Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category

March 22, 2004

the deceivers

I watched some Chinese drama on TV with Emily when my notebook broke down. Never fancied watching Chinese drama but then, that was the only thing left for me to do at that time.

Anyway, in the Chinese drama, in one particular scene, there was this girl (the heroine, obviously) who suddenly turned into a dropdead beautiful looking chick during a ballroom function — a deviation from her usual catastrophic appearance. The secret? A score of makeup, hairdo and an expensive dress. The moment I saw the scene, I gave out a smirk.

That was sort of like the moment of truth for me. That scene in the drama was true in every sense — a few artificial ‘modifications’ and touch ups, could change a great deal on one’s appearance. I have seen such occurrences in real life before. It’s all real.

A good example would be annual dinners. I am not sure about other company, but in mine, most of the girls would usually go all out during the dinner. They would do anything to look good on that night. Never mind the expenses. They will put inches of thick make up that could shame a Japanese geisha. They will wear expensive dresses that cost probably more than their basic salary. They would go to the extend to tailor-make their dresses just to be seen in something different. The standard rule of thumb… was to expose as much cleavage as possible. Long term investment – they always say. And that freaking dress would be worn for only ONCE. Cannot be seen wearing it twice or else they will be cursed with terminal stage herpes on their tushy. And if they own any jeweleries at all — this would also be the night for them to flaunt them all out. They will pick the biggest and most sparkling motherfucking of all jeweleries.

And what is beauty without an exquisite hairstyle? Right, they will spend a few hundred bucks for a customized hairstyle for the dinner… and they always come in various weird shapes that was copied from top fashion magazines. Some would look so weird that they resembled those zinc awnings – extending out of their head like that. And their hairdo’s are always laden with a few hundred gallons of hairsprays and unknown chemicals, that could trap insects (in some rare occasions, even small flying mammals – e.g. bats, flying foxes)

Then come to shoes. High heel is the standard. 4 inches, 5 inches and for some ballet dancers, they would even wear 6 – 7 inches — almost making them a whole length of head taller than any puzzled blokes. Guys have to look up (suffering neck problems) in order to talk to them – as if they’re walking on stilts. That explains why the guys always prefer to look at their boobs rather than looking up at their faces to talk with them. And yet, the guys are always mistaken as perverts that ogle at boobies… when they are actually trying not to hurt themselves

Alright, my point is — reiterated — the world is full of deception (if you’re not already aware). If you want to find yourself a girlfriend or a life partner, avoid ballroom functions or annual dinners at all cost. Those pretty ladies in the ballrooms are nothing more than a walking mammal full of expensive chemicals on a wig… and stilts.

Trust me. Hold back your adrenaline and testosterone. Prevention is better than cure (unless you’re gay).

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
March 18, 2004


My company organized a lucky draw for some charity event and a mail has been sent out to inform everyone about it. There was only one particular part that caught my attention :

1st prize : Perodua Kelisa
2nd prize : Honda Motorcycle
3rd prize : Lap Top computer

My eyes were fixed at the 3rd prize. Lap top. Since when do people still refer portable computers as ‘lap tops’? As far as I can remember, people used to refer portable computers as ‘lap tops’ because some bunch of idiots felt that it is so cool to put a portable computer on their lap (for some strange reason). So, if those bunch of people happen to like the idea of putting a portable computer on top of their dog’s head, it’ll be pretty much known as a ‘canine head top’ instead.

I can’t help but wonder, what if this becomes the universal way of naming things. It would be disastrous, man. Rob would be born to the name of ‘decomposed corpse’, or perhaps ‘leprechaun pervert’. Or he could be named after the place he was conceived — ‘the backseat of a garbage truck’. Cars would be known as ‘road tops’. And Barney would be known as the ‘purple lardass lizard who was born with merged teeth’. Goddamn, hahah.

Anyway, the word ‘lap top’ should be made obsolete now, lest that this may mislead the public that it is ok to put your portable computer on your lap. Seriously, it is not (not ok). Modern portable computers are so powerful nowadays, that it would constitute a hazard to put the thing in contact with your skin for a prolonged period. At 40 over degrees on the hottest point, you’d get skin irritation out of the computer more than anything else. (Seriously, the only thing that takes the rightful title ‘lap top’ should only be those strippers from men’s club).

So, why do we still call our portable computers ‘lap top’? Wouldn’t it be better to simply call it a portable computer? Or a notebook? Why a low tech name for a high tech machine? What a strange world.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
March 2, 2004

the ultimate invention

The Penang Bridge became hell yesterday when a truck overturned and plowed into a score of smaller vehicles. It was reported that the authorities had to close down the bridge for which lead to a massive congestion that stalled thousands of commuters who travel across the strait daily. The congestion was soooo bad, that a lot of vehicles stalled from overheating engine… which in turn, aggravated the jam even further. Definitely one of the worst traffic jam ever.

