Someone posted this in my ‘food list’ entry…

Tai Koh
December 22, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Mr Sixty Minutes, may I suggest that you try not to be a smart Alex but giving directions using Lon & Lat as the angular distance of the earth coz you are not a qualified Astronomer, RF or even NASA practitioner. You are merely talking to mostly laymen on your site and try to project your thoughts to them using simple English words…..KISS (Keep it Simple & Sweet or Keep it Simple Stupid). Dont act smart coz to me you are not qualified. For example, just tell them one of the best “Sup Torpedo” is fronting Hotel Malaysia instead of N….E.
Even Bubble (MJ ex monkey) is smarter and can do better than you Looi!! I can spot few like you(but smarter) at Botanical Garden or along the back lane of Bukit Bintang . Take my advice, attend a charm school in the evening. Bring along a few sticks of fried chicken legs fried by Madam Looi.

Here’s my courteous reply to the troll,

michaelooi
December 22, 2010 at 6:15 pm
Tai Koh
One – It’s 62%, not Sixty Minutes.
Two – It’s ‘Smart Alec’, not smart alex. Term does not even apply here.
Three – MJ’s pet’s name is Bubbles, not Bubble. Notice the ‘s’ you fucking dumbass.
Four – Those are common GPS coordinates, if you don’t know anything about it, shut the fuck up.
Five – My surname’s Ooi, not Looi you retard.
Six – Fuck you for being so stupid.

Received this email from a purported ‘research team’ from UiTM Shah Alam…

from Kay
to Michael Ooi
date Fri, Oct 8, 2010 at 3:18 PM
subject UiTM Shah Alam (Malaysia)
signed-by gmail.com
3:18 PM (0 minutes ago)

We are the research team from UiTM Shah Alam, and currently we are conducting a study on Investigating Attraction Factors to Join Affiliate Program by Website Owner .
The objective of the study is to Investigating Attraction Factors to Join Affiliate Program by Website Owner .

We would appreciate it if you could spend few minute to
complete this questionnaire.

Please be informed that all of the information provided by you will be treated wise strict confidence and will be used for the purpose of this study way.

Follow this link : XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thank you for your cooperation.

I mean,
- “to Investigating”?…
- “spend few minute”?…
- “information provided by you will be treated wise strict confidence”?…
- and note the email time, it’s future dated. (can’t even get the time right)

Really??

Damn, don’t you think his English is too suck ass to be of university level?
If they’re really from UiTM, I think the team does not need to conduct research. They need English classes.

A week before I left Company X, I received an email from my boss with an attachment. Content as follows.

From: Boss
Sent: Wednesday, July 21, 2010 2:06 PM
To: michaelooi
Subject: Testinony

Michael,
Would you like to have any alteration on your testimony, you can inform me for your input.

Regards,
Boss

Attached with the crudely written email, was a letter of testimony written by him. After I’ve read the letter, I did not know whether to laugh or cry. You can check it out yourself, the content of the letter is as follows:

29th July 2010

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

Subject: Testimonial for Michael Ooi

Michael Ooi has joined the company on [date]. Throughout his services in the company, he was attached to [department] as [position]. He is solely in charge of [lab name] for products testing & reliability function. He grows together with the [Company X].

He has demonstrated his dedication to work assigned. He is definite a good team player and diligent in carry out the task that assigned to him.

I am confident with his strong technical knowledge and positive work attitude that will equipped him for future career.

We thanks Michael Ooi for his valuable contribution to our team and wish him all the best on his future endeavors.

Thank you.

Yours truly,
[Boss' name]
[Position], [Department]
Company X

I really did not know what to say. I wanted to tell him that the letter sucked-ass so bad, that I felt like swallowing a computer mouse. But alas, I didn’t do it, because it was done in good faith. It’s like a cat came to you with a dead rat hoping you’d be impressed. It would be plain wrong to kick the animal and send it away, because in its best perception with a least intelligent mind, that rat carcass was the best thing ever it wanted to give you.

So I did what I should – I politely declined the letter, and thanked him for his thoughtful act.
[The letter actually made me more depressed, mahai...]

My blog’s 7th anniversary tomorrow, and look what I got in my inbox? A hate mail! It’s been some time since I got one…

from Selena Perez [lettherainfall12@gmail.com]
to Michael Ooi
date Fri, Jul 2, 2010 at 12:13 PM
subject fckr

ok listen up you homo.grace was right. i dont give a shit if you think i should be warned. ur a little fcking asshole and u dont realize what ur doing to those cats. ur never gonna get a grlfriend ,or boyfriend. you arent very smart either because if anyone in authority coaght you doing that u’d be arrested for animal cruelty. only a fcking idio\t would not know what hes doing. i would nt be surprised if ure a child molester or sex offender. u disgust me. and the only reason u shut off the comments is bcuz u KNOW WHAT UR DOING IS WRONG AND U,BEING A PRICK, DONT WANT TO HEAR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

other than that the rest of ur blog is freakin hilarious but when ppl intentionally hurt animals…well, they can burn in hell for all i care
–
Let the rain fall.
I DON’T CARE.

If you manage to wade through that shit thick with errors, you should be able to tell that she’s actually mad about something I wrote back in 2005, about various creative ways to torture a cat.

Yeah, that post is prehistoric man. What took her 5 years to reach here hahah. I don’t understand why couldn’t she just fuck off or kill herself or something. What a fucking bitch. Here’s my reply to her.

from Michael Ooi
to Selena Perez [lettherainfall12@gmail.com]
date Fri, Jul 2, 2010 at 9:23 PM
subject Re: fckr

Fuck you, Selena. I hope a thousand cats would die for each and every word you spell wrong…

Working in Company X is all but a happy affair for me right now. It’s depressing, sad and demoralizing. Hence, I’d probably be venting more about work stuff until the situation improves.

The idiot of the day today is an Indian chick named Poppadom MoleRat. She’s a production operator, given the task to lead a team of inspectors and consolidate some simple reports. Not a very important job but she’s been going around telling everyone that she’s a MANAGER and acts all haughty about it. Everybody fucking hates her. I was already in my foul mood this morning, only to get exacerbated with her stupid email addressed to my boss and I (and another colleague).

From: Poppadom MoleRat
Sent: Wednesday, May 05, 2010 XX:XX AM
To: [Boss]; michaelooi; [Colleague]
Subject: VSS Offer On July

[Boss],
As per request attach entitle name list for those living on end of July.

[Colleague] & Michael,
You may prefer to have HR referral letter & testimony for your service in Company X.
Need to provide info. as below if needed.

Name
Employee number
Date join

I had to read the content a few times to get hold of what she’s talking about. Basically, she was asking if we would like to get our referral/testimonial letter from HR – and if we do, we need to provide her our name, employee number and the date we joined Company X.

Kinda fucking stupid, in my opinion. Why the fuck would the HR need my name, employee number and the date we joined Company X if it wanted to dish out referral/testimonial letters to the departing employees? Don’t they have the info in their database already? The most stupid of all, was the email from Poppadom MoleRat assuming that I’ll be dead after this July (or perhaps resurrected from being dead in July? wtf). Makahai goddamn cheebye kelinga charbor. I replied her email,

From: michaelooi
Sent: Wednesday, May 05, 2010 XX:XX AM
To: Poppadom MoleRat; [Boss]; [Colleague]
Subject: RE: VSS Offer On July

Of course I will still be ‘living’ in July. I’m LEAVING, not dying.

The info below, who should I provide to? You? HR?

Colleague told me she’s just being nice, and hinted that I shouldn’t have effed her like I did. But what do I care really, she deserved it. Come to think of it, I should have crapped on her keyboard.