Man, what is so good about Harry Potter? It’s rather unbelievable that so many people are willing to sacrifice so many things just to get a copy of the damn title

- storming book outlets at ungodly hours…
- jumping queues and pushing kids…
- elbowing the disabled…
- skipping family duties…
- acting like illiterates.. (which is ironic, because if you’re an illiterate, the book will only be as good as a fire starter…)

I’ve seen the movies (pirated version), read some of the past titles before (downloaded e-books, deleted it after a chapter). Were they good? Not for me. Reading Harry Potter reminded me a lot of my vvvvery early primary years reading of “The Famous Five”… It’s just very ordinary kid stuff. I can’t understand why so many grown ups would get so crazy over Harry Potter books (especially when it’s so overpriced like that…). Why is it so important to be the first to read the book? Why can’t they get Harry Potter later and save themselves some troubles? Don’t they have other books to read first? Don’t they have other things to do? Don’t they have a life?

It shows a lot about those people. A big bunch of grown up ‘kids’ that wanted to be among the first to read Harry Potter latest release, just so that they can impress their friends. I tell you… people, friends need not to be impressed. They’re your friends, goddamnit. Friends should be accepting you the way you are, impressing them is of secondary concern.

If only such magnitude of zeal can be channeled to the nationwide charity centers…

Harry Potter… maybe I’d go crazy about it if I am like, 6 or 7? But definitely not at this age. At this age, the only thing I really want to see in Harry Potter, is how Harry’s gonna bag his long timer girl-buddy (forgot her name) and pork her a virgin. That’ll probably be the most interesting thing to happen - which I reckon isn’t going to be hard - since he knows magic and stuff. Wave a wand and she’s naked + horny like hell. How convenient. ANd they’re gonna ride on each other’s broomsticks together all night - moaning and squealing.

(trivia: do you guys know J.K.Rowling is now one of the richest women in the entertainment industry? She’s laughing all the way to the bank now because of you Harry fucking Potter fanatics.)

If you do not already know what does the word rempit means, I suggest reading this first.

The “rempit syndrome” - as I would like to call it from now on - seems to be omnipresent in all stages of our Malaysian society… as I’ve learned in the past 2 weeks…

Incident 1 :
A fat young guy on his bike took to the right side of my fast moving car from behind, and attempted to overtake my car. But when his bike couldn’t match my car’s speed, the guy suddenly braked hard, went ballistic and honked at me like I have accidentally ran over his family cat.
Apparently, fat-shit wanted to go left at a Y-junction ahead (which was quite close). He should have taken the left side of the lane to do that, but for some strange reason, he didn’t. Maybe he thought that it was way cooler to dramatically maneuver his bike past me and cross diagonally in front of my car with just enough niche of timing to clear the path into the left junction… But of course, it didn’t work out well for him.
I slowed down after hearing his honk of misery from behind, which he caught up on me at the left side and I reciprocated with my way-more-superior air horn… jolting the shit out of him… and then showed him my version of The Finger.

Incident 2 :
I wanted to make a right turn at the base of a T-junction, and saw this slow moving car approaching from the left side of the junction, with its right indicator turned on. Being a considerate driver, I adhered to the tacit right-of-way rule - I stopped to let the car pass - and that was exactly what the guy behind the wheel did.
But when the car reaches half way in completing the turn, the middle aged driver suddenly braked and stopped right in the middle of its track, dead center at intersection. I thought the car was broken down or something, but it wasn’t. The driver stopped because he wasn’t sure if he turned into the right junction, and decided to have a small discussion with his passenger about it.
Since it was quite a busy intersection, there were dozens of car backed up at the intersection. And again, I had to use my air horn to rectify the situation, and woke those morons up from their fantasy style driving…

Incident 3 :
I was driving along a straight stretch of trunk road, on my way to drop off Emily to work. There was this particular section of the road where there was a nasi lemak stall operated by the roadside.
That was why the bike in front of my car stopped, I think - checking out his breakfast on display. No indicator, no brake light, no nothing. The bike stopped dead in the middle of the road. Like ‘Incident 2′ above, I could have thought that the bike had broken down or something. But the young rider did not even budge from his riding position. The guy was just looking to his east, eyeing on a few packets of nasi fucking lemak (or perhaps some factory chicks’ handbags?).
Not wanting to be late for work, I caressed the rider’s soul with my air horn… and he reflexed by catapulting to the roadside, followed by another lagged respond by waving his fist in the air… as I saw him disappear in my rear view mirror…

*****

I don’t know what is with these people with stunted ability to think. Bad food? Bad education? No fucking idea. Maybe it’s just inherent in them or whatever the reason is.

But what I definitely know, is that these people walk amongst us in the society like any normal person, and there is no way to distinguish them apart (which is kinda scary if you think about it). But once they’re behind the wheels of a vehicle (or operate anything that moves), you’ll be able to tell - that they have the “rempit syndrome” - best defined as the kind of people that may be physically advanced along with time, but mentally still in the very primitive form. Goddamn.

I hope our astronaut doesn’t jack off in the rocket to see what effect the gravity has on his cum…

Part of a conversation with a friend over a few beers at a lounge:

Me : “I missed the days when I was still single. I can basically do whatever I want back then.”

