Archive for the ‘rantings’ Category

October 7, 2013

siew yan

The Cantonese has this term called ‘siew yan’, which literally translates to ‘the small people’. Contrary to the term, it’s not a reference to a new species of humanoid animal or anyone with generally small stature. It’s a term referring to a composite character who is out there to ruin your every shit.

You see, the Chinese believe that the life of every single living soul on this hard unforgiving floating rock in the solar system, is at any one time being burdened by this ‘siew yan’. Be it at work or at home, there’s always a ‘siew yan’ to ensure that you will never get a peace of mind but problems. This ‘siew yan’, can just be anyone. It can be your mom, your friend, your boss or even someone you don’t even fucking know… all amalgamated into this one mean bitch motherfucker who, depending on the alignment of the celestial bodies during the day you were born, will subconsciously fuck you out of your game in life. To remedy it, the Chinese would recommend periodical visit to a local temple, get yourself a prayer package which consists of some machine pressed sheets of human shaped paper, and to follow some simple instructions of how to smack it (the human shaped paper) with either side of your shoe, while muttering some profanities deemed proportionate for the depth of shit you’re in – as both a psychological relief to oneself, and also to discipline the dark side of that ‘siew yan’s’ mischievous soul.

Superstitious or not, I think I’ve ID’ed my ‘siew yan’ in Company T. If he’s not just 1 person, he’d likely hold the biggest percentage of my ‘siew yan’ composite character. Remember this asswipe loser? It is him. 2 weeks ago, this bozo went to the boss to stab me in the back with a complain. Guess what his complain was? You wouldn’t believe it – he told the boss that I ‘harassed’ him. Initially I was like, ‘wtf I’m straight!’… but he was actually referring to an incident where I had to raise my voice at him for not following my instruction to handle a bunch of trays of expensive stuff properly (he was balancing the trays on his lap). And then he topped it off by bitching to the boss that he always felt ‘left out’ of the team, because I never included him in our ‘secret discussions’ with other team members. All the accusations are all untrue, of course. I’ll spare the details. But rest be assured, the whole thing is as ridiculous as him complaining that his school teachers suck because they didn’t make him a smarter person. The fucker shirked the whole year doing nothing but watching Korean soaps on his stupid iPhone, late to work, skipping meetings and not reading memos…. and he had the gall to complain that I was ill treating him! *blood reaches boiling temperature

Anyway, that was that. I got investigated by the manager because of this. I had to tell the boss everything about him and what transpired during the alleged ‘harassments’. You see, despite being more hopeless than a hobo, believe it or not, I’ve never actually ratted him out to the boss before this. The boss didn’t know that he sucked that bad. That’s because of my belief that everyone in this world deserves chances to be better. I know the game and I know the deal. I cut young people a lot of slacks. I might yell at him or ridicule him once in a while, but deep inside me, I’d still root for the guy to not fail. That being said, I had developed a training plan for him, and I assigned 2 engineers to be his mentors (and even I myself mentored him). But instead of getting up to speed and appreciate all that we did for him, this guy went full retard and accused me and his fellow team members for having prejudice against him. That was when I had to tell the boss everything about him and looks like he had dug his own grave for that.

So what’s going to happen now? We’ll have to set goals for him to prove himself worthy, and that’ll be the ground to dismiss him from Company T if he still doesn’t get his shit together. And I’m going to top it off by getting a smack ‘siew yan’ package from the local temple, and I’mma shower him with profanities that he’d never heard before in his life…

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August 12, 2013


There is this teenage nephew of mine who hitched my ride back to his hometown for a few times, whenever I send my wife/kid home (same hometown). He is a quiet and very reserved fellow, with a strong BO and snored very loudly in all the journeys. But I had no problem with him, until recently.

I found out that this nephew recently ‘expressed his dissatisfaction’ with the way I drive to his mom, who is my wife’s elder sister. I was allegedly, ‘cursing too much when I drive’, which I assume stressed out that impertinent brat of a nephew of mine. His mom then one day, conveyed her ‘concern’ to my wife when she was having a casual family chat, with a hope that I was going to repent and change, so that her son won’t be so stressed the next time when he hitches a ride home. o__O”

You should know where this is going. I was flipped out when my wife told me about it. Yes indeed, I curse when I drive (but never with profanities, mind you). That’s how I deal with the stress on the road, and it has been like this since I started driving at age 17. But that’s not the whole point. The point is, WHY DOES HE HITCH MY RIDE AGAIN AND AGAIN, IF HE’S SO SORE ABOUT THE WAY I DRIVE?? Just don’t hitch lah! I didn’t force him to ride with me. Like, he could have chosen to take a bus instead, I’m sure he would love the convenience, or the bus driver. I’m sure I could do better without him snoring loudly in my car, and for taking up the space which I could have used for my daughter to nap on (the very reason I bought a bigger car).

