Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category

May 18, 2009

the sushi king greet

I noticed a lot of restaurants recently adopted what I would call ‘the sushi king greet’ to improve their customer experience. You know, where the restaurant employees would holler out loud whenever you enter/leave their premise? “SUMAAMMAHSSSEHHHH!” (it’s in Japanese, but I have no idea what it means. Could be cussing at your mother, who knows).

It used to be only Sushi King that does this, but now, I experience it in roughly 5 out of 10 restaurants I visit. I can’t help but wonder, what makes them think that hollering a greet would make my dining experience any better (it does not, trust me)? Maybe it is just me but, each time I get hollered at like that, I get reminded of my mom.

“COME AND EAT YOUR DINNER!!! I’M NOT GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN!!!” [waving fist in the air]

I was at McDonald’s the other day… and noticed that the premise adopted ‘the sushi king greet’ policy. I guess the crew was still getting used to the idea, and as a result of that, they would just holler indiscriminately at anyone who enters the premise. I was eating inside there for about 15 minutes, and I had seen them holler at
– the janitor who works there going through the door,
– the guy who was on his way (from outside) to use the lavatory,
– a couple of Bangla laborers, who got freaked out and left immediately without ordering (and the crew hollered another “THANK YOU COME AGAIN!!!”).

I bet if there were to be a dog entering the restaurant, they’d holler at it too. No shit. So you can imagine the ambiance of the place when there were patrons pouring in for lunch, you’d get a bunch of crazy sohais yelling non-stop sending their spit projectiles all over our fries and burgers. It was just a brainless procedure that they follow without any value at all.

I mean, there are many ways that a restaurant can do to enhance my dining experience, but this is definitely not it. Give me boobies anytime, I’ll come back.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 21 Comments
May 7, 2009

cut the poor little shit some slack

Emily : “That day when my colleague was sending her 5 year old daughter to tuition, she…”

Me : “Wait, did you just say your colleague sent her 5 year old daughter to attend a tuition class?”

Emily : “Yes”

And I went like ‘WTF???’. Yes people. 5 year old, tuition. Why would a 5 year old need to tuition for? I don’t know man. To prepare in advance for his/her STPM 13 years in advance perhaps. My take on this is – modern parents have became too paranoid to be rational nowadays.

When I was 5 years old, I didn’t give a shit about anything at all. I’d just play all day long, entertain my own mischievous ass and busy getting walloped by my mom. That’s pretty much about it. Tuition? What tuition?

And I’ve also heard from around that it’s a fad nowadays to send young children to some kind of center to train them how to do arithmetic at lightning speed. Or some flash card therapy that would make their IQ increase by 200% or something. I’m sure you’ve heard of them before. All these self-proclaimed ‘genius training centers’ have one thing in common – input $$$, output confused kid. But notwithstanding being expensive and redundant like fuck, people still flock to these centers to sign up their kids. (kiasu, as a lot of Singaporeans like to say…)

My take on all these is, they are nothing but a bunch of tactics to part your money from your wallet. The cold hard fact is – your child is not going to be any smarter by being able to read or do his maths faster. The point is to understand stuff, and get the correct answer. Nobody gives a fuck if he can solve some math equation with his sheer brain power. He’s still as useless if he couldn’t figure things out (talking about power, I bet no kid is able to beat the speed of a 100 bucks scientific calculator). So what’s the point? If you want to start something for your kid young anyway, why don’t you teach him/her plenty of common sense? Or proper manners (eg: not to eat so loud like a pig)? Those are definitely more useful than being able to ‘speed read’, or… ‘speed calculate’.

Another point to ponder: In the ancient times, people don’t have such classes to attend. But we managed to churn very bright individuals like Thomas Edison and countless of inventors who started the industrial revolution and changed the planet forever. But what do we have now? Bunch of tree hugging nincompoops, corrupted politicians, spams, conmen, terrorists, and motherfucking blue screens. And you still think we’re doing it better than our forefathers? Come on. So why don’t we let our kids enjoy their childhood happily? Just cut the poor little shit some slack.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 22 Comments
April 9, 2009

hit a bird

I always prefer to look at people in the eyes when I am in a conversation. I believe it makes me sound confident and believable, even when I’m goofing around. And I thought, it is somewhat more polite too, to maintain an eye contact when talking.

But there are times when I find it difficult to do that. Like talking to ‘cross eyed’ individuals. In Hokkien, it is known as ‘phark cheow’ (which literally translates as ‘hit a bird’). It is a condition where both eyes are out of alignment from each other, with each looking at a different direction (like Cookie Monster here.)

