My lunch members and I were patronizing the cendol stall as usual today, when I suddenly caught a glimpse of a lady ambling along towards the cendol stall. What actually piqued my attention, was her hair, which was unusually orange in color, just like that Fifth-Element girl… Her hair covered about 80% of her face, giving her all this enigmatic profile. Her head was attached to a great, with a miniskirt short enough to make you wish you were shorter than Danny DeVito.

So, I gave Eric an elbow nudge - to check her out. She got all of our attentions alright, with her hair and stuff. Our cendol spoons were left static in the bowl, all activities ceased. It was like something out from a movie… you know, where everything seems surreal, with a fine exotic unicorn for us to ogle at.

Eric, being the most prolific pervert in the group, was particularly enjoying the sight… he was literally hypnotized, to the verge of willing to part with his car (junk anyway). The shaved ice in his cendol was melting fast and he didn’t give a shit about it. It looked as if he wanted to salvage every single second studying every inch of that chick and immortalize the image of her in his mind for later fappings.

And then it happened.

Eric choked. The green worm-like cendol almost came out from his nostrils like he had just caught a fit of epilepsy. And then in a more bizarre twist to the sight, the same occurred to the rest of the members as well. LeRoy had a big vein popping up on his temple like he’s about to have a heart attack. Blackie was petrified, with a very seriously dumbfucked look. BigSnake’s face was as pale as that McDonald’s fucking clown.

And it got me real scared to see my friends like this. Was that the cendol were poisoned? If it’s really poisoned, then why weren’t I affected? What the fuck is going on??

It happened to me soon enough. I first felt this sudden tingling sensation, which eventually turned into a feeling nausea, and then my facial muscles started twitching. It’s hard to describe but, it was about the same when Michael Jackson turns into a zombie in the Thriller MTV. And all these happened in the following millisecond after Eric got his epilepsy fit. I didn’t even have enough time to decipher what triggered this domino effect. Then, it began to make sense.

It was that miss 5th Element. It was that hidden part of her face. Shockingly gruesome. She has got to be the most fucking ugly creature I’ve ever seen in my entire life (up to that point).

As we recover from the shock, we all started to choke and barf out green pieces of cendol. Eric even had tears rolling down his cheek… and then he started to laugh like shit and quoted “FUCK!! hahahah!!! We’re conned! She looked like something that escaped from the chicken coop truck!”. We quickly regained our composure to laugh out loud with Eric.

The sight of that girl was beyond words. It was a classic example on how cosmetics and props can deceive even the most veteran blokes out there. And today’s experience was definitely a lesson meant to be learned the hard way - and me blogging this for the benefit of others. I swear I’m not going to judge a book by its cover ever again.