This is a meme. In case you didn’t know. Got tagged by Angeleyes.

I was kinda parochial when it comes to food …as I’ve never really been to a lot of places in my life. I’ve never been to Europe. I’ve never been to Africa. Hell, I’ve never even been to my neighbour’s house next door. Maybe it would have made a difference if I did. I probably would have loved some food that I’ve yet to discover. Like maybe an antelope’s ass or something.

So, I’ll take this meme as ‘what I would like to eat’ before I die instead. I’m gonna cite my favourite food generally, instead of something specifically from any particular place…

1. Sour Vegetable Stew
More commonly known as ‘choy keok’ in Cantonese (means ‘vegetable leftovers’ or something). Usually prepared by mixing leftover dishes into one big pot and stew together with tamarind + mustard cabbage. The result would be a pot full of aromatic food and nicely stewed sourish mustard cabbage… [droollll]

A very popular cuisin amongst the Chinese especially during Chinese New Year where leftovers are abundant and too good to go to waste. It is once said, that a Chinese emperor who ate this stew (introduced to him by a beggar who scrounged the leftovers from a restaurant) liked it so much that he actually made it into one of the royal food or something.

My no.1 favourite of all time. I’d definitely want to have a bowl of ‘choy keok’ before I die… Hell, I would even die to have a pot of it! (has to be desperate enough…)

2. Any Curry
I can’t live without curry. I don’t know why. I like curry so much, that I’m willing to kill a dog for it. (of course, I’ve never killed a dog before. It was only used to intensify my absolute love of it). I’m like, a Chinese with Indian tastebuds. Give me curry everyday and I’ll live forever. I remember when I was 17, when I had to do 3 years of night time engineering and money was tight, I used to eat my rice everyday with only okra beans and loads of curry (would only cost me less than a buck).

Void me of curry long enough, and I will die automatically. Can’t live without them (definitely, would like to have some of it before I die…)

3. Salty vegetable soup
Soup boiled with salt-pickled vegetable (usually mustard cabbage), duck meat and tofu. It’s so fucking ecstatic and good, that I get virtual orgasm slurping it, then shake violently like I’m having a seizure, jackoff, ejaculate all over the table, headbang a little bit and scream out loud YEAH BEBEH and start all over again.

Oh my fucking god I so fucking love this soouuuppp !!!!!! I DEFINITELY WANTTTT TO HAVE A BOWL (or a pot) OF IT BEFORE I DIEEEEE!!!!

4. Tomyam with big ass shrimps
A good tomyam that is. Some of our locally made tomyam are too greasy and void of it’s distinct Thai spicy taste. There are actually a few types of tomyam. The ones that I know, are red and white tomyam. Red are the ones cooked with red chilli and the white ones are cooked with green chilli (very hot). I equally love both.

I’ve had some of the greatest tomyam before at Thailand, and it gives me the same ecstatic feel like that ‘Salty vegetable soup’ mentioned above.

(as you probably would have noticed by now, I’m a ’spicy and sour’ kind of person…).

5. (I somehow couldn’t get myself to name the fifth one, so I chose a cup of cappucino instead) Cappucino
While I’m heaving my last breath after eating all of the awesome food above, I’d definitely like to wash everything down with a nice cup of fucking hot cappucino. The feeling of that warm coffee flowing through your throat can be both therapeutic and ecstatic (did I overuse this word?) at the same time. Aaaahhhhh….

******

As you can tell from my choice of food, I’m just a simple guy with a penchant for simple things. It takes only very little to satisfy me… but it has got to be the right stuff.

Cheers, people.. and have a nice evening.

This is an autoreply email to inform you that the person that you’re trying to reach, Michael Ooi, is currently out of office (from 31st August till 3rd September). During this period, he will have no access to email, snailmail, telephone or whatsoever primitive communications available to mankind.

If you have something urgent that needed immediate attention, you may refer to his supervisor [boss's email address] for further assistance.

Have a nice day.
Michael Ooi’s email management robot.

*****

Of course ler, the robot lied. If you’ve known me long enough, then you should know that I can always be reached at my cellphone. A key thing that one should always remember in his/her corporate worklife - NEVER. EVER. TRUST. A. FUCKING. ROBOT.

And your boss.

Ok, I’ve been berpuisi at DrLiew’s blog if you people haven’t noticed. And now that I find it hard to switch off the heat of it, I was thinking, what the heck, let’s puisi to the core of it.

So, sempena menyambut Hari Kebangsaan, marilah kita berpuisi beramai-ramai. Ia adalah lebih baik daripada melekat bendera di kereta anda.

Here’s some of the puisi we creative professionals have came up with … add yours if you think you can come up with more.

(it’s about a guy who got gonorrhea from some prostitutes and spread it to his wives back in his own home).

