Archive for the ‘imaginations’ Category

October 28, 2014

advantage of having deep pockets

Having deep pockets in your pants can be awesome.

1) You can easily keep your oversized phone or undersized tablet without bending it like that faggoty iPhone 6 ++.

2) Your coins can be easily slipped in, but harder to get out. Which is a good thing.

3) You can easily adjust your balls with your hand(s) in the deep pocket(s) without looking conspicuously like a perv.

4) Your partner(s) can use her hand(s) to cup your balls in the deep pocket(s) without looking conspicuously like a perv.

5) If you’re a tennis player, you can keep not just one, but two (or even three) tennis balls in one pocket. That means saving an extra trip to the bench.

6) If the pocket is really deep (like realllly), you can extend your hand(s) in the deep pocket(s) to scratch your taint/sphincter/other locations.

7) You can hide a small bottle of booze in the deep pocket for your boring lecture/seminar/meeting without looking conspicuously like a slob.

8) On a cold day, it can be a great place to warm your hands.

9) Or you can let your (attractive) female colleagues to warm their hands if they don’t have a deep pocket! *smile*

10) You can conceal a mystery surprise in the deep pocket (use your imagination!) and ask your (attractive) female colleagues to feel out the surprise!

michaelooi  | imaginations  | Comments Off
November 18, 2013

fire alarm

Found out from an ex-colleague (a high ranking management guy from Company X) about a messed up fire drill at Company X recently. Apparently, there had been a spate of fire alarm testings at Company X, and that had resulted many employees ignoring the fire alarm during the drill, thinking that it was just another ‘test’. The result? People still sitting in the office not giving a fuck about the drill, and that didn’t go very well with the management.

Well, that isn’t something new for me. When I was with Company X, fire alarm testing was a very common thing. The management would send out email alerts over such ‘tests’ and would ask employees to ignore them. I have no idea on why they have such a compelling screwed up need to test the fire alarm so many fucking times in a quarter, but let’s just say, it has left many employees there apathetic to the sound of fire alarm going off. And that, my friend, is not a good thing because if a real fire were to break out, many people in Company X would fucking die in their cubicles reading emails or tweeting their last moments in office (not that it’s a bad thing ridding the world of such shitbags but, out of humanitarian reasons, let’s assume it is…).

It then hit me like a train – if fire alarms do not work for them, why do they bother using fire alarms then? Why don’t they think of some other ways to make the people beeline to the nearest emergency exit? I recall of a thing called ‘stink bombs’ when I was in my school days. It’s basically a small concoction in a small glass tube, which you throw to break and let out a gas attack that stinks like rotten eggs. The result? People would evacuate the area in matter of seconds. At least it seemed to be working for me everytime.

“Oh shit it’s a stink bomb lets get the fuck outta here!!”

So instead of fire alarms, companies can just install these nozzles that are hooked to this stinky gas concoction – and this stinky gas ‘attack’ would trigger instead of the ineffective alarms. Add a few auxiliary fans to disperse the gas, and the whole place would stink up in a blink of an eye. This would result everyone to fucking sprint to their feet and run like they’ve been chased by the scariest thing imaginable. Lives would be saved and families would rejoice. Sure enough, the stink would remain in the office / clothing for quite a while if this were to be a drill (would be a non-existent problem if it’s a real fire), but that’ll make them even more piss scared next time, and would motivate them to bail out faster. But ultimately, it’s still a petty price to pay for a guaranteed safe working environment, don’t you think? My colleagues laughed at the idea like it’s meant for to be funny and amusing, but I think this shit is seriously efficient, and it’s a patent-able technology that could save many lives… Come think of it, maybe I should quit my job to chase this stink bomb prospect….

michaelooi  | imaginations  | Comments Off
January 14, 2013

something that ought to get invented already

You know, one of the things that ought to get invented already, is a kid safe discreet tranquillizer. It is what the name says – a tranquillizer, that is safe for kids.

I do not know what’s wrong with the society, but I’ve been seeing a lot of wacky kids around these days that needed serious tranquillizing. You know, screaming, trashing and going crazy around like they’ve been possessed by a poltergeist. Back in my days, this would have been dealt with a hard back hand spank and that would definitely remedy the problem right away. But parents nowadays are too chicken shit to do that, fearing that their kids might turn into a psycho when they grow up or something (which is ironic, can’t they see that their kid is ALREADY BEHAVING LIKE THAT??). And speaking of screaming, all of the crazy kids seem to have this gift of making the most annoying high pitch scream that annoys me to the bone every fucking time.

So, I was thinking, why not a tranquillizer? They do this to animals, and mental patients in institutions when situations get out of hand. Why can’t they use the same method to control the kids? We can make it a kid-safe one. Like, fortified with vitamins and shit. A ranged non-piercing discreet kind of dart that attaches to the skin and administer a chemical that would immediately calm the tyrant the fuck down. The guy would sit down, all relaxed and would exhibit short term compliance to any instructions like “Finish your fucking rice now” or “Go clean up the kitty litter”. We can be more creative, and make the tranquillizer cross compatible too – like instead of administrating through the said weapon, the chemical ammo can be dropped into the little turd’s drink like Eno or Alka Seltzer.

The shit’s definitely gonna sell.

michaelooi  | imaginations  | Comments Off
November 21, 2012

Puisi 2012

Sajak satu rangkap.

Air tenang buaya berenang,
Di bawah bulan orang membangang,
Pilihanraya belum lagi menang,
PM sudah pilih siapanya orang.

Really kanineh. (if you faham the sajak)

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 4 Comments
July 16, 2010

puisi semasa

Poem in conjunction of ‘Hari Barang Naik’… (too free at work today)
If you have your own poem, please contribute also.

****

Menteri negara boros dan sombong
Kuat merepek bercakap kosong
Tipu rakyat negara lingkup
padahalnya duit makan tak cukup

Beli kapal bina rumah
Orang miskin biar susah
Bukan Melayu dipanggil pendatang
Layanan diberi macam binatang

Masuk poket subsidi potong
Minyak, gas, buku dan gula
Kerja tak buat banyak kelentong
Dahlah bodoh nak malas pula

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 22 Comments