Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category

September 2, 2015


Many common things that we see every day, remind me of how moronic the world has become. Amongst them, diet soda. That’s carbonated soft drink with less or synthetic sugar that’s supposed to be healthier or something. We also have vege-burger – burgers made of soy or some shit like that. And then there’s decaffeinated coffee. Coffee without caffeine. Let’s not even talk about those indie stuff like alcohol-free beer… and many more.

Lately, there’s this thing called e-cigarette (or better known as, vape) that takes the whole moronic cake, all by itself. People now, so to say, have a healthier option of puffing a ‘cigarette’ – by vaping (puffing e-cigarette). Just like those stupid diet coke or decaf coffee or alcohol free beer. They have a healthier option of a bad thing. Can you fucking believe that? That’s dumber than an animal spa and all those diet shit combined. The main argument I’d always throw is – if health’s your main concern, why don’t you just fucking quit smoking altogether?? Oh that’s right, smoking makes one look cool. My bad.

I don’t entirely know how that fucking vape works, but it does have smoke… though not from an actual fire. It produces this fake synthetic smoke that smells like the kind of enigmatic techno-smog emitted from the smoke machine in discotheques back in the 90’s. It’s powered by a rechargeable battery, and it looks like a cross between a Tektronix oscilloscope active probe and a vibrator. Some look small/plain, some has LEDs on them (depending on models/makes) and some even have colored 7 segment display to pimp up the look (numbers indicating the douchebaggery level perhaps? LOL). The puffer just need to add a canister of ‘flavor’, like fruits… flowers… seafood… it’s pretty gay really (with added variable % of chemical nicotine, the addictive ingredient inside a typical cigarette) and puff away the fake smoke. People claim that it has like, 99% less harmful elements that a fucking cigarette has – hence the ‘healthier choice’. Depending on models, a vaping device can be expensive from a few hundred bucks to the price of a third world child’s kidney.

The thing is, this vape device doesn’t even look cool. I mean, come on, LEDs and shit? That’s stupid. Part of the charm of smoking, has always being able to flick the ash and litter the butts. The glowing hot ember of its burning tip, can be used to torch a house, or torture-burn a prisoner (depending on your cool angle). The lighter to light a cigarette can be an art as well (see Zippo, etc). Ask yourself, how many movies have featured the hero with an awesome flip lighter and an explosion afterwards? The form of the cigarette smoke wafting in the air is tranquil and almost poetic (not as thick and coarse as a vape smoke – which looks more like steam than smoke). Film noir wouldn’t look as fabulous without cigarettes. It has been sung in songs by modern bards, and drawn in masterpieces by skillful artists. It’s the tobacco, tar, nicotine and carcinogen that gives it the distinct character of badassery. You get banned from public places, you get cancer in your blackened lungs and your goddamn throat / halitosis mouth. But that’s part of the package and that’s what make it so special. (I’m a non-smoker and never was, but I totally get it).

Now why would anyone think that puffing on an electronically produced smoke would be any better, or for that matter, healthier, than a fucking cigarette? Escapes me. Either you’re a smoker (courting danger/risk, badass reputation, cancerous) or you’re not (dan lain-lain). If you’re a vaper, you’re just a poser. Fake. Wannabe. Hippy. Pussy. And you’re nothing.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
August 10, 2015

Bersih 4.0

When I read about those cro-magnons wanting to organize another round of Bersih (dubbed as Bersih 4.0), I immediately went “OH NOT THIS FUCKING SHIT AGAIN!!”. (If you do not know what is ‘Bersih’, it’s a coalition of non-governmental groups that is infamous of organizing rallies to seek for cleaner election in Malaysia, or something like that).

No I’m not a BN supporter. I’m just as neutral as fuck. I just opined that this whole bullshit is just a goddamn waste of time/resources. Not only it does not work, it’s outright bad for everything – the economy, the environment and it breeds hooliganism. Each time a Bersih ‘rally’ (it’s more like a demonstration without a solid cause) is organized, you get mounts of garbage, destruction of properties and injured people along its path. Tonnes of greenhouse gases will be released to the atmosphere from the crippling traffic and other directly/indirectly linked causes, reversing the shit you treehuggers tried to achieve by switching off your lights during Earth Hour by millions of folds. So in an ironic sense, Bersih does what it thinks by reforming the electoral system for a ‘cleaner election’ (which is still unproven), but it pollutes basically everything else there is in the country.

