars, discuss, commute, queue and submit the stupid form, that works to about RM 4.77 worth of manhours wasted for each form.
- That means, the whole country will be collectively wasting about RM 4.77 million for EVERY MILLION of members who do not want to have their contributions reduced. That’s enough money to fund the building repairs of several vernacular schools, or a lifetime’s beauty treatment for Pak Lah‘s pockmark ridden face.

2) Calculation for cost of materials to get the job done
- It is safe to assume that we’re going to use 1 sheet of A4 paper for 1 form.
- 1 ream of A4 paper has about 500 sheets.
- According to ‘Conserve A Tree‘ site, 1 ream of A4 paper of 500 sheets uses the wood content of about 6% of a regular sized tree.
- Ergo, 1 tree can produce about 17 reams of A4 paper, or 8500 sheets.
- That means, for every 1 million of disgruntled EPF members wanting to retain that 11% contribution to use 1 sheet of A4 paper for 1 form, we’d have to chop down about 118 trees to process them into paper. That’s 118 trees for every million of EPF forms. That’s about the size of a small forest dude.

3) Other shits in between
- The energy used to chop the trees, clear the forest, process the wood, pay the workers, transport the paper, etc.
- The moolah to pay those EPF officers to makan pagi, minum petang, overtime to process our forms.
- The amount of fossil fuel burned by thousands of vehicles going to EPF offices.
- The amount of electricity energy used to accommodate the crowd and to process the forms.
- The increment of probability that could skew the accident index in traffic.
- The amount of greenhouse gases released into the air from the vehicles traveling to EPF offices.
- etc etc etc

Yes, it’s like dumping truckloads after truckloads of money into a big ass incinerator labeled “HAA HAA YOU STUPID FUCK!”

Why can’t they just fucking let us have the 11% as default, and let those who wants the extra 3% of pocket money fill in the stupid form instead? Bunch of nincompoops and idiots.