Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category

November 18, 2003

a common fraud

A few days ago, my sister paraded around the house showing off her new haircut…

“That’s a disgusting haircut. You looked like a typical witch version of ah lian” I remarked.

This of course aggravated her, which prompted her to respond,

“You and your poor eyesight. I am better looking than a lot of people. You ought to go for a checkup”.

“If you’re as good looking as you claim to be, then why would you need cosmetics or a fancy haircut to enhance your looks? Or are you trying to mask your ugliness? Just accept the fact already, you’re born ugly.”

My comment immediately sent her back into my mom’s room, in front of the mirror. She would look at herself to check for imperfections (it was everywhere, but she was too blind to spot one…) and attempted to fend for herself on my acerbic comment. But I think deep inside, she knows – that I have revealed an ultimate truth. It was her ego that was fucking with her.

Well… my sister indeed isn’t that bad looking compared to many living organism. Worms, houseflies, proboscis monkeys, to name a few. But revealing the truth and aggravate her at the same time is sure fun.

Anyway, back to the topic. Has anyone actually wondered, why do girls need to wear make up to feel more confident? Why do they need all the fancy hairdo’s to look good? Why do they like to make their face looks different with thick makeovers? Are these implications that they are ashamed of how they really looked like? And they’re masking their face up with makeovers and deception just to be confident? This is so wrong.

Imagine yourself seeing a pair of cool Timberland boots, which you liked very much. After saving enough money to buy it and bring it home, it turns out to be of different color, design and product altogether. In that case, would you feel cheated? You paid for a pair of boots you liked, but it somehow turned out to be something different! So if your girl were to look different without makeup, would you feel like you’ve been cheated? It’s very hard to think that you wouldn’t, dude.

Let’s face it. We are now all living in a world full of deception. Our ancestors used to say – do not believe anything unless you see it with your own pair of eyes. That belief is sure obsoleted now. With science and technology, nothing is impossible. Beautiful things are not natural anymore because the fake is so much better than the original. Fake face, fake teeth, fake tits, fake hairs… you name it.

For me, I will try to be honest here. I would like my girl to be attractive of course (hey,… who doesn’t?). But I would prefer for her to be like that ALL THE TIME. No makeovers to veil her face. No fake eyelashes. No fake titties for me to get excited. No fancy hairdo’s. I want her to be pleasant, just like that. All natural. And I’m glad that I found her.

So, to you guys out there. Good luck. Just a caution – be sure to check how “boots” really look like before bringing them home. Do not make critical decisions based on the first impression. You need to ‘test drive’. You need to clear the deception, and find out about the truth…

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
November 12, 2003


When I was a kid, people always asked – “What you want to be when you grow up?”. Well, I was smart. I knew that wasn’t a straight question. It was a question to gauge your psychological being. They have hidden meanings. My mom never asked me that before… but my relatives did. All the time. (Like they cared)

My parents never gave a damn about what I want to be when I grow up. They just hoped that I would finish my high school and stay the fuck out of jail. I grew up in a simple family with not much plans for the future. I can imagine, I could have told my mom that I want to be a rock star, she would not even show any reaction. She would probably say something sarcastic like “Sure. Go ahead be a rock star. Just don’t ask me for money to buy a guitar.”

Anyway, back to the topic – ambition. Whenever I was asked about my ambition, the only thing that always come into my mind would be “I don’t know”. But of course I won’t answer “I don’t know”. It will be stupid to do that. The adults would think I’m a troubled child and probably would send me for a counseling or something. So, I’d always tell them what they wanted to hear – “Oh, I want to be a doctor / lawyer / pilot / engineer” – then get myself a pat on the shoulder and get the fuck out of there. It has always been about what they want to hear, not about what we really want to be when we grow up.

In fact, if you take a look at the question carefully, you’d realize that it is quite a subjective topic. There will be no definitely answer to that. First of all, there is no real definition of “grown up” in this world here. Some of my friends, like Eric, still doesn’t show any sign of growing up even in his 40’s. So, if I decide to party hard and “grow up” later in my life, say about, 70 years old, why would I need a profession or career still? “My ambition is don’t have to do anything. Hope to have less grey hairs and be able to sustain an erection.” – that would have sounded so absurd.

Second, there are no fixed career paths in our dynamic society. 40 years ago, if your ambition was to be an engineer, you’d get oohs and aahs, and people would see you as a bright kid that wants to carve himself a niche in the society. Then come today, the name ‘engineer’ has become so common that even a door-to-door salesman is calling himself a “Sales Engineer”. And these engineers are the ones that go door-to-door to solicit their ill selling products and aggravating people is part of their job scope. You get my point? It’s not a job that was as glamorous and great before.

So, please leave your kids alone. Don’t ask them what they want to be when they grow up. They are not fortune tellers. Just give them the best education you can, and let them decide for themselves – what they NEED to be to get what they want. The world has changed and it’s not the same anymore.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
October 13, 2003

my bad habit – it’s a good thing

I think I am spending too much of my time cussing on the road. Each time I take over a steering wheel, I can’t help but to cuss this and that. I cuss at people, cars, cats, dogs – just, anything that moves and affects my driving pleasure. Sometimes, I even cuss at myself for making a boner or two, that’s how crazy I am.

I cuss indiscriminately and my cuss knows no boundary. I can cuss in multiple languages and have pretty decent knowledge on various international sign language too (although I seldom use them). Sometimes, I get some company from my passengers to cuss together and get to learn new profanities. But there are also times I get complaints from them who got uncomfortable with my way of hurling cusses at innocent motorists – and of course they will always get the standard ‘go fuck yourself’ reply from me.

