Archive for the ‘rantings’ Category

August 21, 2016

double parking is never ok

Lately, there’s this trend of people posting pictures of reckless driving/parking to a dedicated Facebook page to shame the perpetrating bastards. I’ve seen shitloads of them shared by my friends. One of the most annoying ones, has to be ‘double parking’. (I’ve never encountered a lot of double parkers myself though, just once)

Now, each time I see these double parking rants get posted on the said Facebook page, I’m bound to see some smartasses commenting that – “how can the asshole park his/her car without leaving his/her number on the dashboard!?”. Do you see what is wrong here? If you don’t, then you ought to be lynched. Here, let me point this out to you – the main problem is supposed to be ‘double parking’, but some people see it as ‘not leaving your contact number when double park’… Still don’t get it? How about women getting raped, but people see the problem as not using a condom in the rape. See it now you fucking morons??

If leaving a contact number on the dashboard makes double parking ok, then what’s the point of having parking lots? Why don’t we just fucking leave our cars wherever we want, as long as we leave our contact number on our dashboard? How fucking stupid can you people be?? It vexes me deeply, to think that we actually have some people in the community here think that it is alright to double fucking park the car as long as there’s a contact number left inside the car.

I fucking swear goddamn it, the next time I see a double parking car – even with a contact number left in it – I’m going to fucking break every windscreen/window to release the parking brake and push the damn thing into a ditch.

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May 15, 2016

fucking Nepalese

A couple days ago, my car was blocked by a double parking asshole at a shophouse district parking lot. Unsurprisingly, it was an SUV with a registration plate from KL. Oh you know how it is with those KL folks and their propensity to double park anywhere they like – I’ve written about them here.

I checked the car, and there wasn’t a number left on its dashboard so, I had to go around to look for the owner. By the time it was about 10 minutes, I was starting to get pissed off. Since it was just a stone’s throw away from the nearest guard post, I went there to seek for the guards’ help.

Inside the air conditioned small guard post, were 5 foreign workers whom I reckoned were Nepalese. I could tell because I’ve seen their ilks before when I was with Company X a few years back. They look Chinese with slit eyes but, with much darker complexion like they’ve just been dipped in shit sauce and have these distinctive choking accent when they converse in their shitty Malay.

The 5 of them were happily chatting away inside the guard post (why were the 5 guards manning a post? Escapes me) when I approached them.

Me: “Hi, you see that double parking car there? Can you find the owner? It’s blocking my car.”

Nepalese Guard: “You honk.”

Me: “I already did. So, how can you help me now?”

Nepalese Guard: “I can’t help you, sorry.”

Me: “So you’re just going to sit here and do nothing? And how the hell can you allow people to double park like this??”

Nepalese Guard: *goes back to chatting.

Fucking delinquents. I have nothing against these foreign cibais coming to our country to earn a living, but sometimes, it makes you wonder if these people are really here to work or just simply to sit on their asses lazying around here long enough to make quick bucks. In this case here, the guard (5 of them, for that matter) here is simply a presence with no other pragmatic purpose. The parking ticketing system was automated, and all the guard(s) had to do was to ensure everything was in order. And those 5 pieces of cunts from Nepal failed to even do that by allowing assholes to park like the post apocalyptic scene in The Walking Dead.

Anyway, the matter was resolved by our own after that – my wife Emily found the owner when I was walking back from the guard post. The owner was in one of the pubs nearby – a middle aged Chinese bloke with pockmarked face like Abdullah Badawi, who dressed up like a loanshark wannabe, with a hint of mild brain damage from excessive idling in KL traffic. I let him go without an incident after accepting his apology. But I will never forgive the Nepalese. If I ever become a dictator one day, I’m going to fucking invade Nepal.

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September 17, 2015

zoned out

I mastered this very special skill called ‘zoning out’ since I was very little. You see, my late mom screamed at me a lot when I was a kid. Whenever my mom yelled/screamed/nagged, I’d ‘zone out’. It’s a great skill to have when there’s a need – eg. protection against nagging, boring meetings, uninteresting long stories from manager/drunkard friend… etc.

So, what is a ‘zone out’? It’s the ability to shutoff all input signals from your eyes/ears into your brain while you’re in a situation. Not a difficult thing to learn (most guys have their own way of doing this), but the key trick is to not look like you’re zoning out (this is where most people fail). I can do a pretty convincing look of being attentive while zoning out.

