Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category

February 12, 2017

goal in life

Every Saturday morning, I would follow my wife to the market to buy some stuff for the week after dropping off my daughter for her extra class.

We’d frequent this vegetable stall, run by a couple in their 60s. Not only their produce are fresh, but they charge very reasonably. But the most important thing of all that makes us always go back to the stall – is the vibe.

You see, the old man, is a different kind of vegetable seller. He’s a guy who enjoys what he is doing – selling vegetables. It’s his fucking mojo. Every time I see him, he’s always jovial. He speaks loudly and clearly. He loves to crack jokes. He dispenses advice about the goodness of his merchandise like he made them himself. But then he also dispenses bullshit nonsense just to keep everyone entertained. He teases his wife, his fellow market colleagues and he teases his customers as well. Everyone seems to be happier when he’s around. He’s like a beacon in the sad dark place.

He also can speak better English than some of the managers I’ve met at Company T, and good BeeEm too. Communication is his strong trait. That’s why he gets all kinds of customers, Indians, Malays, Chinese, because everyone feels confident buying vegetables from him. There was once, we got a bag of vegetables with some pests in it, we got refunded with no questions asked. We also get freebies all the time, and the couple always welcome everyone with a laugh/smile. If there were to be an employee of the month contest going in the market, he’d win 12 times a year hands down.

So, after watching this guy for years, I begin to wonder myself – how many people actually get to enjoy their jobs like this old vegetable seller does? Not many, I reckon. Not even myself. I have not enjoyed a single shit I do since a long time ago. The best time I had, was when I worked at an advertisement workshop in Georgetown. That was the only time that made me look forward to the next working day, every day. I’d fool around with my equally foolish colleagues, and I’d crack jokes to cheer everyone up. I was poor as fuck, but I was a much happier person.

Seeing the vegetable seller living his life like this, I couldn’t help but feel envious of him and his wife – for not many people get that kind of privilege to be able to both enjoy and making a living at the same time. I am now re-evaluating everything I do, and my new goal in life is to be like this vegetable seller. I want to be able to enjoy every shit I do, and savor the remnants of what left in my time on this planet as a happier person.

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January 17, 2017

restaurant – garbs

I’ve always wanted to start my own restaurant someday, but I do not know when. I have been paying attention and taking notes though, on how I wanted my restaurant to be run. And it all comes from the bad experiences I had over the years.

One of the very first thing I’d like my restaurant to have, is the enforcement of uniform and hats. Why uniforms? Simple. I wanted the patrons to be able to tell apart the people who are suppose to serve them food and bring them the bill. Ask yourself, how many times have you mistakenly flagged some prick with a poor taste in fashion whom you thought was a server/waiter/waitress? Maybe it’s just a me thing so, fuck you. But if that has happened to you before, you know it’s quite embarrassing. And in some cases, may even be frustrating. I don’t want that to fucking happen.

Now the hat. It’s a straight forward no brainer thing. Humans shed hairs… like, all the fucking time. You wouldn’t believe how much hair you shed per day (I should know because unlike some of you loafers out there, I mop my own floor). And one of the worst thing that could happen to a restaurant, is to have hair in the food. I certainly don’t want to eat anything with some cocksucker’s hair in it! It only takes one hair to ruin the restaurant’s reputation and snow ball from there when a victim vents it out in the social fucking media. And to think of it, that this risk can be greatly reduced if everyone simply wears a fucking hat, makes it even more imperative to enforce this requirement.

I could add some LED’s on the uniform, or even the hat, so that everyone can spot a waiter from a javelin’s throw away. That’s how my waiters/waitresses are going to stand out in the restaurant, and no one will have a problem finding a waiter/waitress…

…to be continued…

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November 7, 2016

ghosts

Just watched that movie The Conjuring 2. While the movie’s quite good, one thing that grinds my gear about ghosts and haunting… is the low self esteem of the antagonist (the ghosts/demons). They wanted to be evil, but for some strange reasons, they always have to do it surreptitiously. Typically, if you look at the fucking stupid ghosts in the movies, they’d do lame ass shit like flipping switches, moving objects, and hiding in shadows – just to mess with people. And only when people started to get freak out, they’d do an occasional appearance to send a stronger message or whatever the fuck they wanted. At most, they’d possess some kids/girls to turn up the tension a notch or two, but that’s about it.

If you ask me, I’d say that’s too much effort and time wasted just to scare some weak willed people and kids. In the realms of the corporate world, that’s called being passive and it’s a characteristic of weak people. And these weak people, they get culled for that. Lower distribution of the bell curve. In the grand scheme of evilness in the history of mankind, ghosts/demons are like, a bunch of kindergarten kids trying to compete in professional Mixed Martial Arts competition. Totally lame.

So, back to my question, why the low self esteem? If I were to be a ghost/demon (you guys should thank your God that I’m not one), I’m gonna be fucking good at my job of being evil. I’m not going to lurk in the closet just to scare some loser. You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make an appearance inside the Nobel Prize Award ceremony, and possess the smartest looking person there. And then I’m going to gouge my own eyes out, and gnaw off my own arm, and cannibalize that said arm in front of live TV. And then I’m going to evil laugh, say something crazy, and do the same crazy shit to the next person while leaving the one before bleed to death. When everyone has cleared the room in pandemonium, I’m going to levitate out in the public and do it to the next person I see… until the whole city is fucking dead/deserted. That ought to send a message or two. I will be the epitome of evil and everyone will be my bitch. I’m going to lay waste to humanity like it’s my thing. There will be no doubt of what I can do, what I am and whether I fucking exist. People will recalibrate their faith and scientists will rewrite the laws of physics because of me.