Sure enough, one can argue that this is an individual’s right to express him/herself. But Bersih is not it because it is illegal. If it were to be done inside a stadium or a large piece of field, it would have been given a green light for a conditional permit and everyone would go home an accomplished citizen by having given the opportunity to express him/herself to the gnats and ants on the open field. And depending on how morally inclined they are, they’d pick up the garbage after the event and garner a praise or two for being so ‘steady’. But fuck no, these people wanted to take to the streets for more attention. How is that alright by a civilized standard? To march and demonstrate on the streets without permit is dangerous and opens up possibilities for things to get out of control (and let’s not even talk about those imbeciles who bring their children to the rally). And when that happens, you get water cannon-ed, tear gassed and truncheoned like a bunch of animals by the FRU riot police (and I root for the FRU, because they’re there to upkeep the peace). Then you’d see these attention seeking Bersih 4.0 whores posting selfies about police brutality seeking for empathy when they shouldn’t have gone against the law to illegally partake in the Bersih rally in the first place (so much for the attention). Know this, when you deliberately break the law, you’re no different and is as despicable as those Mat Rempits wreaking havoc in the society. If you feel that you’ve missed your prerogative as a concerned citizen to do something you’re not happy about the current ruling government, you can choose to post a goddamn black picture as your profile photo on your Facebook page – it’ll have the same effect as Bersih – NOTHING BUT A HOKUM.

It is not a solution to the problem. The current government, as corrupted as many claim it is, has deep roots down to the bedrock. A Bersih rally or a few, won’t undo everything in a fortnight. It takes much more than Bersih rallies to cure the chronic problem. If the decadence has taken so long to evolve to what it is today, my bet is it’ll take an even longer time to evolve back to the positive direction. If a much shorter route is preferred, then a revolution is the only way – but that is a route filled with death and destruction like what we’ve read in the history of the human world. And I don’t think I’m ready to go that route. I’d prefer the longer way. I’d start by voting the people I think is good for the job (for now) and I’d educate my child well. I’d teach her about responsibilities, how to be a considerate person, how to uphold her moral values and how to help the weak. She’d be a learned person with ample education provided through my sacrifice, and with her knowledge, she’d play a role/part to uphold the world in her generation (if she’s good enough, hopefully, she’d be a leader and will have the power to influence). If everyone does the same thing, I believe we’d see a better governance in the country in a generation or two. Takes time, but we’d get there.

P/S: That anti-Bersih group is worse. Those cretins are one of the many reasons I don’t like the BN government.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
April 13, 2015

Qing Ming sucks

I am never one who believes in God or heaven or hell. I’d like to refer myself as an Atheist sometimes… but I am not sure really, for I don’t fucking know what I am. Most of the time, I’d follow what people do, more as a tradition than an affirmation of faith… and I do that out of respect to the people who had brought me up and wanted me to believe in all of those stuffs.

One of the many things that I had promised my late mom that I’d do, is to follow the Qing Ming tradition. If you do not know what ‘Qing Ming’ is, fucking read this please to save me some lengthy explaining.

In short, Qing Ming is the Chinese Halloween but way less cool without all those fancy cosplays. It’s a serious affair in the Chinese culture and people tend to frolic less during the Qing Ming month out of respect. It happens for the entire month (or something like that) instead of just 1 day, and everyone has to haul ass to the actual grave or niche of his/her ancestor/mom/dad/grandparent/[anyone] to fucking clean them on the prayer day. During the prayer day, family members will burn huge amount of incense, effigies, paper money, offerings, food, et al to the departed one and pray for good fortune/health through some supernatural intervention I suppose. Besides all that, family members also take the opportunity to get together, so that they’d live harmoniously in this mortal world under the supervision of the ghostly eyes of the dead ancestor…

Anyway, as you can probably tell, this has been a stressful affair for me. I just couldn’t stand the traffic and smoke and assholes elbowing their way to their ancestors’ graves, and I’m 100% against the idea of burning stuff to appease the dead. Trust me when I say this, when I burn the traditional paper money and gold ingots for my mom, a small part of me dies together with her, and a small part of my soul gets sucked up into the hot updraft of air of tinder and smoke. I just couldn’t understand why would she need all these worldly material in her underworld? The very idea of money or wealth is to court happiness, which is associated to the feelings a mortal has. If she’s already dead (and became a spirit?), why the fuck would she have feelings for these stuff then? She’d be free of all these confinements (sufferings), and all we needed to do is to leave her the fuck alone and let her rest in peace already.