Yesterday, I was dispensing some fatherly advice to my 9 year old daughter Regine, when I suspected her zoning out on me. I suspected that because I did a checksum on her to repeat what I had said and she struggled. That was when I realize that she have attained this superpower of zoning out. I was thinking, could this have passed down from me? Or did she evolve from the tree on her own branch? And then I started to think about all the skills that she could have possibly inherited from me… and that was when I realized that this is not going to get any better for me…

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July 7, 2014

3rd world problem

I was peeing in the shower the other day, like I always do, when I noticed that the floor was unusually ‘deep brown’ in color. It was like, someone had just spilled a glass of black tea there. In that mere few seconds, the first thing that came across my mind was blood in my pee… and then ‘Urinary Tract Infection’, promptly followed by the phrase ‘Fuck Me’. Before my panic starts to set in, my pee stopped, and the deep brown color continued to spread across the bathroom floor. That was only then I realized that it couldn’t have been my pee. Then I took a look at my shower and verified it by spraying the water on the wall tiles – and confirmed that it was all along the fucking muddy water.

Ask yourself, how many fucking times have you come across muddy water from your tap? All the fucking time in Penang. Water filter is a thriving business in Malaysia, and it happens for a reason – our water quality is bad. Really bad. So bad, that my Company T Indian counterpart (who has been living in the US for decades, but he grew up in India) dared not to drink any of our iced water. Why? Because that fucker knew that our ice cubes are made from the filthy tap water and that shit will literally fuck him up real good. He’d insist on bottled water every time, and won’t touch anything else. He’d rather risk dehydration through lack of water rather than dehydration through a loose bowel. Can you imagine that? A fucking guy from India, with his mutated guts from years of dirty water/food radiation, abstaining from drinking our Malaysian water. That fucking tells you a lot about our country, really.

And we still wanted to be a developed nation, when we can’t even get clean water (or even water at all, ask the people living in Gombak). That’s like a janitor wanting to be a GM of a company, when the fucker can’t even think past being a janitor. I am wondering why do we even bother building those expensive longest fucking bridge in South East Asia or send another Mangkuk Ayun to the outer fucking space… why aren’t we spending our money revamping the water treatment facilities, the pipings and all? Why are we even bickering cross state with various assholes about ‘water leasing’ and stuff like that? If we want to become a developed nation, shouldn’t the basic necessities be taken care of the very first priority? Food and water for that matter? (and we have ministers wanting to eradicate the poor by shooing off the soup kitchens, how smart).

It’s mind boggling if you ask me. This and many other things. The fucking government. As useless as appendix.

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December 2, 2013

People I hate: Superbikers

You know those big bike riders right? I hate them. Well, not all of them, but a big percentage of them. Always riding in groups, with their high cc bikes… revving around. That’s fine for me, actually. What bothers me most, is that some of them actually think that they own the roads just because they’ve paid a fucking high premium for their bikes. They have this self inflated huge ego and elevated sense of being superlative in existence, and therefore, they think everyone should just make way for them! They ride like jerks and they think the price they pay for their expensive bikes justifies that.

I’ve seen them doing this many times. In big groups. Usually making trips over a few hundred km’s to attend a gathering at a renowned ‘ikan bakar’ joint or something. Usually nothing of importance but, they have to honk all the way through their journey to pave everyone out of their way like the whole world revolves around them! Like, what the fuck! Why can’t these dipshits ride like any other law abiding road users?? Why must everyone give way to them?? Is it because they are in a bigger group and therefore we all must yield for them to pass? Fuck that! To me, that logic is no different from being a group of thugs – i.e. they can do whatever they want because they’re in a bigger group. In that sense, doesn’t that make them retarded or something? Because if that logic is kosher, wouldn’t it be way better for them to just rob a fucking bank instead of doing something inane like paving their journey through a heavy traffic? Oh that’s right, they don’t have the balls to do that – nevermind.

Just the other day, a group of these typical bikers rode through a 2 way country road with moderate traffic (I was in the traffic). They didn’t even have really big bikes, just some stupid Dukes and 250ccs (spotted a couple of Africa twins though). 2 of the front bikers (marshalls or something like that) – tried to stop the entire 2 way traffic so that their retarded bike buddies could pass. Guess what happened? None of the kampung folks gave a shit about these asswipes. Their futile attempt to stop traffic was comical, nearly turned tragic when a few of the idiots had to brake frantically when they realize with their minuscule brain that the vehicles from the oncoming traffic were going to run them over and weren’t going to yield. They had to queue up like everybody else, but sped like ‘monyet kena belacan’ when the oncoming traffic clears (to control the ego damage I guess, which they do best…)

Fucking morons. And you people wonder why so many bikers get killed in traffic – they had it coming!

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