So, is this really a good or a bad thing?

My mom always tell me it is not nice to cuss while driving, because the opposite side of the asshole will not be able to hear me (and I will only be hearing it myself).

But that’s not really that important to me. I don’t really give a shit if the person on the opposite side hears it or not. What’s more important, is that we get to ‘release’.

You see, we humans react to threats, naturally known as ‘reflex’. And these reflexes were developed throughout our course of evolving from a single celled organism to what we are today. For example, the pain receptor. The pain will make you pull up your hands, preventing it from further damaging your tissues. The ‘angst reflex’ is exactly the same thing… although it is more of a psychological one. When you’re angry, you yell out at the top of your lungs to release your stress. When you’ve been de-stressed, your head cools down faster and that’d naturally avert any unnecessary brawl which could land your ass into trouble and stuff.

So, to see it in another aspect, cussing inside your car is part of an important evolution. A simple act that has evolved to protect mankind from getting too aggressive by releasing tension orally. So, it’s guess it’s a good thing.

For an optimistic person (like me), cussing can also be looked as a way to understand other cultural differences too. When 2 person of different ethnic origin cusses in the same car, they get to know more about the beauty of other languages and bridge the cultural gap in between.

For example:

Summer 2000 – I was driving on 183 highway east of Austin, together with an American Vietnamese friend – whom I shall call ‘Suy’ here. The following conversation took place when we were almost hit by a large pickup truck which came out of nowhere.

[Me & Suy exclaimed simultaneously]
Suy : “Fucking asshole ! ”

Me : “Tiu nia seng ! ” (cantonese)

[Suy paused for a moment]

Suy : “Hey… what was that you were saying ?”

Me : “Oh… that’s ‘tiu nia seng’. A cantonese cuss. It means ‘fuck you something’… Not quite sure about it’s exact meaning but it’s very popular… ”

Suy : “Heheh… tiu nia seng… cool. Wait till I try this out at the office… I bet those guys won’t have a clue I’m giving them a compliment… hahah. Anymore that I should know?”

And I taught him a bit of each in different Chinese dialects and some insults in Tamil. Suy had learned something so priceless in his life that would have not been possible – if we didn’t meet that asshole in the large pickup truck by surprise and cuss the hell out of him.

So, as you can see, depending on how you look at it, cussing can be a good thing. In fact, it’s detrimental to keep much of your anger within yourself. Everything has its limit. You won’t be able to keep everything within yourself for eternity. It’s going to be much worse when you snap one day, and to unleash your accumulated anger on say, your pet dog, cat or even your own girlfriend… and hurt them. So, why keep them all inside? Let it all out. They don’t need to hear you, but you need to let them out.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
September 24, 2003

the milk connection

BigSnake and I followed Blackie to buy some milk powder for his 1 year old son after we had our lunch today. He left us in his car and then came back with a few cans of milk powder. Curious, I asked him – “Dude… how much is all that?”. Around 200 bucks he said. I was like “Whattttt ???”
“How long would the supply last?”
“Well, it depends… usually, 4 – 5 weeks.”
“That little bastard actually can take that much milk??? That’s more expensive than petrol man!”

He wasn’t quite happy with my reaction. Even BigSnake was dumbfounded too. He told us, it was expensive because it’s an Enfagrow… which contains some A+ vitamins 3-in-1 with conditioner no preservative 24 hours protection fluoride AHA whatever… but I’m still shocked with the rather expensive price.

I asked him “What happened to your wife?”

“Eh… you think my wife cow aa? constant supply aa?”

Apparently, I was hinting him about breastfeeding. He told me his wife indeed breastfed the little tyke but somehow, she just couldn’t continue anymore. Afraid of getting out of shape – he said. wtf??? So, all these money was spent because the wife’s afraid of her breast running out of shape??? There’s plenty of free milk in 2 attractive containers… but he chose to buy expensive milk powder for his son??? Strange but true.

I wonder, what was the situation like before milk powder was invented. Since when do we have to be so dependent on cows for producing milk for our children? To promote a close relation between human and cow? I mean, let’s talk about natural things… have you ever seen a hyena feeding on a pig’s milk? Or monkey feeding on a crocodile’s milk? This is exactly what I’m talking about. Human feeding on cow’s milk. It’s unnatural. It’s beginning to make sense now… on why are there so many dimwits & insane people in this world. It’s probably due to feeding too much on cow’s milk.

My stand is, unless you’re running out of choice, you should always consider feeding your kids your wife’s milk. Or your mom’s milk. Or your milk.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
September 14, 2003

knots getting tied

I am feeling very lucky for I don’t have to go through the complex process of getting married. Emily & I skipped the reception for a few reasons. I think a real good wedding should be a happy affair, simple and at the same time, memorable for the couple. But sadly, I don’t see that happening for most weddings nowadays.

People nowadays are having reception for their weddings for the sake of having it, be it as a tradition, or a requirement from their parents – rather than a true celebration of love… and these are often accompanied by heaps of exhausting chores of organizing the gaiety event, and the need for a huge expenditure. And all these, I think, causes more frustration than happiness… and I don’t think why we should do all that just to satisfy the people around us.

Getting married is a very private affair. And I think it is utterly unnecessary to get yourself into so much trouble just to appease someone else who has nothing to do with our marriage. That’s why, Emily and I decided to use the money to go for a honeymoon instead. And that is way happier for us, simpler and more memorable, than organizing a troublesome wedding ceremony. Nobody really gives a damn if you are tying a knot… and I am actually helping everyone to save an ang-pow or a wedding gift by not organizing a wedding reception. A win-win happy-happy situation.

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