And there’s absolutely nothing anyone/anything can do about it – because I’m already dead, and I’m evil. And I’m gooooooood at my job.

(again, you fuckers are so lucky I’m not a demon/ghost)

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September 26, 2016

what to look out when buying an apartment/condo – part 3

this is an addition to what I’ve already written in the previous 2 lists…here and here

A short discussion with a bunch of younger friends yielded one important insight about what to look out when buying an apartment/condo…

You see, buying a home is a risk. You risk of spending a fortune buying a home that could suck. Believe me, the odds are against you if you’re as dumb as I think you are (I’ve seen a lot of sohais getting their shit ruined because they couldn’t deign to put in some effort to think, before deciding to throw in the downpayment for an apartment/condo).

Crime rate
How do you fancy getting your everyday stuff stolen every now and then? Stuffs like shoes, sandals, undergarments? Or even worse, getting held up with a machete while the robbers ransack your goddamn house? It is a fucking problem, I tell you. I have a friend whose place is so damn fucked up, that he even got his dog stolen! (it was one of those fancy ass dogs).

Horrible neighbors
I’ve had neighbors from hell before (that’s why I hate neighbors, it’s a trauma I carried from my childhood). I had neighbors who’d rear chickens with her rotten leftover rice (whom I’ve written about here), and another Indian family whose sons would boom box the night away in drunken stupor and house fights. One day, a couple of the sons murdered the older brother and all of them were thrown in prison leaving the old mom behind (it was surreal). But your worst nightmare would be a neighbor who would rent out his/her unit to a Bangla, who in turn will grow more comrades from the mud, start chopping trees down, build ballistas, war machines and whatnots and before you realize, you’re dealing with hordes of them showing up at every corner of the neighborhood flashing war paints on their genitals to your young daughters.

Garbage collection
And do you believe there are places where the garbage truck won’t go? It’s not in their area of coverage. Or maybe some council-man did something stupid to piss off the garbage collection contractor and as a result of that, landfill in your neighborhood. It can be a sore sight to behold, and you’d be living in filth, and before long, stray animals and flies start to appear and be too close to your comfort in your own home.

Electricity disruptions
There are some jinxed area in Malaysia that have electricity disruptions so frequent, that if everytime the homeowner gets a buck from a black out, the homeowner would get to buy a new house with the money before he/she finishes the original mortgage. Ask the people in my wife’s hometown. Every household has their own generator for a reason. Stuff like these probably won’t be outlined in the brochure for your brand new apartment. You’ve got to soak it in for years, before you know it is an actual problem.

Parking problems
For some fucked up reasons, our governments (both federal/state) aren’t very good at city planning. A lot of apartments and buildings do not get ample parking lots because it is not part of the requirements to get the occupancy permit. Booyah! you get people parking all over the place. That’s when traffic jam becomes rampant, and going to/from from your home could be the nightmare instead of going to the office. There are shitloads of places with such problem in Penang. Ask your Penang friends.

Just to name a few.

Things like these can only percolate and show up later in years, and there’s very little you can do about it other than taking a chance to get some advice from a soothsayer. So, the question is, how can you mitigate these risks? Simple – buy a used unit. A used apartment/condo unit is a tested experiment, tried and true to its current status. You’d know who are the neighbors, and whether it has a crime problem. You’d know if there is an erratic garbage collection schedule and if parking/blackout is going to be a constant headache for you. Sure, it’s going to be harder to find, and most likely going to cost more – but it will still be a good trade off for all the bad deals you didn’t see coming above…

Both my 2 properties were bought used. I paid a little bit more, but I have less problems to worry about. I’m just saying, you do the thinking…

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May 3, 2016

the world according to… me

The world according to… me

1) If my wife eats my food, I am entitled to order another one of it. And if my wife eats my second or subsequent serving, I am entitled to order another, and so forth.

2) If I ever ogled another girl in my wife’s presence, and I remarked some negative observations/comments about that girl to my wife, I’m automatically absolved of any sins committed there & then.

3) The dad is not obliged to attend birthday parties organized by the daughter’s stupid friends.

4) Sliced bread is not considered a full meal and can be eaten any time of the day.

5) If a person starts the answer to your question with “That’s a good question…”, it means he doesn’t know shit and is telling you he is attempting to convince you otherwise.

6) The Theory of Relativity applies to relationships as well – world gets smaller between me and the people I hate, and too damn big between me and the people I like.

7) A person who has the compelling need to brag about a friend or a relative who is rich/famous to boost his/her self esteem, is pathetic and deserves to be discriminated.

8) An ugly girl with a good personality is better than a pretty girl (with big tits) with fucked up attitude. Personality goes a long way.

9) Everyone’s an asshole behind a steering wheel on the road, unless proven otherwise by walking.

10) The number of relatives you have are directly proportional to the sins you’ve committed in your past life.

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