*occurred approx. 2 weeks ago in Melaka

We were looking for a place to party after our dinner … and after rounds of illegal u-turns and spasmodic yank of steerings at alien junctions, we finally managed to spot a pub… club .. whatever, that looked kinda promising. You know, young people in adequately revealing dress code and all that. Not a very big place but, it’s good enough for dicking some dogs.

After parking our vehicles, we then congregated at the pub entrance (there were 10 of us). Our group kinda attracted a lot of attention from the pub patrons… being watched in a disdain manner. We’re like a bevy of chickens who got lost inside a duck farm.

Well, that’s because we dressed very differently that night …No, we didn’t wear ’see throughs’ & reveal our butt cracks. We actually wore bermudas and flip-flop sandals into the pub. It’s a long story on why we did that, just, for the sake of keeping this entry in a reasonable length, let’s assume we’re doing some revolution in the Malaysian fashion scene.

We then lumbered into the premise like a bunch of communist rebels that has just descended from a nearby forest, and settled on 2 tables right in the busiest section of the pub. About a good 20 minutes later, a group of 6 young college girls settled on the next table beside our’s.

3 out of the 6 were rejects… and not worth even a glimpse (let’s not mention about them) … 2 of them were cute and the final one, which seems to be the leader of the pack (a yuppy class female) - was a total knock out. Tall, bright eyed and with a porn star body cut. She was wearing this… black bareback … thingy, that only has this 2 pieces of loose fabric covering her set of dainty rack … it’s really hard to describe but, it’s conspicuously seductive.

From the moment she walks in, nobody cares about our flip-flop attire anymore. Everyone were focussing on the scantily clad bombshell. There’s one particular moment when she even stooped down, in an angle right by the side of her chest, one can actually see her tits from the rift of her frontal fabric — her tits were covered with the type of strapless sticker bra (I don’t friggin know what it’s called)… but it’s enough to trigger a massive adrenalin pump.

Meanwhile, the another 2 cute girls, doesn’t seem to be impressed with all the attention the pack leader got. They desperately tried to win some attention around by dancing skankily. One of them was especially desperate. It was heck of a funny sight. Let me explain how she did it :

Her legs bent in a half-squat pose, her body stiffen up straight, and sway rapidly to the front and back. If you’d remove her clothing and cover up the pub scene, one might mistaken her plowing a cow using a prosthetic dick. It doesn’t matter what type of music was being played, she’ll shake it all up the same way, same tempo.

The other girl, would just flail her arms around as if she’s having somekind of a seizure … Her friends would need to keep an offset distance from her - coz if they don’t, they’re gonna get hurt seriously by her randomly flinging hands. It was an unbelievable sight - we get to see boobies, hump dance and someone having seizure … all at the same time.

I almost choked from laughing too hard when I saw Ronnie trying to emulate those girls’ way of dancing - which he purposely did it like a doggy styled sex. I swear the girls actually saw what he did and gave him a derisive look. That’s when I started to follow suit and we laughed ourselves stupid.

I guess those girls must’ve felt really pissed with us ridiculing their funny shits using our body language, to which they responded by moving to another table deeper into the floor.

Things people do just for attention.

*GOC - Girls Ogling Chronicles. A compendium of posts detailing my girls ogling experiences. It’s a good thing for both sexes. Guys reading this may get to calibrate my experiences versus theirs, promoting interracial understanding and harmony (shits like that). Girls, on the other hand, may use them as a guide to understand what guys love/hate to see and learn from there.

I was inside Chilli’s Midvalley with Wilson. We ordered our dinner and had to wait for a while since the place was kinda busy. Both of us looked around and noticed a couple of young ladies dining opposite of our table.

Of the 2 girls, the 1 facing us was the slimmer one, with a yellow tube and a matching yellow skirt. That glitters. The other girl, which was facing her, was kinda odd in shape and plump… and was out of our line of sight. Judging from the way she shaped, I doubted she looked any better than gibbon so, let’s not mention about her.

