Archive for the ‘rompings’ Category

January 2, 2004

a zonked beginning

*long entry – summarized happenings for the past 2 days

Organized a barbecue party on new year eve at a rented bungalow. A rather cheap one… because it was haunted. No shit. 80 bucks for a big ass bungalow with a garden big enough to accommodate more than 50 cars. But we didn’t tell the girls that it’s haunted because we do not want them to get hysteric about it.

But Emily was too smart to be bluffed. While Emily and myself were on our way to the bungalow, she asked me

“Are there any ghosts inside that bungalow ?” [she smelled conspiracy behind our plans]
“Nope.”
“You’re not bluffing me, right?”
“No I’m not. Even if there really are ghosts, they would be going out to party anyway… and they will be taking a break from scaring people tonight.”

Alright, that was the final lie I told for year 2003. Of course she didn’t buy that piece of lame lie. She soon found out about it after we’re halfway through the barbecue event.

The barbecue turned out to be quite ok. There were approximately 17 of us. We started at around 7pm and stopped at about 10pm. Then we went to a nearby pub for the big party.

By 11pm, we managed to settle down with a nice table and our booze ready. The countdown inside wasn’t really that grand, but it was alright. The theme was a bit boring – there were only a bunch of cheap balloons and stupid confetti’s – which a lot of them fell into my drink and I accidentally ingested a few. Last year, the very same club organized a foam party and it was incredible. Maybe the location of our table this year was not as good as last year’s.

And yeah, something happened to the air conditioner too. It was probably overloaded or something … the place was freaking hot with so many people inside and reeked of sweats + smokes. The bartenders had to take off their shirts to bear with the heat (or was it an excuse for them to show off their six packs?). The usually sexy + peachy waitresses were looking like pieces of used oily wax paper (you know, the kind of brown wax paper used to pack chicken rice..?) – they were sweating profusely and probably developed enough salt to pickle a full grown cucumber.

By 1 am, our group was almost flat out on alcohol intoxication and it was unbelievably stuffy inside at the club scene. We had to leave the party at around 2am before anyone got hurt. Staying inside there any longer could be suicidal — the place was like a gassed chamber with concentrated nicotine and smokes.

We went back to our rented/haunted bungalow and continued our barbecue party. It was quite an experience you know, to barbecue in the wee hours of a brand new year like this. But I didn’t party with the guys till dawn. I went to sleep at approx. 4 … too exhausted to go on – signs of old age.

Woke up at almost 11am and hung out (inside the bungalow) with the rest of the BODs (Boards of Directors – my best of best buddies). Went out together for lunch at 1pm. Noticed that all of us had developed that haggard look. Back home at 3pm. Things were pretty blur after that until a couple of them came over to my place again for more hangout sessions.

By approx 5pm, I was literally transformed into a zombie. Everything that reflected inside my retina (or whatever shit you call that) was monochrome in color. Seriously, if anyone hot were to offer me sex at that moment, I probably wouldn’t have given a fuck. I was absofuckinglutely exhausted.

Halfway through chatting with the guys, I passed out and fell into deep sleep on my sofa. Then, as my saliva was about to start it’s happy hour free flow, I was dug up again. We’re suppose to go for our dinner together at a hearsaid kickass Thai restaurant. With a paucity of my energy left, I went with them straight to a friend’s place to pickup his girlfriend. But halfway through, Emily suddenly felt queasy and wanted to go home. And I drove a friend’s car home to fetch Emily home. She immediately crashed into the bed out of exhaustion once we got home.

But I did not get to sleep yet – as I have to stay awake to wait for that friend to collect his darn car, and that bastard only came at approx 11pm. I crashed right after that and never regained consciousness until that sick fuck alarm from my PDA woke me up for work today.

Signs of old age are getting eminent. The next thing I know, I might be spending my new year in an old folks home. The goddamn truth is sometimes scary.

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November 26, 2003

super heavy duty

“Where have you been these few days?? You think this house is a hotel aa ?” — that’s what my mom used to shout at me when I spent more time outside than inside, only to return home to sleep. That was many years ago when I was still a juvenile (though I have to admit that I virtually still am now). It happened again a few days ago. No… not my mom shouting, but me busy going out with friends. It started on Monday 24th November:

Monday 24 November

8.00 am – working as usual

3.00 pm – the guys called. movie tonight. plan was set.

5.00 pm – went home to take a bath and got ready to go out again.

7.45 pm – went for my physiotherapy session.

