Archive for the ‘rompings’ Category

January 6, 2005

GOC – a night in Melaka

*happened approx. 2 weeks ago in Melaka

We were looking for a place to party after our dinner and after a few rounds of illegal u-turns and spasmodic yank of steering at alien junctions, we finally managed to spot a pub… club… whatever, that looked kinda promising. You know, young people in adequately revealing dress code and all that. Not a very big place but, it was good enough for dicking some dogs.

After we parked our vehicles, we then congregated at the pub entrance (there were 10 of us). Our group kinda attracted a lot of attention from the pub patrons… disdainfully. We’re like a bevy of chickens who got lost inside a duck farm.

Well, that was because we dressed very differently that night. No, we didn’t wear ‘see throughs’ or reveal our butt cracks. We actually wore bermudas and flip-flop sandals into the pub. It was a long story on why we did that, just, for the sake of keeping this entry in a reasonable length, let’s assume we’re doing some revolution in the Malaysian fashion scene.

Alright, we then lumbered into the premise like a bunch of communist rebels that had just descended from a nearby forest, and settled on 2 tables smack dab in the busiest section of the pub. About a good 20 minutes later, a group of 6 young college chicks settled on the table next to ours.

3 out of the 6 chicks were rejects… so, let’s not mention about them. 2 of them were cute and the final one, which seemed to be the leader of the pack (a yuppy class female) – was a total knock out. Tall, bright eyed and with a porn star body cut. She was wearing this… black bareback… thingy, that only had this 2 pieces of loose fabric covering her set of dainty rack… it was really hard to describe but, it was sexy enough to give us guys a hard on.

From the moment she walked in, nobody cared about our flip-flop attires anymore. Everyone was focusing on that scantily clad bombshell. There was one particular moment when she even stooped down so low, that we could see her tits from the side of the loose fabric — no nipples visible though, because she had them covered with some kind of latex cup I think (don’t know what those are called). But then, it was provocative enough to make us go ga-ga mad.

Meanwhile, the another 2 cute girls, didn’t seem to be impressed with all the attention the pack leader got. They desperately tried to win some attention around by dancing skankily. One of them was especially desperate. It was heck of a funny sight. Let me explain how she did it :

Her legs bent in a half-squat pose, her body stiffen up straight, and sway rapidly to the front and back. If you remove her clothing and cover up the pub scene, one might mistaken her as trying to dry hump a cow.
Her skanky dance seemed to transcend beyond the type of music being played. She’d dance the same to all types of music, rain or shine (boring… snore)

The other girl, would just flail her arms around as if she was having some kind of a seizure. Her friends had to keep an offset distance from her – because if they don’t, they’re gonna get hurt seriously by her randomly flailing hands. It was an unbelievable sight – we get to see boobies, hump dance and someone having a seizure… all at the same time.

I almost choked from laughing too hard when I saw Ronnie trying to mimic the hump dance (deliberately done to antagonize the attention seeking bitch) – which he did it like doggies having sex. I swear the girls actually saw what he did and gave him a derisive look. That was when I decided to follow suit and we laughed ourselves stupid.

I guess those girls must have felt really pissed with us ridiculing their funny shits using our body language, to which they responded by moving to another table deeper into the floor.

Things people do just for attention.

michaelooi  | rompings  | 11 Comments
August 8, 2004

the puke machine

My friend Animal now has a new name. PukeMachine. Why is that? Allow me to explain.

Last night, the BODs (Board of Directors… my camaraderie of best buddies) decided to come out to have a drink. Our friend Ronnie, was visiting from KL (another town) and we were kind of taking the opportunity to come out to romp. Initially, we were thinking of going to some hip club… but finally decided to settle at one of those slower pubs to just concentrate on chatting and drinking (dancing’s not our style anymore).

It was only all beer last night. Buckets after buckets of them. By the time we reached the 4th bucket, my friend Ronnie started his usual twaddling shit. He would talk about girls, about things that he himself didn’t understand and be a nuisance as usual, by challenging anyone in proximity to drink with him.

Most of us are already used to Ronnie’s style. We knew, that he’s only tough on cosmetic, but he is always the first to get unconscious from intoxication as he’s not much of a drinker. So, we always take his challenges with a pinch of salt. Well, except my friend Animal. He may be an accomplished accountant, but we think he’s a little bit slow on the intellectual side. The guy’s full of emotion and likes to ‘over-do’ things at times. Take for example, if we were to discuss something about changing a car’s engine oil, my friend Animal would go nuts and talk about some kind of V8 engine that runs on some kind of exotic belt that requires certain type of special oil. You know, to the stage where everyone would basically grow bored and have to change topic. You get the idea.

So, it was the same situation last night. We were just teasing each other with drinks for fun. It looked as if we wanted to get wild and destroy our liver – but we weren’t. It was just our usual way of romping and fucking around. But that sent the wrong message to my friend Animal. He REALLY thought we were determined to bust our livers last night. He went extreme when Ronnie playfully ridiculed him for being too emotional for his girlfriend.

