最初张贴在2004 年5月19 日。 这是repost 。 我今天是太疲乏对blog 。

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* 我的第一性。. 如此, 这当然将是lonnnnggg 和明确地被选派的岗位。.. underaged 男孩和女孩。….呆在外面! 成人— 读在您自己的谨慎。..

她是17 和因此是我。 我怎么遇见了她? 很好, 我遇见了她在客栈。 这是墨德斯托的由海。. 我能仍然记住。 她高。.. 有长的flowy 头发, 和会做全部女孩妒嫉的一对水罐(行, 大小是34C 。. 我以后发现了) 。

她是以她的束女同性恋的朋友做macarena 在dancefloor — 被炫耀与一支白色管– 并且我是以其它朋友(男性lah 。.). 当我第一次看见了她, 我立刻知道, 我得到得到这个女孩。 她得到了天使的图。.. 并且看那么effervescently 华美。锋利的眼睛, 高的面颊, 公平的脸色。.. 好象它日本制造。

我采取了我的行动由提供给她买饮料(您知道。.. 标准老corny 把戏), 她接受。 她起初行动了傲慢, 但在迷住她以后与一些我愚笨的笑话, 她作为她聊天的伙伴最后接纳了我(那shit) 。 她甚而介绍了我给一些她女同性恋的伙计并且我们一起喝了。井。.. 他们是全部有点儿好。. 您知道。.. 许多笑声和所有那。

我们相当一起喝了一会儿, 直到突然, 她告诉了我她想有步行在海滩得到一些空气。 很好, 没有等待, 我志愿伴随她(是在鳄鱼心情我是。.) 对夜海滩。..

明显地, 她告诉了我, 她对啤酒是过敏的和开发了一些疹在她的面颊– 哪些是为什么她想得到一些空气使它冷却下来。 我们走了和聊天了20 分钟。.. 享受彼此的公司。.. 当她突然问我如果我能做她厚待。 她告诉了我, 几乎所有她的伙计醉了。.. 并且没有能驾驶回到夜的他们的被租赁的公寓。.. 因此, 她会希望我的帮助驾驶所有家。

很好, 不想要辜负一张可爱的面孔, 我同意帮助她。 它不是在所有她的伙计来自客栈和朝向对汽车之前, 所有一半被喝。我要求我的朋友驾驶紧密从后面和拿来我家在我搭载了女孩之后。 然后, 我驾驶她的Volvo 240 与5 个一半被陶醉的女孩一起(包括她自己) 回到他们的公寓。 她是那个谁坐在前线与我(引导我maa 。..) 和休息睡觉了在后座。

我驾驶在一特殊舒展路当她突然要求我把变成左连接点。 用快速的反射, 我猛拉指点做一个前个详细的轮。.. 哪些做了她的投掷往我的方向(G 力量maa 。.) 因为她没有佩带seatbelt 。 我偶然地接触了她的boobs 在我承认的过程中(这感到有点儿好。..) 和那是当事滑稽继续。 我们有点儿喜欢”点击” 互相那里。..并且自动地拥抱。 从那片刻, 我知道。.. 我充分有领域的金黄玉米收获那夜。

在我停放了汽车之后, 我消失通知我的朋友留下我是。.. 并且我回来了回到女孩。 我伴随他们由他们的公寓决定和那里保留了。我不知道为什么我做了那但, 它是好象某一声音从天堂告诉我停留。 所有女孩(incl. 她自己) 然后进入一他们的卧室碰撞。.. 两三他们对洗手间到约克在他们的酒精胆汁之外。 我留给单独在他们的客厅, 然后我帮助了自己与一些冷水从冰箱当检查地方。

两三分钟以后, 她来自她的卧室和拥抱了我一紧的。 我不性交知道什么是所有关于但。.. 我相信, 那大概是原因为什么我停留了。我们然后互相亲吻了(它是我曾经遇到了的一个最甜的亲吻。.) 和开始登高入她的室的方向。 正确那时, 我的心脏实际palpitating 象疯狂。.. 抽的高被迫使的血液入我的整个身体。.. 并且做我烧伤在火里。 这是我的做这样的co 课程活动的第一次与女孩。.. 一个了不起的看的女孩在这种情况下。.. 几乎一个陌生人。.. 并且确定地, 为我的少年头脑, 是某事我会从未作梦做。我感到同时惊吓和好奇。.. 该死。.. 它是很困难描述。