8.40 pm – finally my turn to start the physio after waiting for more than 40 minutes. Damn physiotherapist… but the nurse on duty there was kinda cute.

9.50 pm – the actual physiotherapy took only 30 mins but it lasted about an hour because the physiotherapist was attending to several patients all at the same time. Apparently, sports injury in Penang is more popular than Linkin Park. But I was cool about it because of the cute nurse.

10.00 pm – Arrived at the cinema parking lot. The place was 25 minutes away but it only took me 10 minutes to arrive. I was speeding like bat out of hell.

10.05 pm – My front tire looked abnormal. It was supposed to be round. Figured that it had a puncture after a few test pokes. Tire was pierced by a big long fucking nail. Shouldn’t have blogged about changing a punctured tire 2 weeks ago. Taboos are real.

10.06 pm – Decided to worry about the puncture later. Went ahead to meet the guys up first to find out which movie were we watching. It was “Brother Bear”.

10.20 pm – Went back to the parking lot. Burned a few thousand calories changing that flat fucking tire. Soaked with sweat as car park was musty and poorly ventilated. Got it done in 15mins.

11.30 pm – “Brother Bear” started screening. Wasn’t too impressed but, it was alright. Could’ve been better with more fight scenes / gore.

Tuesday 25 November

1.40 am – Back at home. Took a bath… went to sleep. Freaking tired.

11.30 am – Woke up. No wet dreams. Not working – Raya holiday.

12.30 pm – Went to the mechanic and had my flat tire fixed. Serviced my car as well.

2.30 pm – Mechanic told me my punctured tire was beyond help. It was fucked. Suggested to change the tires or live with a high risk getting it flat again.

2.35 pm – I took 5 minutes to think about it and decided to have all my tires changed.

3.30 pm – Car was done and paid the bill. The bill came up to about 500. I was literally broke.

4.00 pm – The guys called again and suggested shopping. Plan was set. Going to lug Emily along.

5.00 pm – Emily started her shopping session with the girls. Me and the BOD were tagging behind. God I hate shopping with girls.

8.00 pm – The girls were still not done with their shopping. My legs were at the brink of exploding.

8.30 pm – The girls were finally done with their shopping after our constant complaining. Somebody then suggested dinner at a seafood restaurant.

9.00 pm – Arrived at the seafood restaurant. The place sucked and everything was expensive. Lots of stray dogs there. Worst dinner I ever had in months.

10.00 pm – Hung out at a cafe. Had some dessert food to cover up the bad seafood dinner earlier.

2.00 am – Back home to sleep again. Super freaking tired.

And today, I had to wake up at 8am to go to work. When I woke up, my eyelids were heavy… can’t get it to open. I am virtually drifting out and about as of now. I seriously can’t take such shit any longer. Evident of age catching up…

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November 16, 2003

saturday night out

I was at a club last night with the BODs, and I saw an old friend, Mark. Mark was there alone at the club last night, and he was there to look for easy girls to pickup. We chatted for a while, and then he went off to look for ‘victims’, while I continued to drink with the BODs.

About a good half an hour later, Mark returned and came to me, his hand crutching a girl, but he was looking somewhat disoriented and distracted (he kept looking over the girl’s shoulder). He then did a perfunctory introduction to ‘his’ girl

Mark : “Mike … I want you to meet my friend, Stephanie. Stephanie… this is Michael. A good friend.” **glances over her shoulder**

Girl : “Damn it Mark !! I am Samantha !” **face turns real nasty**

Mark : “Oh… yeah, hahah, Samantha. That’s what I said, right? Meet Michael” **glances over her shoulder again**

Me : “Fuck, Mark. You forgot your chick’s name? You ought to be put to sleep man!”

Mark : “Heheh… not a big deal. Hey, I’m gonna leave her here, now why don’t you guys chat a little cos’ I got something really important to do?”

I then saw Mark bolted off hastily towards another chick, which I presumed was his new target. Obviously, his mind was full of that girl and this Samantha was his canceled project.

Poor Samantha.

