If there is such thing as an ‘automated forensic analyzer’ - you know, a contraption that is capable to scan for microscopic remnants of any kind, on anything. You just need to dump in whatever you want to analyze into it and pimp slap a button. ZAPPP! A report will be generated in blink of an eye.

Well, like I said, IF there is such a device, then the report for my old T-shirt would look something like this:

My current T-shirt, on the other hand, would look like this:

Tells you a lot about a person’s life, isn’t it?

This post is dedicated to a couple of my buddies who are on their way to embrace parenthood.

Hi. My name is TaiYeeMa. I was born 50 years ago, but I am only 30 years old.

This is my best friend, LukYeePor. She loves taking photographs and has a lot of hair.

She is also a very good masseur. She gives me a lot of relaxing massages and makes me very happy.

I also have a pet dog named Ah Keong. Ah Keong is a mutt and a very obedient dog. I like him very much and I think he likes me too.

I don’t have a boyfriend, husband or feelings. But however, I did develop a strong affinity towards vegetables.

I think vegetables are healthier and taste better than men.

That’s all about me. I think I’m gonna go eat more vegetables, and perhaps if time permits, I’ll talk more about myself next time.

If you’re fat and ugly, please… be more considerate. Don’t wear a super short miniskirt, or expose any part of your body at all. No, none of those skimpy clothes are gonna change the general public perception about your sorry state of rock bottom charm. Given a choice, we’d rather turn our eyes to see somebody getting run over by a train, than to set our vision on your unforgiving lardy piece of bloated cunt. Sorry.

U mean superman had sex with lois lane?? shudn’t be a problem to get out of his red lingerie but i wonder where’s the zip/button for that blue body suit - Sooi Sooi

Ahhhh, Superman DID have sex with Lois Lane. That asthmatic kid in “Superman Returns” has proven to the world, that the man of steel is not just any steel. He’s a rockable hard steel bebeh… at the right place of course. And since Supey (as you people like to refer him as..) is able to pork like any of you humans, droves of you sick girls out there must be wondering… how did he do it under that seemingly tight & enclosed spandex suit?

Well, the secret lies beneath that awkward little maroon brief. Underneath it, is a fissure, where Superman would be able to conveniently whip out his superdick to run an errant or two (such as, to copulate with a superslut, or drain his superbladder). Just like this:

Note:
I’ve replaced the picture of Supey’s lizard with a fire hose to conserve the family-friendly rating of this site of mine. (yes, this is the same base picture filched from that “anatomy of a firefight” entry…)

That’s why he wears his underwear on the outside
a) to cover up that exposed part (the fissure), and,
b) to not look awkwardly doughy like a male ballet dancer.

But then, if you were to ask me, I’ll say that’s one hell of a stupid design. If I’m Superman, I’d just fly all over the world naked. Like hey, if I can cut a volcano cone with my laser eyes, flip off a tectonic plate with my barehands and fly faster than a speeding bullet, who’s going to have a concern about my sense of fashion? Think about it, people.

You’ve been educated.

I saw something scary yesterday at the hospital. It was a lanky old lady in her late 50s. You see, everything about her was wrong. The hair, the hipster blouse, the tight striped spandex pants, the hair, the fancy sunglasses, the hair… THE HAIR! Her sordid nausea inducing HAIR!

Not the hair down under, bless me, though I could be wrong about that. But it’s that cauliflower hairdo grown on her piece of skeletal scalp. There were 7 or 8 colors on it! Blue, purple, green, some shades of pink and reds (pretty much like the gay theme of my blog), yellow, white. It was so atrocious that one might mistaken her as a genetically engineered walking (fancy) feather duster that escaped from a biohazard lab somewhere to cause social unrest. She’s easily a ‘4 barf cycle’ candidate (if you don’t know what’s a barf cycle, kindly refer to the barf cycle metric entry I’ve posted sometime ago)

So, you can imagine the kind of attention she’s getting. People squirming at the sight of her. Hospital patients getting living shits shocked out of them. Old people at the verge getting a stroke. Only the kids were excited though, as they mistakenly thought she’s some new hybrid clown hired by the hospital authority to cheer them up (that’s because her cauliflower shaped hairstyle looked so very much like that creepy-ass McDonalds mascot clown). GODDAMN!

This is a perfect example of how an object of vanity could be misused in such a way that it’s causing an inversed effect on a person. Instead of enhancing one’s outlook, it’s causing shock and horror to the public, constituting hazard to the weak and propagating bad influence to the young. I mean, it wouldn’t have been that bad if the old lady were to dress up like, well, an old person, right? But why did she go to the extend of modifying her looks to such revolting condition, I don’t fucking know.

What I know is, if my mom were to turn into such vile creature one day, I’m gonna do my fair bit for the good of the society. I’m gonna fucking shave my mom’s head bald like the legendary Mahjong Eleven.