它不是在我们关闭了门在我们之后和碰撞了她软的床之前。 是一个无经验的男人那时, 我不会进行。. 但潜水直接入她有为的boobs, 与衣裳。 我是笨拙有点儿多余的说。.. 并且满足我的反常行为由嬉戏在她的胜利胸罩(我附近疏松了她的管没有问题) 。… 并且亲吻她。.. 并且喜跳。.. 并且亲吻。.. 喜跳。.. 亲吻。.. 直到它是一样乏味象观看青苔增长在sloth 的迪克。

这是我然后决定得到更加冒险。 我试图解开她的胸罩和想检查怎样美妙的对异乎寻常的牛奶容器会看如没有它是盖子。 但我有一个问题。从未做了任何如此物前面, 我不能得到她的胸罩解开。.. 我大声几乎咒骂了当激情将把变成失望。.. 直到她帮助我解开他们。它是象打开珍宝胸口的一个重的盒盖。.. 显露heapful 闪耀的珠宝里面。 她的财产视域是欲死欲仙的。从未有我被看见任何很美好在我的生活中。.. 它是惊人的。.. 肥满和粉红。… 并且我开始爱抚她的对。…oh 我的神。.. 这是那么该死明确的。

无论如何, 我们抚摸了和互相宠爱了当滑剩余我们的臭弹。 它感到笨拙起初但, 我一会后习惯了它。 感觉是温暖的。.. 我的皮肤摩擦反对她光滑的皮肤。. 并且我是缜密的在擦试和探索每一英寸她的身体。 去幻想。.. 去想像力。 我发现了所有我的答复在同样夜。

然后, 它来了到她太热的以至于不能处理的零件。. 并且艰苦劫掠我在肩膀。.. 那里她自动地给自己定位在我顶部。 我是是无经验的。. 但我不是愚笨的。 我知道, 我们有来了到porking 的点。 象什么我一直察觉通过我的朋友和色情电影, 我试图插入我的插座入嗅到有点儿滑稽的她的被润滑的插口(。.). 但它不是一样容易象I 想法。 我不能得到它! 我意味, 我不能发现插口! 它是无处被发现!

我恐慌了起初, 毛毡同时困窘。 这是她然后请求我”您的第一次?” ..哪些我反应了由点头。 她让短的嘻嘻笑。.. 并且然后开始递指南我的插座入她的插口。 什么其次发生了是完全难以描述的。 我一次大概染黑了每一会儿但。… humping 的部份是精采的。在那片刻, 它做了我忘记了什么的进来在我的世界里。. 并且我享受每位它。

coitus 零件是相当长的, 大概因为酒精出现。 我们做着它充满充分的激情虽则。. 并且我能告诉那从呻吟声, 她做了。 它继续大约5 分钟。.. 直到我突然有一滑稽的感觉在我里面。 它是象”可浮起的” 感受。. u 知道。.. 并且”更加可浮起” 我感觉, 我的rpm 快速地去。

天气热的直到对我知道的点”事” 来自我的蜥蜴。 非常快速地。 从快的反射(作为总), 我拔去了我的起重器和开始卸载我的坚果的内容她的身体。 象一个F1 司机用特大香槟在指挥台, 我炸开了黏性液体淀粉我的洪流(被丰富与维生素和矿物) 到处屋子。 它抹上了在几乎一切在视线内, 帷幕, 梳妆台, 她使用了内衣在门, 她的宠物软玩具, 窗口之后。.. 一切。 屋子看起来象好象某一雪风暴艰苦击中了地方。.. 并且那是我体会, 收获的季节是最后结束。

不逻辑? 听起来表面? 您正确! Coz 它是真正地表面的! U 认为我真正地去blog 关于我的”第一sexperience” 这里? 您是什么想法的人? 谁在他们正确的头脑里会blog 关于他们的第一性? 进展。..

