Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category

January 19, 2005

behind the veil

I saw this documentary on Discovery channel about the post Taliban era in Afghanistan. It’s about the women there… you know, how their life fared after spending years in torment under the iron claws of Taliban.

It started out with a few pannings of here and there, followed by some introduction shits. Then, it began with a serious narration about how Afghan girls wanted a big change, a big revolution and wanted to so vehemently embrace modernism. “Wow, some big deal” and decided to follow on that story to kill boredom.

Alright, guess what’s the modernization and big revolution thing that they talked about? Putting on make ups. I was like “Whatttt??”. Yeah, it’s hard to believe but very true. The first thing they do… after being liberated from a bunch of religious freaks… is to PUT ON MAKEUPS. Can you believe that ?

They even had their American counterparts to teach them how to do it. You know, train them all so seriously as if they were having some oh-so-important mission of sending someone to Mars.

“If you do not know how to present yourself, how are you gonna change the future? How would Afghanistan become a modern nation??” the double chinned American piece of saturated fat female would yell at the bunch clueless Afghan women. *shakes head in disbelief*

First of all, I do not know what ‘make ups’ have to do with modernization of a nation. As per my understanding, the Chinese and the Egyptians females have been painting their faces since BC, and that’s ANCIENT. If this is something that the Americans would deem as MODERN, then, what should we call the Chinese today? Space age?

Then, what next? Teaching them plastic surgery? To implant big fake boobies? To take dopes and getting laid by strangers? And with all the ‘beauties’ one can ever fabricate themselves, Afghanistan to have their own titty bars? And submit themselves to more social decadence?

Pardon me but, those faces that I see under the burkhas, are not just any rusted faces of a common ratfink. Those are pretty faces. Natural pretty faces. Make ups are just another form of veil, that clouds the ugly from the eyes of men. With those good looks, I felt that the Afghan women NEED NO MAKEUP. They look just as good as they already are, naturally.

They could have used their independence for some better purpose or goals. Like getting higher education, rights to vote, or perhaps training them to specialize in some skills (for those who is too old to go for education)… nursing, emergency relief skills, fire fighting skills, etc. Something that would be really good to help rebuilding their nation.

Americans…. Tiuuuuuuu….

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 20 Comments
January 12, 2005

admonition of sorts

What will happen when a girl gets knocked up?

– She’ll start to bloat. Her weight will increase exponentially in a short period of time, and in matter of months, she will attain the size of Barney the purple dinosaur, or a Bengal tiger, or whichever bigger.

– Her face will start to change. Her nose, along with the rest of her facial features, would swell up till it won’t fit a motorcycle helmet, and would petrify whoever that has the gumption to look at her.

– She will have unstable mood swings due to raging hormones. She would get finicky over small matters and would not hesitate to crash furniture on anyone’s head if she doesn’t feel appeased about anything they do. At all.

– She loses the sanity to make proper judgment. Like judging whether it is more appropriate to get the husband buy her some beef soup cooked from a homosexual cow, or, dumplings made from the game of an arctic fox.

– Her pair of tits will grow into the size that’s big enough to block an entire 34 inch television, or huge enough to choke an adult alligator. Whichever that expresses the situation more articulately.

– Her taste buds will undergo a major tilt of scale towards the bitter side, and hence, everything she eats will taste like bile. And that’s when the husband would be made responsible for her supply of dehydrated prunes, sour plums and pickles alike … to keep her content and all that.

I’m sure there are a lot more.

Scary isn’t it ? Why can’t we human just lay an egg like chickens do, and let the kid incubate inside … ? That way, the wife doesn’t have to go through such a painful period of disorderly condition, and still get to enjoy sex at the same time.

Would appreciate all help in the form of monetary gifts or practical advices.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 31 Comments
December 20, 2004

aging sux

I inadvertently caught this Chinese talk show on TV today, where they kinda showed some veteran singers’ younger days’ photos. They’re like reliving their nostalgic moments of being young and beautiful, you know, that type of shit.

It should somehow be a beautiful program. But instead of that, I felt completely the opposite. I was traumatized by the entire show. Traumatized by witnessing how natural aging could do to someone as beautiful as them.

Take for example, one of them XXXL sized ladies, who used to be a bright eyed model, now looks like Jabba the Hutt without its on-screen make up. And another guy, whose name is Joe Junior or something, had turned from a baby faced Eurasian hunk into a piece of dehydrated junk.