If this is for remembering her, then won’t I be achieving the same effect just by looking at her photos? and without burning anything? (and I can do it anytime, right?) That’s why I think Qing Ming is ridiculous and suck. It might have been a good tradition in medieval times, but not for the 21st century. I’d say, someone should start thinking about making it less damaging to the environment by planting trees instead of digging more graves. We’d just grow a tree out of a dead person’s body, and the dead’s children can congregate under the tree during Qing Ming… just picnicking under its shade, running around and chasing the family dog. From the dead, grows a living tree that serves the same purpose of remembrance (you can put a sign like those you see in a national park or something, only that it reads “Herein lies John Doe, who fries killer fried rice…” instead of some scientific name of a tree). And instead of a smoky graveyard, you’d get a park full of trees and happy people having a day off. (dogs running around too, their turds nourishing the trees in a healthy ecosystem of happiness and rainbows).

My world is so different than everyone’s… I told my mom with my thoughts the other day during Qing Ming, that next year, I’m going to remember her with just fruits… And I ask for her blessing all the same if she could hear me…

Update 04 OCT 2015 : Someone actually started this idea. Check out this link.

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March 16, 2015

the middle states

I’ve heard from around that Penang drivers are the worst in Peninsular Malaysia. While I agree that the general population of Penang aren’t exactly good drivers, but I think they are still far from the ‘worst’, if one wants to start this stereotype shit.

In my arrogant opinion, the worst has to be those from the ‘middle states’, you know, ‘W’ or ‘B’ plates (KL, Selangor). Why? Everyone knows the fuck why. Middle state drivers consistently suck ass. You randomly grab any Penang driver, the guy’s just a loser who does random acts of annoyance like drive too slow, late indicators, pfffft, just being annoying. But if you were to grab a driver from a ‘W’ or ‘B’ plates, you’d see a disturbing pattern of dangerous habits that endangers the public – like :

Overtaking in emergency lanes.
Favorite past-time in traffic jam for these middle-state degenerates. If you’re in a traffic congestion, you’re bound to see a constant stream of ‘W’ or ‘B’ plated drivers overtaking in high speed on the emergency lane like they’re paid to do so. They’d then shove into the main traffic at the end of the lane – rendering the congestion even worse. It’s inconsiderate, and downright fucking dangerous. On and off you’ll read in the papers about these morons plow into a stationary truck and die, but that happens almost not often enough to deter these motherfuckers from getting themselves bagged and inconvenience others.

Illegal U-turn.
For some strange reasons, the ‘W’ and ‘B’ plated drivers aren’t very good with their memory, as they can’t seem to be able to remember routes and shit. I’d credit that to the evolution at KL – the city council of KL changes the traffic routes so often, that the dwellers there developed what I would call a ‘memory atrophy’, you know, the special part in your brain that memorizes traffic routes and stuff? It got 86-ed from gross under utilization. Because of that, they get lost all the time and always have the compelling need to perform illegal u-turns. Any empty space to the opposite traffic can become their illegal u-turn spot. God knows how many strays or people have been killed from the spontaneous illegal u-turns by a ‘W’ or ‘B’ plated fuckwad.

Speeding in a parking lot, residential area.
They’d speed like it’s a sin to slow down in these areas. I credit to the same biological mutation that made them forgetful, the constant need to find a parking space pronto also made them paranoid about not managing to get a parking spot just because they’re a few seconds too late. Ergo, the compelling need to speed through speedbumps and shit to get from A to B. If they encounter a slower driver in the way, they’d go to the opposite traffic and overtake (in the parking lot or residential area). There’s little room to be considerate because a parking lot to them means life or death (or the 3rd option, double park – see below).