God I hate talking to ‘cross eyed’ people. No I’m not saying that I hate them, I just hate the talking part (it’s different). I always find myself in this situation that I am not doing the ‘eye contact’ correctly. Like, how am I suppose to know which eye to look at? The one on the left? Or the one on the right looking at another direction? Gosh they’re all over the place. Or should I look at their nose instead, because that should be the middle part of his/her vision? You certainly can’t ask them about it, right?

“Hey, should I look at your right eye, or the left one? Can you even see me? Hello?”

That is just rude.

I happen to have a ‘cross eyed’ colleague here in Company X, and every time that guy talks to me, I’ll be caught in that miserable state that words can’t describe. So in order not to risk looking in the wrong eye and save myself from a potential embarrassment, I usually resort to pretending to rub my eyes or engross myself scratching an itch I can’t reach, just so that I don’t have to maintain the eye contact with that fella.

So far, it has worked for me, though the ‘cross eyed’ guy might think that I am some kind of a weirdo. But it’s better that he thinks I’m weirdo than confirming I’m an asshole, right?

If you guys have any trick to deal with this, please share the secret. You’ll be heavily rewarded.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 27 Comments
April 6, 2009

class monitor

I learnt from my wife recently, that a nephew of ours was elected as the class monitor in his class. Another niece, who studied in the same class was however, extremely disappointed to learn that she didn’t get the ‘post’. Being a typical 8 year old girl, she buried herself in tears for many hours, like how it would have been if someone were to impale her favorite teddy bear with a giant wooden stick and set the whole thing on fire.

I was so tempted to ask her then, why she wanted the class monitor post so badly? What is so good about being a class monitor? In fact, it was quite a different thing for me (also, for most of my classmates as well, I believe) back during my schooling days. I was smart enough to realize that it was a very degrading job – you have to put on a tie like a dolt, you have to be the first in line and last to go, you have to be of exemplary quality (and therefore, void of all rights to romp like the rest of the gang), you’re responsible to lock/unlock the stupid classroom, you have to mark attendances daily and at all major events, be the teachers’ pet / cocksucker, list goes on. All for ZERO credit. You’re not going to get paid for all the shitty work, and the post does not yield you any valuable wisdom (marking attendance? Come on…).

If there’s an adult equivalent of being a class monitor, I’d say it’s close to being a homo prostitute in a prison. You get fucked in the ass by filthy criminals while you’re in a physical (and mental) confinement. All for the kick of it o_O. I guess that is why most class monitors look like queers and have a high degree of dorkish factor. The post needed that kind of character maa.

Anyway, I am glad that I was not the ideal candidate to be given such a post, but had a close call once. A classmate once prank-nominated me for the class monitor post, and I freaked the fuck out. I remember myself begging the school teacher drop my name off the nomination list, which she gladly obliged. Phew!

And kids nowadays are fighting to become one, sheesh. This world is becoming a sadder place to live…

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 18 Comments
March 28, 2009

fuck Earth Hour

I don’t understand what’s the big fucking deal with Earth Hour. Everyone switches off their lights simultaneously to promote widespread awareness that global warming could ruin our shit? What the fuck. Aren’t we all already aware of that?

The majority of us Malaysians, do not even recycle (oh, maybe only for the wrong reasons, like stealing manhole covers, for example). About a good quarter of us (my humble estimate) drives/rides a gasoline/diesel powered vehicle. We burn fossil fuel and coal to generate electricity. We urbanize our lands without control (you can ask around in Bukit Antarabangsa), use synthetic products and blast our air conditioners the whole fucking day. You want to talk to me about Earth Hour? Forget Earth Hour. One hour isn’t going to do jack shit to anything except making the economy slump spiral down further. Earth Hour is nothing more than a hokum that gives you this self inflated assurance that you’re doing something to conserve the environment.

Do you have any idea how many tonnes of greenhouse gases are produced each time there is a war? I don’t know the exact figure, but what I know is, it’s way much more than what you and your retarded friends could do by switching off the lights, for a billion years. And this is just one of them. There are thousands more. We do things everyday to survive, that are contributing to global warming. Let’s face it, modernization and the environment just do not get along.

In my opinion, the only thing we human as a whole can REALLY do to stop global warming at its tracks – is fucking kill ourselves simultaneously. We disappear from the face Earth – that’s the only way. Let’s be real here. We humans are a bane to our own planet. As long as we exist, there are bound to be problems. We are already fucking the Earth every awakening seconds by being alive (we exhale CO2, remember? And we populate and urbanize at warp speed). So, why fucking bother?

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 22 Comments