它是所有真实的直到女孩请求我的帮忙拿来他们家的零件。 我实际上chickened 那时。 并且那是对此。 (我认为我以前提及了这里面Doc 的论坛) 。 休息, 我弥补了我自己。.. coz I 今天有没什么对blog 。

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hahahah goddamn, my first sex in mandarin. Somebody tell me if the translation’s accurate….
to those who don’t read mandarin, I’m sorry, neither do I… ahaks!

Denizens of Earth, meet a fragment of my body - my nostril hair. His name is Zed and his life motto is “just do it”.

Now most of you would ask, do what? Well, for him, he did things that none of you people willing to do. He helps me filter out harmful particles inside my nose, preventing them from entering into my lungs and screws everything up.

Being as productive as they inherently made to be, they also always take the trouble to collect them nasty dust particles together, and conveniently sticking wads of them at the wall inside my nostrils for me to collect & dispose everyday. (Zed happens to work at my left nostril).

If it weren’t for his (& his colleagues’) goodwill, I would have breathed in heaps of foreign materials into my system and I probably wouldn’t be sitting here still breathing today. He and his dilligent group of colleagues, are not only my valuable employees, but also are my symbiotic friends. Fate seems to have arranged for us to synergize together as an integration of efficient mass, trudging through the hostile world dispatching fear, like a porcupine & its quills, a bee & its sting, a hyena & its badass teeth, a dick & its cum.

That’s how important he is to me. Or shall I say, was.

Yes, sad as I am like the rest of Zed’s colleagues, today I have to bid him an emotional farewell… for today is the day he retire from his line of duty. It was a sad news for me alright, but I didn’t plead for him to stay, as I respected his decision of retiring. He deserved the long break after all those years of hardwork.

I tried to ask what is he planning to do post his retirement - but he didn’t give a definite answer. He dawdled for a while before look up to the sky with several beads of tears rolling down from the edge of his keratinous face. That was when I decided not to press further, perhaps the old follicle needed some time to be alone and think of his idle days getting old…

But whatever his plan is, I hope he knows that should he ever feel like coming back to work for me again, I definitely would be more than glad to welcome him back with an open nose.

“Farewell my friend…” I then said to him, and he gave me his only passport photo (as above) as a memento for our friendship and he wafted off into the thin air. He’s going to be missed by fellow colleagues, mucus & boogers alike.

This morning, when I was getting ready to go for breakfast, I accidentally saw something hidden behind my room CD player. It looked like a transparent container of somekind, and there’s something in it. Curious, I took the container out to see what it was… and saw something that I will shockingly remember for the rest of my life…

It was a TOYOL!!!!!

(I’m sure you guys know what’s a toyol… Well for those who don’t, toyol is actually a resurrected undead foetus in the Malay mythology. A toyol is usually reared to perform mischief on behalf of it’s master… like stealing or crashing your computers and stuffs… It’s a form of black magic.)

Now that probably explains the scratching I had experienced last week… kanineh! Whoever that puts it there, is definitely up to no good.

I have taken a picture of that foul creature (click ‘more’ to view it, discretion is advised), and am gonna call the authorities soon…
Read more…

its version of the story:

“I was chillin’ out at this uber nice wet-cave-of-supreme-coolnezzzzz, minding my own bizzness, when I heard a loud thundering noizzzzze of something ripping apart. It sounded like some metal teeth grinding each other. I wazz scared of courzzzzze!

I tried to turn my head azzz far back azzz I could, to check what’zzz going on… and saw thiz colossal mouth with metal teeth gaping out wide in front of the cave entranzzze! Just as I wazzz about to freak the living shit out of myzzzelf and had a heart attack, the big-mouthed monzzzzter stuck out it’zz big ugly tongue, which happened to be a scale-less fat serpent of somekind, making a partial entry into the cave!

That wazzz when I yelled ‘motherfucking hell!’ and started to flap my wingzzz azz hard azz I could, hoping to use my size azz the advantage to slip out of the giant’zzz reign of terror. And when I flew acrozz the fat serpent, I managed to catch a glimpse of it’zz ugly head - it hazz no eyezz, completely bald, a bit wrinkled and hazz a puckering mouth to go with it.

