Archive for the ‘personal’ Category

April 1, 2007

I’m down

Like a server. Totally cut off from reality.

There has been a spate of troubles in my family lately. No, it’s not my marriage or my kid. It’s my mom. She has been giving me a shit heck of a time and it culminated a few days ago with a quarrel which I can still remember vividly right now. No it’s not about her getting old either. It’s her wild side that has been getting into me ever since I was born (remember what I said about wanting to be an orphan? Yeah…)

I know I’ve been saying positive things about my mom all these while – to the public and friends. But it was just part of the story that I wanted people to know. There’s still a big dark side of her which I did not cover. Not that I want to do it, but I just wanted to vent something today – so that I can remember this most fucked up episode of my life which she has given to me. (gee thanks mom)

Right now, I just want to recuperate from this whole thing. I’m trying set my mind to accept this as part of the whole package of trials and tribulations that come together in this life of mine. Who knows, it could be part of a big puzzle that would piece together the whole picture of a better life in future.

I need a couple more days to get my shits together now.

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January 28, 2007

feel so like shit

Have you ever gone through a really bad moment that you wish that it was just a dream and that it never actually occurred? I bet you have.

I just encountered such situation 2 days ago… my second in life. Even though everything’s fine now, it still haunts me till this very moment as I’m typing this. It saps me off my sentience to think straight, and I dread of seeing another day having to recall this experience sometime in the future.

I feel so like shit right now… and I wish I could just rewind the time and do something to prevent it from happening.

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August 23, 2006

sms – the backbone of an advanced society

Random sms read from my cellphone:

‘7.30pm heritage club, we may go there straight away’
– Our World Cup win dinner.

– A lunch member informs about not joining the gang for lunch.

‘Can u help me get the contact no of yur downstair unit that is for sale might b interested to buy thanx’
– Friend wants to buy the apartment unit below mine.

‘tonight around 10.30pm meeting kat batu lanchang thai restaurant. Beside former tokyo coffee shop. All favor?’
– Friend calls for an emergency meetup to discuss about the taste of beer.

‘Pg bridge jammed. Bus breakdown b4 reach middle of bridge’
– A warning sms by a colleague. I was already on the bridge when I received the message.

‘dear, I just received saman saying we exceed speed limit at Jalan Sultan Azlan Shah. Limit is 70km/h our speed is 86km/h’
– A love note from Emily

‘[name], [name] and me are planning to go bowling tonight, you guys ok?’
– An invitation to commemorate our independence from Japanese occupation. I declined and missed the fun.

‘dear, did u receive fax from astro for ownership change? Forgot to ask u days ago. Call me from office if u dunno what im talking about. Love’
– another love note from Emily.

‘planning to eat steamboat tonight, you guys ok?’
– A friend asks for consent to hoover up inedible metal objects. Kidding. It’s an invitation of course.

‘dude, wear long pants n shoes, in case we wanna kihop babe after dinner. at least we r dressed up’
– a reminder from a concerned friend not to wear too sloppy when going to dinner with them.

‘err not going cos got nothing to buy. U dah makan ke? Nak yong tau foo? Maybe after yong tau foo I can go with u to pc fair. Pi tengok-tengok’
– a typical guys outing on a boring afternoon.

‘she suddenly became so scared of hair dryer sound. She cried like yesterday again this morning until we off the hair dryer. Talk to you more when u r back’
– another love note from Emily. I’m so full of love. Read more about it here.

‘U @ home this afternoon? My wife n I would like to pay u a visit with our bb’
– a message from a friend who intends to bring his infant son for an interview with his prospective father in law.

‘Baby, remember to bring some booze for our sex party tonight with the Norwegian models’
– I made this one up.

I kept thinking to myself – what an ‘interesting’ life I have here. Sheesh. [mopes]

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October 23, 2005

old man

The old man ended his suffering today. He’s not ill anymore.

I’ll be back in a few days.

michaelooi  | personal  | Comments Off
October 15, 2005

the visit

I entered the ward that I was looking for, saw him perched on his bed looking at a box full of medicine. I went up to him and said a “hey”. He looked at me as if I’m a stranger and squared it off with a smile.

“You are?” he asked. Yep, he forgot who I am, again.

“I am your daughter [my mom]’s son, Michael”

“You’re [michael’s mom]’s son ? Oohhh… my bad memory. Sorry about that” he said with a sheepish smile. I told him that it was ok, you know, like… I can’t be expecting a 90 year old guy to remember every single one of his 20 over grandchildren’s name, right? It’s not his obligation anyway… Then I went ahead to ask him some stupid ass questions that supposedly be able to allay my own guilt for being such a motherfucking ignorant jerk…

“How are you feeling grandpa?” (like, who could be feeling great inside a fucking hospital ward ?? *smacks own head)

“Not so good, the nurses here aren’t really that good…”

Hell, I know what his definition of “good” is. The old man hasn’t lost his touch when it comes to handling the opposite attraction, I’d be fretting at ugly nurses too when I get old. But that isn’t the thing that bothered the old man (and me, and us). It is something else…

You see, he has been very ill. The tough old dude discovered that he had been coughing some dark rotten blood off his mouth, and said that something was dead in him that bled off this mess. If you were to put it in some way of describing it, it’s like he was menstruating off his mouth. He tried to complain to his own children, but they would dismiss him off as feigning a possum to gain sympathy and attention … as he always did.

But this time, it was for real. After being ignored, he went to the doctor himself and they found some ominous looking dark spots inside his lungs. After a few rounds of body checkup later, the doctor told everyone a very bad news – the old man has terminal stage lung cancer. There is nothing that anybody can possibly do to save him… as he is already too old to go through those treatment shits. So, his children conspired to make him believe that he just had a minor lung infection and put him into this geriatric care ward to nurse off his final days – which is where I stood that day, in front of him.

“It’s damn boring in here… have to look at the walls day and night. I think I won’t make it long… I lived too old. It’s not fun living this old when you have all these illnesses and pain in your joints”

It was an ugly truth that both of us mutually knew, and I didn’t even attempt to pacify the old man with another lie. I just gave him a smile.

But everyone knew it could have been better than this. Grandpa has always been such a pain guy to handle and has had shitload of conflicts with his children. Nobody wants to live with him and he has been living alone ever since my grandma passed away. If only he was a bit nicer to his children, he would not have to be in this sorry state right now. He could have lived off his final days with ANY one of his 8 children … and die off a happy and accomplished man.

Well, sadly, things don’t usually happen the way they should. Life is always a bitch everyone has to put up with. The circumstances in the past had paved for what is happening today and who am I to rant what the old man think is right for himself?

Whatever, I did the best I can that particular moment – we shared a few blank talks about some inane stuffs, gave him some attention to his old day stories (which I must have heard a few hundred times) and lent him the company he needed to forget about boredom. That’s the least I could do…

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