That was obviously a blatant mistake – for we know Animal is a hypersensitive guy. Once he’s into something, he would never stop. As a result, he began to down beer after beer reciprocating Ronnie’s challenge. Ronnie, being as his usual self, would procrastinate and tried to fend him off with tonnes of bullshit excuses. It went on like this for almost the whole night, without anyone realizing that Animal was getting real inebriated from the excessive beer.

Then, came the defining moment of the night. Animal suddenly opened his mouth and some beige colored slop of viscous semi-digested food came jetting out onto the floor. It went like this – BWWWUUUEEEEKKKK!!!! I could tell it was a mixture of home cooked dinner (rice and some hint of meat… healthy diet) through my experience in handling alcohol victims. Alvin and Ricky, who were sitting the closest to him, immediately bounced out from the nuclear meltdown in a speed that was hardly believable. Everyone sort of like flabbergasted seeing Animal performing the barfing stunt.

His mouth was kept open for the whole few minutes and the broth of alcoholic mayhem continued to shoot out from his mouth. There were so much of it that it could even drown a couple of crocodile having sex. (alright, that was just an exaggeration… but you get the idea). He kept on barfing, until there was no more stuff to barf, and continued to barf out his stomach linings – of .. you know, those slimy stuff from your internal organs. It was a sight to behold.

The barfing finally stopped after a period of what seemed to be like an eternity, and he’d stay motionless with his mouth still open… which I reckoned he was waiting for something to come out (Ricky actually took a picture of that moment … I’ll see if I can get it posted up here). By that time, Alvin was clearly irked and began to remark something about him. One of the remarks that would register in our minds for many years to come :

“Damn it… Animal’s like a puke machine.”

That was how he got that new name. PukeMachine.
*he had to be dragged home after that, and barfed in the car through the journey…

Update: Here it is … the priceless moment … it will be a picture to be remembered for generations….

sebastian phua cheng boon

michaelooi  | rompings  | Comments Off
May 4, 2004

bounce bounce

My friends and I were drinking ourselves stupid on Saturday night in a club when we saw ‘it’. ‘It’ was big… ‘it’ was bad… ‘it’ was nasty. The very sight of ‘it’ alone could induce glaucoma and render most blokes blind before the age of 30. Thanks to our strong, healthy and athletic bodies, we survived without any complications by looking at the sordid creature.

So what was ‘It’? ‘It’ was a 300 pounds worth of flesh on a blimp chick who trudged by our table and knocked off hundreds of innocent teenagers that was in her way. She then settled down at the table in front of ours with her bunch of friends– which made us shudder at the very thought of her trying to fit into the space of the packed club.

Spotted with a semi BARE-BACK sleeveless black blouse, the amount of lards she exposed was shockingly unbelievable. And her face, was literally painted with make-up so thick… that it could be scraped out again to be used to degrease bowling balls. A total walking disaster. A mountain of cholesterol. A planet of grease. Whatever. It was a sight to behold.

It wasn’t long before the music she loves came blasting from the loudspeaker… and she fucking DANCED! The stomps of her corpulent & porky leg rippled the lards on her excessively fat body. The waves of fat can be seen reverberating across her bloated skin… almost like a loose piece of bouncing balloon filled with liquid grease. The sight was so horrifying that half the population of the pub actually puked… and flooded the dance floor with 1 foot thick of gelatinous goo and stomach linings… while the other half actually attempted to commit suicide. Alright, I made the last part up… but really, I was surprised that didn’t happen.

The fat piece of tumor continued to dance skankily throughout the night, as if she was there to work out in a gym. I can tell that blimp was out that night to burn a lot of fat – she knocked down countless amount of stools that night, and god knows how many glasses were broken. She is one creature that ultraman doesn’t cover in his anti-monster policy.

“Eh, that tuak pooi char bor happening eh?” I quipped to the girls in my group, hoping to get some interesting conversation out of the horrifying view. Surprisingly, the girls admired her strength and stamina to party… and hooted me to hell for calling her names. Almost at the verge of gouging my eyeballs out.

I realized by then, that ‘it’ had taken the mind of our girls… hypnotizing them with her dance of death to conspire against their boyfriends by becoming a physical outcast like her, and make the world a less wonderful place to live. That fucking tuak pooi char bor.

michaelooi  | rompings  | Comments Off
April 27, 2004

near death experience

*This happened a few years ago in a pub.

It was Christmas Eve and I was with the BODs (Board Of Directors – my camaraderie of best buddies) inside a pub that we frequented every week. We’ve been there so often that we’ve developed quite a close relationship with the pub operators – including those super sexy bunch of waitresses and bar dancers that have cleavages deeper than the Grand Canyon. *I miss those days..*

That night, was also Emily’s first night out celebrating Christmas Eve in a pub with me. She had never been to a Christmas Eve party prior that night. That night, I was trying my best to behave myself as much as possible to maintain a good impression (Emily was just my girlfriend back then). So I would just sit there beside her playing nice, and that was my plan for the night.