Now, where was I during the entire catastrophic event? I was happily surfing the net inside my company, thanks to a mobile phone call from a friend who was trapped inside the massive jam. Then, I went to Carrefour to have a relaxing dinner with my wife Emily… and later did some shopping before going home at about 9pm. Thank God for the invention of mobile phone (sorry, I have no idea who invented the mobile phone)

Now imagine this, how is it like if there is no such thing as a mobile phone?
– I’d probably be cussing and smacking my steering like a lunatic inside my car on that day…
– I would not be able to receive those cute SMS text pictures during festive season
– I won’t be able to feign having an important phone call and excuse myself halfway through a boring meeting…
– And probably, no one would be able to divorce their wives through SMS anymore… which I think is a super sad thing to happen. (Kidding).
– many more.

Now, isn’t mobile phone a wonderful thing? It obsoleted a lot of conservative practices… and now it is saving us from driving straight to hell.

Who knows if the mobile phone could even wipe out the roaches & terrorism as well? We’ll never know. We just need to sit back and witness achievements after achievements being struck by this wonderful piece of invention. Kudos to God and whoever that invented it.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
February 23, 2004

a productive meeting at work

The bosses were late for a scheduled meeting today. So, I kind took the chance to chat up with my colleagues today. A pretty casual type of chat – we talked about girls, cars and money.

One of my colleagues, Wilson, told us of an incident of himself being drunk and vented some nasty stuff at our boss.

It was in a fellow colleague’s wedding that he got real blitzed from the excessive toast that night, and he was approached by a lottery salesguy. With his alcohol induced elevated sense, he somehow had the delusion that he might miss out a chance to be a millionaire if he doesn’t buy at least one lottery that night. So, he flagged the guy over and bought a few lotteries. While he was doing that, he actually rambled to our boss – who happened to be around at that time – out of his addled state – “Boss… when I get my 3 million bucks, you don’t have to worry a thing. I will still work for you… but don’t expect me to work that hard… like what I’m doing now” …and sniggered.

I could tell that the incident would remain as a story for him to tell for generations to come… (which kind of makes a cool drunken tale to impress friends, I have to admit)

Wilson’s experience kind of made me think – would a guy still choose to continue working if he strikes a lottery? I received pretty much the same response from around the gang there – YES. Yes they would still work if they struck a lottery. Why? Amongst the response – money is not really the ultimate thing in life. But the majority of people there agreed, that a bloke won’t survive long if he were to sit around doing nothing for the rest of his life. One day, he would eventually feel like a fucking cripple/vegetable… that he’ll either go depressed or insane.

So the key idea is, a guy needs the job to FEEL IMPORTANT, and in turn, to survive. As long as he FEELS IMPORTANT… everything else will be fine. You girls out there should take note of this very important thing about guys. Make your guy feel important… and you’ll get a great commitment from him for the relationship (apart from giving him a blowjob in the morning). Let him change the light bulb… fix the car… kill the intruder snake… whatever. Let him save the day, and be the hero. Make him feel that he is needed, and that he IS IMPORTANT. I bet you’ll get to see a pretty side of him that you’ve never seen before.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
February 20, 2004


A discussion with a bunch of colleagues made me realize one thing about myself – I never actually owned a pet in my life before. Not a dog, a cat… nor even a hamster. There are occasionally lizards visiting me at night, but I am not responsible for their upbringing at all. I never owned any cute little tortoises or even a guppy before. The closest thing to a pet I ever had, was a bunch of nasty monsters in that addictive Dungeon Keeper game – but they were just codes and they do not exist in reality. So, no pets at all.

Never had I thought of taking up the responsibility to own a life before. Not that I hate animals or anything, in fact, I actually like dogs. But I never get to own, or thought of owning one before… because I have been staying in apartments most of my life. It would have been inconvenient to own a pet of any sorts. Inconveniences like space constraint, hygiene, noise control, fall from the apartment when they hang their clothes, getting stuck inside elevators when they return home late at night, troubles with security guards (u know, they have difficulty to talk), not enough parking space, etc.

But then, even if I have the capacity, I probably would digress at the idea. I don’t really know why. Maybe it is because I am afraid that I might not do a good job taking care of them – for I am already having a lot of trouble looking after myself. Or maybe I am too afraid of losing my pet when it dies. To name a few.

With all the difficulties and hurdles, I guess I will not be thinking of keeping a pet for a very long time. At least not until I move to a landed property, which would cost at least half a million in Penang. And if I have that much amount of money – I would be too busy enjoying myself to be worried about pets. *shrugs* One way or another, it’s rather unlikely.

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