Archive for the ‘rantings’ Category

March 12, 2005

let out session

Man, did you guys see those irated Indonesian barbarians picketing outside an embassy on TV ? What a fucked up piece of human waste they are. One minute they’re begging for the world to help them rebuild their disaster struck barren lands, and the next minute, they’re showing their awesomeness by burning our country’s flag. Fuck.

I really can’t understand why would they want to look for so much trouble when their own country is already in turmoil (corruption, civil wars, ethnic unrests, terrorism, bad body odor).

I think it would be good that we organize another round of donation for them … only this time, not for the purpose of charity … but to use it to fund up an all out offensive against them. We’ll use the fund to buy an assload of pebbles to be slingshot at those fuckers who love to picket so much. As for the labor, we can hire Banglas to do the job for us (we know the Banglas hated Indonesians very much). Trust me, the Banglas would definitely do a very good job in this.

I’m very sure those angry mob of Indons would feel much more better staying at home rather than being pelted like a fool by Banglas …

Tiuuu !

michaelooi  | rantings  | 15 Comments
January 28, 2005

mock a gork

Went to our departmental dinner today. It was a barbecue dinner and I was enjoying myself barbecuing and cracking jokes with my colleagues… when one of the managers suddenly came over and abruptly interrupted my conversation :

“Mike, that’s your favorite food… right ? right ? right ? heheh…” while zealously pointing at one of the seafood on the barbecue stove.

I looked back at him with an emotionless expression. I just did not know how I wanted to respond to that blatant act of ingratiation. I don’t dig people boot licking me for any reason… and I so wanted to tell him to sod off… but that would make me sound so blunt and shallow. After a couple more of microseconds, I managed to work out an alternate respond which resulted pretty much the same way I wanted :

“Fuck no ! My favorite food is something that walks on 2 legs, long hair, big rack and with an awesome ass you dolt! Hahhhhaaaa !” I was gesticulating myself porking in doggy style while saying that… and the whole table turned to laugh at his face. And sure enough, he immediately went back to his table to hoover his cold leftovers. I would have added in a couple more of derogatory mocks if he didn’t leave us alone soon enough.

Don’t you hate it when someone shove into your conversation halfway to utter something of least importance? For fuck’s sake, what did those people actually learn in school? How to be an annoying asshole ?

Sheessh

michaelooi  | rantings  | 33 Comments
December 22, 2004

school teachers

story i heard from the bunch of trainees I trained today….

“point your mouse on the tab, and click”

that was an instruction to a school teacher. Know what she did? She placed her mouse on her monitor screen, pointed at the tab (on the screen)… and fucking clicked.

I was laughing so hard that they thought I’m a hyena in disguise. Ahaks…

Apparently, there ARE people that are worse than Panda. School teachers. I mean, wtf? Aren’t school teachers suppose to be smart and all that? How are we gonna depend on them educating our children? This is so ironic.

No wonder we have so many intellectually challenged individuals in our society.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 26 Comments
December 18, 2004

fengshui fever

Lilian Too is driving my mom crazy! Well, actually, not Lilian alone but, the whole bevy of self-proclaimed fengshui dunces that publish their smartass advices online. For free. Emily played a part too, she printed a stack of those materials for my mom… and my mom has since gone cracked.

Thanks to those divine fengshui advices, my mom’s now not acting so normal. She would walk around the house with a compass, and would speak to herself (that’s damn creepy I tell you). Then occasionally, she would give out a blood curdling yelp, that some piece of furniture shouldn’t belong to some place, or some table is at the wrong angle.

As if it’s not bad enough having a geriatric walking around mumbling to herself, I was constantly being badgered for not complying with their set of so called ‘prohibited acts’. I couldn’t recall what they were but, it was kinda like requiring me to sleep with my head facing north, my left leg pointing north west, my right hand pointing south, my right leg pointing north east… my left hand grabbing my own crotch and yell “Teeeheehee … owh” every 10 minutes. Or just simply, to sleep in a position that requires an intermediate level of yoga skills.

Supposedly, sleeping like this will bring me better luck and prospect for my career… (that is, if I don’t suffer major bone dislocation and subsequently lose my job). Of course I protested… and after debated for a while, they managed to come up with some remedy/solution. To place a bronze tortoise with a head of… some really weird looking horse with beard and horns… wait, that’s a dragon… on the small table inside my room. What the fuck !

I told my mom – if fengshui can bring luck and fortune by just complying a set of procedure, then there will not be so much suffering and pestilence on this planet. But she would always retort back “What’s the harm of believing in them ?”

The harm? To waste our money buying those weird and expensive fengshui paraphernalias… and making them fengshui masters richer and richer.

Denizens of Earth, if you want to be successful and healthy in life, the best thing is to work hard. Plan your budget. And use your brain.

Somebody please stop the madness already.

*update. Here’s some of the stuffs lying around my house. Taken right after I posted this entry.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 24 Comments
December 15, 2004

religious bigots

Hey, what’s the problem with those religious dolts out there? What’s the problem with them and their concern about celebrating Christmas the proper way? Since when embracing Christianity is a prerequisite to celebrate Christmas?

“~~ohhh ~~only Christians celebrate Christmas …. hymn inside a church… not partying inside pubs~~~bla bla bla~~”

Oh fuck, I so goddamn hate these people. They remind me of my religious bigot cousin… who has nothing better to do, but think of some ridiculous argument to gain attention. Well, religious my ass. Christmas is a festivity… not a religion mob meeting.

My bigot cousin, is the type who would pretentiously hold a book in front of the elders, so that they would give her a pat for being such a diligently studious cunt… and as a result of that, they’ll always use me as the negative comparison.

“~~ohhh unlike Michael, she’s more hardworking and diligent~~~~”

PTUUIIIIII !!

And every weekend, this motherfucking religious bigot would go to church to sing hymns to her so called God… pray for peace on Earth … and shits like that. But when she gets home, she’ll need her 70 over year old grandma to wash her stinking socks, do her fetid laundries, cook her fucking meals and make up her lice infested bed. What the fuck !

That’s not all. Each time the year approaches its end (Christmas included), her grandma (my grandma too) would have to clean up the entire house in preparation for the impending festivities (Christmas, CNY)…. and all she ever knew was to hold her stupid book and act drama queen. I didn’t know about this until one day, my grandma called me up to ask me help her clean a frame of windows which was too high for her to reach (that bigot lives in a big ass bungalow).

I was so fuming mad. I felt like yelling at her – “What does your religion teaches you ?? How to make use of old people to work for you ?? What’s the use of singing those shitty songs if you don’t even know how to judge between right versus wrong ?”. Goddamn.

If you’re asking why I didn’t do something about it … you bet .. I did. I actually complained to my aunts about it … and guess what, they just shrugged it off and said “She needs to study maa … and doesn’t really know how to do household chores maa …”

Because I didn’t act like those religious freaks, I was always made the black sheep of the family. There is no love for the rebellious me. I always get reprimanded severely for small mistakes… like pummelling up some kid in my class. Alright, maybe that’s not a small mistake… just, the point is, they would always find fault with me.

And these, my friends, are the kind of people who wouldn’t stop bitching about them reuniting with their God. The so called “people who have found the enlightenment” or whatever shit that is. Yeah right. Please, get yourself a life.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 29 Comments