I don’t know what was she thinking. Mark was off somewhere and never going to be back, and yet, she still looked content and shit. If it was me, I would have fumed off or at least went to look for Mark to clobber that fucker’s head. But she hung around nevertheless. She even attempted to start a conversation with me by asking stupid questions like “I haven’t seen you around here before, you’re not from Penang?” I was about to tell her that she must have hell of a good memory to be able to remember every faces but, I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her. So I blurted some bullshit that I was away in London for some kind of assignment. And then she said even more things, which I couldn’t hear because of the loud music, and I do not intend to go anywhere near her (because my wife was at the table next to mine)

Even if my wife was not around, I wouldn’t have continued the conversation anyway. She just isn’t my type for many reasons. Mark probably tackled her because she has a fuckable body figure, but her face, is the type that you’d want to cover up when you’re having your meal because if you don’t, it’ll come out from your mouth on your plate along with your gastric juice and stomach lining. Seriously, I was beginning to suspect that Mark actually has a sexual fetish for ghost and goblins.

Anyway, I continued to nod for about a good minute before excusing myself. I didn’t want to be rude so, I just took step after step inch myself away from her… and when the guys started another round of routine toast again… I excused myself by saying I need to get back at my table and bolted off.

Didn’t know what happened to Samantha after that. Mark did came back to check out on our progress, but that Samantha chick was long gone and I made a comment about his taste. His response was just a short comment – “Dude, sometimes, where you’re out of supply and nothing to do – you can’t afford to be choosy…”

I’d rather jack off.

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October 12, 2003

ICQ Meeting II

I didn’t go out with my buddies yesterday. I usually parties on Saturday nights, but not yesterday. I just didn’t have the mood to enjoy myself while my father is ill like this.

Here is the sequel for the ‘ICQ meeting’ story (read the first part if the title’s new to you):

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Well, after the first incident with my ICQ friend, Jess, it was not long before Jess & Pornstar arrange for another trip up to Penang. I initially had some reservations about their trip, but Jess was able to convince me that PornStar was innocent. She was piss-drunk back then, and everything was an accident. And she promised me that it won’t happen again this time.

Being a nice person I am, I was like – ok, we’re cool about it. And Henry was also convinced that the unwanted incident was instigated by excessive alcohol intoxication that fateful night. It probably wasn’t PornStar’s fault so, we gave our green light for the second meet at Penang. It was a fucking mistake.

This time, as a precautionary measure (I don’t really know what precautionary measure they were considering), Jess brought along 2 guys with them, her brother & a friend. (Zoyee wasn’t coming). Don’t quite remember their names but, who gives a crap. It’s not important.

Anyway, we arranged to meet at Penang’s famous Gurney drive before we begin the night. So I was waiting with Henry in my car for them to arrive. And it wasn’t long before they show up. I can still remember vividly – once they stopped their vehicles behind ours’, I witnessed a very disturbing sight. We saw PornStar, jumping out from their vehicle, and ran like a dangerous retard towards our car. Henry saw the whole thing too.

I gave Henry this perplexed look, and my hand automatically engaged the first gear. I then sent him this telepathic message that it was his call if I should hit the reverse gear to run over that shit behind there, or I can hit the gas pedal and never return. But he didn’t get enough time to react, for the next thing we knew, PornStar was already inside the car. That was when our nightmare begins.

First, we were requested to bring them to a karaoke lounge. It didn’t sound very bad at that time, because I enjoy singing myself, you know? With the ‘super golden voice of mesmerizing’ and stuff? Yeah. But I found out pretty soon that I was in for a really long night when PornStar began to wallop the microphone with her ‘call of the wild’ howling and of what resembled people farting through their mouth. It was a torture. It felt like she was trying to infect us with sexually transmitted disease through sound wave. Our eardrums were pricked and grilled for approximately 2 awakening hours before we adjourn to the next event – clubbing/boozing.

Once at the club, we were fed with plenty of booze to void of our sobriety. Then, when we were blitzed enough to be careless, PornStar made her move. She grabbed Henry by the neck, and started to sexually abuse him (them fucking sex offenders never learn.) The next thing we know, Henry got ‘curry-chickened’ (love bitten) on his neck and was all shocked by PornStar’s wild advances.

Henry then flicked PornStar away and tried to feign a pass-out. Like a distressed prisoner of war commando, Henry then discreetly pulled me to a dark corner and asked for a brainstorm to get the fuck out of there alive. After a few nanoseconds of telepathic discussion – we decided to stick with the pass-out plan. Henry would continue to feign a pass-out from having too much alcohol and I would be carrying him home. And if everything goes as planned, we should be able to get out of the club and then we’ll be at our liberty to abandon that sex fiend and run for our lives.