We each took a swig from our mugs and I continued:

Me : “Like buying something expensive for myself. I wouldn’t give a second thought about what I wanted. I’d just fucking buy it and be a happy man. But now? It’ll have to be something practical for BOTH OF US to be even in the negotiation of getting it. Like a good Canon lens that I have longed for so long… my wife’s definitely going to get very mad if I ever spend that much for something like that. Ladies… they just won’t understand us guys.”

Friend : “Canon lens eh? What’s the use… If I get to have a wish granted, I’m going to get myself a mistress from China. And for that, my wife’s probably going to get more than mad… hahah…”

Me : “Well, you can always hide a mistress outside without your wife knowing. There’s still a way for you to get away with it, if you’re good. An expensive camera lens is different. You will have to bring it home anyway and you can’t hide it from your wife. I’d say, getting a mistress is much more easier than getting an expensive toy for your hobby… no shit…”

Friend : “Yeah… true true. Maybe we should get ourselves a mistress…”

I know that was said in a jest but my friend got a point there. What about keeping a mistress so that you can keep your illegally bought expensive stuff at her place? We can book her up as a virtual warehouse supervisor or something. And each time we visit that warehouse to retrieve our item, we’re gonna get a blowjob along the way as well. How awesome.

But of course I won’t do that. Mistresses are troublesome to begin with and they always want money. If I have money, I would have bought a more awesome camera or a sweeter ride for myself, and spend more time enjoying my new toys - I wouldn’t have enough time to have an affair or have feelings… (besides, most of the girls from China are a fucking turn off for me. 1) I don’t speak Mandarin. 2) They don’t shave their armpits.)

So ladies, the next time you see your husband buy himself a good something for himself, just think about this: it takes a lot for him to bring home that item to face your wrath. He could have chosen to keep a mistress somewhere to be his warehouse supervisor, to safeguard his toys - but he didn’t. That’s why, you should give him a break. ‘Just give him a good backrub and cook him a nice meal’ —> (I read this somewhere…) - he’d probably repent and not buy the same item again next time.

There has been a lot of changes in my workgroup lately. My boss has left, and now the whole function was taken over by this new boss (let’s call him Paul from now on…).

A few days ago, Paul met me up at the lab and told me a very disheartening news - that I am going to get a new female colleague, who is a young fresh graduate, and she shall be put under my tutelage until she eventually grows hair all over and capable to take her own flight.

Now, any normal blokes would be feeling excited about it, but not me. For I am not normal. That’s not what you call for someone who aspires to be the greatest goddamn engineer in the universe (that may sound a little bit superficial but, you get the idea. And no, I’m not gay either…).

You see, there can only be 2 outcome from this whole new situation

a) you get a hot female colleague - which means, a lot of distraction going on. Loose blouse, mini skirt, captivating scent. You won’t be able to concentrate on your work, for you have a whole new set of agenda to focus on. And it’s all about maximum fantasizing and minimum work done. Eventually, you’ll start to lose out in this competitive working world and sink at the bottom of the corporate food chain.

b) you get a colleague who looks like a rat version of Michael Jackson - self explanatory. Her presence alone is gonna cause occupational hazard. You feel like killing yourself everytime she stretches out her hands to ask for help when her armpit stench slowly sterilizes your sexual drive. You’ll then start to lose out faith and hope, and if you’re lucky enough not to die of cancer, you’ll become a schizophrenic and start talking to your own nutsack.

On top of that, you’ll have to also
- contend with her somewhat erratic behavior at certain period of each and every month. (read: PMS)
- restrain yourself from cussing whenever she’s around (lest she feel ‘offended’ and report you to the ethics board)
- control your temperament lest she sends out company wide gossip about you being a sociopath.

Either way, you’re fucked. (of course, if you have situation (b), you’re double fucked.). I’m definitely fucked.

I just do not know what to do now. The way I see it, I won’t be able to blog from the office for at least the next few weeks, since she’ll be tagging around until she becomes a full grown hen. That’s not my idea of having a great time at work (I definitely won’t have enough time to clear my work and complete my project…)

Mahai… what an injustice to a nice guy like me… *sulks*

*****

Btw, did you guys notice that ‘50 most powerful/influential blogs in Malaysia’ crap recently? Man I can’t help but wonder how come some people can have so much free time in their hands. There must have been like, a dozen blogs out there echoing the same shits over and over again in span of 2 months. Like, what the fuck??? Can’t they get over it already??? Sheesh.

I came to know about this ‘Hawthorne Effect’ a couple days ago. It says, productivity usually increases by itself… even without doing anything… when the boss or somebody with authority is watching.

Not sure if it’s true for ALL cases but, I kinda shuddered when I thought of it the other way round.

You see, everytime when I services my car, I kinda hang around the area to check out what the mechanic does to my car. Normally, they’d do a good job (at least for the workshop that I frequently visit). That’s probably ‘Hawthorne Effect’ at play.

So what happens if I were to leave my car there and be somewhere else? Are they going to do a good job like usual? Or are they simply going to do a half assed work and tell me that they’ve done everything?

How bout my workdesk when I’m away (say… like this week when I’m off the whole week for training)? Is Elliot going to masturbate into my DVD drive? Or is he going to stuff some of his pubic hairs into my USB port? Sheesh…

THis fucking Hawthorne thing makes me feel worried about stuffs that I shouldn’t worry… (Fuck, I should be linking my work stuffs to this… not my mechanic or Elliot…)

I’d be even busier for the rest of the week…