The very sight of them made me shudder at the thought of myself getting old. If aging could make those pretty faces expire in that magnitude, what then could happen to us normal looking people?

Or simply, how would I look like when I’m old? Will there be any grey hairs on my head?… that is, if there’s any hair at all? Will I still be able club like how I love to? Questions… they are disturbing.

Disturbing because they somehow make me less worried about today, but perplexed about what could happen tomorrow. Not that I don’t know about the effects of aging before this, but, do I really need to be reminded in such a conspicuous and ‘direct’ way?

Damn, they should have censored shows like this on TV (instead of porns), you know, for causing such an emotional wreck in us. At least porns make us appreciate the human body more…

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 8 Comments
November 26, 2004

random thoughts

Sometimes, I wonder why do we need to have kids in our life. You know, they cost money … lots of it. And after that round of innocent stick up, you’ll get additional things to worry about.

About a little guy who will poo whenever or wherever he feels like doing it. And will not bother to ask properly when he’s hungry. He’ll wake you up in the middle of the night, and makes your wife out of shape.

A little deeper into hell, that little guy learns how to run, and start to break things up. He will scream like hell and your headache will never quell.

Just as you thought it couldn’t be any worse than that, the little guy grows up and begins schooling. From that day onwards, you will have to constantly worry about his academic well being and about him with that gang of purple colored teenagers that smoke weed and anything that has the color of a cow dung.

Damn, and fast forward a few mad years later, the little guy will tell you that he’s of legal age to have his own vehicle (that’s also when you realize that he’s not prepubescent anymore) and WHAM ! more money for his motorcycle. And you start to worry that he’ll become someone like MichaelOoi. (or if a ‘she’, you’ll worry that she’ll met some guy like MichaelOoi.)

Then his tertiary education… which is going to chomp out a big percentage from your savings and there goes your dream of changing your old chugging automobile into a new one. And you thought that’s the last straw of your spate of predicaments. But no. Until when the big cocky guy builds up his career and marries a bitch – who will not hesitate to throw your wrinkled ass into old folks home, so that they can make passionate sex all day long without having to worry about the old man.

Then you’ll eventually die of old age, giving him everything without gaining anything back.

The effects and aftermath of SEX is one hell of a deadly suffering. No doubt about it.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 21 Comments
September 9, 2004

the plague

Speaking of boobies – I do not know why we guys are so crazy about boobies. I mean, aren’t they just a couple lumps of fat tissue growing out of a human chest? Well, if they were to grow anywhere else than the chest area, these big pieces of… tissue…. would have gone under the knife and categorized as ‘a ridiculously piece big tumor’. No shit.

What kind of sick magic that caused us males to fall under this deep and foul spell for so many thousands of years? Scientifically, we do not need to knead tits to fuck… right? Look at other mammals, they don’t stroke their partner’s mammary glands to help them to have sex. They just shove it in and reproduce. We humans don’t do that. We’re like a deviation from the laws of nature.

The sight of it alone could induce increased heartbeat, metabolism rate and body temperature. On some known cases, it could even induce an uncontrollable saliva overflow and spasmodic seizure of the male organ – depending on level of sight exposure. It’s damn spooky I tell you.

I wonder what could be the scientific explanation behind this. Could those bags of fat tissue contain some kind of biological transmitter that broadcasts some airborne electrical impulses that stimulates the male’s brainwave – instigating it to become excited or aroused? Or is this simply some kind of voodoo magic? Are the aliens behind this? We don’t fucking know.

But what I know is, this plague seems to be getting worst. Especially in the 21st century, where plastic surgeons started to become very adept in transforming flat chested women into Playboy centerfold equivalent goddesses. And with the technology getting more advanced each day, in no time, getting a boob enlargement process would no longer require a surgeon anymore. It would probably be available in every small medical facilities – government hospitals, clinics, or maybe some side deal in a dental clinic. Imagine this:

dentist : “Well, 50 bucks to remove that ailing tooth. But I’m gonna give you a good discount for enlarging your boobs – 100 bucks for everything.”

Or even more extreme, in some Chinese pharmacy as well.

sinseh : “Boobs enlargement? How big? That would be 10 bucks please. Remember not to take cold drinks for 10 days after that”

Or perhaps some coin operated boob enlargement machine inside a grocery store – just insert both boobs into 2 designated slots and customize size accordingly.

Goddamn.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off