You see, I don’t expect him to like my driving. Or me either. I don’t really give a flying fuck about what this loser feels about anything at all because I’m not his driver, and I don’t care. He’s allowed to hitch a ride home in my car because we happen to be related through my conjugal relationship with my wife, and not really by choice. I would send him home safely right to his doorstep because of this accidental relationship (it’s a fucking privilege for him, in my point of view and he just violated it), for unlimited number of times – doesn’t matter – because that’s what a responsible adult would do for a nephew who needs help when studying out of town. And look what this chode did to repay my kindness… He conveniently ranted to his mom about being stressed when hitching a free ride home like a bitch, which ironically, doesn’t seem to be congruent with the fact that he had been sleeping so soundly all the way (albeit apnoetic in nature) like he’d been shot with an elephant grade tranquilizer on every fucking trip I did with him. And the mom? Instead of smacking her kid on the head for being such an ungrateful turd, went around her circle of siblings to make a topic of interesting discussion about MY WAY of driving, and opined that I should stop being myself because she and her kid didn’t like it (well, fuck me). And I shudder to think that all of these bollocks are stemmed from the fact that I was just trying to be nice. How about a little gratitude, by shutting the fuck up and appreciate all the little things made convenient for you, you little fuckstain??

I’m starting to dislike being nice to people. You can best bet that this nephew of mine won’t get a ride from me ever again.

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February 18, 2013

school nowadays – schoolbags

The next great big change I noticed about school nowadays, has to be the schoolbag. 9 out of 10 schoolbags that I saw at Regine’s school, have wheels on them. You know, just like those luggage bags you see people lugging along on a vacation. It appears that the shit kids have to carry to school nowadays are so fucking heavy, that they won’t be able to lug it without the wheels. I’ve seen a couple of scrawny Indian kids who defied the fad by being conventional, they carried their bags with shoulder straps. Let’s just say, I foresee that they won’t grow very tall.

That prompted me to wonder, why do kids have to carry so many books to school nowadays? It was fucking mind boggling. Shouldn’t the school be teaching them how to be efficient instead? The energy exerted by them kids lugging the damn bags could have been used to grow a little more intelligence in them, but instead, we’re churning out mindless fucks that only know how to complain about life. Just look at the suicide rate nowadays. It’s sad, really. And all this could have stemmed from the need to carry a fucking heavy schoolbag.

Like most parents, I decided to get my Regine a trolley bag too. Costed me a hundred over bucks. Was it worth the money? Fuck no. But then I had no other choice.

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October 11, 2012


My 6 year old daughter couldn’t stop harping about wanting a goddamn rabbit (or two) as pet(s). It was in my top priority list of things to worry about and it totally ruined my weekend. After a day’s worth of cajoling and shit, Emily finally managed to convince Regine to have a couple of goldfish instead. I was like, well, that’s definitely better than a fucking rabbit so, it was on – my wife got our little kid a couple of goldfish (to placate that little tyrant), which she fondly name them as Starry and Sunny.

I thought it was going to be easy to keep a couple of goldfish, but I was fucking wrong. First mistake – I shouldn’t have assumed that a 6 year old girl would honor her words that she’d take care of a couple of fish in the name of being responsible. The truth is, she just wanted to keep them, not taking care of them. Like slaves. No strings attached. The second mistake – I shouldn’t have assumed that taking care of a couple goldfish is easy. It’s not.

So, as expected, it ended up being me having to take care of the fish. One thing I’ve learned about fish (or goldfish, for that matter) – is that goldfish seem to have the ability to turn very little amount of food into massive amount of slime and shit. I have to clean the fucking tank like, once every 2 days lest they’d stink up the whole house! (and believe me, it really stinks!). Also, they seem to be hungry all the time, and this sort of becomes a perpetual cycle of feeding them and watching them producing more shit (another thing I also learned is, fish do not have a sphincter. i.e. they can’t clip the shit off their ass, so their shit would grossly stuck out of their ass until it drops off its own.).

Me in my sorry state of woes. I’m leaving the commenting system open for any advice on taking care of goldfish – like if any of you know of any synthetic drug that can mutate the goldfish to eat/shit less, or simply being able to do it without murking up the goddamn water… just let me know.

Starry and Sunny

Just had the water changed before this photo was taken.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 11 Comments
August 12, 2012

Fucking bitch in the cinema makes me homicidal

Just wanted to release this.

There was this lady (of about 40 years of age, with a toddler) sitting on the opposite aisle of where I was inside the cinema, who seemed to have her eyes directly connected to her mouth (bypassing the brain). Every scene that she saw, she would exclaim an exaggerated “Oooh!” or an “Ahhh!”, as if she’s trying very hard to tell everyone that she’s going through some terrific time right there. If she’s not doing that, then she would resort to the commentary mode, to describe whatever fuck that was happening in the plot like – “Oh he’s running!”, “Why did he do that?”, “That is so funny!”. It was so damn fucking annoying. I can’t believe people like her could even find a mate and have a family. I mean, how could anyone tolerate a walking disaster like that? The guy who hooked with her must be so goddamn desperate for a mate that he’d settle for a lowlife cheebye like her.

I was so tempted to walk over to her to give her the hardest kick in the crotch, but I relented because it’s a crime in this part of the world. But I bet she’s going to yell “Oh he kicked my crotch and I’m in pain!” if I did that, and it’s going to be even more so annoying that might make want to just kill her by choking her with my pair of flip-flops.

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