DrLiew:
Satu laki, bini dua,
Belum cukup, makan luar,
Talak pakai, topi keledar,
Sekarang bini, semua kena.

Lilian Chan
Apa dia kena doc?,
Tell all when you talk,
Kalau tidak,susah teka,
Satu hari rasa leka.

DrTamil
Kalau mahu makan luar,
Kena pakai topi keledar,
Nanti kote keluar nanah,
kena penyakit Syok Tapi Derita (STD).

DrLiew
Topi keledar, mesti dipakai,
Kalau tidak, kena AIDS pokkai;
Sendiri mati, memang mempersiasueykan,
Tapi kena sekeluarga, hamkachan!

MichaelOoi
butuh mahu gatai
tapi topi tak pakai
pundek kurap kasi sakai
sekeluarga hamkachan seipokkai

DrTamil
Kote baru panjang sejengkal,
Banyak main nak tunjuk jantan,
Kini semua dah mati akal,
Kena penyakit Akibat Iblis Dan Syaitan.

(Akibat Iblis Dan Syaitan = AIDS).

MichaelOoi
tengok puki,
buka pelikat,
syok sehari,
kesal sehayat

Majulah puisi untuk negara.

***
additionals :

MichaelOoi
monyet panjat pokok pisang,
rakus menjolok bagaikan binatang,
butuh botak dimasuk ke lubang,
dari pagi sampailah ke petang

Biji selasih ubi keladi,
selang sehari balik ke bini,
sudah beromen hendak lagi,
pundek bini ditibai bertubi

Anjing lapar makan nasi,
penyakit kelamin dah masuk puki,
sekarang bini sudah nak mati,
Sesal sekarang tak berguna lagi

MichaelOoi
nyamuk membiak di air tenang,
bulu berjuntai di bawah kotek,
pemuda selekeh pada zaman sekarang,
malas bekerja selalu kongkek

MichaelOoi
kecik kecik pundi kencing,
guna pisau cukur kening,
bila berstetoskop rasa pening,
potong bulu dengan gunting

Random sms read from my cellphone:

‘7.30pm heritage club, we may go there straight away’
- Our World Cup win dinner.

‘NOT JOIN U 4 LUNCH TODAY’
- A lunch member informs about not joining the gang for lunch.

‘Can u help me get the contact no of yur downstair unit that is for sale might b interested to buy thanx’
- Friend wants to buy the apartment unit below mine.

‘tonight around 10.30pm meeting kat batu lanchang thai restaurant. Beside former tokyo coffee shop. All favor?’
- Friend calls for an emergency meetup to discuss about the taste of beer.

‘Pg bridge jammed. Bus breakdown b4 reach middle of bridge’
- A warning sms by a colleague. I was already on the bridge when I received the message.

‘dear, I just received saman saying we exceed speed limit at Jalan Sultan Azlan Shah. Limit is 70km/h our speed is 86km/h’
- A love note from Emily

‘[name], [name] and me are planning to go bowling tonight, you guys ok?’
- An invitation to commemorate our independence from Japanese occupation. I declined & missed the fun.

‘dear, did u receive fax from astro for ownership change? Forgot to ask u days ago. Call me from office if u dunno what im talking about. Love’
- another love note from Emily.

‘planning to eat steamboat tonight, you guys ok?’
- A friend asks for consent to hoover up inedible metal objects. Kidding. It’s an invitation of course.

‘dude, wear long pants n shoes, in case we wanna kihop babe after dinner. at least we r dressed up’
- a reminder from a concerned friend not to wear too sloppy when going to dinner with them.

‘err not going cos got nothing to buy. U dah makan ke? Nak yong tau foo? Maybe after yong tau foo I can go with u to pc fair. Pi tengok-tengok’
- a typical guys outing on a boring afternoon.

’she suddenly became so scared of hair dryer sound. She cried like yesterday again this morning until we off the hair dryer. Talk to you more when u r back’
- another love note from Emily. I’m so full of love. Read more about it here.

‘U @ home this afternoon? My wife n I would like to pay u a visit with our bb’
- a message from a friend who intends to bring his infant son for an interview with his prospective father in law.

‘Baby, remember to bring some booze for our sex party tonight with the Norwegian models’
- I made this one up.

I kept thinking to myself - what an ‘interesting’ life I have here. Sheesh. [mopes]

I received this from my ex-boss today.

I know all you people who are reading this are gorgeous, that’s why I thought of sharing it with you. (if you’re piss ass ugly, you should probably go somewhere else… like a plastic surgery site or something, instead of reading blogs, right?)

Feel free to copy the image and forward as you like. And remember, don’t send it back to me, “I’ve received fucking hundreds”….