I wasn’t in my finest mood when I entered the lab this morning, only to become worse when I discovered that one of my notebooks that I needed was missing from my workbench (I have fuckloads of notebooks, you see…). I searched high and low for it, and when I was about to give up and report the incident to the security, Mojo Jojo suddenly appeared out of nowhere and said to me:

Mojo Jojo: “Hey Michael. I took one of your notebook this morning… I wanted to ask you but you weren’t around…”

He was referring to that missing notebook I was looking for. That warranted me a flip out.

Me: “So it was you! Have you got any idea how much trouble you have caused me?? I was looking all over the place for this damn thing! You could have called me or something!”

Mojo Jojo: “Errr but you weren’t around this morning, so I thought…”

Me: “That’s why I said, YOU COULD HAVE CALLED! That’s what cellphones are for! To look for someone when they aren’t around! I could be at anywhere else… even taking a dump, you could have still called and I would have been informed instead of doing all these unnecessary searching!”

Of course I lied. I don’t take phone calls and dumps at the same time… I was just illustrating a point.

Me: “Besides, what kind of a retard are you to take someone else’s stuff first and only to ask for their permission later?”

Mojo Jojo: “I’m sorry… I didn’t thought it would be like this.”

Me: “Yeah right, this is not the first time you’ve done this, fucker. I still remember the last time you filched an AC adapter from me and slapped a sticker on it claiming that it’s yours…”

I agree that it was very cheap of me to dig up his past like this. But I was flipped out, so it’s justifiable.

Mojo Jojo: “No I didn’t! I just slapped the sticker but I didn’t take it!”

Me: “Whatever, imbecile. Maybe the AC adapter magically crawled by itself onto your desk and made everyone misconstrue about the whole incident. Or maybe you’re just fucked up.”

Something unexpected happened after I said that. His expression changed for the first time (in his life, I think). The ‘fucked up’ phrase somehow triggered something in him… which I think must have reminded him some of his troubled past…. sexual abuse by his stepdad perhaps?

Mojo Jojo: “You know what? You’re fucked up too.”

Me: “Oh, you’re talking back, an improvement I see. Well, if you want to put it that way, then you must on a grander scale in terms of fucked-up-ness. I’m not even anywhere near you.”

Mojo Jojo: “You’re more or less the same. That’s what I think.”

Me: “Oh yeah? Let’s see. You’re the one who got demoted and transferred into this ‘nobody’ hellhole. You’re the one who got the worst review in the whole workgroup. You’re the one who DO NOT EVEN KNOW how to make a proper presentation… Who’s more fucked up here? I can list out more…”

Mojo Jojo: “Hey! this is wayyyy out of the topic now, ok??”

He hissed at me, like an alpha male baboon showing his hostility after got challenged in his own territory. He could have continued to retort if he had a coherent opinion about how right he was about me being more or less as fucked up as him… but he couldn’t. All he could do was to think of a desperate way to steer clear of the topic, after realizing that he has got a lot more worms to be dug compared to the rest of the guys in the lab - which must be kinda embarrassing in a way.

Me: “Sure man. Out of the topic. Hmmpppfhh. Maybe I should just stop talking about that and cut you some slack. Let’s stick back to ‘the topic’… how about - DO NOT FUCKING TAKE MY STUFF AT YOUR OWN LIBERTY AND ONLY ASK LATER!”

Mojo Jojo: “Alright, alright, I made a mistake about that one.” [he toned down]

Me: “You tell me, motherfucker. Do you see me stealing your stuff and ask you later? Oh I forgot, I’m not as fucked up as you. Maybe you should try to learn how to be more ethical next time.”

Mojo Jojo: “Ok, I was fucked up. Are we done now?”

Of course I was done. What else have I got against a degenerate not worthy the attention of a zoo animal? I was already doing him a favour by yelling at him. Maybe that was the fucked up side of me he was talking about… I should have fucking reported to the security and let him have it the hard way by himself. Yeah… I’m so gonna fucking do that next time.

I think the traffic police team around the area where I work are a bunch of retards. Terencat akal. Sepastik.

You see, my workplace is located at a damn busy and highly populated area. Highly populated with degenerates who can’t drive for shits (you wouldn’t believe how many traffic lights and road dividers are mowed down each month here…) and traffic lights. Fuckloads of traffic lights. There are like, 5 fucking traffic lights in the same fucking kilometer leading to where I work. It is a very frustrating affair just to drive through the district alone.

And recently, our plights were made worse by a bunch of traffic policemen overriding the traffic lights to direct the traffic - which, I reckon are supposed to ease up the situation or something like that… But that apparently, was not the case. Now instead of having a hundred over meter of vehicles queueing for 1 revolution of stop at the lights, we now have 3 TIMES the longer congestion than before. Thanks to our area’s polis trafik sepastik malaysia (PTSM). I really can’t understand why do we need to waste taxpayer money to install so many traffic lights if they’re gonna deploy a team of dedicated traffic police to man the traffic anyway?

I had it with them today and was so fucking pissed that I have blog about them this time. Now if you can check out the satellite image below:

The green dotted line traces the route I take every morning to go to work. U, V, W, Y and Z are traffic light points. Five of them. X marks the spot under the overhead highway, where you’d see a menagerie of excess (and overweight) traffic policemen hanging out to take refuge from the searing sun.

Every fucking morning for the past few weeks, we have traffic policemen ’strategically’ placed at point V, W and Y… sometimes Z. This morning was no different, except traffic light Z… which became out-of-order for some reason. The damn thing was blinking amber and the situation there was chaotic. And where do we see the our PTSM? Nowhere. Actually, they’re everywhere else… except Z (the place where we NEEDED them MOST).

Do you fucking see what I see here?