Just as I wazz wondering what on the mother of fucking earth thizz goddamn fugly creature izzz, the serpent started to violently puke a torrent of stinkin’ yellow tranzzlucent liquid, shooting at the cave, and then moved towardzzz me! I of courze flapped like a mad mozzie on drugzz gettin’ my ass outta there! almozzt uzing up all my microorganizm feeding yearzz of energy, juzzt to narrowly ezzcape that dreadful puke of death.

But that wazzn’t the end of the terror, the serpent, having failed to drown me with hizz puke, suddenly lunged up of itz position to take a bite at me… so fazzt that it wazz streaking up an illuzion of mid-air-suspended yellow lucid venom in the process… GODDAMN!

Fortunately, I managed to take drop wing maneuver that uncle Louie taught me when I wazz a little mozzie, and I escaped the second attack unscathed, leaving the curzed place… never looking back.

I swear on losing my proboscis that I’ll never hang out at cool cavezz ever again…”

his version of the story:

“I was late for lunch and I needed a quick piss. So I got in front of this nearest urinal I could find, unzipped frantically and whipped out my prick to flush out my bloated bladder. Just as that extension of my bodily organ flails into the air space of the porcelain niche, suddenly, a mosquito appeared inside the urinal out of nowhere and began to head towards my dick’s direction.

I panicked of course, them goddamn mosquitoes have viruses! and I don’t want to end up inside the hospital diagnosed with malaria from a mosquito bite up on my dickhead! So, that little terrorist bastard has got to be stopped. Having no zapper or whatsoever convenient weapon at hand, I tried to drown the goddamn insect by shooting it with my piss.

But that proved to be a difficult task, having to man-hold that mega horsepower torque turret to shoot a weeny insect no bigger than a cat teat. That bloodsucker was lucky that day to have escaped some serious ammonia poisoning. Sensing danger, the mosquito then darted towards my pubic region, probably hoping to seek temporary refuge in the lush thicket of hairs there.

That ambitious little fucker.

Of course I wouldn’t let that happen. I still have a last resort up my sleeve that I can use - I tried to dickslap it, which I shamefully missed (hey, try biffing up a termite with a bulldozer, you’ll get my predicament)… and spilled piss all over in the process, creating an unintended mess around the urinal. GODDAMN!

But that was enough to scare that filthy mosquito away, leaving me back to my unfinished business. *heaves sigh of relief*

Man they should fog the toilet every now and then… there are some dangerous shits in there! ”

moral of the stories:
Listen to one side, you’ll get a story. Listen to both sides, you’ll get the truth.

Another community message brought to you by Ridsect and Koko Crunch.

Somebody asked me today, why would I whimper over a paltry lipstick mark on my glass? A lipstick mark, on that supposedly cleaaaaaan plastic glass from the cafeteria. What’s the big deal about it?

It’s all about me imagining things.

1) I may try to imagine that the mark belonged to a hot chick and pretend that I’m virtually mouthing her. But at the same time, I’m gonna imagine that lipstick mark might also belong to that despicable harridan from Human Resource that smells like a wet mop. And I ain’t mouthing any wet mop.

2) I would think, if the lipstick were to be that easily part from the mouth of the wearer, that would only mean that it’s a contraband lipstick. Contraband lipstick that contains heavy metals such as lead, mercury, titanium, aluminum, condominium, paramecium, parameswara (whatever). Who knows, if these dangerous ingredients might instigate some sort of allergy that swells up my nipple to the size of a mangosteen?

3) Or perhaps, if the wearer has a questionable oral hygiene - ie sucked her husband’s (or whoever’s) cream the previous night without washing her mouth - and straight paint that layer of lipstick on her lips. And what are the odds, out of a few millions spermatozoa lurking inside her mouth, a few of them would end up embalmed on that layer of sticky red slick of cheap chemical? (now imagine the whole graveyard of preserved sperms were to be transposed onto the glass you’re about to take a swig from…) Unless you fancy eating somebody’s sperm and a whole deal lot of heavy metal for breakfast (or any other meals of the day), I don’t think that would be anyone’s idea of having a balanced diet.

It’s all inside my head. (That’s why I bring my own mug to work.)