Alright, yellow girl has a fair skin and was a chain smoker. She smoked non-stop and was very ardent in her speech. You know, pointing up and down with cigarette clipped in between her fingers and all that. We were quick to draw some conclusion about her…

“Hmmph… what do you think Michael ?”
“Stereotypical modern city girl.”
“Yeah, probably just adjourned from her office…”
“No I don’t think so. Look at her dress. It’s not office code.”
“You mean, she went home for a change before hitting here ?”
“Yeah, unless she works in a strip club, which, is impossible in KL”
“Probably. To wash her stinking beaver before hooking up”

Both : AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH…

That was just some blank talks. Of course we do not mean to mortify her like that. Even if we really did, not that she would find out anyway. We did that because we’re bored.

I started another round…
“She looks like some chick from China. Small eyes and hand drawn brows”
“Also fair. Malaysian girls are always dark skinned and full of fungus..”

Both : AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH…

Wilson then added…
“Damn, she sure smokes a lot.”
“Yeah, I wondered if one would get cancer by just kissing her..”

Both : AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH…

We were laughing so hard that we almost had beers pouring out from our nostrils.

Girls, don’t smoke too much. It’s bad for your health.

You know, we people tend to associate human looks with scent. It’s like an inherent characteristics in us, you know. Here are a couple of examples:

When I see a pretty young hot chick, and I’ll imagine how nice she must be smelling like. And automatically, if she walks by, I would take a deep whiff of her womanly scent. Ahhh… Sometimes when I’m deprived of sleep and have a weak mind, the scent could even trigger some sort of erotic day dream. And no, of course not to the extend of visiting the toilet to fap, but sort of giving me the elevation to a higher level … you get the idea.

See a Bangla ? and I’ll have a totally different mindset on how to react. Somehow, this could be due to bad experiences I’ve had previously. It seems like they have a genetically hardcoded odoriferous body, that was beyond any known remedy or cure. They have the same type of fetid stench of a cockroach .. that it’s so hard for me to differentiate between both of them. See Bangla ? Mind automatically pulls an image of a cockroach. See cockroach ? Mind automatically pulls an image of a bangla. It’s time to hold your breath or dive for cover.

So, the 2 example above basically explains the point I’m trying to make here. That our human brain actually tends to judge how a person smells like, through visual contact - before it allows the nose to whiff the actual smell, referenced through past experiences.

But yesterday, I had an extraordinary experience of such phenomenon. I saw 2 nice looking young chicks walking towards my direction, and myself was walking opposite their’s. It was a narrow 3 ft corridor so, we kinda have to brush through each other in a very close proximity. From the way they looked, I kinda expected some flowery scents or maybe a common ketiak deodorant/anti-perspirant.

Confidently, I staged out my nostrils to whiff some aromatherapy for myself, sucking the essence of youth out of the 2 chicks as they walk by. According to some experts (don’t ask me which expert), doing so can actually prevent my company shares from dropping so… I have to be selfish. WHIFFFFFF .. smell goes into my nasal chute and my brain started to process their scents. An image pops up - Rubber glove.

WTF ? Analyze again - rubber glove. No kidding, one of the ladies actually smelled like a pair of rubber glove. You know, the type that a dentist would put on his hands to carry out hard labour on your dental problems. Or it could be the type of glove that doctors use to shove up someone’s asses. *shivers*

Why rubber glove ? I have no idea. It freaks me out. Maybe both the girls had just came out from the toilet doing some sick anal sex thing to each other … with a … pair of hands on rubber glove. Ughh…

Weather: fine and windy.

After our lunch today, we went to our usual place for cendol. Then came a scrawny girl (who looks like one of the dehydrated carcass in Nat Geo’s “Mummy Road Show”) in her office uniform - who then stood by the side of the cendol stall waiting for the cendol peddler to pack her takeaway orders. She had this peevish look on her face, as if she had just lost her underwear in a bet.

As usual, I began to give a quick review on her. I told the guys “That girl is a party goer. Look at the piercings on her ear”. Eric was checking her out as I was reporting my observation, “See her eyes? They have dark rims, lack of sleep. Her legs are a bit muscular, dance too much. A confirmed regular clubber.”