And that was what we did. I swear we could have at least got a nomination for an Oscar, as we stumbled out from the place with PornStar screaming for us to come back (that scene will be like a giant bolder rolling down a narrow passageway with both of us running). Labeling her as ‘fucking scary’ is a gross understatement. No words can describe how fucking scared we are. But we made it out alive. As Henry and I were giving each other a five on our escape to the nearest mamak stall (it the night was still too young for us to go home), PornStar called me on my cellphone… bummer…

“WHERE AREE UU GUYYYSS !?!?!?”

“Err… Henry has passed out. He felt like shit and he doesn’t respond to anything… I have to send him home urgently.”

“LET ME SPEAK TO HENRY !!!!!”

[At the same time, Henry was gesticulating that he’d kill me if I do anything stupid]

“Errr… look, PornStar, Henry is totally passed out… [pauses for silence]… see? he couldn’t even speak a word…”

[She began to cry hysterically and cussed me loudly like I have killed the person she loves or something…]

“AAAAA … FUCK! BASTARD ! LET ME SPEAK TO HIM ! I WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM !!! ARRRHHH”

[picture: the Exorcist]

Then, I heard some struggling noise and a few seconds later, Jess took over the phone. She apologized and hung up. And we continued to whack our late night snacks at the mamak stall and discussed about the terrible night we just had.

The next morning, acting as a courteous Penangite, I sent a few sms to PornStar asking for her well-being and she did apologize for her seemingly bizarre behavior. And I also did make some comments about PornStar’s low self esteem and also gave some smartass opinion on how she should fix her attitude. But my friend Jess, apparently, shared that with her and PornStar wasn’t too happy about it and decided to make me her sworn enemy (or something like that).

Have not heard from her ever since. The last I heard from Jess, was that she got herself a decent boyfriend and was leading a normal life now. But who cares, really?

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September 29, 2003

‘high’ tea

Sunday – One of my department manager, Pete, organized a farewell karaoke party for one of our departing engineer – CK.

3pm – arrived at Red Box KTV.

3.20pm – I started off the party by singing few songs using my “super golden voice of mesmerizing”. The guys were charmed. We toasted a few pints of beers. It was nothing.

4pm – Some of our Taiwanese supplier joined us. Our crowd grew into over 20 heads. The beers were finishing fast.

4.10pm – CK and Pete also invited their boy toys – a couple of KTV girls whom they befriended some weeks ago. I was not sure why they were so excited about the girls because they definitely looked like overdressed sewer lizards to me. They were an eyesore. The rest of us eased off the pain by toasting a few more pints of beer.

4.30pm – My super “golden voice of mesmerizing” did it’s magic again. The KTV girls were charmed. They bowed in deep respect to my “golden voice of mesmerizing”. We toasted a few beers but that still didn’t improve their outlook for me.

4.35pm – SaltyFish (our really big boss) arrived. He missed my “golden voice of mesmerizing”. It was his loss. He should try to be more punctual next time.

4.45pm – CK ordered whiskey. The party started to get real. None of us was focusing on the singing except my colleague AssTee. He sang like Elvis… with plenty of action… but he needed to learn more about rhythm and timing.

5pm – Emily called me up. She said she will be arriving from her Langkawi trip in 45mins. I was suppose to pick her up at the mainland.

5.10pm – I challenged Rob (my undead boss) for a bottoms up. CK told me Rob had a record of taking off his shirt in public when he’s drunk. I was laughing so hard that I almost dropped my glass.

5.15pm – We finished 2 bottles of whiskey. I’m blitzed. I asked the KTV girls to get more education. SaltyFish told them to finish their Standard 6 level first. They took the joke well and we toasted a few rounds. I’m still very uncomfortable with how they looked.

5.30pm – CK & one of the lizards were slow dancing in front of the KTV screen. I couldn’t see the screen. I took one of AssTee’s shoe and pitched towards the lizard. It hit her lardy ass and I was penalized by finishing a glass of neat whiskey.

5.40pm – I had to leave the party. I’m seriously blitzed and needed to sober up to drive (I was suppose to fetch Emily).

6.00pm – Emily called, and I was still looking for my car. She was furious. She told me that she will be hitching her colleague’s car home and I better have a good explanation of what’s was going on. I realized then I’m in serious trouble.

6.30pm – I reached home and passed out. (miraculously, I drove all the way home by myself…)

I only managed to wake up around 7am this morning with a serious hangover. I made an SMS to my colleagues that I’m not coming to work.

And I have yet to make any explanation to Emily about why I didn’t pick her up yesterday. But I guess I need not to do that anymore as she would have been able to tell by herself, what actually happened to me. :P

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