A bunch of fucking useless morons. I could have hired a herd of cows to direct the traffic and it would have had the same effect = traffic jam (at least we don’t have to pay them cows pension when they’re old…)

God I so fucking hate my sister Beancurd and my niece (Beancurd’s daughter) Chicken Rice. They showed up at my apartment today - uninvited - for almost the whole fucking day. I was complaining to Emily (yeah if it wasn’t my mom, I would have chased them out with a fucking broom or somethng, had to play nice… cheebye)… how could anyone be such an annoyance, to remain at somebody’s apartment for the WHOLE DAY? Like, don’t they have their own weekend plan or something? Well, I DO! My plan is to have a peaceful weekend with my infant daughter! A quality time with my family. Be with each other, shits like that. Instead? I’m getting these 2 fucktards laughing hysterically at every single thing that my Regine does. And if they’re not laughing, they’d repeat the same single digit IQ comment about how Regine resembled me… Over and over again.

“OOoooooh she looks just like her dad! [cackles like a motherfucking trollop]” - 300 over fucking times the same minute.

Guess what Einstein? SHE’S MY DAUGHTER! Get over it already! And what about my TV huh? What about it?? They’d fire up the TV when Regine’s asleep, and laugh at commercials (that’s how retarded they were). Then they’d make stupid jokes that nobody understands. And eat boisterously like pigs during lunch. And dinner. Leaving their soup bowls on the table like i have a maid or something. FUCCCKKKKK MAN!!

Sometimes, when I said how I so fucking wish I’m an orphan, I really do mean it. I don’t want the kind of relatives and siblings like mine. I can imagine how peaceful my life would be if I’m an orphan. I can start my own family with a boot just like that, and I’m going to live a life my own way, and gives no shit about nobody’s fucking opinion.

I’m sitting right here, in the middle of my awakening hours, in the dark, listening to some of my neighbours’ stupid dogs barking like they’ve just saw their doggie team won a World Cup or something. Fuck, I hate dogs. I mean, I like dogs generally… but sometimes, I fucking hate them. Just like what I’m feeling right now. I so fucking want to pepper spray a dog at this very moment now. Maybe grate its head with a sandpaper and duct tape a few tablespoons of salt on that wound. Or fuck, I’d just duct tape the whole damn animal on my neighbour’s car exhaust manifold and let it die a slow painful death. Motherfucking dogs. [going to sleep now]

A new menace has hit the Malaysian society. Mat Rempit. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this term, it is a local Malay slang name to describe illegal motorcycle racers. They’ve actually been around for many years, known to roam around in the wee hours of the morning - usually in big groups, organizing illegal races on common streets and perform death defying stunts for kicks.

But this has changed as of recent. Their ‘kicks’ are no longer confined to just illegal racings and stunts. They’ve became bolder and more dangerous, thanks to the lack of local law enforcement. They’re now ‘franchising’ a wider coverage for all of us to worry about - larceny, robbery, assault and even RAPE - all in one package. (Not long ago, there were even reports that some of them rained a storm of stones into a police station for detaining a few of their members.) They’re like swarms of nocturnal parasites, one that is able wear guises like a normal human to blend into the society during daytime and turn into feral creatures after dark, spreading havoc across the nation like a layer of spoilt peanut butter. (read more about them here - antimatrempit.blogspot.com

So, has there been any effort from the authorities to rectify this Mat Rempit problem? Apparently, yeah. Somekind of effort. Many months ago, one of the local political party - UMNO youth or something - proposed to organize more recreational activities for those Mat Rempits in hope to recycle them into something useful. I thought the authorities are going to coax them into a mass suicide event, then use their bodies to reclaim some lands for development (which would be good…). But no. They’re actually talking about gatherings, roadtrips and seminars for these criminals. Like those guys are going to repent by just listening. (I thought that has already been covered at schools and mosques? Whatever.) There were even suggestions to build more racing circuits for these illegal racers to ‘let off their steam’… with our tax money, I suppose. What the fuck, man.

I wonder what’s the real reason behind all these ’soft’ approach to tackle the Mat Rempits. Was the leniency a politically or racially motivated one? If those Mat Rempits were to be comprised of… say… Chinese Ah Bengs, or Bhais… or perhaps foreign workers… would the authorities have acted differently? Nobody knows. The excuse that we often hear from them - They’re our future leaders maa… it’s unfair to look at them in a negative light… we shouldn’t neglect them as a society… bla bla bla. Yeah, why don’t we give these Mat Rempits some money to buy a car, so that we don’t need to worry about them riding anymore? Or perhaps even give them a good meal while we’re at that… offer them our homes as well… What a brilliant way to counter social decadence. (That’s what happens when you have illiterate politicians bersandiwara. I have one word for these people - Phordahhhh!).

The fact is, somebody ought to come up with something more aggressive than just recreational activities, seminars and monetary fine. Something more credible. The logic says, when a group of people begin to challenge the authorities and endanger the public, they are basically asking for troubles. They are not ‘lost’ or anything like that. They are the scums that went rogue despite all the education and teachings that has been given to them. They’re criminals. You don’t organize seminars for criminals and let them get away with it. You make them pay for their crimes. I’m talking about longer jail term, more cane strokes or hell, even ISA for all I care - just whatever to make them understand - that crime does not pay. You flout the law, you’re gonna have to face the penalty and lose your future. Like their popular idiom - siapa makan cili, dialah yang kongkek pedas. It’s that simple. Why can’t the authorities start taking actions already (get military or FRU support if necessary. We don’t feed them soldiers with our tax money to just wreck helicopters and herd stadium crowds).

Until the menace is gone, you people will just have to be extra careful out there. Refrain from going out late at night, and keep all your emergency phone numbers in handy. May the force be with you.