Double parking (more of an annoyance than being dangerous).
They do it all the fucking time. Reason? No reasons needed. But my best guess is years of practice on being a too of a sore miser from paying a parking fee skewed their mental capacity (in a biological, unfixable way) to think rationally. Or simply the reason above – biological mutation. So, when they want to go somewhere, they’d double park the shit out of everyone like they’re entitled to leave their car anywhere they like in their own bubble of reasoning. I’ve once seen a ‘W’ plate that even double parked in front of an empty spot! Can you fucking believe that? People would usually respond to that with constant honkings to the double-parking asshole that would never come, me, I’d simply key his shit and go for a cup of tea (Oh yeah I key people’s shit all the time).


Few of the many habits of the middle state drivers. Can’t possibly list them all. They’re probably the ones that made up stories like how Penang drivers are the suckiest of the bunch, perhaps to make up the they time they lost in traffic everyday in the middle states, and salvage what is left of their self esteem.

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January 21, 2015

most awesome instant noodle

You guys have probably heard of some bold claim about how good that MyKuali Penang White Curry Mee is… that it has even won some awards or something like that… and some even claimed that it’s the best and dopiest instant noodle in the world! (this has somewhat propelled the local brand to international fame, and everyone wants a piece of it).

I think it’s a load of crap. Not only it tastes nothing like the real shit, but it definitely isn’t the ‘best and dopiest’ instant noodle in the world (it’s still far from it) – if one has to be that reckless to make such bold claim of it ruling over every variety there is in the realms of instant noodles. In fact, if you were to pitch that MyKuali to strictly with ‘Curry’ flavor, it still doesn’t make the cut as the best in its class.

So, what the fuck? If I get to pick, the best and dopiest instant noodle in the world has to be Cintan’s Asam Laksa (blue color) flavored instant noodle. Bear in mind, it has to be Cintan’s brand only. There are other clones out there made by Maggi or Mamee or some other wannabe’s but trust me, you do not want to try those. Get only Cintan’s Asam Laksa.

Now why do I think it’s the best in the world?
– It’s spicy. It isn’t burning hot kind of spicy per se, but just at the right amount of hotness. It’s perfection in its most modest form.
– It’s good. The whole thing just tastes delectable, with a little hint of aromatic fish taste in it. Words can’t describe its taste but, one has got to fucking try it to believe it.
– It’s fast. Cintan makes great springy noodles. Takes only 2.5 mins to cook the shit in the microwave with 360ml of water. Let it sit for 1 min, you’re good to go. MyKuali takes decades to cook and never soft/springy enough.
– It’s simple. There’s just a soup base pack, and you pour that thing in after you cook the noodle and it is magic. It’s as instant as an instant noodle should. I just hate those pretentious instant noodles with a few packs of soup base and oil and something that are just too fucking messy and complex, not to mention generates more trash.
– It’s clean. On top of simplicity in packing the soup base, one of the most important thing is the aftermath. I just fucking loathe seeing thick grease stain in my bowl after I’ve slurped the thing dry. Too messy to clean up. Cintan Asam Laksa leaves no grease, you can fucking flush it with just water and toss the thing in the dish rack.
– It’s addictive. A good instant noodles leaves you wanting for more. Cintan Asam Laksa leaves me wanting for more like no other. *say it with Smeagol’s voice like how James Franco did it.
– It’s rejuvenating. I’d whack one when I get a hangover. I’d whack one if I’m too grossed out with dairy food (it neutralizes my tastebuds). I’d whack one if I have a coffee sickness (too much coffee syndrome). I’d whack one if I have insomnia. I’d whack one if I have food rage after smelling my neighbor’s aromatic curry and would still be satisfied with it. Hell I’d whack one if I have a goddamn sore throat!
– It’s ubiquitous. You can buy this anywhere, and it won’t run out of stock.
– It’s cheap. It’s so cheap, I don’t even know how much it costs. I’d tuck one or two packs of fives in my cart when I have the space. Been replenishing it since I was 17.

If one has to see it, it’s the one circled in red. Try it, you’d wet your pants. (don’t get other flavors, just the blue one)

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