Then came this waitress who hailed the name Alice. We’re kind of ok with each other, and she knew I was a regular. She doesn’t belong to the attractive type but more or less like that of an underage-schoolgirl category. Seeing that I was playing nice in front of my girl, she decided to play some pranks on me.

Each time she passes where I was sitting, she would sprinkle some of those glitter-dust on my head/face… and then bolt off. I couldn’t do anything to retaliate because I had to be with Emily. The most I could do was to show her some crude sign language behind Emily’s back. But that only encouraged her to do more.

I continued to get ‘sprinkled’ with glitter dust through the night, and by the time the countdown was over, I was feeling sort of blitzed from alcohol intoxication and I had a face full of those sparkling glitters – thanks to Alice. By that time, I had already lost all my senses from the alcohol and was already starting to lookout for Alice… and actually caught her when she tried to pull the stunt again. Oh man, what fun it was – for an intoxicated guy to grab hold of a prankster chick. Alice tried to wriggle herself free, but her effort was futile. I yanked her over to where I was, and grabbed hold of her head with both my hands. *Note: Emily was still standing in front of me facing the opposite side, so she didn’t see the whole thing…

As I do not have those glitter dust to sprinkle on her (if I had some, I would have poured them all into her tits), I did the next best thing – I used those on my face. What I did was, I pressed my face against her’s… and smeared the glitters onto her face in circular motion. I pressed so hard… that some of my saliva actually transferred along with the glitters onto her face. The BODs saw what I did… and was flabbergasted with their mouths wide agape… on what I had just done behind my soon-to-be wife. Emily became suspicious of something wrong when she saw my friends with those ‘theres-a-monster-behind-you’ look… and turned around to see what the fuck was going on.

In that split second when Emily’s head started to turn a couple of degrees towards my direction, I reacted by flicking Alice off my hands and face… catapulting her onto a bar stool nearby. I did it just fast enough for Emily to see Alice flying away in halfway while I retracted my hands. By the time Emily was looking at me, I gave her a blank innocent ‘what?’ (albeit panicky) look… while Alice was cackling like Popeye’s Sea Hag on the stool nearby. I was so fucking freaked out and there was a 2 seconds buffer of silence. I thought Emily saw the whole thing and would fire up her flamethrower to roast me alive… but instead of that, she gave me a smile and wiped off the nervous sweat that almost trickled down my forehead.

A very close shave indeed … I almost lost my life on that Christmas Eve.

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February 8, 2004

yesterday

Yesterday,

7.30 pm — Go to cousin’s wedding banquet at a church.

8.30 pm — Getting little bit tipsy from having too much beer.

9.00 pm — A cousin goes up on stage to give a speech. I make some very crude remarks about her unnatural accent and send the people on my table into a laughing fit, attracting some unwanted attention.

9.30 pm — I feel smart, thanks to the effect of alcohol. A friend’s father-in-law suddenly wakes up from his old age and start to dance to a Hindustan song played by the live band.

10.00 pm — All the church members . My friend (who happens to know the groom, my cousin) drags me to dance with his family members. I declined of course, because I’m not that drunk.

10.15 pm — The groom joins the little shindig, dancing to hindustan songs. Situation is fast becoming too murky to my liking. I told my mom… the church members are being possessed by evil spirits. My sister reminds Emily not to let me drive.

10.30 pm — I bail the place to another birthday party at a rented bungalow. I actually drove.

11.00 pm — Coconut wine and stout at rented bungalow, spiked with neat whiskey. It will be dangerous for me to operate heavy machinery or drive at this level.

approx. 2 am — Night soccer in front of the bungalow field in my formal banquet attire. We used our cars headlights to see.

2.45am — Have to stop the soccer. I’m running out of breath and my banquet attire is full of mud.

2.50am — Shower and change to comfy clothes. Then more drinking with the guys.

3.00am — Test drive Tony’s new car out to the street and back. Saw a couple making out inside a car by the roadside during the short trip. The couple fled when I drive slowly by their car to check them out.

3.30am — Regurgitate my cousin’s wedding dinner at the toilet and decorated the bowl with brownish garnish.

3.35am — The guys force me to drink more wine. Tony spills some of it on my clean clothes and I threatened to set fire to his new car.

3.45am — The bungalow caretaker’s dog wander into the bungalow living room. Poured some wine into dog’s bowl, dog ignored me. The dog is fucking smart. My friends rewarded the dog with plenty of leftover food.

3.50am — I finally crashes on the sofa.

4.30am — Emily and I leave for home after a long day.

My body ached as I wrote this entry. More signs of old age.

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