“Yeah … her legs are muscular. Too big.” Apparently, Eric spoke too loud to pique the girl’s attention, which she reacted by giving us this disdainful look. We could tell that she’s already having a bad enough day, only to be made worse by our group.

Anyway, then along came this guy named Guan. Guan’s from our workplace and he’s also Eric’s employee. Guan dropped by the cendol stall and he was standing beside the sourpuss girl. Guan saw us from the stall and greeted us “What’s up guys? Enjoying your cendol?”.

Eric then cheekily replied him loudly “Yeah. Dog milk cendol. You know how they make the cendol? They milk the dog [pointing at a stray dog] and mix it with coconut milk. That’s why the taste is different”. He was of course bullshitting, but it made us laugh very hard.

Sourpuss girl of course heard the whole exchange and apparently, she didn’t take it very well. She should be laughing but instead, she looked horrified. It was as if she believed every word Eric said and yet, she’s trying to hold back at those terrible thoughts of having animal parts in the cendol. Eric on the other hand, was slurping his cendol away happily while grinning wryly at Guan.

We left the place before the sourpuss girl did. But Guan was still waiting for his takeaway beside the girl. When Blackie strolled his car past the stall, I jokingly dared Eric to wind down the window to tease Guan. And Eric did it.

Eric wound down the window and shouted at the top of his lungs “Guan! We know you are pretending there! Why wait man? Just tackle her lahhh! Ahhahahahah !”. The girl looked even funnier when she heard Eric. It was that deer-in-the-spotlight kind of look, you know, totally dumbfucked. We’re laughing so hard that Blackie almost swerved his car into the opposite traffic.

Who would have thought that a man at Eric’s age (mid 40’s) who is also a top executive in a multinational company could behave like a complete schmuck? Not at all man.

The other day, while I was waiting for the girls to shop their brains out, I got myself to sit around to catch up with times. I spent approximately about 3 hours hanging out on a public bench with Henry inside Penang’s most ‘hip’ mall. We made ourselves busy by checking out the way people dresses themselves up and hoped to learn a thing or two about fashion.

Well, most of them are pretty casual and very nice to look at, but there were a few exceptional ones that would induce cramps and queasy symptoms. Among those that burned a deep impression in our memory, was a guy with this Beckham mohawk hairstyle, which we could tell that he couldn’t have done without shitload of ultra hard gels and hairsprays.

It looked so ridiculous that it made almost 90% of the shoppers that came within the radius of 40 feet had their jaw dropped in shock and disbelief. And this guy still thought that his hair was so ‘yeah’ like that and we could see him actually skank himself along as if he is inside a disco. His hairstyle made us felt like bashing him up for the good of our country’s image. It was absofuckinglutely hideous. So was Beckham’s.

And then, there was this fat teenage ah lian who sported a pair of low-slung jeans (or whatever shit you call that) that revealed a very large amount of lard to the public. A Britney Spears wannabe. But what she didn’t realize was - Britney Spears has a flat tummy and relatively tiny waist, but ah lian has the total opposite. I swore she had enough lard to light up an Eskimo igloo for months. Eyuckhhh !

The third farm animal that we saw on that day was a lady wearing a white skirt. Nope. Not an ordinary skirt, but a skirt that was so short that I could see her butt cheeks without much effort. She turned quite a number of heads around and I can see lots of people whispering. And her boyfriend that walked beside her was basking at the attention…

I can tell that she wore that scanty skirt just to attract attention. But if she wanted to reveal her ass and underwear so much, why bother wearing a skirt, right? She could have gone shopping clad with just only her underwear. I’m sure that would attract way more attention than she ever wanted. And if that’s not enough, she could ask her boyfriend to do the same too. They’re going to be famous.

Just couldn’t get the logic of dress code nowadays. Aren’t fashion suppose to be a good thing for us to appreciate? A way for us humans to look better? Why are these people using it to tarnish the sight of our surroundings? This is so unbelievable. (sekian laporan)